Mortal Kombat 4 Parody
Mortal Kombat 4 Parody
0
posted03/20/2006 05:02 AM (UTC)by
About Me
Member Since
10/14/2004 12:52 AM (UTC)
Hey guys, I cooked up a little parody of Mortal Kombat 4's story: Hope you like!
(In the Netherealm, two figures scheme... Shinnok and Quan Chi...)
Shinnok: Yes. Finally after thousands of years in this stupid, hot, uh... stupid place. I can finally escape!
Quan Chi: Um, haven’t you been in this place for millions of years?
Shinnok: Uh... I don’t know really... crap... let’s just say it’s been a really long time.
Quan Chi: Um... ok, that works.
Shinnok: Fine. All right, how do we have for our army? We’ve got Noob Saibot and a whole of others like him and we’ve got Mileena. Sadly we lost Reiko in that war millions of years ago, so...
(He looks to the right to see Reiko.)
Shinnok: Oh there you are. You’ve been rather quiet these past few million years. Now then, where should we make our entrance?
Quan Chi: I’ve been telling you Edenia for the past few weeks.
Shinnok: Yeah, how long ago was it that that realm came back?
Quan Chi: To be honest with you, I don’t know. You see this game couldn’t have taken that long after MK3, and MK3 didn’t take long after MK2, which in itself didn’t take place long after MK1. But yet MK:DA will say it takes place almost 10 years after MK1, yet not many of the characters look that much older. So the timeframe between this game and next game has been said as being 5 years, but then how could... Oh, I’ve gone cross-eyed.
Shinnok: No, you’re just ripping off Austin Powers: The Spy Who Sagged Me. Anyway, we need one more poor sap to join the army.
Quan Chi: I know the perfect man for the job.
(Quan Chi goes to Scorpion’s house)
Quan Chi: Hey Scorpion, how ya doing?
Scorpion: Where the hell did you come from?
Quan Chi: We are in Hell.
Scorpion: Yes, I know that. But what are you doing in my house?
Quan Chi: Well, we want you to join our army to attack the Heavens and help our lord, Shinnok get his revenge on the Elder Gods.
Scorpion: Um, here’s my answer: Get Bent.
Quan Chi: You didn’t let me finish. If you help us, we’ll give you life!
Scorpion: Um... Damn. I can’t... refuse that... Fine...
Scorpion and Quan Chi: (thinking, in unison) You fool, I’m only using you so I can get and kill Sub-Zero!
(The realm of Edenia, Tanya wanders the fields, then Quan Chi teleports in.)
Quan Chi: Hello.
(Tanya screams at the sight of his chalk white face and kicks him in the balls and starts to run.)
Quan Chi: Wait... I have an offer for you!
Tanya: (stops) Yes?
Quan Chi: How would you like to unleash a bunch of Hellspawn warriors into your castle?
Tanya: Hmm, sure why not?
Quan Chi: Just to ask, what’s your motive for this?
Tanya: You asked me to help you. Don’t blow it!
Quan Chi: (scoffs) Fine, you mean girl.
(Edenian Palace. Kitana and Sindel are sentencing Reptile.)
Sindel: All right Reptile, anything to say before we banish you?
Reptile: No, not really.
Kitana: I don’t understand what’s the point? I mean you caused the extinction of many races, but yet your race was the victim of the same crime... I mean, what the hell!?
Reptile: Um, well. I got kicks out of it.
Sindel: (sighs) Whatever, just go.
(Reptile goes through a portal to the Netherrealm... now we cut to Shinnok and Noob Saibot talking)
Shinnok: Ok, Noob...
Noob Saibot: Did you have name me Noob? I mean that’s a rather insulting term on the internet.
Shinnok: I wasn’t aware wraiths used the internet or that it was even available down here.
Noob Saibot: Well, I... (Reptile comes out of the portal and lands on top of Noob, much to a surprised Shinnok.)
Shinnok: Just who the hell are you?
Reptile: (sitting on top of Noob) My name is Reptile. You seem to be embarking on an evil conquest. Please let me join! Please!
Shinnok: Hmm, I don’t know...
Reptile: Oh come on! Please please please please please please (20 minutes later, Shinnok looks irritated while Reptile keeps pleaded)
Shinnok: FINE! YOU CAN JOIN IF YOU SHUT UP!
Reptile: YES! WHOO-HOO!
(Edenian Palace, Sindel and Kitana are joined by Jade.)
Jade: Hey guys.
Kitana: Jade? You’re not supposed to be in this game.
Jade: Neither is Sindel.
Kitana: Well that’s true.
(Tanya enters with Quan Chi.)
Tanya: Hey guys, I brought this guy from another realm, it sounds like they’re in trouble. They need our help.
Quan Chi: Yeah, yeah. Long story short, just take the orb. (He hands it to Sindel.)
Sindel: OK....
(The portal opens and Shinnok and his forces come down.)
Shinnok: (flying around rather childishly) I’M FREE! I’M FREE AT LAST! HEY ONI! CHOW! I’M HISTORY! I DON’T CARE WHAT I AM! I’M FREEEEEE!
Quan Chi: Um, stop quoting “Aladdin” almost word for word...
Sindel: (looking at Shinnok) Oh my God! It’s the Pope!
Shinnok: (suddenly stops) I’m not the Pope! I’m not religious.
Sindel: But yet I heard you were the ruler of Hell... a cheap replacement for Satan himself. After all, you were the one who tainted my soul with evil and made me come back to life on Earthrealm...
Shinnok: Why don’t you shut up? (he uses his staff to hit Sindel on the head, knocking her out.)
Kitana: Oh my God! Mom! You jack...
(She is knocked out by Quan Chi.)
Quan Chi: Well there we go. Everyone’s been captured.
Shinnok: Really? That was rather fast.
Quan Chi: Yeah, while you were flying around like a retard, everybody who lives in this palace was captured, you missed all the fun.
Shinnok: Damn...
(In Earthrealm, in America.)
Liu Kang: (sighs) Well Kung Lao is dead. I need a new sidekick...
(Somewhere in the world...)
Kung Lao: Hey! I heard that! I’m not a sidekick! I don’t kick sides!
(Liu Kang runs into Kai.)
Kai: Hi. My name is Kai. I’m here because well you need a replacement for Kung Lao.
Liu Kang: Yes... uh, let’s just go back to China.
(Meanwhile in the Heavens.)
Johnny Cage: Another day in here... another boring day to be dead...
(Suddenly Shinnok’s Hellspawn warriors attack, the Gods engage into battle. Which looks very similar to the battles in the Lord of the Rings movies.)
Scorpion: Eh, no Sub-Zero. I’m just gonna chill here.
Johnny Cage: (running back and forth) Oh my God! You gotta see this! This is even better than the Lord of the Rings!
Scorpion: (gives him a wtf look and runs away)
Raiden: Damn... Shinnok’s back. Oh, this sucks...
Johnny Cage: Hey Raiden, can you by any chance bring me back to life?
Raiden: I wasn’t aware that you died in the first place.
Johnny Cage: Then why I am here?
Raiden: It’s a throwaway gag. That’s all your character is good for too.
Johnny Cage: Ouch.
Raiden: But for the sake of story purposes, you can go back to Earth. Besides, next game, this all will be retconned.
Johnny Cage: Doesn’t that take away my sacrifice from last game?
Raiden: Yes, but that’s how it goes.
Fujin: Hey! Here I am.... For no reason... at all...
Raiden: (pause) You sure are.
(Back in Edenia, the hellspawns return.)
Shinnok: So how’d it go?
Noob Saibot: Um... it went alright... we injured a few Gods...
Shinnok: Did you kill the Elder Gods?
Noob Saibot: Well, the funny thing is... Gods can’t really die...
Shinnok: (shouting, his head grows big and shouts over a chibified Noob) YOU IDIOT!
Noob Saibot: But... but that’s why Raiden had to vanish you to the Netherrealm, right?
Shinnok: Essentially, yes.
Quan Chi: So... what’s the point of just sending you back there? Can’t you just get out as many times as you want.
Shinnok: What are you, retarded? You were the reason I was able to escape the Netherrealm!
Quan Chi: And your point is?
Shinnok: (disgusted) Oh, if I get sent back and you die or something, how am I supposed to get out again?
Quan Chi: You’re screwed then.
Shinnok: Hey! I wasn’t the one who got punched off the platform and blew myself up when I was trying to teleport!
Quan Chi: That was a mistake!
Shinnok: YOU’RE a mistake!
Quan Chi: Oh really... then why do I have your... (realizing what he is saying, he stops abruptly.)
Shinnok: What? You have my what?
Quan Chi: ....nothing.
Shinnok: I knew it! You’re the one who stole my staff weren’t you!?
Quan Chi: ....What?
Shinnok: You bastard! You give me back...
(Reptile walks in, holding the staff.)
Reptile: Here you are sir. I took the staff and polished it up for you.
Shinnok: (pause) Oh. OK.
Mileena: Hey guys. Could I torture Kitana?
Shinnok: Um. How so? You’re not gonna kill her are you? Because we need her to...
Mileena: Yeah, yeah I know. Could I like tie her to a chair and tickle her feet? Or how about I stretch her arms out...
Shinnok: No.
Mileena: Oh come on.
Shinnok: No.
Mileena: Please?
Scorpion: Why am I working with these idiots?
Quan Chi: Got a new recruit.
(Baraka walks in.)
Shinnok: OK, we’ll take him. But why did you get him?
Quan Chi: Oh, you’ll see... hehehe. You’ll see...
Shinnok: (pause) O.....k.....
Mileena: Baraka...
Baraka: Come here baby!
(They begin making out on the floor much to the chagrin of everyone else.)
Noob Saibot: Oh my god! Ew....
Scorpion: Isn’t that illegal?
Quan Chi: In most realms, yes. But this one hasn’t been around long enough to get their laws reestablished.
(Somewhere...)
Shokan: We’re fighting the Centaurs... and we lack a leader. Oh, how I wish the writer would pull something very cool out of his belt and bring back a popular character.
Goro: That’s my cue.
(Back on Earth. Raiden and Fujin appear before Liu Kang and Kai.)
Kai: Who’s this guy?
Liu Kang: Raiden, the Thunder God.
Kai: Really? Man, I can’t believe I didn’t know that...
Liu Kang: It happens to everybody...
(flashback to MK1. When Liu Kang, Johnny Cage and Sonya first met Raiden.)
Raiden: Hi guys.
Johnny Cage: Who the hell are you?
Raiden: I’m sure you know me as Raiden, the God of Thunder, right?
(Liu Kang, Johnny Cage and Sonya stare blankly.)
Raiden: I’m the Protector of Earthrealm...
(Liu Kang, Johnny Cage and Sonya still stare blankly.)
Raiden: I saved Earth from a warlord millions of years ago and caused the death of an entire civilization...
(Liu Kang, Johnny Cage and Sonya still stare blankly.)
Reptile: (appearing out of nowhere, to the right of Raiden.) That was you!? Oh my God...! You little motherfu...
(Flash back to present.)
Liu Kang: (looks at Fujin.) Who’s this guy?
Fujin: I’m...
Raiden: Yeah, yeah. Nobody really cares about you.
Fujin: But he asked...
Raiden: Shut up! I’m the important God!
Kai: So... what’s going on?
Raiden: (sighs) This will take a long time to tell but................................................................. and then......................................... and then this........................ this happened..................
(5 hours later. Liu Kang and Kai have fallen asleep on their feet, while Raiden finishes his story at last.)
Raiden: .....and that’s pretty much the gist of it. (sees that they are asleep) HEY! (they snap awake) Were you even listening? (They quickly nod.) Did you get the part about Kitana being captured?
Liu Kang: What!? Why didn’t you tell me!? You jackass!
Raiden: (pause) Uh-huh... Well, we’ve got to wait for...
(Liu Kang has already jumped through the portal.)
Raiden: (sighs) Whatever. Damn, he’s obsessed with that girl.
(in Edenia, at Kitana’s soul.)
Kitana: When are we going to be let out of here?
Noob Saibot: When Shinnok kills the Elder Gods.
Kitana: So how long’s that?
Noob Saibot: Not long.
Kitana: So how long’s that?
Noob Saibot: Soon...
Kitana: (a little whiny) When’s that?
Noob Saibot: In a little while woman!
Kitana: (overdramatic wailing) What do we do till then?
Noob Saibot: Why... you could beat your head on the wall until you die. Or you can cut your eyes out with your fans.
(Kitana shakes her head and gives a disgusted look.)
Noob Saibot: I know! You could...
Baraka: Hey! It’s time to set the trap.
(Shinnok and Quan Chi in the throne room.)
Shinnok: Liu Kang is on his way; we will soon get rid of him...
Quan Chi: Lower the gates!
Shinnok: (angrily) I give the orders.
Quan Chi: Call me master.
Shinnok: I’m the master, you retard! Nobody listen to him!
Reptile: Why not?
Mileena: Yeah! At least he doesn’t take acid!
Shinnok: (pause and then to Quan Chi) I brought you along as a sorcerer, not an equal!
Quan Chi: (whining) You hate me don’t you!?
Shinnok: Yes, I do. I hate you lovingly. But this is not about you! This is about vengeance on Raiden!
Quan Chi: But it’s Liu Kang that you’re trying to kill.
Shinnok: Yes... that is true. We will get to Raiden by killing Liu Kang and to him by killing Kitana.
Quan Chi: Why would getting to him matter if you’re just gonna kill him?
Shinnok: (pause and stares blankly)
(Liu Kang wanders Edenia.)
Liu Kang: Hmm, this place looks just like I imagined it. I mean, it’s rather convenient that Edenia is the opposite of Outworld in terms of scenery. Oh well, time to rescue Kitana.
(From atop the palace.)
Shinnok: Here he comes.
Quan Chi: (popping up) Lower the gates!
Shinnok: SHUT UP! Raise the gates! (pause) Ok, lower the gates.
(Liu Kang enters the lower levels of the palace, which looks suspiciously like the last part of each world from Super Mario Bros.)
Liu Kang: Wow. This all looks vaguely familiar.
Mario: YAHOO! YIPPIE! (jumps in) Let’s-a go save the-a princess!
Liu Kang: (pause) No.
TO BE CONTINUED
(In the Netherealm, two figures scheme... Shinnok and Quan Chi...)
Shinnok: Yes. Finally after thousands of years in this stupid, hot, uh... stupid place. I can finally escape!
Quan Chi: Um, haven’t you been in this place for millions of years?
Shinnok: Uh... I don’t know really... crap... let’s just say it’s been a really long time.
Quan Chi: Um... ok, that works.
Shinnok: Fine. All right, how do we have for our army? We’ve got Noob Saibot and a whole of others like him and we’ve got Mileena. Sadly we lost Reiko in that war millions of years ago, so...
(He looks to the right to see Reiko.)
Shinnok: Oh there you are. You’ve been rather quiet these past few million years. Now then, where should we make our entrance?
Quan Chi: I’ve been telling you Edenia for the past few weeks.
Shinnok: Yeah, how long ago was it that that realm came back?
Quan Chi: To be honest with you, I don’t know. You see this game couldn’t have taken that long after MK3, and MK3 didn’t take long after MK2, which in itself didn’t take place long after MK1. But yet MK:DA will say it takes place almost 10 years after MK1, yet not many of the characters look that much older. So the timeframe between this game and next game has been said as being 5 years, but then how could... Oh, I’ve gone cross-eyed.
Shinnok: No, you’re just ripping off Austin Powers: The Spy Who Sagged Me. Anyway, we need one more poor sap to join the army.
Quan Chi: I know the perfect man for the job.
(Quan Chi goes to Scorpion’s house)
Quan Chi: Hey Scorpion, how ya doing?
Scorpion: Where the hell did you come from?
Quan Chi: We are in Hell.
Scorpion: Yes, I know that. But what are you doing in my house?
Quan Chi: Well, we want you to join our army to attack the Heavens and help our lord, Shinnok get his revenge on the Elder Gods.
Scorpion: Um, here’s my answer: Get Bent.
Quan Chi: You didn’t let me finish. If you help us, we’ll give you life!
Scorpion: Um... Damn. I can’t... refuse that... Fine...
Scorpion and Quan Chi: (thinking, in unison) You fool, I’m only using you so I can get and kill Sub-Zero!
(The realm of Edenia, Tanya wanders the fields, then Quan Chi teleports in.)
Quan Chi: Hello.
(Tanya screams at the sight of his chalk white face and kicks him in the balls and starts to run.)
Quan Chi: Wait... I have an offer for you!
Tanya: (stops) Yes?
Quan Chi: How would you like to unleash a bunch of Hellspawn warriors into your castle?
Tanya: Hmm, sure why not?
Quan Chi: Just to ask, what’s your motive for this?
Tanya: You asked me to help you. Don’t blow it!
Quan Chi: (scoffs) Fine, you mean girl.
(Edenian Palace. Kitana and Sindel are sentencing Reptile.)
Sindel: All right Reptile, anything to say before we banish you?
Reptile: No, not really.
Kitana: I don’t understand what’s the point? I mean you caused the extinction of many races, but yet your race was the victim of the same crime... I mean, what the hell!?
Reptile: Um, well. I got kicks out of it.
Sindel: (sighs) Whatever, just go.
(Reptile goes through a portal to the Netherrealm... now we cut to Shinnok and Noob Saibot talking)
Shinnok: Ok, Noob...
Noob Saibot: Did you have name me Noob? I mean that’s a rather insulting term on the internet.
Shinnok: I wasn’t aware wraiths used the internet or that it was even available down here.
Noob Saibot: Well, I... (Reptile comes out of the portal and lands on top of Noob, much to a surprised Shinnok.)
Shinnok: Just who the hell are you?
Reptile: (sitting on top of Noob) My name is Reptile. You seem to be embarking on an evil conquest. Please let me join! Please!
Shinnok: Hmm, I don’t know...
Reptile: Oh come on! Please please please please please please (20 minutes later, Shinnok looks irritated while Reptile keeps pleaded)
Shinnok: FINE! YOU CAN JOIN IF YOU SHUT UP!
Reptile: YES! WHOO-HOO!
(Edenian Palace, Sindel and Kitana are joined by Jade.)
Jade: Hey guys.
Kitana: Jade? You’re not supposed to be in this game.
Jade: Neither is Sindel.
Kitana: Well that’s true.
(Tanya enters with Quan Chi.)
Tanya: Hey guys, I brought this guy from another realm, it sounds like they’re in trouble. They need our help.
Quan Chi: Yeah, yeah. Long story short, just take the orb. (He hands it to Sindel.)
Sindel: OK....
(The portal opens and Shinnok and his forces come down.)
Shinnok: (flying around rather childishly) I’M FREE! I’M FREE AT LAST! HEY ONI! CHOW! I’M HISTORY! I DON’T CARE WHAT I AM! I’M FREEEEEE!
Quan Chi: Um, stop quoting “Aladdin” almost word for word...
Sindel: (looking at Shinnok) Oh my God! It’s the Pope!
Shinnok: (suddenly stops) I’m not the Pope! I’m not religious.
Sindel: But yet I heard you were the ruler of Hell... a cheap replacement for Satan himself. After all, you were the one who tainted my soul with evil and made me come back to life on Earthrealm...
Shinnok: Why don’t you shut up? (he uses his staff to hit Sindel on the head, knocking her out.)
Kitana: Oh my God! Mom! You jack...
(She is knocked out by Quan Chi.)
Quan Chi: Well there we go. Everyone’s been captured.
Shinnok: Really? That was rather fast.
Quan Chi: Yeah, while you were flying around like a retard, everybody who lives in this palace was captured, you missed all the fun.
Shinnok: Damn...
(In Earthrealm, in America.)
Liu Kang: (sighs) Well Kung Lao is dead. I need a new sidekick...
(Somewhere in the world...)
Kung Lao: Hey! I heard that! I’m not a sidekick! I don’t kick sides!
(Liu Kang runs into Kai.)
Kai: Hi. My name is Kai. I’m here because well you need a replacement for Kung Lao.
Liu Kang: Yes... uh, let’s just go back to China.
(Meanwhile in the Heavens.)
Johnny Cage: Another day in here... another boring day to be dead...
(Suddenly Shinnok’s Hellspawn warriors attack, the Gods engage into battle. Which looks very similar to the battles in the Lord of the Rings movies.)
Scorpion: Eh, no Sub-Zero. I’m just gonna chill here.
Johnny Cage: (running back and forth) Oh my God! You gotta see this! This is even better than the Lord of the Rings!
Scorpion: (gives him a wtf look and runs away)
Raiden: Damn... Shinnok’s back. Oh, this sucks...
Johnny Cage: Hey Raiden, can you by any chance bring me back to life?
Raiden: I wasn’t aware that you died in the first place.
Johnny Cage: Then why I am here?
Raiden: It’s a throwaway gag. That’s all your character is good for too.
Johnny Cage: Ouch.
Raiden: But for the sake of story purposes, you can go back to Earth. Besides, next game, this all will be retconned.
Johnny Cage: Doesn’t that take away my sacrifice from last game?
Raiden: Yes, but that’s how it goes.
Fujin: Hey! Here I am.... For no reason... at all...
Raiden: (pause) You sure are.
(Back in Edenia, the hellspawns return.)
Shinnok: So how’d it go?
Noob Saibot: Um... it went alright... we injured a few Gods...
Shinnok: Did you kill the Elder Gods?
Noob Saibot: Well, the funny thing is... Gods can’t really die...
Shinnok: (shouting, his head grows big and shouts over a chibified Noob) YOU IDIOT!
Noob Saibot: But... but that’s why Raiden had to vanish you to the Netherrealm, right?
Shinnok: Essentially, yes.
Quan Chi: So... what’s the point of just sending you back there? Can’t you just get out as many times as you want.
Shinnok: What are you, retarded? You were the reason I was able to escape the Netherrealm!
Quan Chi: And your point is?
Shinnok: (disgusted) Oh, if I get sent back and you die or something, how am I supposed to get out again?
Quan Chi: You’re screwed then.
Shinnok: Hey! I wasn’t the one who got punched off the platform and blew myself up when I was trying to teleport!
Quan Chi: That was a mistake!
Shinnok: YOU’RE a mistake!
Quan Chi: Oh really... then why do I have your... (realizing what he is saying, he stops abruptly.)
Shinnok: What? You have my what?
Quan Chi: ....nothing.
Shinnok: I knew it! You’re the one who stole my staff weren’t you!?
Quan Chi: ....What?
Shinnok: You bastard! You give me back...
(Reptile walks in, holding the staff.)
Reptile: Here you are sir. I took the staff and polished it up for you.
Shinnok: (pause) Oh. OK.
Mileena: Hey guys. Could I torture Kitana?
Shinnok: Um. How so? You’re not gonna kill her are you? Because we need her to...
Mileena: Yeah, yeah I know. Could I like tie her to a chair and tickle her feet? Or how about I stretch her arms out...
Shinnok: No.
Mileena: Oh come on.
Shinnok: No.
Mileena: Please?
Scorpion: Why am I working with these idiots?
Quan Chi: Got a new recruit.
(Baraka walks in.)
Shinnok: OK, we’ll take him. But why did you get him?
Quan Chi: Oh, you’ll see... hehehe. You’ll see...
Shinnok: (pause) O.....k.....
Mileena: Baraka...
Baraka: Come here baby!
(They begin making out on the floor much to the chagrin of everyone else.)
Noob Saibot: Oh my god! Ew....
Scorpion: Isn’t that illegal?
Quan Chi: In most realms, yes. But this one hasn’t been around long enough to get their laws reestablished.
(Somewhere...)
Shokan: We’re fighting the Centaurs... and we lack a leader. Oh, how I wish the writer would pull something very cool out of his belt and bring back a popular character.
Goro: That’s my cue.
(Back on Earth. Raiden and Fujin appear before Liu Kang and Kai.)
Kai: Who’s this guy?
Liu Kang: Raiden, the Thunder God.
Kai: Really? Man, I can’t believe I didn’t know that...
Liu Kang: It happens to everybody...
(flashback to MK1. When Liu Kang, Johnny Cage and Sonya first met Raiden.)
Raiden: Hi guys.
Johnny Cage: Who the hell are you?
Raiden: I’m sure you know me as Raiden, the God of Thunder, right?
(Liu Kang, Johnny Cage and Sonya stare blankly.)
Raiden: I’m the Protector of Earthrealm...
(Liu Kang, Johnny Cage and Sonya still stare blankly.)
Raiden: I saved Earth from a warlord millions of years ago and caused the death of an entire civilization...
(Liu Kang, Johnny Cage and Sonya still stare blankly.)
Reptile: (appearing out of nowhere, to the right of Raiden.) That was you!? Oh my God...! You little motherfu...
(Flash back to present.)
Liu Kang: (looks at Fujin.) Who’s this guy?
Fujin: I’m...
Raiden: Yeah, yeah. Nobody really cares about you.
Fujin: But he asked...
Raiden: Shut up! I’m the important God!
Kai: So... what’s going on?
Raiden: (sighs) This will take a long time to tell but................................................................. and then......................................... and then this........................ this happened..................
(5 hours later. Liu Kang and Kai have fallen asleep on their feet, while Raiden finishes his story at last.)
Raiden: .....and that’s pretty much the gist of it. (sees that they are asleep) HEY! (they snap awake) Were you even listening? (They quickly nod.) Did you get the part about Kitana being captured?
Liu Kang: What!? Why didn’t you tell me!? You jackass!
Raiden: (pause) Uh-huh... Well, we’ve got to wait for...
(Liu Kang has already jumped through the portal.)
Raiden: (sighs) Whatever. Damn, he’s obsessed with that girl.
(in Edenia, at Kitana’s soul.)
Kitana: When are we going to be let out of here?
Noob Saibot: When Shinnok kills the Elder Gods.
Kitana: So how long’s that?
Noob Saibot: Not long.
Kitana: So how long’s that?
Noob Saibot: Soon...
Kitana: (a little whiny) When’s that?
Noob Saibot: In a little while woman!
Kitana: (overdramatic wailing) What do we do till then?
Noob Saibot: Why... you could beat your head on the wall until you die. Or you can cut your eyes out with your fans.
(Kitana shakes her head and gives a disgusted look.)
Noob Saibot: I know! You could...
Baraka: Hey! It’s time to set the trap.
(Shinnok and Quan Chi in the throne room.)
Shinnok: Liu Kang is on his way; we will soon get rid of him...
Quan Chi: Lower the gates!
Shinnok: (angrily) I give the orders.
Quan Chi: Call me master.
Shinnok: I’m the master, you retard! Nobody listen to him!
Reptile: Why not?
Mileena: Yeah! At least he doesn’t take acid!
Shinnok: (pause and then to Quan Chi) I brought you along as a sorcerer, not an equal!
Quan Chi: (whining) You hate me don’t you!?
Shinnok: Yes, I do. I hate you lovingly. But this is not about you! This is about vengeance on Raiden!
Quan Chi: But it’s Liu Kang that you’re trying to kill.
Shinnok: Yes... that is true. We will get to Raiden by killing Liu Kang and to him by killing Kitana.
Quan Chi: Why would getting to him matter if you’re just gonna kill him?
Shinnok: (pause and stares blankly)
(Liu Kang wanders Edenia.)
Liu Kang: Hmm, this place looks just like I imagined it. I mean, it’s rather convenient that Edenia is the opposite of Outworld in terms of scenery. Oh well, time to rescue Kitana.
(From atop the palace.)
Shinnok: Here he comes.
Quan Chi: (popping up) Lower the gates!
Shinnok: SHUT UP! Raise the gates! (pause) Ok, lower the gates.
(Liu Kang enters the lower levels of the palace, which looks suspiciously like the last part of each world from Super Mario Bros.)
Liu Kang: Wow. This all looks vaguely familiar.
Mario: YAHOO! YIPPIE! (jumps in) Let’s-a go save the-a princess!
Liu Kang: (pause) No.
TO BE CONTINUED
0
ahahaha that was great, nice job very funny.
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LOL! Very funny stuff man. It's cleverly done. You gonna do anymore for this one?
0
LOL.....
Good one
Good one
0
lmao
0
About Me
0
Hilarious.
About Me
0
man that was excellent! I can't wait for more!
0
Sorry for taking so long.
(On Earthrealm, Kung Lao relaxes.)
Kung Lao: Ah, I’m retired. Retirement is the good life. It’s awesome.
Unknown Guy: Hey did you hear? Goro’s back!
Kung Lao: Oh, for the love of... you try to retire and just enjoy yourself and then your mortal enemy returns! Hey, just who are you?
Unknown Guy: Um, well it was never properly explained how you found out Goro came back so...
Kung Lao: Yeah, that’s fantastic.
(Liu Kang proceeds through the castle going through just like in Super Mario Bros. He hits a block.)
Liu Kang: A fireflower? What do I need that for? I can use fireballs of my own free will.
(Liu Kang gets to Bowser, who shoots fireballs, Liu Kang calmly walks past him and just cuts the bridge with the axe.)
Liu Kang: You have to wonder why he leaves an axe right here for you.
(Liu Kang finds Kitana, just standing there.)
Liu Kang: Man, you’d think they’d like put her in a cage or something...
Kitana: Oh, thank you Liu. But our princess is in another castle.
Liu Kang: What!? You mean I have to do that all over again!
Kitana: No, I was just kidding. Wasn’t it funny...
Liu Kang: (pauses, then he gets incredibly angry) WHO CARES? NO ONE LIKES YOU! STOP WHINING ABOUT YOUR PERILS! (Kitana looks incredibly shocked) I’M SICK OF PATHETIC BIMBOS LIKE YOU WHO EXPECT US TO SAVE YOU EVERY TIME! SAVE YOURSELF!
(Liu Kang disappears through a portal, just as Noob Saibot and Baraka leap out to get him, after he leaves, Noob and Baraka slam into each other.)
Kitana: Man, I hope he forgives me... eh, if he wants some hot action, he will. (starts to walk away)
Noob Saibot: (getting up) Oh, so this is the part where you escape right?
Kitana: (stopping) Kind of... but now I don’t want to!
Noob Saibot: Oh come on, please?
Kitana: No.
Noob Saibot: I’ll be your best friend forever...
Kitana: No.
Noob Saibot: Fine, you want to be a damsel in distress? Surpassing even Peach and Zelda?
Kitana: What?
Noob Saibot: We could tie you to railroad tracks next time, would that work?
Kitana: (imagines herself tied to railroad tracks with a train roaring towards her, just then Liu Kang dressed in a knight outfit comes down the road and saves her just in the nick of time.) Eh, that’s kind of old... how about something else?
Noob Saibot: What?
Kitana: Tying me over a pit of lava? Chaining me up and throwing me in the water? Tying and gagging me and leaving me in a warehouse with a bomb set to blow?
Noob Saibot: Yeah, but there’s just one problem with all those. THEY’RE ALL OLD FASHIONED!
Kitana: Hey! I don’t have to be a damsel in distress if I don’t want to, I can kick your ass!
Noob Saibot: You wish, bitch! Hey that rhymed! Wow...
Kitana: Here we go! I challenge you to... (she is punched in the back of the head and falls unconscious)
Baraka: Eh, let’s just take her back to her cell.
Noob Saibot: Aw... I was hoping that what she’d give up if she lost the battle was her clothes...
Baraka: How would that be possible?
Noob Saibot: Well, I thought challenging somebody to Mortal Kombat you have to put something of yours on the line.
Baraka: What would you have put on the line?
Noob Saibot: My life.
Baraka: But you’re already dead!
Noob Saibot: (pause) And your point is?
(Liu Kang comes back)
Liu Kang: Damn, she and I could’ve had sex if I hadn’t yelled at her... oh well, there’s always next time.
Kung Lao: Hello Liu Kang.
Liu Kang: Huh? Oh, it’s you Kung Lao. How ya been?
Kung Lao: What? No, “Oh my God! You’re alive!”?
Liu Kang: Hey, come on. Did you forget the number one rule in Mortal Kombat: Death is meaningless. To see this point made in its fullest elaboration, play “Mortal Kombat: Armageddon”! Coming Fall 2006.
(Meanwhile...)
Sonya: All right, here we go. I’m going to prove myself once and for all! Once I catch Jarek, the Black Dragon are no more and I will be able to relax, now then time to go in and become a true hero!
(She walks, next scene, she is tied to a chair.)
Sonya: Man, I suck at this hero stuff.
Jarek: You sure do, you are no hero, you are a damsel in distress now!
Sonya: Actually, I prefer heroine in distress.
Jarek: Heroin? Where? I don’t see any.
Sonya: No! I’m the heroine!
Jarek: You’re not something I can inject into my arm or any body part!
Sonya: Not the drug, you dumbass! The female version of a hero! It has an “e” at the end!
Jarek: Oh yeah... why didn’t I think of that.
Sonya: Because you’re stupid.
(Back in Edenia)
Quan Chi: Hey, Baraka. I’m gonna let you in on a little secret.
Baraka: Yeah?
Quan Chi: (shows him the amulet) I have the real amulet, the one Shinnok has is a fake.
Baraka: Oh yeah I know.
Quan Chi: You do?
Baraka: Yeah, I saw you hugging it in your sleep last night.
Quan Chi: (pause) OK... just what were YOU doing in my room?
(Uncomfortable silence)
Baraka: Um, wait I remember that in Mortal Kombat: Shaolin Monks that Shao Kahn had it? How’d he get it?
Quan Chi: Well, it doesn’t really make sense given the previous backstory, but... here’s what I think happened..
(Flashback)
Quan Chi: I have the amulet! I have Scorpion chasing after Sub-Zero! Oh man, all is well in my world. (starts evil laugh.)
Narrator: Could he be the next great evil?
Sub-Zero: (running by Quan Chi, knocking him causing him to almost lost his balance.) OUT OF MY WAY!
Scorpion: (as Quan Chi is wobbling, Scorpion pushes him to the ground, causing the amulet to go flying) OUT THE WAY FUCKER!
Sub-Zero: (Scorpion is trying to get him with his spear, jumping and dodging) I WASN’T THERE! I DIDN’T SEE IT! I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING! AAAAAHHHHH!
Quan Chi: (sees the amulet flying and tries to catch it) AAAAHHHH!
Narrator: No, just one lucky son of a bitch.
(The amulet falls over the edge, it hits Shao Kahn in the end, who naturally responds “Ow!”, but then he picks up the amulet and gives an interested murmer, Quan Chi moans in disappointment. Back to present.)
Quan Chi: You COULD explain Shaolin Monks’ story, but that doesn’t change that it’s fucking stupid.
Baraka: Yeah..., wait if the deaths in Shaolin Monks didn’t happen, how did you get the amulet back?
Quan Chi: Um.... God, I have a fucking headache.
(Scorpion with Noob)
Scorpion: So, I hear Liu Kang got away.
Noob Saibot: Yeah, he did. But we got Kitana back.
Scorpion: Oh, good for you.
Noob Saibot: You just want to catch Sub-Zero, don’t you?
Scorpion: Yeah... how the hell do you know that?
Noob Saibot: (pause) I... just... know... that’s all.
Scorpion: Uh-huh...
Noob Saibot: Wait, didn’t you vow to protect him?
Scorpion: Hmm? Did I? I don’t remember... here’s how I remember MK2 happening.
(Sub-Zero runs by the screen ala Road Runner with the words “FREEZUS NINJAUS” appearing under him, when the screen freezes. Scorpion then runs by ala Wile E. Coyote, the screen freezes in place and it is says “REVENUS LUNATICUS.” Scorpion runs at Sub-Zero and gets him cornered at a cliff, Scorpion prepares to kill him but just then as Scorpion throws the spear, Sub-Zero ducks and the spear hits the bird, it kills the bird and the bird goes flying fast to the ground, taking Scorpion with it.)
(Scorpion hits the ground, weakened, he looks up and sees Sub-Zero.)
Sub-Zero: Meep Meep. (runs off)
Scorpion: (weakly) Bastard...
(Later, Scorpion tries to build a wall for Sub-Zero to run into, a steel wall, he tests it a couple of times, and it works, he waits for Sub-Zero to run by, but when he presses the button, it doesn’t come up. Scorpion runs over and pounds on the trap in frustration, nothing happens. Scorpion runs after Sub-Zero, eventually they come around the trap again and Sub-Zero makes it through fine, after when Scorpion gets to it, the trap suddenly comes up and Scorpion hits the wall, full force.)
(Scorpion now places “chinese food” on a bridge, he quickly hides as Sub-Zero approaches. Sub-Zero looks down, takes off his mask and begins eating the Chinese food. Scorpion, from under the bridge, starts cutting a circle around Sub-Zero, when he does so, the entire bridge falls down, except for the circle that Sub-Zero is on, taking Scorpion with it.)
(Now Scorpion, puts a bunch of boulders in an opening up above and prepares a rope to bring it down, when Sub-Zero runs by, he pulls the rope and nothing happens, Scorpion walks over and using a cane starts to get the rocks to come down, but then slowly he realizes... he holds up a sign that says)
Sign: In Heaven’s name, just what AM I doing?
(Scorpion holds up an umbrella, but it’s no use, the rocks fall on him.)
(Back to Scorpion and Noob.)
Scorpion: MK3 was even worse.
(Scorpion puts TNT on a road and runs high atop a nearby building, ready to press a switch, Sub-Zero walks by where he puts the TNT, Scorpion throws the switch, but it only destroys the building that he is on.)
(Back to Scorpion and Noob.)
Scorpion: What’s really funny is that I killed him in MK1... how did he come back...? (Scorpion continues ranting)
Noob Saibot: You fool! I am the Sub-Zero you killed! You’ve been chasing after my little brother the whole time! When the truth is known, my popularity will become higher than both yours AND my brother’s! It’ll be sheer irony! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Scorpion: What did you just say?
Noob Saibot: Uh.... I said you’ll get him... soon.
Scorpion: (gives him a wtf look) Thanks... Hmm, I am remembering some kind of vow...
Quan Chi: OK, time for your memory swipe. (shoots his head with a memory deleting device.)
Scorpion: Huh? What? What was I thinking about?
Quan Chi: Sub-Zero.
Scorpion: Oh yeah... I’LL KILL THAT BASTARD!
Quan Chi: (patting him on the shoulder) Very good.
(On Earthrealm, Kung Lao relaxes.)
Kung Lao: Ah, I’m retired. Retirement is the good life. It’s awesome.
Unknown Guy: Hey did you hear? Goro’s back!
Kung Lao: Oh, for the love of... you try to retire and just enjoy yourself and then your mortal enemy returns! Hey, just who are you?
Unknown Guy: Um, well it was never properly explained how you found out Goro came back so...
Kung Lao: Yeah, that’s fantastic.
(Liu Kang proceeds through the castle going through just like in Super Mario Bros. He hits a block.)
Liu Kang: A fireflower? What do I need that for? I can use fireballs of my own free will.
(Liu Kang gets to Bowser, who shoots fireballs, Liu Kang calmly walks past him and just cuts the bridge with the axe.)
Liu Kang: You have to wonder why he leaves an axe right here for you.
(Liu Kang finds Kitana, just standing there.)
Liu Kang: Man, you’d think they’d like put her in a cage or something...
Kitana: Oh, thank you Liu. But our princess is in another castle.
Liu Kang: What!? You mean I have to do that all over again!
Kitana: No, I was just kidding. Wasn’t it funny...
Liu Kang: (pauses, then he gets incredibly angry) WHO CARES? NO ONE LIKES YOU! STOP WHINING ABOUT YOUR PERILS! (Kitana looks incredibly shocked) I’M SICK OF PATHETIC BIMBOS LIKE YOU WHO EXPECT US TO SAVE YOU EVERY TIME! SAVE YOURSELF!
(Liu Kang disappears through a portal, just as Noob Saibot and Baraka leap out to get him, after he leaves, Noob and Baraka slam into each other.)
Kitana: Man, I hope he forgives me... eh, if he wants some hot action, he will. (starts to walk away)
Noob Saibot: (getting up) Oh, so this is the part where you escape right?
Kitana: (stopping) Kind of... but now I don’t want to!
Noob Saibot: Oh come on, please?
Kitana: No.
Noob Saibot: I’ll be your best friend forever...
Kitana: No.
Noob Saibot: Fine, you want to be a damsel in distress? Surpassing even Peach and Zelda?
Kitana: What?
Noob Saibot: We could tie you to railroad tracks next time, would that work?
Kitana: (imagines herself tied to railroad tracks with a train roaring towards her, just then Liu Kang dressed in a knight outfit comes down the road and saves her just in the nick of time.) Eh, that’s kind of old... how about something else?
Noob Saibot: What?
Kitana: Tying me over a pit of lava? Chaining me up and throwing me in the water? Tying and gagging me and leaving me in a warehouse with a bomb set to blow?
Noob Saibot: Yeah, but there’s just one problem with all those. THEY’RE ALL OLD FASHIONED!
Kitana: Hey! I don’t have to be a damsel in distress if I don’t want to, I can kick your ass!
Noob Saibot: You wish, bitch! Hey that rhymed! Wow...
Kitana: Here we go! I challenge you to... (she is punched in the back of the head and falls unconscious)
Baraka: Eh, let’s just take her back to her cell.
Noob Saibot: Aw... I was hoping that what she’d give up if she lost the battle was her clothes...
Baraka: How would that be possible?
Noob Saibot: Well, I thought challenging somebody to Mortal Kombat you have to put something of yours on the line.
Baraka: What would you have put on the line?
Noob Saibot: My life.
Baraka: But you’re already dead!
Noob Saibot: (pause) And your point is?
(Liu Kang comes back)
Liu Kang: Damn, she and I could’ve had sex if I hadn’t yelled at her... oh well, there’s always next time.
Kung Lao: Hello Liu Kang.
Liu Kang: Huh? Oh, it’s you Kung Lao. How ya been?
Kung Lao: What? No, “Oh my God! You’re alive!”?
Liu Kang: Hey, come on. Did you forget the number one rule in Mortal Kombat: Death is meaningless. To see this point made in its fullest elaboration, play “Mortal Kombat: Armageddon”! Coming Fall 2006.
(Meanwhile...)
Sonya: All right, here we go. I’m going to prove myself once and for all! Once I catch Jarek, the Black Dragon are no more and I will be able to relax, now then time to go in and become a true hero!
(She walks, next scene, she is tied to a chair.)
Sonya: Man, I suck at this hero stuff.
Jarek: You sure do, you are no hero, you are a damsel in distress now!
Sonya: Actually, I prefer heroine in distress.
Jarek: Heroin? Where? I don’t see any.
Sonya: No! I’m the heroine!
Jarek: You’re not something I can inject into my arm or any body part!
Sonya: Not the drug, you dumbass! The female version of a hero! It has an “e” at the end!
Jarek: Oh yeah... why didn’t I think of that.
Sonya: Because you’re stupid.
(Back in Edenia)
Quan Chi: Hey, Baraka. I’m gonna let you in on a little secret.
Baraka: Yeah?
Quan Chi: (shows him the amulet) I have the real amulet, the one Shinnok has is a fake.
Baraka: Oh yeah I know.
Quan Chi: You do?
Baraka: Yeah, I saw you hugging it in your sleep last night.
Quan Chi: (pause) OK... just what were YOU doing in my room?
(Uncomfortable silence)
Baraka: Um, wait I remember that in Mortal Kombat: Shaolin Monks that Shao Kahn had it? How’d he get it?
Quan Chi: Well, it doesn’t really make sense given the previous backstory, but... here’s what I think happened..
(Flashback)
Quan Chi: I have the amulet! I have Scorpion chasing after Sub-Zero! Oh man, all is well in my world. (starts evil laugh.)
Narrator: Could he be the next great evil?
Sub-Zero: (running by Quan Chi, knocking him causing him to almost lost his balance.) OUT OF MY WAY!
Scorpion: (as Quan Chi is wobbling, Scorpion pushes him to the ground, causing the amulet to go flying) OUT THE WAY FUCKER!
Sub-Zero: (Scorpion is trying to get him with his spear, jumping and dodging) I WASN’T THERE! I DIDN’T SEE IT! I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING! AAAAAHHHHH!
Quan Chi: (sees the amulet flying and tries to catch it) AAAAHHHH!
Narrator: No, just one lucky son of a bitch.
(The amulet falls over the edge, it hits Shao Kahn in the end, who naturally responds “Ow!”, but then he picks up the amulet and gives an interested murmer, Quan Chi moans in disappointment. Back to present.)
Quan Chi: You COULD explain Shaolin Monks’ story, but that doesn’t change that it’s fucking stupid.
Baraka: Yeah..., wait if the deaths in Shaolin Monks didn’t happen, how did you get the amulet back?
Quan Chi: Um.... God, I have a fucking headache.
(Scorpion with Noob)
Scorpion: So, I hear Liu Kang got away.
Noob Saibot: Yeah, he did. But we got Kitana back.
Scorpion: Oh, good for you.
Noob Saibot: You just want to catch Sub-Zero, don’t you?
Scorpion: Yeah... how the hell do you know that?
Noob Saibot: (pause) I... just... know... that’s all.
Scorpion: Uh-huh...
Noob Saibot: Wait, didn’t you vow to protect him?
Scorpion: Hmm? Did I? I don’t remember... here’s how I remember MK2 happening.
(Sub-Zero runs by the screen ala Road Runner with the words “FREEZUS NINJAUS” appearing under him, when the screen freezes. Scorpion then runs by ala Wile E. Coyote, the screen freezes in place and it is says “REVENUS LUNATICUS.” Scorpion runs at Sub-Zero and gets him cornered at a cliff, Scorpion prepares to kill him but just then as Scorpion throws the spear, Sub-Zero ducks and the spear hits the bird, it kills the bird and the bird goes flying fast to the ground, taking Scorpion with it.)
(Scorpion hits the ground, weakened, he looks up and sees Sub-Zero.)
Sub-Zero: Meep Meep. (runs off)
Scorpion: (weakly) Bastard...
(Later, Scorpion tries to build a wall for Sub-Zero to run into, a steel wall, he tests it a couple of times, and it works, he waits for Sub-Zero to run by, but when he presses the button, it doesn’t come up. Scorpion runs over and pounds on the trap in frustration, nothing happens. Scorpion runs after Sub-Zero, eventually they come around the trap again and Sub-Zero makes it through fine, after when Scorpion gets to it, the trap suddenly comes up and Scorpion hits the wall, full force.)
(Scorpion now places “chinese food” on a bridge, he quickly hides as Sub-Zero approaches. Sub-Zero looks down, takes off his mask and begins eating the Chinese food. Scorpion, from under the bridge, starts cutting a circle around Sub-Zero, when he does so, the entire bridge falls down, except for the circle that Sub-Zero is on, taking Scorpion with it.)
(Now Scorpion, puts a bunch of boulders in an opening up above and prepares a rope to bring it down, when Sub-Zero runs by, he pulls the rope and nothing happens, Scorpion walks over and using a cane starts to get the rocks to come down, but then slowly he realizes... he holds up a sign that says)
Sign: In Heaven’s name, just what AM I doing?
(Scorpion holds up an umbrella, but it’s no use, the rocks fall on him.)
(Back to Scorpion and Noob.)
Scorpion: MK3 was even worse.
(Scorpion puts TNT on a road and runs high atop a nearby building, ready to press a switch, Sub-Zero walks by where he puts the TNT, Scorpion throws the switch, but it only destroys the building that he is on.)
(Back to Scorpion and Noob.)
Scorpion: What’s really funny is that I killed him in MK1... how did he come back...? (Scorpion continues ranting)
Noob Saibot: You fool! I am the Sub-Zero you killed! You’ve been chasing after my little brother the whole time! When the truth is known, my popularity will become higher than both yours AND my brother’s! It’ll be sheer irony! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Scorpion: What did you just say?
Noob Saibot: Uh.... I said you’ll get him... soon.
Scorpion: (gives him a wtf look) Thanks... Hmm, I am remembering some kind of vow...
Quan Chi: OK, time for your memory swipe. (shoots his head with a memory deleting device.)
Scorpion: Huh? What? What was I thinking about?
Quan Chi: Sub-Zero.
Scorpion: Oh yeah... I’LL KILL THAT BASTARD!
Quan Chi: (patting him on the shoulder) Very good.
0
LMAO, good shit man.
About Me
0
LMAO!!!! Nice
About Me
"As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero, he no longer is"
0
I'm sorry but only boys_for_pele is alowed to make parody threads.
About Me
0
ROFL!!!! I love this parody.
About Me
MK Online Featured User 31/3/2010 12/4/2011
-----------------------Gifts-----------------------
Shinnok-fan64 - s3Kt0r
0
this is good. it would be better if someone could make it into a flash cartoon for newgrounds.com
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LOL Good stuff. its great Fanfiction material. do make more please.
0
(Meanwhile.)
Kung Lao: Ya know, I don’t quite understand the whole no one dies in Mortal Kombat thing, I mean what’s the point of anything if you can just come back to life?
(Next game, Kung Lao holding Liu Kang’s body.)
Kung Lao: NO! DAMN YOU! I TAKE IT BACK! I TAKE IT BACCCKKKKK!
(At the battle with the Deadly Alliance)
Kung Lao: Shang Tsung! You killed my best friend! And although chances are likely that he’ll be back in a future game, I feel compelled to avenge him. You and I are going to go at it and I will kill you for killing Liu Kang, although I might die, I’m sure you will too and therefore I will..
(Shang Tsung gets bored and just snaps Kung Lao’s neck. Next game, Kung Lao as Onaga’s slave goes to Shang Tsung’s grave and dances to “Stayin’ Alive”)
Johnny Cage: Hi guys!
Liu Kang: Johnny Cage?
Kung Lao: Oh and all the people that should’ve stayed dead... you should have been one of them!
Johnny Cage: No, my death was retconned! I never died!
Liu Kang: (pause) Uh-huh...
(Meanwhile.)
Mileena: I’ll show everybody! I’ll show that I can beat that stupid bitch of a sister, Kitana!
Shinnok: But she’s not your sister, aren’t you just a clone?
Mileena: Shut up! Everybody knows I’m hotter than she is!
Shinnok: Um... no. She’s got a good mouth, you.... Not so much... (shudders)
Mileena: (growls) I hate this guy...
(Scorpion walks over to Reiko.)
Scorpion: So what do you make of this?
Reiko: ...
Scorpion: Um... did you not here me?
Reiko: ...
Scorpion: Hello? (waving his hand over his face) HELLO?
Reiko: ....
Scorpion: (sighs) Am I the only minion who displays personality?
Baraka: If your idea of personality is just being a raving lunatic, you seriously do have issues...
Scorpion: That’s it! I CHALLENGE YOU TO MORTAL KOMBAT!
Baraka: What? Are you serious?
Scorpion: Yes.
Baraka: Prepare to get your ass kicked, mother f**ker!
Scorpion: Oh, I’m not worried... AT ALL. (spears him) GET OVER HERE!
(Scorpion kicks Baraka’s ass)
Announcer: Scorpion wins! Round 2...
(Baraka doesn’t get up)
Announcer: Round 2...
Scorpion: (pause) I don’t think he’s getting up...
Real Mortal Kombat Creator: HEY! I’ll sue you for ripping off my flash movie!
Scorpion: Uh.... (points at Reiko) It was HIM! (runs off)
Real Mortal Kombat Creator: Hey! Did you rip off my cartoon?
Reiko: ...
(In her cell, Kitana paces)
Kitana: They think I’m a damsel-in-distress eh? Well I’ll show them what a damsel can do!
(She bursts out of her cell, only to find the guards are already knocked out.)
Kitana: Huh... that was surprisingly easy...
(Kitana runs into Noob Saibot.)
Noob Saibot: Halt! Return to your cell!
Kitana: Wait! I’m one of you!
Noob Saibot: You don’t look like it...
Kitana: How would you know? Maybe I’m just disguised as the princess?
Noob Saibot: Um... well that wouldn’t make sense...
Kitana: But you’ll let me go right?
Noob Saibot: Look, how do I know your part of the Brotherhood of Shadow? I mean, I’m the leader...
Kitana: No you’re not! Arrest the imposter!
(Noob’s eyes widen in shock as several wraiths jump on him.)
(Sub-Zero hears about Shinnok’s return, in an unexplained way.)
Sub-Zero: Oh man, my big brother (sniffs) I shall wear your uniform to honor you! (puts it on.)
Raiden: Um, didn’t Scorpion practically burn your brother’s uniform?
Sub-Zero: Well, I threw away mine when I left the Lin Kuei... and the unmasked look in MK3 apparently wasn’t that popular.... So, hey be glad I have the mask back!
Raiden: (pause) I don’t really care....
Liu Kang: (finds Sonya) Hi Sonya.
Sonya: (still tied up) Liu, this is not a good time....
Liu Kang: What happened?
Sonya: Oh, I uh... well, let’s just say I fell into a trap...
Jarek: Yeah, she did. She’s my hostage!
Liu Kang: Um... ok. Can I borrow her for a little while? I need her to help fight Shinnok.
Sonya: What?
Liu Kang: He’s an evil Elder God, we have to go to Edenia.
Sonya: Um, I’d rather stay tied to this chair, thank you.
Jarek: Hey! I’m not gonna let some crazy bastard God kill me! I’ll fight him!
Sonya: And I’m gonna let Jarek do that! I will fight!
Liu Kang: Ok, let’s go.
(Liu Kang and Jarek leave, though they don’t untie Sonya.)
Sonya: HEY! (starts hopping after them) Damn them! Damn this stupid chair! (sighs) Well, I guess the author needed a comical situation, so I’ll go along with it...
(Back in China, Johnny Cage holds a Frisbee.)
Johnny Cage: Ultimate Frisbee is the manliest game ever played. I am serious! Anyone who rebuts that is a woman!
Kung Lao: Well, I...
Johnny Cage: WOMAN! (hits Kung Lao on the head with the firsbee.)
(Liu Kang and Jarek arrive.)
Liu Kang: Hi guys.
Johnny Cage: (looking at Jarek) Who’s this guy?
Liu Kang: No idea.
Sonya: (hopping in.) Thanks guys! I had to hop all the way from the US to China in this chair!
Kung Lao: How is that even possible?
Sonya: Um... use your imaginations...
Kung Lao: We can’t because it’s so illogical and unrealistic.
Kai: (appearing outta nowhere) Hey guys, Raiden wants us.
(They still leave Sonya tied up, but Johnny Cage comes back.)
Sonya: Um... Johnny, your alive...?
Johnny Cage: Oh yes.... Hehehehe.... I will enjoy this... (starts getting close to her)
Sonya: No! Damn it! No! Damn these ropes! Crap! Stay back! No! No! (fade to black) Stop it! Those are my pants... AAAHHHHH! RAPE! RAPE!
Johnny Cage: No, it’s not it is hot intercourse!
Sub-Zero: (coming in) Eeeewwww.... I picked the wrong time to show up...
(Back in Edenia)
Shinnok: So... Liu Kang got away, Kitana got away... did anyone ELSE get away?
Quan Chi: Not that we know of.
Shinnok: What do you mean by that?
Quan Chi: Just what I said.
Shinnok: Well, either you’re sure or you’re NOT sure!
Quan Chi: Look, go ahead and just whine, I don’t care. (whispers) Because I have your amulet...
Shinnok: What the hell did you just say?
Quan Chi: Um, I said because if it wasn’t for my sorcery, I wouldn’t be the overlord I am today...
Shinnok: Overlord of what? The realm of villainous lackeys?
Quan Chi: You idiot! I’m just ambassador there.
Kung Lao: Ya know, I don’t quite understand the whole no one dies in Mortal Kombat thing, I mean what’s the point of anything if you can just come back to life?
(Next game, Kung Lao holding Liu Kang’s body.)
Kung Lao: NO! DAMN YOU! I TAKE IT BACK! I TAKE IT BACCCKKKKK!
(At the battle with the Deadly Alliance)
Kung Lao: Shang Tsung! You killed my best friend! And although chances are likely that he’ll be back in a future game, I feel compelled to avenge him. You and I are going to go at it and I will kill you for killing Liu Kang, although I might die, I’m sure you will too and therefore I will..
(Shang Tsung gets bored and just snaps Kung Lao’s neck. Next game, Kung Lao as Onaga’s slave goes to Shang Tsung’s grave and dances to “Stayin’ Alive”)
Johnny Cage: Hi guys!
Liu Kang: Johnny Cage?
Kung Lao: Oh and all the people that should’ve stayed dead... you should have been one of them!
Johnny Cage: No, my death was retconned! I never died!
Liu Kang: (pause) Uh-huh...
(Meanwhile.)
Mileena: I’ll show everybody! I’ll show that I can beat that stupid bitch of a sister, Kitana!
Shinnok: But she’s not your sister, aren’t you just a clone?
Mileena: Shut up! Everybody knows I’m hotter than she is!
Shinnok: Um... no. She’s got a good mouth, you.... Not so much... (shudders)
Mileena: (growls) I hate this guy...
(Scorpion walks over to Reiko.)
Scorpion: So what do you make of this?
Reiko: ...
Scorpion: Um... did you not here me?
Reiko: ...
Scorpion: Hello? (waving his hand over his face) HELLO?
Reiko: ....
Scorpion: (sighs) Am I the only minion who displays personality?
Baraka: If your idea of personality is just being a raving lunatic, you seriously do have issues...
Scorpion: That’s it! I CHALLENGE YOU TO MORTAL KOMBAT!
Baraka: What? Are you serious?
Scorpion: Yes.
Baraka: Prepare to get your ass kicked, mother f**ker!
Scorpion: Oh, I’m not worried... AT ALL. (spears him) GET OVER HERE!
(Scorpion kicks Baraka’s ass)
Announcer: Scorpion wins! Round 2...
(Baraka doesn’t get up)
Announcer: Round 2...
Scorpion: (pause) I don’t think he’s getting up...
Real Mortal Kombat Creator: HEY! I’ll sue you for ripping off my flash movie!
Scorpion: Uh.... (points at Reiko) It was HIM! (runs off)
Real Mortal Kombat Creator: Hey! Did you rip off my cartoon?
Reiko: ...
(In her cell, Kitana paces)
Kitana: They think I’m a damsel-in-distress eh? Well I’ll show them what a damsel can do!
(She bursts out of her cell, only to find the guards are already knocked out.)
Kitana: Huh... that was surprisingly easy...
(Kitana runs into Noob Saibot.)
Noob Saibot: Halt! Return to your cell!
Kitana: Wait! I’m one of you!
Noob Saibot: You don’t look like it...
Kitana: How would you know? Maybe I’m just disguised as the princess?
Noob Saibot: Um... well that wouldn’t make sense...
Kitana: But you’ll let me go right?
Noob Saibot: Look, how do I know your part of the Brotherhood of Shadow? I mean, I’m the leader...
Kitana: No you’re not! Arrest the imposter!
(Noob’s eyes widen in shock as several wraiths jump on him.)
(Sub-Zero hears about Shinnok’s return, in an unexplained way.)
Sub-Zero: Oh man, my big brother (sniffs) I shall wear your uniform to honor you! (puts it on.)
Raiden: Um, didn’t Scorpion practically burn your brother’s uniform?
Sub-Zero: Well, I threw away mine when I left the Lin Kuei... and the unmasked look in MK3 apparently wasn’t that popular.... So, hey be glad I have the mask back!
Raiden: (pause) I don’t really care....
Liu Kang: (finds Sonya) Hi Sonya.
Sonya: (still tied up) Liu, this is not a good time....
Liu Kang: What happened?
Sonya: Oh, I uh... well, let’s just say I fell into a trap...
Jarek: Yeah, she did. She’s my hostage!
Liu Kang: Um... ok. Can I borrow her for a little while? I need her to help fight Shinnok.
Sonya: What?
Liu Kang: He’s an evil Elder God, we have to go to Edenia.
Sonya: Um, I’d rather stay tied to this chair, thank you.
Jarek: Hey! I’m not gonna let some crazy bastard God kill me! I’ll fight him!
Sonya: And I’m gonna let Jarek do that! I will fight!
Liu Kang: Ok, let’s go.
(Liu Kang and Jarek leave, though they don’t untie Sonya.)
Sonya: HEY! (starts hopping after them) Damn them! Damn this stupid chair! (sighs) Well, I guess the author needed a comical situation, so I’ll go along with it...
(Back in China, Johnny Cage holds a Frisbee.)
Johnny Cage: Ultimate Frisbee is the manliest game ever played. I am serious! Anyone who rebuts that is a woman!
Kung Lao: Well, I...
Johnny Cage: WOMAN! (hits Kung Lao on the head with the firsbee.)
(Liu Kang and Jarek arrive.)
Liu Kang: Hi guys.
Johnny Cage: (looking at Jarek) Who’s this guy?
Liu Kang: No idea.
Sonya: (hopping in.) Thanks guys! I had to hop all the way from the US to China in this chair!
Kung Lao: How is that even possible?
Sonya: Um... use your imaginations...
Kung Lao: We can’t because it’s so illogical and unrealistic.
Kai: (appearing outta nowhere) Hey guys, Raiden wants us.
(They still leave Sonya tied up, but Johnny Cage comes back.)
Sonya: Um... Johnny, your alive...?
Johnny Cage: Oh yes.... Hehehehe.... I will enjoy this... (starts getting close to her)
Sonya: No! Damn it! No! Damn these ropes! Crap! Stay back! No! No! (fade to black) Stop it! Those are my pants... AAAHHHHH! RAPE! RAPE!
Johnny Cage: No, it’s not it is hot intercourse!
Sub-Zero: (coming in) Eeeewwww.... I picked the wrong time to show up...
(Back in Edenia)
Shinnok: So... Liu Kang got away, Kitana got away... did anyone ELSE get away?
Quan Chi: Not that we know of.
Shinnok: What do you mean by that?
Quan Chi: Just what I said.
Shinnok: Well, either you’re sure or you’re NOT sure!
Quan Chi: Look, go ahead and just whine, I don’t care. (whispers) Because I have your amulet...
Shinnok: What the hell did you just say?
Quan Chi: Um, I said because if it wasn’t for my sorcery, I wouldn’t be the overlord I am today...
Shinnok: Overlord of what? The realm of villainous lackeys?
Quan Chi: You idiot! I’m just ambassador there.
About Me
MK Online Featured User 31/3/2010 12/4/2011
-----------------------Gifts-----------------------
Shinnok-fan64 - s3Kt0r
0
this is great. some1 make this into a flash cartoon soon.
0
(Raiden greets with the Earthrealm Warriors.)
Raiden: OK, guys. You got the gist of it...
Sonya: Um, have you guys noticed that you still haven’t untied me?
Raiden: Hey! If she keeps interrupting me, you have permission to shut her up! Anyway, let’s go into Edenia...!
Sub-Zero: Hey, wait a minute!
Raiden: What?
Sub-Zero: We haven’t given introductions to Jax, Cyrax or Sektor yet.
Raiden: Oh yeah... forgot about them...
Sonya: Jax has like little to no role in this game...
Raiden: That’s it! I warned you! Somebody get the duct tape!
Sonya: WHAT!? But I didn’t interu- (her mouth is taped shut) MMMPPHHH!
Johnny Cage: I wish the writer would stop repeating these jokes!
Kung Lao: I wish I could just retire!
Sonic the Hedgehog: (coming in out of nowhere) I wish people would stop making video games about me!
(So the heroes go into Edenia, Sonya still in her chair.)
Tanya: Hi, I’ll join you!
Fujin: Who are you?
Raiden: I ask the questions, you puny Wind God!
Tanya: Tanya, I escaped from the palace.
Liu Kang: Rather convenient story...
(Back in Earthrealm, Jax finds Cyrax in the desert)
Jax: How did I get out here again? Oh well... Hey, a yellow robot... I’ll reactivate him....
Sektor: Hey, that was supposed to be MY role!
John Vogel: Yeah, sorry Sektor... but I had to retcon this...
Sektor: But what was the point of it? I have no role in this story now...
John Vogel: Don’t worry, I’m gonna have you go insane and kill the Lin Kuei Grandmaster and that way I’ll set up Sub-Zero to become the next one and you’ll get your ass kicked. (leaves)
Sektor: (sighs) That’s it... I give up... I want a nice quiet job... as a CASH REGISTER!
(Back to Edenia)
Kitana: (reveals herself to the heroes) Hey guys.
Liu Kang: Kitana! How did you get out?
Kitana: No thanks to you! Well, I... (sees Tanya) Hey, you traitor!
Tanya: (shocked) How did you know that?
Kitana: Because you just told me, idiot!
Tanya: Oh crap... there goes the lure Liu Kang into a trap plot... Bye! (runs off)
Kung Lao: What was the point of that?
Sonya: Mmmphhh... (finally frees herself and takes the tape off) Well, can we go now?
Johnny Cage: That took you a while...
Sonya: Yeah... it did...
(The heroes get to the palace...)
Raiden: OK, we shall split up... (looks at Fujin) me and the... naïve will go in this way. Liu Kang and Kitana, NO SEX NOW! Sonya and Kung Lao... and Johnny Cage and Sub-Zero.
Sub-Zero: WHAT!? You are not pairing me up with THIS guy!
Johnny Cage: Oh, he is.... (chuckles)
Sub-Zero: (points a sword at Cage and in an Arnold Schwarzenegger type voice) Hasta la Vista, baby...
Johnny Cage: You can’t do it!
Sub-Zero: You cannot tell me what to do, little girly-man!
Johnny Cage: I just did. (pause) HA!
Sub-Zero: (long pause) I’ll be back...
(Sub-Zero in front of Quan Chi, who is with Noob Saibot)
Sub-Zero: Hey! I’m gonna honor my brother, who fought against you, by defeating you!
Quan Chi: What the hell? (points at Noob) HE’S RIGHT THERE!
Noob Saibot: Wait! He’s not supposed to know this until Mortal Kombat: Deception!
Sub-Zero: Yeah!... Wait... how come I find out in Mortal Kombat: Shaolin Monks then...? Crap... (runs off)
(Sub-Zero and Johnny Cage)
Sub-Zero: Alright, let’s just...
Scorpion: THERE YOU ARE LITTLE FUCKER!
Sub-Zero: Oh dear God... not this again!
Scorpion: (starts running after Sub-Zero, and Johnny Cage as well.)
Johnny Cage: What did I do?
(“Come on Baby” starts playing in the background. Scorpion chases after Sub-Zero and Johnny Cage throughout the palace, Sub and Cage try hiding in knight armors... Scorpion walks by, pulls the helmets off and the two men run for it. Sub and Cage tip-toe across the carpet, only for Scorpion to lunge at them, they duck and Scorpion goes tumbling down the stairs)
(Now Sub-Zero and Cage run past a window, only to get Scorpion running after them again... All three enter a hallway of doors and they each enter a door, and they all come of a different door, the process repeats for a good 5 minutes, until Scorpion gets annoyed)
Scorpion: NO MORE DOOR THING! (burns them all down)
(They run past, a mirror, Cage takes a look.)
Johnny Cage: Hold it! (Scorpion and Sub-Zero freeze in place, and he runs back the mirror and after combing it, runs back into position) Ok. (the chase resumes)
(Eventually the chase comes to a conclusion, where Scorpion just collapses from exhaustion... Sub-Zero runs back to Scorpion.)
Sub-Zero: Meep Meep (runs off)
Scorpion: I’ll “meep meep” your ass!
(Liu Kang, Johnny Cage, Kitana and Sonya face down against Baraka, Liu Kang takes out his dragon sword, but Baraka causes it to go into shards when he hits it a with blade projectile)
Liu Kang: (pause) Huh.... That hardly seems fair.
Kitana: We are going to die.... Or worse even...
Kung Lao: How do you define worse?
Liu Kang: They could release maggots to eat our flesh.
Kung Lao: I don’t think that’s EVER going to happen.
Shinnok: Release the maggots!
Kung Lao: OH CRAP!
Raiden: OK, guys. You got the gist of it...
Sonya: Um, have you guys noticed that you still haven’t untied me?
Raiden: Hey! If she keeps interrupting me, you have permission to shut her up! Anyway, let’s go into Edenia...!
Sub-Zero: Hey, wait a minute!
Raiden: What?
Sub-Zero: We haven’t given introductions to Jax, Cyrax or Sektor yet.
Raiden: Oh yeah... forgot about them...
Sonya: Jax has like little to no role in this game...
Raiden: That’s it! I warned you! Somebody get the duct tape!
Sonya: WHAT!? But I didn’t interu- (her mouth is taped shut) MMMPPHHH!
Johnny Cage: I wish the writer would stop repeating these jokes!
Kung Lao: I wish I could just retire!
Sonic the Hedgehog: (coming in out of nowhere) I wish people would stop making video games about me!
(So the heroes go into Edenia, Sonya still in her chair.)
Tanya: Hi, I’ll join you!
Fujin: Who are you?
Raiden: I ask the questions, you puny Wind God!
Tanya: Tanya, I escaped from the palace.
Liu Kang: Rather convenient story...
(Back in Earthrealm, Jax finds Cyrax in the desert)
Jax: How did I get out here again? Oh well... Hey, a yellow robot... I’ll reactivate him....
Sektor: Hey, that was supposed to be MY role!
John Vogel: Yeah, sorry Sektor... but I had to retcon this...
Sektor: But what was the point of it? I have no role in this story now...
John Vogel: Don’t worry, I’m gonna have you go insane and kill the Lin Kuei Grandmaster and that way I’ll set up Sub-Zero to become the next one and you’ll get your ass kicked. (leaves)
Sektor: (sighs) That’s it... I give up... I want a nice quiet job... as a CASH REGISTER!
(Back to Edenia)
Kitana: (reveals herself to the heroes) Hey guys.
Liu Kang: Kitana! How did you get out?
Kitana: No thanks to you! Well, I... (sees Tanya) Hey, you traitor!
Tanya: (shocked) How did you know that?
Kitana: Because you just told me, idiot!
Tanya: Oh crap... there goes the lure Liu Kang into a trap plot... Bye! (runs off)
Kung Lao: What was the point of that?
Sonya: Mmmphhh... (finally frees herself and takes the tape off) Well, can we go now?
Johnny Cage: That took you a while...
Sonya: Yeah... it did...
(The heroes get to the palace...)
Raiden: OK, we shall split up... (looks at Fujin) me and the... naïve will go in this way. Liu Kang and Kitana, NO SEX NOW! Sonya and Kung Lao... and Johnny Cage and Sub-Zero.
Sub-Zero: WHAT!? You are not pairing me up with THIS guy!
Johnny Cage: Oh, he is.... (chuckles)
Sub-Zero: (points a sword at Cage and in an Arnold Schwarzenegger type voice) Hasta la Vista, baby...
Johnny Cage: You can’t do it!
Sub-Zero: You cannot tell me what to do, little girly-man!
Johnny Cage: I just did. (pause) HA!
Sub-Zero: (long pause) I’ll be back...
(Sub-Zero in front of Quan Chi, who is with Noob Saibot)
Sub-Zero: Hey! I’m gonna honor my brother, who fought against you, by defeating you!
Quan Chi: What the hell? (points at Noob) HE’S RIGHT THERE!
Noob Saibot: Wait! He’s not supposed to know this until Mortal Kombat: Deception!
Sub-Zero: Yeah!... Wait... how come I find out in Mortal Kombat: Shaolin Monks then...? Crap... (runs off)
(Sub-Zero and Johnny Cage)
Sub-Zero: Alright, let’s just...
Scorpion: THERE YOU ARE LITTLE FUCKER!
Sub-Zero: Oh dear God... not this again!
Scorpion: (starts running after Sub-Zero, and Johnny Cage as well.)
Johnny Cage: What did I do?
(“Come on Baby” starts playing in the background. Scorpion chases after Sub-Zero and Johnny Cage throughout the palace, Sub and Cage try hiding in knight armors... Scorpion walks by, pulls the helmets off and the two men run for it. Sub and Cage tip-toe across the carpet, only for Scorpion to lunge at them, they duck and Scorpion goes tumbling down the stairs)
(Now Sub-Zero and Cage run past a window, only to get Scorpion running after them again... All three enter a hallway of doors and they each enter a door, and they all come of a different door, the process repeats for a good 5 minutes, until Scorpion gets annoyed)
Scorpion: NO MORE DOOR THING! (burns them all down)
(They run past, a mirror, Cage takes a look.)
Johnny Cage: Hold it! (Scorpion and Sub-Zero freeze in place, and he runs back the mirror and after combing it, runs back into position) Ok. (the chase resumes)
(Eventually the chase comes to a conclusion, where Scorpion just collapses from exhaustion... Sub-Zero runs back to Scorpion.)
Sub-Zero: Meep Meep (runs off)
Scorpion: I’ll “meep meep” your ass!
(Liu Kang, Johnny Cage, Kitana and Sonya face down against Baraka, Liu Kang takes out his dragon sword, but Baraka causes it to go into shards when he hits it a with blade projectile)
Liu Kang: (pause) Huh.... That hardly seems fair.
Kitana: We are going to die.... Or worse even...
Kung Lao: How do you define worse?
Liu Kang: They could release maggots to eat our flesh.
Kung Lao: I don’t think that’s EVER going to happen.
Shinnok: Release the maggots!
Kung Lao: OH CRAP!
About Me
MK Online Featured User 31/3/2010 12/4/2011
-----------------------Gifts-----------------------
Shinnok-fan64 - s3Kt0r
0
MORE
About Me
MK Online Featured User 31/3/2010 12/4/2011
-----------------------Gifts-----------------------
Shinnok-fan64 - s3Kt0r
0
hurry up ProudNintendofan. we want more
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