With the force of a thousand suns and the love of a thousand kittens, I, Garlador, return from my dark nether vortex of agony and despair to beam down a light of enlightenment upon the shrouded masses!

So, with Sheeva, Nightwolf, Mileena, Smoke, Shang Tsung, and Stryker taken care of, we now turn our eyes to Mortal Kombat's favorite cold-blooded iguana-man!

Come on out, Reptile. It's okay. The fans won't bite....


(But Reptile might... like, a lot. Nom nom nom.)

WHO IS REPTILE?
Reptile is a mysterious, green-clad ninja warrior lizard that served Shao Kahn in exchange for the chance to repopulate his dying race of lizard people.

Reptile's primary role in the over-arching story and gameplay department, though, is to pad the games' rosters out with a reliable punching bag who's obviously evil because he's obviously ugly.

(You are ugly and unnatural to my eyes, therefore you are evil and must die!)

Reptile began as Shang Tsung's personal bodyguard and spy, who secretly watched the Earthrealm heroes from afar and reported their actions back to his master. In the new game, he just flat out attacks them right out in the open, and his camouflage is better used by Sektor instead (who can't even use it in gameplay... huh...).

Reptile later got "promoted" to just being an assassin under Kahn's employ who in MK3 was tasked with hunting down the rogue Kitana after she killed her sister and ran away. But, as we know in this game, the whole Kitana/Mileena backstory went out the window, and Reptile's role of hunting her down to answer for her crimes went out the window along with it...

(So, yes, even Reptile's story got screwed over by this unnecessary and poorly done retcon...)

They say war is all a matter of perspective, and since Story Mode was just the heroes' perspective, Reptile was seen as little more than a mindless monster in a parade of freakshow creatures for our handsome, beautiful heroes to pummel. Reptile's purpose in this game was to be a good generic villain to get defeated and get defeated often, a role he performed with Oscar-winning dedication.


WHY IS REPTILE IN THE SERIES?
Reptile is popular for many reasons. Reason number 1? Well, it's the same reason most popular characters in MK are popular.

(He's a NINJA!!!)

But then there's the second reason. We all know that there is an unspoken rule that every single fighting game franchise at some point has to have a fighting lizard man. It's just accepted fact.

(Every... game... has... lizards....)

Okay, so maybe the real reason for Reptile's popularity is that Reptile began life as fighting games' first ever hidden fighter. Periodically, he'd spring onto the scene, yell some cryptic clues about how to find him (in both English and Spanish...), and then flip away as ninjas are known to do. He became the urban legend of playground discussion, the Holy Grail of secrets for arcade-champions to seek, the vaunted Bigfoot of rumors and myth, sought after but so rarely found. Reptile became larger than life.

And, sure enough, you found and fought him at the bottom of the pit. Reptile was so named because he was GREEN, like a reptile.

(well, okay, like SOME reptiles)

In reality, he was just a mash-up of Scorpion and Sub-Zero and colored green. But for MK2, the turned him into a real, full-on, cold-blooded lizard man disguised in human flesh that could spit acid and had a long, sticky tongue to eat your head with!

(you know, just like a frog... which is an amphibian and not a reptile... but you can't expect NRS to keep track of little details like that...)

From that point on, however, he started getting more and more reptilian, losing his humanity until they just stopped pretending it was the same dude playing all the ninjas and Reptile was going to go full-on scales and claws for future games, starting with his very reptilian look in MK4.

(but nobody rocked a pair of puffy purple pantaloons better)

He just kept getting uglier and more reptilian until it hit its apex in Deadly Alliance.

(I never thought I'd miss those poofy purple pants....)

For the new game, he's back to a semi-humanoid reptile look, which kinda works for me, apart from the beak mask.

(I'm sure they were going for a snapping turtle-ish beak... but, c'mon, that's like assuming everyone knows that duck bill you slapped on was a tribute to a platypus and not an actual, you know, duck)

REPTILE'S STORY-
Reptile is a surprisingly sympathetic villain. Unlike most of the villains that are out for power, conquest, or just plain killin', Reptile just wants to repopulate his nearly extinct race of Saurians.

("Saurians" are not affiliated with Sauron)

So, unlike other villains, Reptile just wants to save his race... and find a nice Saurian lady to settle down and raise some eggs together with. So, like Johnny Cage, he's basically motivated by sex.

(And to be fair, Khameleon is a surprisingly hot see-thru ninja lizard woman)

Unfortunately for Reptile, his blind ambition to save his race at all costs has him constantly casting his lot in with the LOSING side... and also the side that has practically zero interest in actually doing what he wants them to do. So, from Shang Tsung to Shao Kahn to Shinnok to Quan Chi to... everyone... he always is promised that chance to finally save his people, only for the villain to always yank the chance away from him at the last second.

(Reptile's life, in a nutshell)

Some people interpret him as being too stupid to know better, while others decided he's just so driven by selfless desires to keep his people alive that he'll do anything, no matter how evil or illogical. Of course, the MK team decided that he was BOTH stupid AND driven and started changing him into a primal, drooling moron that was easily duped and misled. It was the complete OPPOSITE of good character evolution.

(I mean that in the most literal way possible)

Reptile, who once started as such a fearsome secret character, become more and more of an awkward joke, that smelly, racist, mentally challenged uncle at the villains' family gatherings they sort of were embarrassed to be seen in public with. Finally, they just decided to say "screw it" and pointed him in a general direction and told him to keep walking until something interesting happened.

("Don't worry... I'm sure this will keep him out of trouble...")

After Nitara used him for her own purposes (sensing a trend here), Reptile coincidentally bumped into the Dragon Egg, which hatched, and he was possessed and turned into the almighty Dragon King, Onaga!

(Shang fed him a lot of Rare Candies)

After that, Reptile sort of stopped being Reptile since Onaga had taken over his body for Deception... and at the end of the game was booted out and Reptile went back to... er, being an entirely useless filler lizard man character.

(Only Armageddon had TWO useless lizard men. Top THAT, Soul Calibur!)

Like everyone else, Reptile had hit a dead end. So, like Batman, James Bond, Spider-man, and every single Horror movie by Michael Bay, it was time to panic and hit the magic "Reboot" button.

(this remains the only ReBoot I love)

So, what would NRS do now? They totally beefed up the story, characterization, and interest in nearly every character from Stryker to Kabal to Smoke... so, what would we get with the new rebooted Reptile?

A once prominent, popular, powerful character was reduced to a weak, mewling joke that nobody, even amongst his friends, gave two craps about.

(They turned him into YAMCHA!)

He pretty much had no story. He had no characterization. He was just a punching bag wheeled out when the plot needed punching up. He lacked fear, intimidation, or impact. Reptile, sadly, had been rendered toothless and no longer had the "bite" he once had.


So sadly Reptile's plot and characterization had become as primitive and one-dimensional as his de-evolved form had been in prior games.

I find it amusing that Reptile in MK1 was actually the ONLY character to speak (in two different languages, even!), offering clues in complete, articulate sentences and offering multiple dialogue hints throughout the game, and now in the NEW game he's the only standard character NOT to speak at all!

More so than that, Reptile, the powerful, fearsome hidden fighter of MK1, was actually the FIRST one eliminated in the tournament, and by a guy that wasn't even aware he was fighting for his life while goofing off to impress the nearest pair of boobs.

(Something might be wrong when THIS random bland guy in the back lasts longer in the MK tournament than the once-mighty Reptile...)

Despite that, he still did have his moments (such as scaling the building, dodging gunshots, and melting bullets with his acid), and it feels good to do a KOTW over a character that actually LIVED to see the ending.

(He still has so much more growing as a character to do, but I'll let him enjoy the small victories when they come along)

REPTILE'S FUTURE-
Again, as mentioned, Reptile HAS a future (unlike 50% of the cast), so where they take him is anyone's guess!



Oh, no, that's right. Shinnok's coming up again, isn't he? And Reptile, by his lackey nature, will probably align himself with Shinnok... again. Because he's a lackey and that's what lackeys do, logic be damned.

(Damn your logic!)

Maybe NRS will surprise me, though. Reptile, for instance, has one of the most interesting support characters in the game in the form of Khameleon, who is unabashedly a smart, intelligent, clever, and entirely GOOD character with pure motives that has sought to find, redeem, and possibly mingle zygotes with Reptile ever since she bumped into him.

(I can't wait to see Khameleon and Reptile's kids, named in traditional NRS fashion: Lizard and Alligator - or Liz and Al to their friends)

Sadly, who knows WHAT'S going on with Khameleon, since even SHE was ignored in the "include everyone - including MEAT" Armageddon in favor of the utterly pointless "Chameleon" instead. She's still mentioned here than there, but I'm not banking on her showing up to spice up Reptile's bland sex life and story life anytime soon.

So, on his own, Reptile is still stuck in the exact same storyline he's had since MK2... and Mk3... and MK4... and Deadly Alliance... and Armageddon... I'd say nobody needs a kick in the pants more than Reptile. They turned Liu Kang into a zombie, turned Raiden into Dark Raiden, and they even turned Sub-Zero into a robot, and I'd say none of those changes were needed. But Reptile? Something needs to happen with him. He's not exactly bad; he's reliable, convenient, and dependably bland for any and all story-round matches... but as a stand-alone character, who has been in nearly EVERY game for over 15 years, he's gotten about as much character development as Stormtrooper #631.

("You know, Larry, I'm actually a human being... with complex feelings and emotions. I like classical music. I have a puppy named Mister Barkington. I'm in love with Nancy from Sector 3H. I have dreams and goals in my life. And yet, when I put on this helmet, I feel like I just don't matter...")

Reptile is the ultimate stagnating character. He's not bad, he's not good. He just exists, filling in roster space and never evolving into anything remotely interesting, even when those opportunities arise. Other characters shift and change and metamorphosize into new people, new creations, but not Reptile. On one hand, given NRS track record with characters, that prevents him from a spiraling fall from grace that angers the fans, but at the same time, he's pretty much a waste of story space that somehow gets into every game while genuinely interesting characters like Fujin, Sareena, and Tanya are forced to sit out because they weren't lucky enough to be invented during the "golden" era like Reptile was.

But maybe your opinion is different. Maybe you think Reptile HAS changed for the better. Maybe you think the 2011 version is his best appearance yet! Do you like his story? Like his look? Do you think he's just fine as is? Or do you want him to do something else? Do you prefer his human form over his reptilian appearances? Do you think Khameleon is a character worth dragging into his life? Do you think he serves the lackey role perfectly, or would you like him to be more independent?

Sound off! Let's hear what people have to say about MK's original hidden fighter. And let me know who I should cover next!

Alright people. It was fun. Garlador out.