Garladors KOTW - Week 8 - Rosetta and Derek TickleMuffins
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posted11/13/2011 09:15 PM (UTC)by
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Garlador
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02/23/2003 03:56 AM (UTC)
Out of the depths of self-indulgent fantasies, I, the great and mighty Garlador, purveyor and peddler of dreams and nonsensical rants, return for yet another KOTW.

With Sheeva, Nightwolf, Mileena, Smoke, Shang Tsung,Stryker, and Reptile taken care of, I'd like to dedicate a special KOTW to two of Mortal Kombat's most popular, yet often under-appreciated, characters in the MK series.

This week, we talk about two characters that are more inseparable than a Noob-Smoke tag-team, Kung Lao and snazzy hats, or Rain and body glitter combined!

Let's proudly welcome and talk about Rosetta and Derek TickleMuffins.


WHO/WHAT ARE ROSETTA & DEREK TICKLEMUFFINS?
Rosetta and Derek TickleMuffins are Sonya Blade's right and left breasts, respectively. They bare the near impossible task of trying to stay squeezed into progressively tighter and skimpier pieces of cloth and leather, all while aggressively rejecting any attempts to shackle their freedom in anything remotely resembling a practical bra.


(All bras spontaneously combust within 20 meters of Sonya's breasts)

Like Kitana and the Edenians, it's believed Rosetta and Derek TickleMuffins yearn for freedom and liberation. Together, the join forces as an unstoppable crimefighting duo, a pair of potent powerhouses with more power and prominence than most of the other heroes even on their best days.

(Suck it, Superfriends. Sonya's got the REAL "Wonder Twins")

It didn't start off that way, mind you. They really had to struggle to emerge out of the roster and get the exposure they always deserved. As more games came out, Rosetta and Derek TickleMuffins slowly began to get more and more fleshed out.

(Rosetta and Derek TickleMuffins, through the years)

Finally, though, I think we can safely say that MK2011 gave them the breakthrough they always needed.

(And no flimsy shirt was ever going to prevent that breakthrough!)

WHY ARE THEY IN THE SERIES?
Rosetta and Derek TickleMuffins serve an incredibly important and respectable role in the series. They exist to placate the burning, pent-up sexual needs of adolescent fanboys the world over.


(King Nintendo is pleased by this)

Unlike many characters, whose roles in the series are questionable and tenuous at best, Rosetta and Derek TickleMuffins know their place, they know their role, and they are proud to showcase their talents and abilities at each and every given moment. We know EXACTLY why they're in the game.


(Nobody has figured out yet why Dairou was ever in the series)

And, sure enough, nearly every new Mortal Kombat game brings good ol' Rosetta and Derek TickleMuffins back, and, unlike Reptile, Sareena, Baraka, and the other 80% of the cast, they keep getting more exposure and more development than ever before! I don't know who they bumped into, but Sonya's buddies are nearly always invited to the MK party.


(It's okay, Sareena. Maybe one day you'll get more exposure than Sonya's breasts... maybe...)

ROSETTA AND DEREK TICKLEMUFFINS'S STORY-
Rosetta and Derek TickleMuffins are believed to have first appeared around the time Sonya was 14 or so, but they quickly received a sizable amount of character development in the ensuing years, until they became two of the most developed characters in MK lore by the time Sonya was a full adult.


(lots of scientific research went into this)

Since then, they have become Sonya's most well-known and recognizable partners, even surpassing Jax and the rest of the Special Forces.

(Many people would love to give THESE some "special forces" of their own...)

Derek TickleMuffins and Rosetta accompanied Sonya to the first MK tournament, where, sadly, they were often ignored and forgotten about until the years-later retcon.

(Like Nightwolf, nobody really noticed they were there until the new game showed them off)

Thankfully, like nearly everyone else in this "death" tournament, Rosetta and Derek TickleMuffins managed to survive unscathed and a bright, happy, cushy future seemed to await them.

But then MK2 rolled around, and Sonya, along with her dependable partners, was abducted and held captive by Shao Kahn to lure the heroes into another tournament, partially to rescue her. Thus, Rosetta and Derek TickleMuffins could be seen as one of the most driving reasons for Jax and Johnny Cage to rush in like white knights to save Sonya and her personal pals.

(It's been driving men to battle for centuries)

Rosetta and Derek TickleMuffins were saved and Liu Kang won the tournament... but then MK3 came along and Rosetta and Derek TickleMuffins were called into action yet again.

(Jax got awesome robot arms in MK3; why couldn't Sonya get awesome robot boobs?)

Rosetta and Derek TickleMuffins were a dependable pair of partners for Sonya following her into MK4, Deadly Alliance, and Armageddon, but tragically Sonya bit the dust, along with everyone else, in Armageddon's finale. Thankfully, Rosetta and Derek TickleMuffins were spared harm... at least until the vultures got to them.


But the reset button was hit, rebooting the franchise and giving Sonya, Rosetta, and Derek TickleMuffins a new lease on life and amplifying their prominence and impact in this new game.


ROSETTA AND DEREK TICKLEMUFFINS'S FUTURE-
Rosetta and Derek TickleMuffin's future is looking bright and sunny. As one of the few likeable heroes of the MK universe to NOT wind up a slowly-decaying pile of dead flesh, Rosetta, Derek TickleMuffins, and their trusty partner Sonya eluded death's grip and managed to survive, so the chances of them showing up in the sequel are all but guaranteed.



However, it remains to be seen if they'll be as developed and fleshed out as in this game, or whether they'll be scaled back a bit so that others can shine instead. Who knows? Maybe they'll be even more well-rounded and in-your-face as before!


(Sonya's next outfit is looking great already)

Either way, it does feel good knowing Sonya's more reliable partners will return, and I'm sure that's going to make a lot of fans happy. Raiden may not have been able to save most of the heroes (like, 99% of them), but he DID manage to keep Rosetta and Derek TickleMuffins around.

(And Johnny Cage is grateful Raiden saved SOMETHING at least)

So, how do you all feel about this dynamic duo? Glad they're in the game? Looking forward to their return? Were you never that big a fan of them to begin with? Let me know!

***Editor's Note***
Yes, this was entirely to get Sonya's boobs out of my system so when I do her next week, it won't be filled with boob jokes (no promises!) and lingering images of her chest (don't hold me to that!). So expect a thorough KOTW of Sonya next week and enjoy Sonya's pillow-pals for this week.

Okay, everyone, it was fun. See you next week. Garlador out.
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Sindra
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09/23/2011 11:17 PM (UTC)
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Haha, I enjoyed this. Thank you for addressing the absurdity that are the focus Sonya's tit's have gotten through the years.
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Jerrod
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09/23/2011 11:48 PM (UTC)
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This was definitely detailed, well-researched, and intellectually stimulating. Sadly, it's rare that one bring up Sonya's allies, and if I may, I think it's fair to say they are more fleshed out and detailed than Sonya herself. Good job on shedding light on these guys, and here's hoping they get more exposure in future games... Bah, who am I kidding, they're more well-known than Khameleon, they'll be back in full force next time.
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mkwhopper
09/24/2011 12:20 AM (UTC)
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When I first saw the title, I was like "Who the fuck are Rosetta and Derek TickleMuffins?!" Then I was scrolling down and LOL'd xD
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J-spit
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09/24/2011 12:38 AM (UTC)
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Bravo! Where's Luca?
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Jaded-Raven
09/24/2011 01:49 AM (UTC)
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Whauw... This was lame.
Sorry Garlador, but this is one thread of yours I didn't enjoy reading.
Better luck next time.
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umbrascitor
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Never shake hands with a man who wears his heart on his sleeve.

~ Master Fuji's Fortune Cookie

09/24/2011 02:03 AM (UTC)
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If you don't already write articles for Cracked.com, you should consider trying your hand at it. Your presentation and sense of humor are pretty much exactly what they do there.

Also, yes, boobies.
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[Killswitch]
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Shao Kahn did nothing wrong

09/24/2011 02:08 AM (UTC)
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Probably my favorite thread by far until you make a Baraka one.

Mmmmmmm ta-tas.
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toast_is_toasty
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Cred for badass sig goes to KeenanBoots.

09/24/2011 02:27 AM (UTC)
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Jerrod Wrote:
This was definitely detailed, well-researched, and intellectually stimulating. Sadly, it's rare that one bring up Sonya's allies, and if I may, I think it's fair to say they are more fleshed out and detailed than Sonya herself. Good job on shedding light on these guys, and here's hoping they get more exposure in future games... Bah, who am I kidding, they're more well-known than Khameleon, they'll be back in full force next time.


"fleshed out"...... I see what ya did there.

Also, great post as always, Garlador.
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Espio872
09/24/2011 02:32 AM (UTC)
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Intriguing and as per usual I laughed.I feel the need to interject some seriousness into the discussion however, not because I want to be a buzz kill but because Sonya is one of my favorite characters in any form of media.


I think a more modest portrayal of Sonya would be great, I'd love an update of her MK4 costume, just simply add a badge and drop the hat perhaps(or keep it). I always found Sonya infinitely more appealing because of her subtle sexuality and beauty, I just don't find in your face sexuality, well sexy. It's hotter when a person isn't trying too hard and yes I know she's a fictional character, but I'm just saying and this goes for male characters too I'm highly put off by flamboyancy.

The only person it works(ed) for is Mileena.

To be honest, I'm very worried about Sonya's costume in the next game, I'm sure her companions, "Rosetta and Derek Ticklemuffins" will get more shine and prominence. I just would have thought that a character whose name was derived from one of the creator's siblings would have gotten a bit more respect and no I'm not attacking NRS or anything, this is just me ranting, but I presume I was wrong. Sacrificing a quality character for mindless titilation is not my cup of tea, not to mention, I have a more personal reason for taking an offense and interest in Sonya's portrayals that has to do with my personal life, but since it's not emotional hour, I'll be quiet.tongue

I still love Sonya, but I've begun to take her less seriously as we go on, which I don't think is a good thing.
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Jerrod
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09/24/2011 04:35 AM (UTC)
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I would really like it if she had more costumes similar to her MK:DA alternate, in an actual uniform instead of letting her boobs and thong straps hang out. If there's any character that should be modestly dressed and look serious, it should be Sonya.
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Insider2000
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Keep dunking your Kenshi breadsticks into your Skarlet sauce, people! The main course isn't coming for a while, and you never know when it's going to be disappointing.

09/24/2011 06:17 AM (UTC)
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Garlador, I seriously look forward to your threads every week.


Also, what should we name Stryker's ass cheeks?
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[Killswitch]
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Shao Kahn did nothing wrong

09/24/2011 06:22 AM (UTC)
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Insider2000 Wrote:
Also, what should we name Stryker's ass cheeks?


Law and Order.
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Insider2000
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Keep dunking your Kenshi breadsticks into your Skarlet sauce, people! The main course isn't coming for a while, and you never know when it's going to be disappointing.

09/24/2011 06:37 AM (UTC)
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[Killswitch] Wrote:
Insider2000 Wrote:
Also, what should we name Stryker's ass cheeks?


Law and Order.


Nah. There's a bad comic book named that featuring two big boobed women.

How about McClane and Winslow? Named after the two greatest cops there ever were?
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Leo
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09/24/2011 07:54 AM (UTC)
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If I didn't trust your sense of humor so much, I'd fear you'd have no jokes left for next week. Having said that, this is one for the record books. You have given these two characters the respect and admiration they deserve, and thusly proven that Rosetta and Derek TickleMuffins are more than just something to finish on two minutes after pausing the game.
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raidenthefridge
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Thanks to MINION for taking my Siginity!

09/24/2011 09:35 AM (UTC)
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Jaded-Raven Wrote:
Whauw... This was lame.
Sorry Garlador, but this is one thread of yours I didn't enjoy reading.
Better luck next time.


Its because you hate boobs.
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Jaded-Raven
09/24/2011 11:08 AM (UTC)
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raidenthefridge Wrote:
Jaded-Raven Wrote:
Whauw... This was lame.
Sorry Garlador, but this is one thread of yours I didn't enjoy reading.
Better luck next time.


Its because you hate boobs.


I don't hate boobs, no.
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raidenthefridge
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Thanks to MINION for taking my Siginity!

09/24/2011 01:07 PM (UTC)
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Jaded-Raven Wrote:
raidenthefridge Wrote:
Jaded-Raven Wrote:
Whauw... This was lame.
Sorry Garlador, but this is one thread of yours I didn't enjoy reading.
Better luck next time.


Its because you hate boobs.


I don't hate boobs, no.


From what I gather you have a distaste for them, at least.
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Espio872
09/24/2011 01:11 PM (UTC)
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Or perhaps he simply didn't like the thread I presume....
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Garlador
09/24/2011 04:08 PM (UTC)
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Espio872 Wrote:
Or perhaps he simply didn't like the thread I presume....


Everyone likes boobs. How can you not? They're so soft and squishy and jiggly and playful!

Though I'm curious if the reception would have been better if I had done Stryker's ass (and I whole-heartedly approve of "McClane and Winslow").
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Espio872
09/24/2011 04:18 PM (UTC)
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Garlador Wrote:
Espio872 Wrote:
Or perhaps he simply didn't like the thread I presume....


Everyone likes boobs. How can you not? They're so soft and squishy and jiggly and playful!

Though I'm curious if the reception would have been better if I had done Stryker's ass (and I whole-heartedly approve of "McClane and Winslow").


lol eurrrybody love dem some T&A


I don't know, my reaction would be the same, though Stryker isn't portrayed in a sexual way, I would laugh, like I laughed at this Rosetta and DT thread , but my response if Stryker went from a modest portrayal to more flamboyantly sexual, yet there was no story or logical reason for it, just because my reaction would be the same.*shurgs*

I'm sure it would get a positive reception from people, just like the Sonya thread has gotten positive reception, DAT ASS remarks would be thrown around galore, just like DEM Tatas is currently lol.


Not trying to bring the mood down of your thread though, since it's lighthearted and funny. Great thread as per usuaIsmile

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mkwhopper
09/24/2011 05:17 PM (UTC)
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Jaded-Raven Wrote:
Whauw... This was lame.
Sorry Garlador, but this is one thread of yours I didn't enjoy reading.
Better luck next time.

Youz a hatertongue
*the "z" is intentional*
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Keith
09/24/2011 05:53 PM (UTC)
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Most important characters in the series, haters are flat-chested and bitter, etc. etc.
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SmokeNc-017
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09/24/2011 11:19 PM (UTC)
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Jerrod Wrote:
I would really like it if she had more costumes similar to her MK:DA alternate, in an actual uniform instead of letting her boobs and thong straps hang out. If there's any character that should be modestly dressed and look serious, it should be Sonya.


*scratches head* confused

Why would you want to see her MKDA uniform return in any incarnation? I mean, I get the desire to see Sonya in military gear is as strong as wanting to see her butt naked, but why that outfit? That uniform wasn't suited for combat any more than her default. It's a dress/officers uniform. It'd be like if the Marines went into combat wearing their graduation outfits, lapels, white gloves and pin stripped pants and all. If anything the outfit that should get brought back is her Shaolin Monks one, belly piercing included to throw fans into whole new rage.

Speaking of which, why all the hate for the thong straps? Sonya already doesn't wear a bra and was sporting hip huggers to begin with. Seeing no straps would just mean that she'd just be sporting a camel toe also.

I don't think Sonya needs to let all of her assets hang out, but I don't see why she has to be needlessly repressed either. Not even a belly piercing? Really?
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totheark
09/24/2011 11:41 PM (UTC)
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Garlador Wrote:


I'm sorry, but is Sonya's right boob running away from her chest?
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