When I was growing up, I had a longstanding battle against teachers.

As a kid, I was told to respect and listen to my elders, but I was never able to truly drink that in, especially when it came to school. I declared that in order for me to allow someone to guide me, I must determine whether or not they are fit to guide me. If I felt they weren't, I denounced their authority.

This, of course, led to many problems. However, and strangely, the same adults who accused me of being insubordinate never shied away from admitting to seeing some "great and superior" quality within me. In fact, it was usually the ones who felt I was insubordinate who saw such a quality.

I have yet to figure out what that quality is, and I don't think I ever will. However, I may have a slight clue. If a kid you are supposed to be teaching is capable of not only vocally defying your authority, but explaining why in intricate detail, that kid may have some pretty neat potential. lol





Now, as an adult, I look back on my rebellion with no regret. While I in no way condone nor encourage disobedience or rebellion, I cannot deny that I prided myself in my ability to challenge the authority of many of my teachers. It showed my intellect, my cognition to reasoning, and my mental strength, all as a young boy.

However, things have changed. I have become much more introverted, and much more empathetic, compassionate, and emotionally tangible. I now find myself afraid to upset others, due to a near-obsessive desire to make others happy, and this raises high among my professors. I even sometimes come to nearly tearing up if I believe I may have upset any of my teachers.

There are times where I wish I was as strong as I was when I was a kid. I would think back at how straight of a backbone I had, and how easy it was for me to challenge my teachers. Of course, if I tried that now, it would do nothing but fuck my chances of ever getting my degree. lol

Maybe it is due to the realization of my being an adult that I am no longer able to be so insubordinate, or maybe it is due to my zealous pursuit of my career. Hell, it could be both. I may never figure that out either.




Have any of you ever had this kind of ordeal growing up? Was it ever just completely impossible for you to listen to a teacher without sizing them up? Or was I just a weird kid? lol Please feel free to share.