Ever wonder why ABCDEF are used to define bra sizes?
A - Almost Boobs
B - Barely There
C - Can Do
D - Damn Good
E - Enormous
F - Fake

What's the difference between a prostitute and a rooster?
One says "cockadoodledoo" and the other says "any cock'll do"

Once a boy asked his dad is God a boy or a girl? His dad said both... Then he asked is God black or white? His dad said both... Then he asked is God Michael Jackson?

What's the difference between a drunk and a pothead?
A drunk drives through a stop sign
A stoner waits for it to turn green

): What's the difference between Michael Jackson and acne?
A): Acne doesn't come on a boy's face until he's 13!

What's better than winning a gold medal in the Special Olympics?
Not being retarded.

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver looked at the child and blurted out, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me," she fumed. The man sympathized and said, "Why, he shouldn't say things to insult passengers. He could be fired for that." "You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind!" "That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment.
When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag?
One is white, plastic, and harmful to children, and the other is for holding groceries.

A Redheaded mom walks into her daughter's room, finds a beer bottle and says, "I never knew my daughter drank!"
A Brunette walks into her daughter's room, finds a pack of cigarettes and says, "I never knew my daughter smoked!"
A Blonde mom walks into her daughter's room, finds a condom and says, "I never knew my daughter had a penis!"

Victoria's secret is that she's a man.

Hey, have you seen Stevie Wonder's new piano?!
Don't worry, neither has he...


The other day I was working in my garden when I saw my dog sitting beside me with a dead rabbit in his mouth. 'Oh no! He killed that rabbit!'
As it turns out, the rabbit belonged to the next door neighbor's little girl. Well, I cleaned it and stuck it back in the cage so it looked like it died of natural causes.
Three days later, the next door neighbor walks up to me and asks 'did you hear that our pet rabbit Fluffy died?'
'N-no, t-that is s-sad...' I replied.
'Yeah, we buried him a week ago and some SICKO dug him up, gave him a bath, and stuck him back in his cage!'

How do you kill a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a swimming pool.

After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one nearby. "There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.
He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."

Bill and Hillary Clinton are at a baseball game. Bill's bodyguard whispers something in his ear, and Bill immediately throws Hillary onto the field! Angrily, the bodyguard says to Bill, "I said, will you please throw the first PITCH on the field!?"

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

What's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant lady?
One can be unscrewed.

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

What do Michael Jackson and Wal-Mart have in common?
They both have boys' briefs half off.

Limo for 6 hours - $450
Dinner before Prom - $125
Hotel Suite w/ Jacuzzi and Alcohol - $145
Realizing you forgot to get a Tuxedo - * Priceless *

I was out trying to kill the hottest person in the world, but it turns out suicide is a crime.

What has 132 legs and 8 teeth?
The front row of a Garth Brooks Concert.

Why do you drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

If you rape a prostitute, isn't that technically shop-lifting?


Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

If you're illiterate, you can't read this.

If Wal-mart is lowering prices everyday, how come nothing is free?

Why do they have to call it rape? Why don't they just call it surprise sex?