At Any Cost
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At Any Cost
09/14/2010 12:42 AM EST
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RE: Fan Submission: At Any Cost
09/14/2010 12:48 AM EST
This is sort of my own take on a Deception sequel I've had in my head for years, decided to at least do some actual showing of it finally. The story ignores Armageddon for the most part but borrows ideas and such here and there (though very few). I created most of this in my head before Armageddon was ever announced, so I never took it into account really.

I decided to begin with Shujinko because I was just in the mood for him for some reason, and given he's Deception's main hero it's a nice start. I won't be doing all the characters, just the ones I have on my own roster. More on that later. Anyway, enjoy.
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RE: Fan Submission: At Any Cost
09/14/2010 01:04 AM EST
I've always thoroughly enjoyed your writing. You make every word matter and every sentence builds up to the next. This bio flows so well from start to finish. The premise is intriguing and honest to the characters involved. It doesn't get lost in dialogue and what dialogue there is is written well. Each sentence sounds like something the character would say.

Now go work on more.
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RE: Fan Submission: At Any Cost
09/14/2010 01:59 AM EST
I'm not really a big prose guy, but I think you've done a good job writing a fluid and forward moving piece. Pink_Ranger made a good point about not being lost in dialogue, which is a common mistake of a lot of fan-fiction.
I might've liked to have seen a couple of descriptions with one or two less adjectives, but your design of Netherealm in words, as a more classically unpleasant place to be, was well appreciated.

As I mentioned elsewhere, I think the ease with which Shujinko leaves death is in opposition to the credibility you've tried to give HELL in that description. As a piece of franchised fiction; it would've been nice to see something that emphasised the threat and struggle of death in ways the original source material unfortunately doesn't. Particularly if you're planning a tapestry of character plots, which might've give you an opportunity to do that first. It's not really a fair criticism of this story, but it's a valuable service a new piece of writing (fan-fiction) could undertake, and a logic this type of serialized fiction benefits from. On a related note, I don't get a sense that you're considering Armageddon's plotlines. There wasn't a lot here to conflict with it, but as a structural objective to work within, I might like that.

The idea of a moral struggle is something MK hasn't fully investigated and is a conventional way of maturing the brand. I like the big concept of it, but again, I feel the nature of Shujinko's exit is not in the spirit of what we know about Netherealm (ie; spectres and wraiths). There's no reason those ideas couldn't be expanded upon, but I'm not entirely comfortable with this method. It feels like there are more naturalistic options with the vampire characters (which the idea seems to reflect), or even the way it was done in the Conquest TV series with Master Cho.

I think Raiden's actions could've been slightly more direct, but I thought you did a good job of acknowledging and balancing the interacting egos. It was a bit obtuse, but I liked the reference to Raiden's spell being something Shujinko "could not predict or comprehend." I think that delicate consideration for the weight of characters is something MK lacks and is good to see in new material.

All in all, a good job. I'll be interested to see what more you're producing and what kinds of larger textures might emerge from that, if the various stories are to interact in any way.

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RE: Fan Submission: At Any Cost
09/14/2010 07:53 AM EST
I liked it a lot. At some point in the middle I forgot I was reading fan fiction, which is probably a good thing.

It made me like Shujinko more, he comes across as more of tragic character rather than just a naive fool. The dialogue was true to the characters, I could hear them speaking the lines in my head when reading it.

I like how you included Shinnok (thats funny), he's one of the characters that really ought to be explored more. He seemed to actually have power, something the games epically failed at depicting. The amulet has always been interesting to me; Everyone wants to get their hands on it, but nobody seems to know what it does. I'd like to see more about it.

I'm not really good at putting my thoughts into words. I liked it, write more.
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RE: Fan Submission: At Any Cost
09/14/2010 11:10 AM EST
Ninja_Mime Wrote:
I liked it a lot. At some point in the middle I forgot I was reading fan fiction, which is probably a good thing.

It made me like Shujinko more, he comes across as more of tragic character rather than just a naive fool. The dialogue was true to the characters, I could hear them speaking the lines in my head when reading it.

I like how you included Shinnok (thats funny), he's one of the characters that really ought to be explored more. He seemed to actually have power, something the games epically failed at depicting. The amulet has always been interesting to me; Everyone wants to get their hands on it, but nobody seems to know what it does. I'd like to see more about it.

I'm not really good at putting my thoughts into words. I liked it, write more.


You basically said everything I wanted to say.

Nice work Crow, please do more.
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RE: Fan Submission: At Any Cost
09/14/2010 03:54 PM EST
Pink_Ranger Wrote:
I've always thoroughly enjoyed your writing. You make every word matter and every sentence builds up to the next. This bio flows so well from start to finish. The premise is intriguing and honest to the characters involved. It doesn't get lost in dialogue and what dialogue there is is written well. Each sentence sounds like something the character would say.

Now go work on more.


Thanks =)

These aren't meant to be too long winded, so I'm glad I was able to do that here. These are basically bios leading from Deception (or whenever the character was last seen) to their current states. I may write "endings" that show the conclusion to their stories here.

Mick-Lucifer Wrote:<
As I mentioned elsewhere, I think the ease with which Shujinko leaves death is in opposition to the credibility you've tried to give HELL in that description. As a piece of franchised fiction; it would've been nice to see something that emphasised the threat and struggle of death in ways the original source material unfortunately doesn't. Particularly if you're planning a tapestry of character plots, which might've give you an opportunity to do that first. It's not really a fair criticism of this story, but it's a valuable service a new piece of writing (fan-fiction) could undertake, and a logic this type of serialized fiction benefits from. On a related note, I don't get a sense that you're considering Armageddon's plotlines. There wasn't a lot here to conflict with it, but as a structural objective to work within, I might like that.

The idea of a moral struggle is something MK hasn't fully investigated and is a conventional way of maturing the brand. I like the big concept of it, but again, I feel the nature of Shujinko's exit is not in the spirit of what we know about Netherealm (ie; spectres and wraiths). There's no reason those ideas couldn't be expanded upon, but I'm not entirely comfortable with this method. It feels like there are more naturalistic options with the vampire characters (which the idea seems to reflect), or even the way it was done in the Conquest TV series with Master Cho.


I didn't really want to trivialize death the way Mortal Kombat usually does. Shinnok was basically waiting for Shujinko specifically given the nature of his abilities. To me, Hell is a place of suffering and anguish. It isn't this cool place that Scorpion likes to hang out in and dead people are free to come and go as they please. Shinnok rules my Hell with an iron fist and every move he makes is part of a larger plot. It's hard to address those things in a relatively short piece though so I can understand that complaint.

The bios will have some connection to one another (and later pieces moreso, as the story begins to gel). There will be heroes, villains and neutral forces at work like usual. Some characters obviously won't have much to do with one another, but others will definitely be connected. It all depends on the character really. The way I like to write is to connect at least a few characters to every other character though, such as in this with Raiden and Shinnok, and later Liu Kang.

Ninja_Mime Wrote:
I liked it a lot. At some point in the middle I forgot I was reading fan fiction, which is probably a good thing.

It made me like Shujinko more, he comes across as more of tragic character rather than just a naive fool. The dialogue was true to the characters, I could hear them speaking the lines in my head when reading it.

I like how you included Shinnok (thats funny), he's one of the characters that really ought to be explored more. He seemed to actually have power, something the games epically failed at depicting. The amulet has always been interesting to me; Everyone wants to get their hands on it, but nobody seems to know what it does. I'd like to see more about it.

I'm not really good at putting my thoughts into words. I liked it, write more.


Thanks. Whenever a writer of fan fiction can make it authentic enough not to sound like fan fiction, then I've done my job. Shinnok will be a very major character (sort of like how he's portrayed in MKA) but a little different here obviously. I'll be telling much more about his intents and much more than the games did about the gods and the fusing of Kamidogu.
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RE: Fan Submission: At Any Cost
09/16/2010 09:14 PM EST
I like the way you portrayed Shujinko after playing hours with him, he kinda grows on you. Also I like Shinnok having an iron fist on the Netherealm instead of knowing nothing at all.
no one will ever be immortal
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RE: Fan Submission: At Any Cost
09/17/2010 12:34 AM EST
I repeat what I said in IRC.

Too many fanfics get bogged down with self congratulatory shit. "Look at me! I can bury you in details about the thing I'm writing about because I know so much about it!" But this is straight to the point. I like that it's an easy read and just tells a story from a character's perspective.
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RE: Fan Submission: At Any Cost
11/14/2010 10:05 PM EST
I'm impressed, I haven't read a fanfic I liked this much in a while.
Like mentioned above you nailed each character's persona. From the intolerance building high in Raiden, the sympathetic Shujinko and the true power of Shinnok.
I'm not sure if you're still writing more since it was months ago, but I'd like to see it.
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RE: Fan Submission: At Any Cost
11/21/2010 06:49 AM EST
Well a lot has happened since then, lots of stuff to do. I still plan on writing some more though, some time. I appreciate everyone's positive comments.
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