Body and Mind
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Body and Mind
07/22/2010 09:28 PM EST
2.0
  • United States of America
Rank Student
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RE: Fan Submission: Body and Mind
07/23/2010 02:26 PM EST
Very well done, sir. I always like to see someone with a good grasp on writing and grammar and all that good stuff take something from the canon and elaborate on it. The Matrix-style training program thing is interesting and I like how you put in more differences between the way Sektor and Cyrax were built and the way Smoke was built, since Deception made him much more nanotech than they are.

One small mistake I noticed though, 9T9 is Sektor's number. Smoke is LK-7T2.
  • United States of America
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RE: Fan Submission: Body and Mind
07/23/2010 03:38 PM EST
D'oh! You're right. I completely missed that tidbit about the number. That is going to bother me.... lol

CHECK OUT MY FAN-FICTIONThe Midway UniverseOne-Shots: Body and Mind, How Eternity FeelsThe Enemy Within (The Origin of Noob Saibot): 1. An Unfortunate Return, 2. My Name is Hanzo
  • Canada
Rank Portal Guard
Posts15127
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RE: Fan Submission: Body and Mind
07/23/2010 06:02 PM EST
Impressive work, I'm so glad to be reading great writing for a change.
The description of the forest was very nice and detailed. Even going so far as to name the ninjas Smoke fought was good, an extra detail that made the story more believable. I liked the transition stage he had from human to cyborg you wrote in while he trained, and having the forest betray him as he was taken over by Noob's new directives was great.
I hope to see more from you.
MKO Moderator, Story Writer, Actor
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  • United States of America
Rank Monk
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RE: Fan Submission: Body and Mind
07/23/2010 10:07 PM EST
Jerrod Wrote:
Impressive work, I'm so glad to be reading great writing for a change.

I would agree, but you made your preview thread, which I enjoyed.

I can't think of anything to improve upon, except for Smoke's unit numberfurious.

Oh, and write more...this was pretty good


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~Vash_15,redman~

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