Noob-Saibot biography
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Noob-Saibot biography
01/12/2007 07:50 PM EST
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RE: Fan Submission: Noob-Saibot biography
01/21/2007 02:46 AM EST
It's good, but a bit all over the place with the fights. For example, he fights Kano, and Scorpion, etc. I was just a bit confused by it. Otherwise, good job, 3/5.

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RE: Fan Submission: Noob-Saibot biography
01/21/2007 02:02 PM EST
you should have gotten someone to proof read this first.


it screams amateur, for example

"I was once possessed by an elder god how I got rid of him you will find out."

reading a sentence like that breaks up any rhythm the reader had going during the story.

another example:

"But who stops me none other than the former elder god Shinnok"

and

"And you have no idea how much I wanted to be in this tournament and kick everybodys ass and rule all realms"

a major thing a writer has to accomplish is to draw a reader into their story.

they have to make the reader suspend belief while reading it so they can be immersed in the particular story.

"I asked him if he knew of Sub-Zero...All's he said were "I am Sub-Zero""

all's? what is all's? all is? all is he said were? that doesn't make any sense.

you really need a good proof reader to check your stuff over before you submit.

if you want me to i'll break down the other shit wrong with it... but seriously get a proof reader.
We've got chicken tonight. Strangest damn things. They're man made.
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RE: Fan Submission: Noob-Saibot biography
01/22/2007 07:42 PM EST
I like it, something different and talks about his enemies.Noob has become such a deep character now compared to the way he used to be, it's difficult to write anyones bio near to perfect these days lol.But it's interesting.

4/5
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