The Kriss
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posted12/07/2004 10:42 PM (UTC)by
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Vorpax
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Dead Freedom.

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Member Since
06/17/2003 07:29 PM (UTC)
This is a story I made up for my English class proyect. It's supposed to be dark and have deep hidden meanings...try to figure some out. Anyways, enjoy and send any comments.




The Kriss


The long and curved sword was left alone. Among th e dark bushes it was hidden. It glowed like a lmap post in the darkness. Yet no one has seemed to dicovered it yet.

Hope had entered the long hallway and opened a door. Inside was Zachary. He waited for Hope's arrival and he wasn't happy on the delay. "What took you so long?" said the overlord without looking at Hope. "I was in the middle of purchasing some olives and apples in the market and I took the long way home." explained Hope, nervously.

"You know how I hate to wait. Especially on meer demons who have nothing to do." snapped Zachary. "Well excuse me, but I have years left from my eternal damnation. I thought I still have time to stroll down on dead trees!" yelled furiously Hope.

"Don't you ever talk to me like that!" screeched Zachary and struck Hope with his mighty hand against her cheek. She fell down on all fours.

Right there, in that moment, Hope's anger surged. She stood up and dusted herself. "I have bitten my tongue for too long! Your foolish antics have driven me mad!"

She ran out of the house ans stomped her way to the woods. She have seen the sword before but didn't have the nerve to pick it up. "I will show him who's th demon." She grabbed the sword carefully and she felt this huge enormous energy going through her veins.
She knew that this isn't any ordinary sword.

Zachary knew that Hope will come crawling back like always. He was again waiting for Hope's return. He waited for hours until he heard the door's creak.

It was Hope, and she was eerily calm. "I'm sorry, sir. Forgive me for overreacting." Zachary smiled with a great amount of satisfaction. "I will always forgive you. You are my best servant. Now run my bath, I am filthy."

While Zachary was undressing, Hope grabbed the sword hidden in her dress. Her anger overpowered her common sense. Zachary was unprotected and Hope thrusted the sword into Zachary.

Zachary screamed in agony as if he had been poured into holy acid. He fell to the floor with a moist thud.

The sword of metal turned red from the blood. Hope began to panic and hyperventilate, for she did a crime.

All of a sudden the sword began to glow and it shimmered light. Zachary's body quickly turned into ash, and then the sword rose above Hope as it was trying to communicate with her.

She gasped and grabbed hold of the sword. As she touched the sword painted red, a vortex came from above and swollowed Hope. The mighty force of vortex loosened the grip of Hope and she realeased the sword.

The sword returned to it's original place and it waited for another sinner to purge it's sins.
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Cyborg_wolf
12/07/2004 08:26 PM (UTC)
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Cool, but obviously Ashrah inspired. Hope your english teacher does'nt play MK...tongue
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StealthSniper01
12/07/2004 10:42 PM (UTC)
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Good job, A- tongue
I say A- because you have some spelling and grammar errors. There are a few other mistakes that I would take out before I turned it in, like that part when she gets the power rushing through he veins. "huge, enormous" sounds kind of awkward for the mood you're trying to set. No offense, I just want you to get a good grade grin
Try synonyms like "ample" or "substantial" or even considerable. Just a few awkward things I thought needed to be fixed. Normally I would have applauded you on a great job, but since you're turning it in, I figured you needed some help. Great job though smile
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