Semi Final 1 thoughts. Pretending its all new. Follow the link to watch if you haven't. Probably would've taken me this long to post thoughts any way. Join in how ever you like.

01 Finland - Pretty catchy. Unflattering baby blue bodysuit.

02 Greece - I was pleased to see a return of white outfits, but man. How the mighty have fallen! Plodding song with really dodgy English lyrics. "Come with us and have some fun." Yeesh. Did a child win a contest?

03 Moldova - Serviceable dance song with A MAN IN A SPACESUIT. There are too few stupid gimmicks. Thank goodness for Moldova.

04 Hungary - Felt less like he was singing and more like he was doing a voice. 80% on the Bryan Adams-o-tron. Nice of him to invite the IT Department to do backing. Drummer weirdly out of place. A lot of people on the internet say if you win every match up to this one and get a flawless on the first round, the drummer will stop playing and come and fight you. I think it's BS, though.

05 Croatia - The shower curtain 'dress over a dress' was a nice touch. Apparently Sinead O'Connor went missing and she was found today. Coincidence? I think not.

06 Netherlands - More like Dour Bob! John Maher does Johnny Cash? Not what I come to Eurovision for, pal. Backwards clock on the stage look cool, but the staging was kinda awkward for something you're (ideally) going to see more than once. Slow, dull, dour.

07 Armenia - Exposed legs, jets of flame, smoke, ghostly clones, big hair, wind machine. I mean, Armenia came to win. Good on them. There was a song, too. That was all right.

08 San Marino - Qualified dentist does Leonard Cohen disco song. I mean, does it get any better than this? Of course San Marino deserved to qualify. That goes without question. Actually not a bad tune. I liked the clash of subdued vocal and up tempo song.

09 Russia - Awesome stage show. Real mind bender! It did feel a bit like they saw last year's winner and figured synchronized screen projection was what they needed to top, though. Not the only act guilty of that. Not a bad song, but not sure if I'll remember it as clearly as if he'd sounded like Chris DeBurgh. (Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about).

10 Czech Rep - Musical version of an ad for period pain? If I'm interpreting it correctly the angry pink inflammation creeps up behind her and then takes over as indicated visually on her skirt. I assume that's what the howling was about. Steeyaaaaaand~!

11 Cyprus - Wow. Surprising. Felt a little bit like they were committed to being a rock act until they started working on the song, but pretty good. Usually there'd be something like dodgy English or something to weight a song like this down. These guys seemed legit.

12 Austraia - Vaguely reminds me of something else, maybe a French entry from five years ago. I wasn't sure at first, but it really grew on me. A catchy, sweet, charming little song. Je suis.

13 Estonia - Look up "suave" in the dictionary and you will not see a picture of this kid in his dad's suit. Probably won't be replacing Daniel Craig any time soon. Thanks for the card trick, though. Congrats on the voice breaking. I'm sure the head will catch up soon.

14 Azerbaijan - Pretty girl, fire graphics, inoffensive song. Glad Azerbaijan could make it. Wish they'd get a bit more adventurous with their stage show. Can't blame them for taking it easy after the song that won it for them, though. Gold bodysuit trumps baby blue. Sorry, Finland.

15 Montenegro - I don't know who questioned this guy's authenticity, but he really isn't taking it well.

16 Iceland - Usually look forward to seeing what Iceland deliver. A bit of a disappointment, this year. Another one trying to take screen interaction further, but not terribly well. Wasn't strange enough to satisfy on the Eurovision Carnival of Oddities level either, sadly.

17 Bosnia & Herzegovina - Apparently these two were fighting before the show. Probably because the dork in the SS gear doesn't know he's totally outclassed by the Amazon Warrior and her gold clad cellist.

18 Malta - Six months pregnant! Wow! Just relieved the water stayed in the song and not on the stage! Powerful effort. So-so on the song, but it's a qualifier.

Overall a bit of a flat Semi Final. Disappointing lack of stand-out songs and absurdity.
Austria and Russia probably the most legitimate contenders. Listening back, Finland were better than I first thought. San Marino top of the list for song that should've been in the final, but wasn't. Philistines!

High hopes heading into Semi Final 2. Avoided spoilers, but the Night 1 preview and low bar built anticipation.

01 Latvia - Wow! I expected this guy to be a total light weight. A little put off by the lyric content, but a pretty good song in spite of all the shouting. Liked the electro glock. Dude reminds me a little of Dolph Lundgren as The Punisher, too. Bonus points.

02 Poland - Captain Hook tribute is pretty low on the Eurovision freak-o-meter, but I'll take it. I'm sure somebody already submitted this song a few years ago, but who cares? It's all about Captain Feathersword.

03 Switzerland - Nice try, guys. Celine Dion may fly in 1988, but we've learned our lesson. Oh, Canada.

04 Israel - What're the odds this guy was posting reviews on YouTube last year? Song wasn't bad, but dude looks very serious. Too serious.

05 Belarus - After all the talk - no nudity, no wolves. Disappointing. Still pretty ridiculous, though, so that's good. Not qualifying may've been the perfect end to the story, but I dunno... Has the internet ruined Eurovision? What ever happened to being stuck in the eighties and just completely ridiculous? This would've qualified five years ago.

06 Serbia - Contender for one of the less well remembered Bond themes? Even the stage presentation felt like it just needed more people floating and a two-toned bloke in a dinner jacket carrying a tiny pistol. Not bad. Creep who keeps showing up needs to get the hint.

07 Ireland - Should've just Father Ted, if you're going to be like that. Zzz.

08 FYR Macedonia - Knock knock. (Who's there?) Dona. (Dona who?) Dona, Dona, Dona, Dona, Dona, Dona, Dona, Dona, Dona. Knock knock. (Who's there...?) Aren't you glad I didn't say Dona again? OHH WHOA WHOA WHOAOOHHH!

09 Lithuania - Not overly convinced by Lithuanian Bieber at this point, but that would change. Was probably distracted by trying to remember him from a couple of years ago. Never did.

10 Australia - Attention all shoppers: We have a little girl at the counter who has lost her mum If Dami is your daughter, please come to collect her she's very sleepy. Also operating an Iron Man HUD interface, which might not be safe. Good song, but not part of Europe.

11 Slovenia - Standard fare, but nice enough. Fireworks, woo.

12 Bulgaria - Digging the glowing suit from the post-apocalyptic future, but the song was a bit off. Good luck to the time travelers who hope to stop her future reign of terror.

13 Denmark - Scratch that. Good luck to the time travelers who try to stop Denmark sending milquetoast acts.

14 Ukraine - Pretty good song and performance. Hard not to see relevant symbolism given what's been happening in that part of the world. I actually wondered if it was skirting the rules regarding political content. "1944" is charged enough. Obscured enough to get through, apparently.

15 Norway - Cage of lights was cool. That's about it.

16 Georgia - What the hell is going on? Does anybody know? Presented like a serious, quality entry, but just alllllll over the shop with the song. I don't know. Mildly interesting in parts, but just a mess in sore need of a giant scarecrow, or a levitating flaming piano, or something.

17 Albania - Too tired, at this point.

18 Belgium - AWAKE AGAIN! Great, funky disco song. Unexpected and standing out from the pack. I dig the dancing. Reminds me a little bit of Serbia's 2011 entry in its difference. Good stuff.

Much better standard overall in Semi Final 2. Australia an obvious content that will struggle with geographical relegation. Belgium a lot of fun, but tough to see winning. Ukraine a good enough song to start the discussion. Latvia not strong enough on content. Lithuania getting more compelling on each listen. Romania nowhere to be seen - clearly plotting a terrible falsetto revenge for next year. Cezar forever, Wiggum never!

Wow! The Grand Final already? It feels like we just talked about the Semi Finals!

01 Belgium - Probably one of my personal favourites of 2016. Great song! I wonder if she was a bit tired by this point. Felt like there was a whole lot less hip action in the Grand Final. Dance energy down, but song still great.

02 Czech Rep - Please. Somebody just get this lady a hot water bottle and a Gilmore Girls box set. Can you not hear she's in pain? Can you not see the areas of inflammation highlighted?

03 Netherlands - Do you think he's asking for everyone to slow down because they kept trying to run him down after he was chosen to represent the country?

04 Azerbaijan - Pretty good, but not outstanding.

05 Hungary - Be as throaty as you like. It's just not happening, mate.

06 Italy - I miss Raph G. Italy obviously decided not to send their top tier after being snubbed in 2011. That said, I do actually like this song. Presentation was very unique and interesting.

07 Israel - Somewhere somebody with a bedroom and a hair brush is just loving this song. Their anthem.

08 Bulgaria - Yeah, I dunno. I like road safety as much as the next guy, but the song needs work.

09 Sweden - Feels like Sweden clearly don't want to win again, but this actually wasn't bad. I expected bad things, but enjoyed it. Interesting trivia: He's saying "sorry". Who knew?

10 Germany - Is anybody else a little uncomfortable with the Japanese/German connection implied by this act? Actually, I hear she's a big K-Pop fan. If she'd tapped into that it might've been a more interesting song. I feel like this is another song that was entered a few years ago.

11 France - Disappointing lack of national character. Nice enough, but a bit underwhelming from a nation you always hope will do better.

12 Poland - Laughed because I forgot he qualified! Is there a tie-in with the clock in the Netherlands' performance? Does anyone have a crocodile in their act?

13 Australia - Something was a bit off here. Camera work, or something. Didn't have the synchronized emphasis of the Semi Final (and her hands were more out of sync with the hologram). That said, I'd probably say one of the best songs if not THE best.

14 Cyprus - Nick rockin number. Really a respectable entry.

15 Serbia - Not bad, but not a winner.

16 Lithuania - Started thinking of this as a real contender at this point. Light, sound, excitement. Decent song and a good performance. Much worse have certainly taken it.

17 Croatia - The lower calibre of Semi Final 1 made this look a lot better. Much less interested in the Grand Final. Apparently she doesn't rehearse. There was a moment in the Final when I questioned the wisdom of that. Again: Just confirming that Sinead O'Connor has been located safely.

18 Russia - Still an awesome stage performance with a slightly by the numbers song. Not sure that it deserved it's 'favourite' status coming into the contest, but you could see it winning. Dude seems like a bit of a peanut.

19 Spain - Gasp! She's fallen! Nope, she's fine. Actually quite liked this. Contains 32% Gloria Estefan. Which is just enough. Great energy in the chorus and I love that stupid little dance.

20 Latvia - There's just something about a young guy screaming about how much he needs a girl to carry on is grating. Really not a bad song, though.

21 Ukraine - Still an interesting song. I like the ethnic sound and personal story. Still intrigued by its potential clash with the political content rule. Still compelled by Russia's status as contest favourite.

22 Malta - Far worse songs have won. Nice, presentable, but not stellar.

23 Georgia - A band who dress more credibly than they perform. I still don't know what's going on here. The snippet they showed in recaps was the best bit, but then you hear the whole song and it crumbles like a poorly made burger.

24 Austria - Still a charming song and performance. Maybe a slight sense of throwback. A song I want to think of as an outside contender. Je suis.

25 United Kingdom - Yeah, okay. Well... Thanks for making the trip.

26 Armenia - Still no pants.

New results format was pretty interesting. Did not seem much quicker, but I imagine it was. Enjoyed the presenter trying to hurry some people up. It was interesting to see the judges vote up front. I can't say I was terribly surprised by Australia coming out on top. I think it was pretty much the best song. Also not overly surprised it didn't win. Australia isn't in Europe! Madness!

Ukraine weren't an offensive winner at all. Interesting that the public vote came down to them and Russia. Something to read into? Should be interesting to see how things go when the contest is there.

I don't know about you, but I feel better now that that's done. I only hope that next year we see more freaks. Nothing means more to me than the well being of my freaks.

My apologies for replying this late, of course I watched the show. XD
Actually, I watched both semi-finals live on TV, but I couldn't watch the final live as, believe it or not, on May 14 during the grand final I was on my flight to Stockholm! As me and my friend were waiting for our Cro-buddy living in Stockholm to pick us up at T-Centralen (bus/metro station in the center of the city), ESC fans with Ukrainian and Australian flags were passing by us (I actually checked out the final results while I was in the bus from the airport to T-Centralen). I returned from Stockholm on May 21 and I watched the recording of the grand final yesterday, that's why I waited this long to post my thoughts.
Aaaaaanyway...
Unlike the previous years where I only previewed the songs once and then waited for the show, this year I started previewing at the end of March. First I watched all the official videos on YT and then I downloaded the songs and listened to them on my phone regularly (I would mainly put all the songs, including dq'd Romania, on shiffle, though after the 3rd or 4th way round, I started skipping annoying and boring songs). I didn't want Italy 2013 to happen to me again, where I ranked the song at #7 (if I remember well) and it ended up being one of the songs I listened the most that year (including non-ESC songs).
Sooooo.... Here's my ranking for this year, split into three gropus: group 1 (unbearably boring/annoying songs), group 2 (just boring/annoying songs) and group 3 (all the other songs, ranked by preference). Group 1 & 2 are those songs that I usually skip on my phone.
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GROUP 1 (unbearably annoying/boring songs):

Albania [Eneda Tarifa - Fairytale] - boring

Belgium [Laura Tesoro - What's The Pressure] - painfully annoying the way she sings the chorus 'What's the pressu-uh-uh-re / This is ficti-uh-uh-on'

Finland [Sandhja - Sing It Away] - go away, annoying, she was bad live, she was breathing so heavily as she moved too much and too fast

Iceland [Greta Salóme - Hear Them Calling] - WTF is she singing about, the whole song sounds like a mess and the official video as well as the live performance are way too similar in style to last year's winner

Ireland [Nicky Byrne - Sunlight] - shallow voice, song feels like it took 5min of work, also boring

San Marino [Serhat - I Didn't Know] - painfully boring

Slovenia [ManuElla - Blue and Red] - the worst entry this year, painfully annoying AND boring + 'blue is blue and red is red'; no shit. Worst thing about the song: the constant 'Allaaaaaaaaaaay' howling! JESUS CHRIST KILL ME!

Switzerland [Rykka - The Last Of Our Kind] - I like everything but the chorus, but the chorus is so god awful that it makes the song just unbearable

United Kingdom [Joe and Jake - You're Not Alone] - 'And they don't need to kno-oh-ow, oh-oh...'; ugh, terribly boring

--- --- ---
GROUP 2 (just annoying/boring songs):

Czech Republic [Gabriela Gunčíková - I Stand] - boring song, great live performance pushed it from group 1 to group 2

Denmark [Lighthouse X - Soldiers Of Love] - a bit generic and a bit cheesy

Estonia [Jüri Pootsmann - Play] - boring

Germany [Jamie-Lee - Ghost] - boring

Greece [Argo - Utopian Land] - boring

Hungary [Freddie - Pioneer] - he's got that cool colourless voice, but I can hardly understand what he's saying and the song is kind of like a loud mess which makes it annoying

Macedonia [Kaliopi - Dona] - just boring, screaming at the end of live performance was so forced and out of harmony with the song (she only did it because her screaming in 'Crno i Belo' from ESC 2012 was popular)

Malta [Ira Losco - Walk On Water] - a bit messy overall and too clubbish for my taste, overall I'm not interested

Moldova [Lidia Isac - Falling Stars] - just boring, also a bit too clubbish for my taste

Ukraine [Jamala - 1944] - the U.N.I.C.E.F. song of the year, it's not bad but I skip it regularly as it's boring to me

--- --- ---

GROUP 3:

23. SPAIN [Barei - Say Yay!] - was in my Top 10 when I first hearded it. However, that time I was also watching the official clip on YT and the little dance/steps looked really cool. However, when I first heard the song without the video, I was quite disappointed with it. Now I find it boring that I wouldn't even mind tossing this entry into group 2.

22. MONTENEGRO [Highway - The Real Thing] - was initially in my Top 10, but over time it kind of became 'meh' and the live performance was disappointing, that woman on stage that was also singing (was she?) was so random and out of place.

21. LITHUANIA [Donny Montell - I've Been Waiting For This Night] - I was kind of impressed with the live performance, which saved this song from being tossed with the rest in group 2.

20. SWEDEN [Frans - If I Were Sorry] - it grew on me after the grand final, but still just a tiny bit boring.

19. BOSNIA AND HERZEGOVINA [Dalal & Deen feat. Ana Rucner and Jala - Ljubav Je] - nice song ruined with too many styles mixed together. The golden clothes in the live show were really bad. Cheers for not singing in English!

18. RUSSIA [Sergey Lazarev - You Are The Only One] - 'Thunder and lightning, it's getting exciting'; lolololo, only Russia can deliver these kind of cheesy lyrics in English. 'Unforgetable, so unbelievable' / 'You're my only one' doesn't help either. The live performance is the perfect example of the kind of performances I detest at modern day ESC, waaaay too over the top for my taste, I wasn't even listening to his singing. Still, despite everything, I do sing the chorus in my head now and then and there are some cool drums too in the instrumental base, hence a Top 20.

17. AUSTRALIA [Dami Im - Sound Of Silence] - great vocal delivery in the live shows moved this entry a few places up on my list, has a nice chorus, but the rest of the song is just boring, basically dead.

16. CYPRUS [Minus One - Alter Ego] - awesome instrumental solo near the end of the song, overall the song is a bit too loud for my taste, but I really like the 'Take it on... Take it on...' part.

15. ISRAEL [Hovi Star - Made Of Stars] - just a nice, decent ballad that grew on me over the time. Nice, simple and classy live performance.

14. NORWAY [Agnete - Icebreaker] - I thought she was great in the semi-final, really liked the performance. Solid 2-in-1 song, nice chorus.

13. AUSTRIA [ZOË - Loin d'ici] - very charming and lovely, a plus for a song that is 100% not in English, just slightly repetitive overall.

12. BELARUS [IVAN - Help You Fly] - lol, I hated this song when I first heard it watching the official clip on YT. But when I heard it on my phone, with the headphones on, I was stunned with how much I liked the instrumental of the song. I think the chorus is the weakest overall, but still not bad. I'm actually rather liking this song now.

11. GEORGIA [Nika Kocharov and Young Georgian Lolitaz - Midnight Gold] - something completely different, interesting, fantastic instrumental. Good stuff!

10. ARMENIA [Iveta Mukuchyan - LoveWave] - the fantastic presentation of this entry on TV propelled Armenia into my Top 10. Absolutely the best presentation of all entries for TV viewers, the camera work, the movements of her hands, hips, the entire body, all in-sync with the beat of the music and still it wasn't a circus on stage or anything over-the-top. She was so simple, but sexy and confident, she absolutely owned the stage. Thanks to the great live performance my interest in this song increased quite a lot. I used to skip it occasionally on my phone, I'm not skipping it anymore. I actually thought she was going to win.

09. NETHERLANDS [Douwe Bob - Slow Down] - just a nice song that I find very pleasant to listen to.

08. POLAND [Michał Szpak - Color Of Your Life] - I was fairly indifferent to this song on my first listen, but then I saw a clip of him performing live and was really impressed. Same thing happened with his performances in Stockholm and the chorus eventually got into my ear.

07. SERBIA [Sanja Vučić ZAA - Goodbye (Shelter)] - good song, good vocal delivery, good live performance.

06. LATVIA [Justs - Heartbeat] - for some reason I feel some dark-ish vibe in this song and I like it (maybe it's the official video). Justs was, for me at least, the most impressive performer in terms of vocal delivery in the final, he was so on point and so passionately into it at the same time. Cool beat!

05. ITALY [Francesca Michielin - No Degree Of Separation] - probably the most emotinal song of the year, I can feel it at least. Shame for the English part which slightly ruins the song for me. Still, quality delivered from Italy (as in 99% of cases).

04. BULGARIA [Poli Genova - If Love Was A Crime] - intoxicating, anthem-like chorus. No complaints, the song lifts me up, I like to listen to it and it was nice to see Poli back (my ESC 2011 winner with 'Na inat' for Bulgaria).

03. AZERBAIJAN [Samra - Miracle] - this song was my #1 on my first preview actually, but evetually it got overtaken as I find it a little more generic than my #2 and #1. The official video is perfect, the subtle gestures from the singer, simple black dress, little to no make-up, just a mic on a pole and awesome lights in the background. On the other hand, the live performance was a disappointment, the coreography dance made it generic and she can't sing, like at all. Huge disappointment. However, I really love the song, hence the bronze medal. I never had Azer this high, nice.

02. CROATIA [Nina Kraljić - Lighthouse] - a bit disappointed with the live performance in the grand final, she seemed nervous and thus short on breath, so it seemed to me like she cut some words too quickly. The white dress is terrible and the lighting wasn't anything spectacular either. Apparently she didn't get any support from Croatian broadcaster, funny 'cause she won on their most popular show, The Voice (season 1). Anyway, I find the song beautiful, love the mystical feel to it and how lovely it flows and builds towards the end and the very end itself is a vocal paradise (at least in the studio version and in most live versions).

01. FRANCE [Amir - J'ai cherché] - modern, up-lifting, feel-good song that I just can't get out of my head, with good lyrics. The English part flows well with the rest of the song, and I like that it's mostly in French. The clapping is awesome, the live performance was just how I like them (simple, but interesting and classy + the staging goes so well with the lyrics of the song) and the official video is nice. J'ai cherché, j'ai trouvé! J'aime cette chanson! <3

--- --- ---

Dq'd Romania would have been #22 probably, ahead of Montenegro.

--- --- ---

Previous winners:

2011 - Bulgaria [Poli Genova - Na Inat]

2012 - Sweden [Loreen - Euphoria]

2013 - San Marino [Valentina Monetta - Crisalide (Vola)]

2014 - Netherlands [The Common Linnets - Calm After The Storm]

2015 - Italy [Il Volo - Grande Amore]

--- --- ---

Overall, I'm actually quite satisified with 2016. There weren't that many trashy songs and I ended up liking quite a few. More language variety in the future I do hope for...

Hmm this reminds me of some old dimes. Haven't watched the broadcasts (or even checked who won) for quite some time.

Watching EuroVision finals used to be one of the most anticipated days for my family when me and my bro were still kids. You know, rooting for your country (no matter how bad the singer was ), having lots of snacks, talking about jury bias and politics and whatnot...