I know that not too many people will give a rats ass about this, but quite frankly I don't really care. If you know something is wrong with you and want the help, go seek it immediately. Don't wait until the last moment or end it when you KNOW you can help yourself conquer your fears.

Couple of days ago I had posted that I finally had the strength to call a counselor at my school to start seeking some therapy because I have been fighting some inner demons for the past five years ever since this damn condition struck me.

I often thought about suicide, but never actually took the chance to end my life. I would look at a knife, start thinking about the good and the bad and then end up crying in a corner somewhere because I had these thoughts. And this is coming from a person who has a strong negative feeling about those who take their own life away.

I have anger issues, anger that could possibly seriously injure someone if given the chance. I throw and punch things. I've stopped throwing things after my luck of always breaking something unintentionally. The last time I threw something, I broke a window in my house, stepped on the glass and it made me feel relaxed.

I stopped and began punching my legs. Like really punching them to a point where they're black and blue on the top. I love my legs, and it sucks that I do this to myself.

I know I also have an eating disorder where sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and call myself fat. So I stop eating things for a while and drop into the double digits rather than the triple. I can feel my organs pulse more than before, some of my tanktop's straps fall on my arms rather than stay on my shoulders. My friends hate to see me look like a walking skeleton.

Finally, I decided to take some action before it got to a point where nothing can help. I wanted to find someway to stop all of this mess before it grew to a point where nothing can solve anything. People tend to give you different answers in how to handle your issues. Your friends and family might help you out, but in my situation, I feel that they can help to a certain degree. To which I decided to talk to a stranger to see what they have to say because they don't know me and could possibly help me. I was told that I should look into anti-depressants, but I was told that their side effects are actually worse than being on them (not to mention, would it interfere with the medication I'm on already and they do say it's more dangerous to take them when you're under 25 years old)

I thought that maybe this could help support those who are in need of finding help to fight your inner demons. Yeah they might just be voices in your head telling you the wrong things. But if you fight back against them, they could go away. Don't wait until it's too late or at a point where no help could come and save you. This isn't easy for me, especially with so much that's going on in my life right now, I don't need this conquering me and making me drop out of school. I don't need that, I want to overcome this fear and thought that this might inspire any of you, if you're battling something no one knows about, to really seek the help before it's too late.

Yeah. I don't know how to really end this.