I'm a groggy college student who fucked up his sleeping schedule during this weekend and is desperately trying to nestle into sleep, so I won't be able to provide you with a philosophically correct answer or be great at comforting, but I figured a reply this late at night would be extremely comforting in itself.

People are dicks man. Sounds like you been taking shit for a majority of your time here, but I wouldn't throw it away for a shitty 20%. People go through stuff and don't know why and wonder "why me", and that sucks obviously, but to me it always seems to happen to people who were meant to handle it.

I'm sorry I can't delve deeper and be more comforting, that just wouldn't be realistic and I don't know you whatsoever apart from your initial post, but I too have gone through a similar depression in which I didn't know what to do. So I did the only logical thing and sought help.

After about six months of feeling dead, I'm finally living free again and wrecking shit wherever I go, and I look back at when I was at my lowest and can't imagine how I ever got there to begin with.

Its all gonna be good and stuff. Just push through it, stay yourself, and do some stuff that makes you happy.

Trust me, the best times of your life are yet to come, dear ErmackDaddy.

From a former overweight and gay dude I understand fully, the isolation and ridicule really cuts you, but I've found that true happiness comes from within your being. You have to love yourself first, if you don't love who you are, people can see it and they can abuse such observations. Everyone will not like you no matter what, but carrying yourself with an air of confidence wards off a great deal of harassment, bullies target people not just for physical differences, but for behaviors



An important point, people are going to talk about you till the day you die(some people after death too) and there's nothing you can do about it, we have to learn to accept things we cannnot change and we cannot change the fact that everyone does not like us.


If you have friendships that aren't fruitful and aren't satisfying your needs, I suggest cutting those people loose from your life, I've done it with tons of people and I don't have that many friends I socialize with, but I have friends that I enjoy socializing with and that's more important than having a ton of friends.


Never do anything to appease a group, lose weight for yourself, your health. If you're doing anything for the soul purpose of fitting in, you're doing it for the wrong reasons.

I'd also like to note, there is nothing wrong with being a quieter background player, there is no weakness in not being the most well known person in the group, everyone has something to contribute, I often take on a background role in life and rarely take on a prominent social spotlight.

I can assure you that the spotlight isn't as glamorous as people make it out to be and being popular is annoying, my early years of middle school and early high school I was more popular and I hated it, you always have to have something cool or interesting to say and other stuff, for Senior and Junior year I took on that isolated no drama, minimal interloping with everyone, and kind of just doing my own thing with an isolated group of friends, I have zero regrets.

My advice to you us just be you, life is hard enough without trying to please everyone else, if people judge you harshly for your weight, it's their superficial, lack of vision that is holding them back from a potentially great friend or partner.

As for being gay, there comes a point when you have to do what feels right for you, provided you aren't hurting anybody and leave that timing consuming energy draining ignorance behind. It's impossible to educate those that do not wish to be educated, ignore them and proceed onward.

I still don't have acceptance from my mother or brother for being gay(nearly 7 years after the fact), but It doesn't bother me anymore, we have to accept that some people cannot be educated, I've given up on them.

I love my life and this world and I remember thinking about my first kiss at a graduation party: I didn't even want it at the time, but I was happy and it felt normal and right to me, we were both young and adults and we weren't hurting anybody,


In a nutshell, I laughed off the ridicule I got for being gay( show them they have no power over you), bullies want something to hang over your head, strip them of their power and take it for your own and this applies to any difference people target you for, people try to shame you, but when you are too proud to be shamed they recoil....be transcendent.


As for suicide, I think all humans have had these thoughts in the past, remember, we only get one life to live and when things get bad....there's only one way to go: up. Life is never hopeless.


Everyone is worthy to live a full life, believe in yourself and be proud that you're different, variety is the spice of life, don't feel guilt for being different.

I'm halfway with you, man. Growing up chunky can be a depressing section of your life, but as for the gay thing, I think you should talk to a few members on this site. I'm fairly certain that at least one of them could help.

I know overweight gays who live life like it's theirs to conquer. I say all you really need to do is buck up and tell the haters to suck a lemon with dick in it.

It may not help, but at some point I stopped caring about everything (school included, which was bad) and life got better. I even slimmed down with very minimal effort, but that just may be a natural evolution of myself.

Just...disregard negativity.

Trust me I know what it's like being overweight, up until my junior year of high school I was clocking 250 lbs. I lost over 60 pounds before school started, I was pretty much on cloud 9 because girls were starting to notice me who were just "friends". Things were going great up until I meet this girl who hardly said a word in class, but over time me and her got really close. After I graduated from high school me and her still kept in contact, but we started taking about dating, and hell she even asked me to her senior prom and I was all for it. She went away for one weekend to visit her friend, and she never spoke to me ever again after that. To my horror I found out she was already with another guy the WHOLE time we were talking.

That whole incident pretty much sent me into a downward spiral of self destruction. I started drinking, smoking and eating just worthless junk. About 6 months later I gained every pound I lost back, and at that point I felt like the biggest failure and did not want to live anymore. I'll be honest I'm still not over that whole situation but if it wasn't for my friends I wouldn't be here today.

So right now I'm in the process of losing weight again and I can truly say that me staying and keeping a positive attitude and doing it for MYSELF had helped me stay on my path success.

Like others have said in this thread, shit might be rough right now, but taking your own life is not wise when you still have so much more to look forward to.

I feel where you're coming from. I suffer from General Anxiety Disorder with Depression and am currently taking a combination of vitamin supplements and prescription meds for it. I am also seeing a therapist too. My therapist said that my anxiety disorder developed into depression since the two go hand in hand.

I used to be ignored a lot in high school. People would act like I didn't exist. This was worse than if they were treating me like shit by making fun of me because by ignoring me I felt like I wasn't important at all. Girls used to say I was weird because I was the awkward, skinny, Mexican kid obsessed with drawing and listening to heavy metal. I got rejected by girls left and right. I was left out of class projects because no one wanted me in their groups.

I tried to join the basketball team because I used to play point guard in middle school but I was too intimidated to tryout in high school. The few friends I had eventually stopped talking to me towards the end of my senior year.

I needed something in my life to help me out. I was in a downward spiral. I cried myself to sleep several times. I began writing poems, drawing, and listening to more music. Music became my outlet. I now play bass guitar in a band and want to start another band where I'm the vocalist. By having music in my life as an outlet, I have more confidence in myself. I still have depression and anxiety and sometimes still feel useless, but music distracts me. My depression is caused by my loneliness, I'm the kind of person who desires attention from others, especially girls. When I'm at work and I don't get the recognition I deserve and it goes to someone else, I feel dead inside, like if people walk over me.

However, no matter what I've gone through, I always turn to either music, poetry, or art to release tension. Lately I've been jogging for 35 minutes a night and it makes me so much happier because I release all the extra tension and worries by doing physical activity. When I'm with my band playing bass, I feel like I'm on top of the world.

First you need to find something you enjoy, and when you're feeling down, just turn to it. I've gotten much better since high school, I have slightly more confidence, and just have a little bit of social anxiety in certain settings. Things get better. Write your thoughts down at the end of the day. Do physical activities, and do something you enjoy. Keep the mind busy. It will help, and you will feel better. Recently I've been feeling better. Once I finished high school I basically said "Fuck everyone, I'm living for myself". I've turned to lifting weights and getting tattoos to try and make a new me, and forget that the old me ever existed. I have decided to make a new life and live for me and only me. Take care of yourself, live for yourself and only for yourself.

Starting off with your friends, I'd cut they out of your life completely. I don't mean give them an ultimatum or some tirade about how you don't need them... just give them zero rope to work with. If they text you, you're busy. If they call you, you have something to take care of. If they want to hang out, you have plans. Give them NOTHING to work with. You have no obligation to be around these people. You don't need to explain why you don't have to be around them.

After that, it's not hard to find positive individuals. You typically won't run into a wretch serving soup to the homeless. Place yourself in better environments, and though it's never guaranteed, you may find yourself with better friends by doing so. Hell, when those old vile friends try to call up for anything, you'll be able to tell them you're at the soup kitchen.

As for the pain? Well, you've known me long enough to know I'm very religious, so of course I'd strongly recommend that you investigate different theological possibilities. If you wish to not pursue that option, I still believe it's important for anyone with suicidal thoughts to ask the big questions: What am I? Why do I exist? Is there such as thing as good and evil? How do I distinguish what is good and what is evil? If there is no such thing as objective good/evil, then what does that imply about those who have wronged me?

And when you do meditate on those questions, I think you should contemplate something my professor once told me: truth may be obtainable, but it is not and never has been obvious. On the brighter side, there is no such thing as a mystery without hope. You have my prayers, bro.

This is me:


I'm straight, but I know a little bit about feeling confused and outcast. The key is to realize that you aren't confused or outcast though. You have to love yourself before anybody else will, and you have to accept yourself before anybody else will. Otherwise your asking others to do something that you yourself haven't done yet.

So began by figuring out who you are without looking at it as a series of oddities, or a series of quirks that you have to hide or overcome. Look at yourself as a person with generally outstanding qualities who just needs to make the correct minor tweaks to bring out the wonderful things.

Do some self meditation and introspection. First think of all the things that are right about you, the things that make you happy about yourself. Don't concern yourself with strengths and weaknesses, but rather likes and dislikes. Then do what you can to maximize your own favorite features.

Maximize your favorite features before you worry about the things about you that you would like to change. This is important because if it lets you build up your strengths before you try to take down your weaknesses, as opposed to going at a problem unarmed. Your positive attributes become weapons for your mind to use against problems. Right now your making your weight such a huge deal that it is eclipsing your positive features. You want to reverse that (so your positive features become epic weapons and your weight becomes a very small and beatable problem).

Don't wait for society to catch up. Society is and always has been messed up. Let it be messed up, but don't let it mess you up.

Own who you are. If your weren't fat or gay people would just find something else to rag on you about. Don't let people get you down. Control your own destiny, and remember it's called SELF-esteem for a reason.

Lastly, and it may sound corny, but take whatever you think is wrong with you, and then look at celebrities with similar features. You will see that the features don't hold you back. The only thing that holds you back is yourself and what you do (or don't do) with what you've got.

@ErmackDaddy: Quick advice - You'd benefit from seeking counseling if you have means/access to it. I'm not sure of your age but if you're a high school/college student your school should have free counseling through their student services department. If not, try looking into outpatient services that your insurance would cover.

Longer Advice - From reading your post it would appear that you're projecting your self-worth into your personal relationships at your own expense. As a result, you're equating a need for approval with being worthy/a good person where the inverse is actually true. You already ARE a good person and until you start doing for yourself what you attempt to do with others, you'll continue this pattern of behavior. By putting so much emphasis on seeking acceptance you're using that to define your self-worth at a debilitating capacity. You stated how acceptance "doesn't seem close in the forseeable future" without realizing that SELF acceptance can begin at any time.

While it might not feel like it at the moment, you have direct control of how you internalize and process your emotions and right now, these feelings of anger, sadness, etc. are fueling these suicidal/depressive thoughts. You mentioned how you were quick to forgive and empathize with others while forgetting that you ALSO need to practice this with yourself. Once you gain insight into your own internal process you'll begin to see how you can learn from your pain instead of being shackled by it. It's in this sense that, what once bound you can set you free as your suffering needn't be pointless. There's help and hope out there buddy.

So I've been reading, and thinking, and destressing as much as possible. Something snapped in me that day. I was bearing far more weight than I could have hoped to carry. When I saw the responses, it felt as though each of you reached through the screen and tore off some of the burden from me. I can never really express how grateful I am to you guys. And Mojo, I am amazed at how you've pegged me and woken me up to things. I'm just amazed. Thank you everyone. You probably won't ever know what you've done for me.

Sorry, bro.
There is a thread here where you can totally spill your guts out about how people treat you for being gay, although I dont know how long it's been since someone posted on it.

I myself am not gay, but I have to protect my gay friends from getting beat up by some dumbass "bullies", so I(and they) understand how you feel bro.

And, no. I do not mind reading long posts!
I'm here damn near everyday to see what's going down so just PM me and I'll get back to you immediately!!!

Mortal Kombat Online 4ever!!!

Glad to have helped man and I'm glad you're doing better. Again though I promise you a counselor can help you with these issues as you are definitely not alone with this unless you want to be. SO again, I encourage you to seek counseling services if at all possible. It'll take some proactivity on your part so look at it this way...if you want change to happen in your life then you need to pursue options that support that change that you currently have not explored. Not only will this effectively aid in fostering strengths and emotional transition, it'll force you to assess your life objectively and pull you out of the depressive/angry emotions that overwhelm you. Or to phrase it more succinctly, focussing on the "how" and "what" you can CHANGE in order to be more happy is more empowering than dwelling on the pain of it all. There's nothing down that road except dark thoughts and helplessness but, the thing is, you don't have to walk down it if you choose not to.

Your gonna be alright bro.

Fuck them. It's time to meet some new people.