I completed high school a few weeks ago, and that's given me a lot of time to think about my life, what I've become, and where I'm going. Hundreds of times, particularly now, I hear people tell me, "It all went by too fast."

Well today, and even back then, I've always considered that statement bullshit. A thousand years isn't a long time if it's pure euphoria. People just don't expect things to end, and when they do, they have a hard time accepting it. They say the moments breezed by because no matter what, there would have never been enough time in their eyes. I guess the question is, do I feel like things are moving accordingly, or is time drifting faster than I can live my life?

I won't pretend to have a answer to that question. But I will say this. I love my life, and those around me who have made it worth living. But for every second that brings the end of my time in this world to a close, I feel more prepared to leave this life. It's not that I'm not enjoying everything, but I'm already beginning to feel stagnant. As if each moment is a mediocre movie I've already seen. I'm sure this emotional numbness will pass, because I know there is still a lot of ground that I haven't covered yet. So much that I can't experience it all in one lifetime. But as my sense of the spiritual becomes stronger, this materialistic enviroment becomes more alien to me, and to a degree, less tolerable. That will never change for the better, I'm afraid.

I may be only nineteen years old, but I already feel like an old man in some aspects. The things that use to thrill me are quickly losing appeal. My only real pleasures are being with my friends/family, music, and new experiences that appear. That's not a bad thing, really. It's a sign that mentally and emotionally growing, or changing, at the very least.

But I'm not trying to imply that I want my life to end. I look forward to living many years, and to pass on the greatest truths to my children and grandchildren. Truths I watch fade out more from our society each day. Even if I begin to hate my existance here, I've become strong enough to live for both myself and others. My point in writing this is to say that good moments must pass, despite whether the future is for better or worse. I miss the good days of the past, but I know they had to end in order to be such. I hold on deeply to my past, but I refuse to try to relive it. I'll use it as a guide so that my former mistakes won't lead me to my downfall. Now I intend to move forward until the time comes for me to conquer death itself.

So what's your perspective of time, and how do you believe it affects your life?