I hate the idea of letting your youth go to waste and settling down immediately. I dated girls back when I was in high school and it was always the same routine.

Whether we were fucking or dating first, at the two month mark, she would tell me that she loved me. I would either break up with her then and there and tell her that she doesn't even know what love is, or the relationship would continue and be terrible because I don't feel the same way she felt.

So then comes college and I decide I'm not going to go steady with any girls. Sure I went out on dates with some, but I just had 'steady fuck buddies' from my freshmen year until the end of my sophomore year.

And that's when everything changed. I fell in love with a girl before I ever had sex with her and this is probably not going to sound romantic at all, but for me it's the epitome of love. I love this girl so much that I don't even want to sleep around with other girls anymore. She's the one.

So I know plenty of people with kids, but I've managed to practice safer sex and avoid babies and STDs. I was always complacent with the idea of settling down, but I never thought that time would come so soon.

I know this sounds sick to some people, and weird as hell to others, but I prefer both.

I'd rather be in an open relationship, where sex is not a factor, than either be in a good relationship and sexually frustrated, or be sexually satisfied and lonely.

Also, I strongly feel open relationships make longer lasting relationships. Studies have shown that more than half of all break ups deal with something related to sex. I feel that if I am in a relationship for love, sex shouldn't be able to hinder my and my mate's being together.

Therefore, I allow myself to take part in an open relationship, so sex is not an issue, and all that's left to focus on in the relationship is our love.

In spite of all this, I must say I am not one to go looking for a relationship. I'd rather let love happen, then try to create it. That way, I know the love is genuine.

So, what am I looking for? Well, there's already a guy I've fallen for, but despite his feelings for me, he just wants to remain friends. Bastard. So, I guess, at the moment, I'm looking for a cut buddy.

Well, that was fun,

Theres a side of me that loves being alone. A side of me that feels im meant to be alone. After failed relationships (and where I see females go downhill after I leave the picture) is really sad. I am 100% ok with being alone. But at the moment I am not.

its funny, the things your parents tell you is always right on the money. unfortunately we lack the mentality and perspective to understand just what they mean until a catalyst of events (sometimes not a catalyst in the case of young parenthood) comes in and changes our lives.

Sadly, the events or outcomes of all these events that it takes for us to gain proper perspective of what we want to do in terms of path taken, gets ruined or hugely held back because of the actions that brought us to that point.

The answer? Is simply the mentality of the two people involved. I am referred to by people who know me as "19 going on 30"(even though im 21). I speak of marriage and wanting partnership. Somebody to be there to rely on day in and day out. Many people feel tied down in a relationship but then thats not really a successful relationship.

The things our parents say along the lines of anything like "assholes(lol) are just insecure" or "life changes after your done school" really never registers with you until you hit that one or two year period where your mind suddenly understands the world in a much faster rate than ever before. I referr to this as "Waking Up"

It then comes down to exactly what you want.

Flings are suited for people who are independant, cautious of committing a future to an uncertainty or scared for some reason. Some people only believe marriage is the keystone to economics. Theres many reasons. Without Ego, Ive had flings, there is less attatchment and its good in alot of ways. But eventually theres a subconcious attatchment to that person (should the fooling around last that long) and you will maybe even unwillingly be drawn to caring about them unless unforseen circumstances come into play where you hate them and just want to get laid.

Relationships are for the emotionally driven person. People who want to understand and accept somebody else for who they are. The problem is, some people labell their interactions a "relationship" without even reaching the point to where they are comfortable with themselves. This uncomfortability then causes a subconcious need for attention. This creates an uncontrollable need to always be in a relationship and to see things in people you just meet that arent really there. This is often their immaginations or ambitions embodying themselves in a physical manifestation of the person infront of them. Eventually (perhaps even after kids or diseases) this connection is put in jeopardy when this temporary illusin decipates or that person suddenly becomes comfertable with themselves and discover their ambitions lay elseware.

The trick to it all is understanding that its human nature to want what you dont have. Every time your single, your going to crave sexual interaction when your around attractive people, this can create a dishonest jump into a relationship. Thos who want a relationship here should outsmart themselves and wait for a real relationship. People who are into flings are right at home here. Yet eventually they will crave security when around 4 or 5 happy couples. Theres just an element that hasnt been experienced. The sexual side aswell as the partnership. Having somebody dedicate their heart aswell as their body to you and only you. People in a relationship may crave flings from time to time. The main thing to remember is that if you crave to go elsewhere (other than looking) at all. then your not being honest with what you have dedicated yourself too. And if you think of your spouse/partner doing that and you get mad at the idea, that makes you a hypocrit and you have no ground to stand on. Its a no win situation.

I have seen many close friends (im talking about my female friends(im male)) have their ambitions and lack of thinking ahead, become a situation where virginity or feelings are taken from them because a false interpretation of a relationship and the misjudging of human emotions based on their own mental perspectives. I, as a friend, have tried to warn many that ive seen it before and to just take a day or two to think what they really want, but it makes little difference and I am left to pick up the pieces as I am starting to feel like the last honest man on the planet.

For the longest time I was posative my destiny lied ahead of me, a path to be walked alone. But a very (and I mean very) honest and comfertable friendship from back in highschool has recently turned into something very honest, open and shows of good things. I am being very cautious and informative with her as she is me. But weve already been as close as best friends so its like we already know eachother in and out.

I never play games and if something ever bothers me, I speak it, when I am ready to ahve a life partner, She will know that she will have my whole heart. She will ahve to accept me as the nerd I am aswell as everything that makes me a person. Because of she doesnt do that, she wont love me for who I am.

I am very happy to say things are amazing so far. Ive known her for about 6 years. Had a mild interest for about 3 years which recently materialized into a very great relationship. Now is just a test of time. But if it doesnt work out, I wont take it hard. We are who we are. Thats it.


Casselman's (actually decent) advice:

Judge yourself 24 hours a day, or you will never know who you really are.

I'm a one woman man as well. And if we're bringing this into it, me being a Christian has nothing really to do with it. It annoys me to no end, however, when the young'ns in middle school or early high school think they're in some deep, "soul-mate" relationship. Personally I blame Twilight, but I blame Twilight for everything, so...

Glad I finally know your orientation.

I think I'm only bad for dating because I suck at flirting, but I've made women fall in love with me before. Luckily I didn't have to flirt my way into their lives.

Team Edward or Team Jacob?

hahaha I think my IQ just went down. "What if im....The Bad guy"

Hey, I'm so bad at flirting that I'm beginning to get used to the taste of my foot in my mouth...

haha

I wanna hear more! I love this subject. People love to throw their all into this kind of conversation.

Here's something. I'm convinced that I've met and wooed the perfect girl. (imo of course)

She's smart (I mean REALLY smart!), she's attractive or at least what I find attractive, she converses and jokes as I do (you'd have to witness a conversation to know what I'm talking about. JUST LIKE ME!), we share favorite music, movies and even an experience that parallels the other's in circumstance and outcome. Not to mention she's a rabid MK fan and has admitted to...."stuff" whilst thinking of ME!

Look, there's NO way I could accurately describe my feelings or our chemistry in words, but I REALLY want me and her to happen (can't say I'd put my life on hold for it though.). Certain things say she wants the same (things I'll share upon request), but distance separates us and her having a boyfriend halts us. What say you fellow gentlemen?

Wow, you're glad you know? lol

Anyhoo, surprisingly I've never had to flirt. Most guys and chicks I encounter either see something amazing in me that attracts them, or just think I'm hot. Unfortunately, I'm very picky in my preference, so I find myself saying no, or a long, unintentionally depressing statement that manifests the word "no," often.

I'm not mean about it, though. I never want to hurt folks.



I'm with Team Charlie Mustache!

Lol, I don't think that's something you should say to anyone.

I'm just saying. This shit is deep.

Must say though, the two facts I presented didn't co-relate at all.

Charlies a beast. I wanna just sit around cleaning shotguns all day wearing button up plad..

And Bella? the things I would do to that woman are not fit for a public forum. I'd show her a "bad guy"..

I feel like any and all interaction between two people is flirting.

Oooo fun, fun, fun subject!


I hope you aren't serious about that. *.*
However, I agree 100% on that bit about "waking up".

On topic -

At this very point of my life, I'm at my fling stage. My first relationship ever lasted 3 years. Now ready yourself...it was with a girl, but I'm gay. (I know, I'm the worst kind of person.)
Granted, this took place before I realized anything or could even grasp the concept of being "in love". Crazy thing is, about 2 years into this relationship, I started to fall for my best friend at the time. At that point I knew what it meant to genuinely like/love someone. So, a year later, realizing my orientation and after he shot me down, I chose to break it off, for her. I knew I couldn't drag her around pointlessly forever because it just flat out wasn't fair.

Point is, I learned my lesson and in a way, this experience has kind of scared me out of committing...for now at least. I have had only girlfriends (those days are far behind me), and never a boyfriend, just fuck buddies. But I like it this way, because I get to be me all day, everyday without the burden of feeling "tied down" at my age (19). Not to mention I'm pretty confident in the fact that one day I will find exactly what I'm looking for...but now just isn't the time.

EDIT: And Casselman, your advice happens to be one of my daily routines.

Casselman you know a lot, you just described my ex in this paragraph.

I agree with Riyakou. I want to be in a committed relationship but at the same time have a fuck friend. Their is times that i got my heart smashed in to little tiny pieces of chocolate. It was like a stomp to the testicles. Their is other times that i can't wait for a relationship that i just want to get my rocks off. At the same time I feel like a piece of shit because I'm seeing my other friends enjoy having someone who the love and I just haven't found the right girl yet. But if i had to choose one I would have to choose having a fuck friend. I need benefits and so does she

I can dig it. Funny stuff is I felt the same way seeing my friends with the women they loved so much. It's fucked in the brains that they ALL broke up around New Years.

I posted on Facebook about how I look forward to having someone like my guy friends did and didn't know that they were all single again. No wonder they didn't "Like" my status. Embarrassing.

My ideal male has yet to appear.

All who have wanted more, I just wanted a fling.

From those who wanted a mere fling, I desired more.

It's all a cycle, it seems.

Everytime I have a fling, I hate it. Sex means nothing to me if I don't love the person.

Relationship all the way, I don't care if I'm 18.

I spent a while dating a few people back in high school. Nothing really big happened because most of the guys that I dated then were immature and just were complete assholes later.

So, I wanted until college to actually have a committed relationship. And that's when I met my current boyfriend. We've just love each other so much and want to do a lot of stuff together when the time is young and I actually lost my virginity with him. (I'm not really afraid to say this because he's the only guy I've had sex with and intend on having sex with for the rest of my life.)

I'm pretty young right now to even consider talking about marriage, I'm only a sophomore in college, I'm jobless at the moment, there really wouldn't be any way for us to get married at the moment, especially when he's going to start to student teach next year. But, we actually consider talking about moving in with each other and I don't see an issue with that. He wants to live in the city next year and I don't want to go back living where I'm residing at right now.

Yeah he has been my first long term boyfriend, really where I went to high school there were no boys there that I wanted to have a long term relationship with because they're nothing but immature freaks who I couldn't stand. We've had a share of ups and downs but we moved past that and well, I couldn't tell you how happy I am with my boyfriend, especially with the present that he bought me for Christmas, it was beautiful.

It just depends on the person. You can't really force someone to wait for this long to have a committed relationship because maybe they want to start in high school. I know some high school sweethearts and some got married while others I know are still in a relationship together but nothing really big has happened. Others want to have a fling and I don't see an issue with that. Maybe they're not ready to be committed just yet. It really depends on the person.

So for me, relationship. I like the one I'm in and I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend even if I tried. He's perfect for me in everything.

Aww.

Bodies without substance are devoid of any real meaning, with that strenght you can go jerk yourself off. Platonic pseudo-substance relationships (the Twilight-effect as someone above has put it) is deception at it's purest form.
You cannot have healthy relationships in pairs without sexual substance. That does not mean that sexual substance means intercourse or foreplay. Sexuality can appear in mere thoughtfulness, acting, small insignificant things you would not even think about.

Case point: my GF and I went separate ways when we realized that I am not capable of giving the love she required at that time. That does not mean we are not the best of friends (not buds, chaps, pals etc. downright hardcore friends whom you can depend upon) and don't have a fair amount of sexuality within our interactions.

Ah life, the complexity that screws teenagers and twenties into frustration. Nothing quite like it.

Oh yes, and my answer is neither to the proposed ideas: one night stands, why? Platonic anchoring and co-dependency on pretend-depth. No thanks.