Relationships: When to call it quits? (true story) LONGISH POST
Relationships: When to call it quits? (true story) LONGISH POST
0
posted09/10/2011 06:56 PM (UTC)by
Member Since
01/04/2011 01:19 AM (UTC)
Hey all...I know this isn't the best place to put my personal business but I feel that some of you could maybe shed some light on the situation at hand for me. I've exhausted all resources and am now lost. So anyway....
There's this guy I've been "seeing", Johnny, and we've been back and forth for almost about a year. When we're together I feel like the happiest person ever and feel sad when we don't see or speak to each other for a long while. Up until recently however we have run into deep waters. I have been ready to move forward in this "relationship" for the past 6 months yet he expresses that he doesn't know what he wants every time the subject is brought up. Of course as you can imagine this has brought about many arguments throughout the last 6 months.
I ask him how is it that he doesn't know what he wants after 6 months of being with someone. At one point during our many conversations about this, he says we thought we were just friends because we didn't see or talk to each other all the time...now mind you that I have an extremely flexible work schedule and almost all free time when I get home. Any time I have always tried to call or text I'd either get voice mail or no reply until I send another text DAYS later. So with the whole "not seeing each other" thing, I believe that the situation has been in his hands almost the entire time.
I admit that after a while I was getting to be a bit bothersome about moving forward with the relationship. From the beginning he was clear in stating that he didn't know what he wanted, which was fine because we just met, but he also stated that his mind could be changed. Now, who wouldn't take that as an indication that something could come to fruition after a whole year, albeit on and off. And to go back on the friends subject; last time I checked friends don't sleep with each other or make out or do anything remotely intimate as we have done. He says I'm a great guy and that he doesn't want to intentionally hurt me. If I'm so great why are you willing to let someone else have me with no fight at all?
I'm a bit lost, I've talked to my friends about our situation plenty of times over. I've even had to just stop talking to Johnny for a while because I was actually falling in love with him and it hurt(s) me that the feelings aren't requited. Not only that but when I pour my heart and soul out to someone, which I NEVER do, I would at least expect a decent response back instead of "I don't know what to say." He says it's hard to for him, and I understand that but he also states that he's been in my shoes before. If he's dealt with this situation from my end once before why can't he at least be a little more sympathetic? Is that too much to ask?
Another factor is the whole age issue. I'm 20, he's 25. At first he says it's a bit of an issue but it's not that serious. I'm the phone with him tonight and it's the age thing again. Excuse me but I don't think it was a problem during sex, was it? Didn't think so. Ugh....
I'm seeing him Friday to FINALLY talk about all of this in person. I feel like I'm going through a horrible divorce or something. Why make a simple yes or no question into rocket science? It honestly doesn't have to be this way. I'm at my wits end, I have no idea what to expect this Friday. This has been a very emotional night and I just needed an outlet.
If any of you have any advice or what you'd do if you were in my shoes or even better if you've experienced this same story, please comment and let me know about how you handled it/are handling it. It would be greatly appreciated.
There's this guy I've been "seeing", Johnny, and we've been back and forth for almost about a year. When we're together I feel like the happiest person ever and feel sad when we don't see or speak to each other for a long while. Up until recently however we have run into deep waters. I have been ready to move forward in this "relationship" for the past 6 months yet he expresses that he doesn't know what he wants every time the subject is brought up. Of course as you can imagine this has brought about many arguments throughout the last 6 months.
I ask him how is it that he doesn't know what he wants after 6 months of being with someone. At one point during our many conversations about this, he says we thought we were just friends because we didn't see or talk to each other all the time...now mind you that I have an extremely flexible work schedule and almost all free time when I get home. Any time I have always tried to call or text I'd either get voice mail or no reply until I send another text DAYS later. So with the whole "not seeing each other" thing, I believe that the situation has been in his hands almost the entire time.
I admit that after a while I was getting to be a bit bothersome about moving forward with the relationship. From the beginning he was clear in stating that he didn't know what he wanted, which was fine because we just met, but he also stated that his mind could be changed. Now, who wouldn't take that as an indication that something could come to fruition after a whole year, albeit on and off. And to go back on the friends subject; last time I checked friends don't sleep with each other or make out or do anything remotely intimate as we have done. He says I'm a great guy and that he doesn't want to intentionally hurt me. If I'm so great why are you willing to let someone else have me with no fight at all?
I'm a bit lost, I've talked to my friends about our situation plenty of times over. I've even had to just stop talking to Johnny for a while because I was actually falling in love with him and it hurt(s) me that the feelings aren't requited. Not only that but when I pour my heart and soul out to someone, which I NEVER do, I would at least expect a decent response back instead of "I don't know what to say." He says it's hard to for him, and I understand that but he also states that he's been in my shoes before. If he's dealt with this situation from my end once before why can't he at least be a little more sympathetic? Is that too much to ask?
Another factor is the whole age issue. I'm 20, he's 25. At first he says it's a bit of an issue but it's not that serious. I'm the phone with him tonight and it's the age thing again. Excuse me but I don't think it was a problem during sex, was it? Didn't think so. Ugh....
I'm seeing him Friday to FINALLY talk about all of this in person. I feel like I'm going through a horrible divorce or something. Why make a simple yes or no question into rocket science? It honestly doesn't have to be this way. I'm at my wits end, I have no idea what to expect this Friday. This has been a very emotional night and I just needed an outlet.
If any of you have any advice or what you'd do if you were in my shoes or even better if you've experienced this same story, please comment and let me know about how you handled it/are handling it. It would be greatly appreciated.
No offense, but Johnny seems like a very immature person when it comes to serious talks. You have to wait to talk to him and when he does, he gives you very vague to somewhat no answer at all when you need them the most?
The guy seems like he's playing nothing but mind games with you. That you're somewhat of a fun person to be with, but has no intentions on getting serious. When you're off, is he with another person? Because that makes this issue ten times more serious and problematic becuase then it's obvious in what he's doing to you.
If he is with another person while you guys have your off moments, he might just be using you as a "in-between guy." Someone he knows he can have fun with but absolutely wants nothing serious with them
If he's not, totally ignore those last two paragraphs. But this guy is seriously acting way too immature about this whole situation. That if he can't give you a straight answer when you ask, even if he does the same thing on Friday, honestly, and I know this might suck, he's not worth it if he can't be straight up honest with you. There's nothing more horrible than being in a relationship and there's no trust/honest in it whatsoever. The guy has to give you some sort of a real reason why he can't go to the next step with you. Even at that age, they should at least have the decency to tell you, "you're just not someone I want to be serious with because of such-and-such." Not, "Uh, I don't know why. I can't just tell you because I don't want to hurt your feelings or whatever."
Not telling you perfectly clear hurts more than the truth, in my opinion.
But if he's lost with words after you expressed feelings, really... That's horrible that this guy is treating you like this and honestly, I don't think you need to continue playing his mind games. Really tell him what you think when you do talk to him on Friday and let him know that he needs to step up and be mature and give you the reason why he's acting like this to you and let him know that this behavior he's giving you is really bothering you.
At least that's what I have, I've been in a relationship that has it's anniversary of two years coming up this November. There have been times where it's been a bit sluggish and all we have to do to fix it is just let each other know what's bothering us or if something isn't right or whatever. There's got to be trust and honesty and if he can't give you that or whatever... It's really not worth it.
The guy seems like he's playing nothing but mind games with you. That you're somewhat of a fun person to be with, but has no intentions on getting serious. When you're off, is he with another person? Because that makes this issue ten times more serious and problematic becuase then it's obvious in what he's doing to you.
If he is with another person while you guys have your off moments, he might just be using you as a "in-between guy." Someone he knows he can have fun with but absolutely wants nothing serious with them
If he's not, totally ignore those last two paragraphs. But this guy is seriously acting way too immature about this whole situation. That if he can't give you a straight answer when you ask, even if he does the same thing on Friday, honestly, and I know this might suck, he's not worth it if he can't be straight up honest with you. There's nothing more horrible than being in a relationship and there's no trust/honest in it whatsoever. The guy has to give you some sort of a real reason why he can't go to the next step with you. Even at that age, they should at least have the decency to tell you, "you're just not someone I want to be serious with because of such-and-such." Not, "Uh, I don't know why. I can't just tell you because I don't want to hurt your feelings or whatever."
Not telling you perfectly clear hurts more than the truth, in my opinion.
But if he's lost with words after you expressed feelings, really... That's horrible that this guy is treating you like this and honestly, I don't think you need to continue playing his mind games. Really tell him what you think when you do talk to him on Friday and let him know that he needs to step up and be mature and give you the reason why he's acting like this to you and let him know that this behavior he's giving you is really bothering you.
At least that's what I have, I've been in a relationship that has it's anniversary of two years coming up this November. There have been times where it's been a bit sluggish and all we have to do to fix it is just let each other know what's bothering us or if something isn't right or whatever. There's got to be trust and honesty and if he can't give you that or whatever... It's really not worth it.
Honestly? The guy sounds extremely selfish and like he's stringing you along. A year's time is more than enough time to figure out if you want to date someone, if he was serious in my view he would have agreed to make it official.
A 5 year ages difference when both people are grown adults is irrelevant and as you said, when you guys have sex or whatever, it's not a problem, if it was a true problem, I couldn't see him engaging in sexual relations with you.
He also seems to enjoy bull shitting you, not returning your calls for days on end and then giving you half assed, vague answers to your questions.
If I was in this situation I would dump him and find a man who is serious, you were patient for long enough, either he wants to be serious or he doesn't, a year is more than enough time, you're not asking him to marry you.
I don't know you personally, but nobody deserves to be toyed with like that I was pissed reading what you wrote, I'd personally move on because it sounds like all he has you on is an emotional rollercoaster, he makes you happy and builds you up, then he breaks you down with his mind games, that type of instability is not good for a relationship and the stress has gotta hurt, arguments are normal for couples, but that blatant mind games situation isn't normal treatment IMO. He's 25, that shit was played out in high school, must less for grown adults.
If you let him treat you like this, he'll keep doing it, as you've already said, you have these talks with him a decent amount of times and nothing has come of them, no progress, just stagnation, when problems go unresolved, especially when they're clearly identified, resentment and anger will surely follow in their wake. He doesn't even seem trust-worthy in any way shape or form, if a relationship doesn't have that, it's dead on arrival.
People like him make people bitter, distrusting, and angry at relationships, the sooner you get away from him the better, not trying to tell you what to do, but that's what I would do.
A 5 year ages difference when both people are grown adults is irrelevant and as you said, when you guys have sex or whatever, it's not a problem, if it was a true problem, I couldn't see him engaging in sexual relations with you.
He also seems to enjoy bull shitting you, not returning your calls for days on end and then giving you half assed, vague answers to your questions.
If I was in this situation I would dump him and find a man who is serious, you were patient for long enough, either he wants to be serious or he doesn't, a year is more than enough time, you're not asking him to marry you.
I don't know you personally, but nobody deserves to be toyed with like that I was pissed reading what you wrote, I'd personally move on because it sounds like all he has you on is an emotional rollercoaster, he makes you happy and builds you up, then he breaks you down with his mind games, that type of instability is not good for a relationship and the stress has gotta hurt, arguments are normal for couples, but that blatant mind games situation isn't normal treatment IMO. He's 25, that shit was played out in high school, must less for grown adults.
If you let him treat you like this, he'll keep doing it, as you've already said, you have these talks with him a decent amount of times and nothing has come of them, no progress, just stagnation, when problems go unresolved, especially when they're clearly identified, resentment and anger will surely follow in their wake. He doesn't even seem trust-worthy in any way shape or form, if a relationship doesn't have that, it's dead on arrival.
People like him make people bitter, distrusting, and angry at relationships, the sooner you get away from him the better, not trying to tell you what to do, but that's what I would do.
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Here's how I see it. He's using you. He also thinks he'll get away with it because you're "stupid and young and all aflutter with feelings for him".
Look, man. Call it quits. Don't even show up Friday. (thanks to Rebecca Black, I say Friday in her weird robot voice whenever I type it)
Stay home, order a pizza and watch some Will & Grace. Preferably with a good friend to talk to all the while.
(Disclaimer: I'm not sure if the general Gay community are fans of Will & Grace, but I personally find it hilarious. Another show you wouldn't expect a person of my race or orientation to enjoy? Fraiser. I also love tossed salad and scrambled eggs! Not together though. Gross)
An off topic statement: I feel like 80% of this website consists of Gay dudes and I don't even have ONE Gay friend! Can someone please correct this? I feel so un-progressive. :(
Look, man. Call it quits. Don't even show up Friday. (thanks to Rebecca Black, I say Friday in her weird robot voice whenever I type it)
Stay home, order a pizza and watch some Will & Grace. Preferably with a good friend to talk to all the while.
(Disclaimer: I'm not sure if the general Gay community are fans of Will & Grace, but I personally find it hilarious. Another show you wouldn't expect a person of my race or orientation to enjoy? Fraiser. I also love tossed salad and scrambled eggs! Not together though. Gross)
An off topic statement: I feel like 80% of this website consists of Gay dudes and I don't even have ONE Gay friend! Can someone please correct this? I feel so un-progressive. :(
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Icebaby Wrote:
No offense, but Johnny seems like a very immature person when it comes to serious talks. You have to wait to talk to him and when he does, he gives you very vague to somewhat no answer at all when you need them the most?
The guy seems like he's playing nothing but mind games with you. That you're somewhat of a fun person to be with, but has no intentions on getting serious. When you're off, is he with another person? Because that makes this issue ten times more serious and problematic becuase then it's obvious in what he's doing to you.
If he is with another person while you guys have your off moments, he might just be using you as a "in-between guy." Someone he knows he can have fun with but absolutely wants nothing serious with them
If he's not, totally ignore those last two paragraphs. But this guy is seriously acting way too immature about this whole situation. That if he can't give you a straight answer when you ask, even if he does the same thing on Friday, honestly, and I know this might suck, he's not worth it if he can't be straight up honest with you. There's nothing more horrible than being in a relationship and there's no trust/honest in it whatsoever. The guy has to give you some sort of a real reason why he can't go to the next step with you. Even at that age, they should at least have the decency to tell you, "you're just not someone I want to be serious with because of such-and-such." Not, "Uh, I don't know why. I can't just tell you because I don't want to hurt your feelings or whatever."
Not telling you perfectly clear hurts more than the truth, in my opinion.
But if he's lost with words after you expressed feelings, really... That's horrible that this guy is treating you like this and honestly, I don't think you need to continue playing his mind games. Really tell him what you think when you do talk to him on Friday and let him know that he needs to step up and be mature and give you the reason why he's acting like this to you and let him know that this behavior he's giving you is really bothering you.
At least that's what I have, I've been in a relationship that has it's anniversary of two years coming up this November. There have been times where it's been a bit sluggish and all we have to do to fix it is just let each other know what's bothering us or if something isn't right or whatever. There's got to be trust and honesty and if he can't give you that or whatever... It's really not worth it.
No offense, but Johnny seems like a very immature person when it comes to serious talks. You have to wait to talk to him and when he does, he gives you very vague to somewhat no answer at all when you need them the most?
The guy seems like he's playing nothing but mind games with you. That you're somewhat of a fun person to be with, but has no intentions on getting serious. When you're off, is he with another person? Because that makes this issue ten times more serious and problematic becuase then it's obvious in what he's doing to you.
If he is with another person while you guys have your off moments, he might just be using you as a "in-between guy." Someone he knows he can have fun with but absolutely wants nothing serious with them
If he's not, totally ignore those last two paragraphs. But this guy is seriously acting way too immature about this whole situation. That if he can't give you a straight answer when you ask, even if he does the same thing on Friday, honestly, and I know this might suck, he's not worth it if he can't be straight up honest with you. There's nothing more horrible than being in a relationship and there's no trust/honest in it whatsoever. The guy has to give you some sort of a real reason why he can't go to the next step with you. Even at that age, they should at least have the decency to tell you, "you're just not someone I want to be serious with because of such-and-such." Not, "Uh, I don't know why. I can't just tell you because I don't want to hurt your feelings or whatever."
Not telling you perfectly clear hurts more than the truth, in my opinion.
But if he's lost with words after you expressed feelings, really... That's horrible that this guy is treating you like this and honestly, I don't think you need to continue playing his mind games. Really tell him what you think when you do talk to him on Friday and let him know that he needs to step up and be mature and give you the reason why he's acting like this to you and let him know that this behavior he's giving you is really bothering you.
At least that's what I have, I've been in a relationship that has it's anniversary of two years coming up this November. There have been times where it's been a bit sluggish and all we have to do to fix it is just let each other know what's bothering us or if something isn't right or whatever. There's got to be trust and honesty and if he can't give you that or whatever... It's really not worth it.
I honestly don't know whether or not I'm the "in-between" guy. I must say that this thought of him being with someone else did cross my mind tonight but for some reason I didn't speak on it. I've told myself plenty of times before that it's not worth it but I stupidly keep trying to make it work. I suppose I'll come to a solution this week.
Espio872 Wrote:
Honestly? The guy sounds extremely selfish and like he's stringing you along. A year's time is more than enough time to figure out if you want to date someone, if he was serious in my view he would have agreed to make it official.
A 5 year ages difference when both people are grown adults is irrelevant and as you said, when you guys have sex or whatever, it's not a problem, if it was a true problem, I couldn't see him engaging in sexual relations with you.
He also seems to enjoy bull shitting you, not returning your calls for days on end and then giving you half assed, vague answers to your questions.
If I was in this situation I would dump him and find a man who is serious, you were patient for long enough, either he wants to be serious or he doesn't, a year is more than enough time, you're not asking him to marry you.
I don't know you personally, but nobody deserves to be toyed with like that I was pissed reading what you wrote, I'd personally move on because it sounds like all he has you on is an emotional rollercoaster, he makes you happy and builds you up, then he breaks you down with his mind games, that type of instability is not good for a relationship and the stress has gotta hurt, arguments are normal for couples, but that blatant mind games situation isn't normal treatment IMO. He's 25, that shit was played out in high school, must less for grown adults.
If you let him treat you like this, he'll keep doing it, as you've already said, you have these talks with him a decent amount of times and nothing has come of them, no progress, just stagnation, when problems go unresolved, especially when they're clearly identified, resentment and anger will surely follow in their wake. He doesn't even seem trust-worthy in any way shape or form, if a relationship doesn't have that, it's dead on arrival.
People like him make people bitter, distrusting, and angry at relationships, the sooner you get away from him the better, not trying to tell you what to do, but that's what I would do.
Honestly? The guy sounds extremely selfish and like he's stringing you along. A year's time is more than enough time to figure out if you want to date someone, if he was serious in my view he would have agreed to make it official.
A 5 year ages difference when both people are grown adults is irrelevant and as you said, when you guys have sex or whatever, it's not a problem, if it was a true problem, I couldn't see him engaging in sexual relations with you.
He also seems to enjoy bull shitting you, not returning your calls for days on end and then giving you half assed, vague answers to your questions.
If I was in this situation I would dump him and find a man who is serious, you were patient for long enough, either he wants to be serious or he doesn't, a year is more than enough time, you're not asking him to marry you.
I don't know you personally, but nobody deserves to be toyed with like that I was pissed reading what you wrote, I'd personally move on because it sounds like all he has you on is an emotional rollercoaster, he makes you happy and builds you up, then he breaks you down with his mind games, that type of instability is not good for a relationship and the stress has gotta hurt, arguments are normal for couples, but that blatant mind games situation isn't normal treatment IMO. He's 25, that shit was played out in high school, must less for grown adults.
If you let him treat you like this, he'll keep doing it, as you've already said, you have these talks with him a decent amount of times and nothing has come of them, no progress, just stagnation, when problems go unresolved, especially when they're clearly identified, resentment and anger will surely follow in their wake. He doesn't even seem trust-worthy in any way shape or form, if a relationship doesn't have that, it's dead on arrival.
People like him make people bitter, distrusting, and angry at relationships, the sooner you get away from him the better, not trying to tell you what to do, but that's what I would do.
Your first paragraph is exactly what I've been saying for the past 6 months. Like I said to icebaby, I just don't know why I go back after swearing him off for some lengths of time. Also, I do believe I have found myself to be quite bitter and distrusting of things of this nature as of late. Maybe it is time to just give it up. At this point from reading both your responses...even if he suddenly does a 180 on me, I'm thinking very strongly about just cutting all ties. But like I said, I suppose we'll see Friday.
I just wish this was a bit easier for me. Thank you both very much
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J-spit Wrote:
Here's how I see it. He's using you. He also thinks he'll get away with it because you're "stupid and young and all aflutter with feelings for him".
Look, man. Call it quits. Don't even show up Friday. (thanks to Rebecca Black, I say Friday in her weird robot voice whenever I type it)
Stay home, order a pizza and watch some Will & Grace. Preferably with a good friend to talk to all the while.
(Disclaimer: I'm not sure if the general Gay community are fans of Will & Grace, but I personally find it hilarious. Another show you wouldn't expect a person of my race or orientation to enjoy? Fraiser. I also love tossed salad and scrambled eggs! Not together though. Gross)
An off topic statement: I feel like 80% of this website consists of Gay dudes and I don't even have ONE Gay friend! Can someone please correct this? I feel so un-progressive. :(
Here's how I see it. He's using you. He also thinks he'll get away with it because you're "stupid and young and all aflutter with feelings for him".
Look, man. Call it quits. Don't even show up Friday. (thanks to Rebecca Black, I say Friday in her weird robot voice whenever I type it)
Stay home, order a pizza and watch some Will & Grace. Preferably with a good friend to talk to all the while.
(Disclaimer: I'm not sure if the general Gay community are fans of Will & Grace, but I personally find it hilarious. Another show you wouldn't expect a person of my race or orientation to enjoy? Fraiser. I also love tossed salad and scrambled eggs! Not together though. Gross)
An off topic statement: I feel like 80% of this website consists of Gay dudes and I don't even have ONE Gay friend! Can someone please correct this? I feel so un-progressive. :(
I appreciate your bluntness haha. As for Will & Grace...I don't really have any interest. lol. My mom used to watch it all the time though.
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Yeah. I'm the guy who may get a drink poured on him by a choice lady because I couldn't lie about how fat her dress made her look.
I simply tell things how they are. I'm telling one of my best friends that I can't listen to this list of tracks for an r&b project because frankly, it's not helping my music come along any faster.
I simply tell things how they are. I'm telling one of my best friends that I can't listen to this list of tracks for an r&b project because frankly, it's not helping my music come along any faster.
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He's stringing you along. It sucks. You are in a very shitty situation, i have been there myself... and I know how much it sucks to fall for someone who just keeps you around for whenever they want and dont care about ur feelings....
All i can tell you is how I dealt with it, because people are different and we all deal w it a different way. I kept going for seconds for a while... I knew it was wrong consciously... but every text message, every stupid little facebook "like" anything retarded like that would really encourage me... it was horrible. I was disgustingly blinded. It reached a point where it was dribing me nuts... so the only healthy thing i could do was TOTALLY cut off communications... blocked on facebook, deleated number and all info on phone, just totally clensed. It was the only way to move on.
It sucks to say this... but you'll never be happy with this Johnny. I know you know this consciiously but u cant help how u feel... I know. But all you can do for yourself is move on...
If u have any questions and whatnot PM me... id be happy to see if i can help you in any way...
All i can tell you is how I dealt with it, because people are different and we all deal w it a different way. I kept going for seconds for a while... I knew it was wrong consciously... but every text message, every stupid little facebook "like" anything retarded like that would really encourage me... it was horrible. I was disgustingly blinded. It reached a point where it was dribing me nuts... so the only healthy thing i could do was TOTALLY cut off communications... blocked on facebook, deleated number and all info on phone, just totally clensed. It was the only way to move on.
It sucks to say this... but you'll never be happy with this Johnny. I know you know this consciiously but u cant help how u feel... I know. But all you can do for yourself is move on...
If u have any questions and whatnot PM me... id be happy to see if i can help you in any way...
You know, I found myself in a very similar situation a couple of years ago... But, instead of ending it myself, I stuck around. He ended it and it was much worse that way... Guys who treat you this way in a relationship will, sure enough, end the relationship just as vaguely as ever(if they ever choose to do so). When you feel strongly for someone and they leave you for some insignificant reason (excuse), its kind of like being shot in the head. You pour emotion into the relationship, after which you are left with questions that you'll never get answers for. It drove me literally insane, haha.
Dump his ass.
Dump his ass.
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I've cut off communication before. deleted his number and everything. I just have weak will power with this situation. I'm never like this. I hate myself for letting it even get to this point.
all of this is seriously making me think about not even seeing him Friday and cutting it all off right this second. I need to sleep on it.
all of this is seriously making me think about not even seeing him Friday and cutting it all off right this second. I need to sleep on it.
I'm Johnny. I do this to women all of the time. I can't speak for him because I don't know him, but we have our reasons for being closed off. I am always adamant about how I am not looking for a relationship when I date girls. Yet we party, we kiss, then we fuck. And yes, friends fuck. Sex is great. It's about at the point of the sex that the girls start to be like "I really think we can be something, I have a good feeling about our future" and I'm just like "nah bitch I said I wasn't going to be your boyfriend nothing's changed" and ... sometimes they keep trying to make me their boyfriend for a while before they give up and feel like they wasted time, or sometimes they just give up immediately and are offended that I called them a bitch.
If Johnny wanted to date you, Johnny would date you. But he doesn't.
And even if you "convince" him to date you, it's just going to wind up backfiring in your face when you get tired of his apathy.
And don't get me wrong. We might sound antisocial or something, but we completely appreciate you. We like your company. We like your insides. We like spending time with you. We like talking to you. We like spending money on you. We just aren't ready to settle down. You say that's immature. I say fuck you I'm a teenager there is no reason to spend years with one person you're not going to marry.
I can't speak for Johnny, but if I'm interpreting this the way I am: I have to disagree with everyone who says he's immature, he's bullshitting you, or that he's treating you badly. He's trying to meet you half way. He's upfront about not wanting to be with you (sugarcoated in guy speak as I don't know what I want) and you want to be with him. So meet halfway and fuck each other's brains out and have good times. I don't see the problem.
Well. Yeah. The problem is that one person is more invested in the relationship than the other. That's toxic. Get out of there. That is not what you're looking for. Find someone who wants you as much as you want them.
Johnny's probably looking for the same thing. There was a great quote I read, but I can not recall it anymore. It was something like we always chase after the affection of those who don't want to give any, yet we ignore the affection of those who are chasing us. I wish I had the exact lines.
If Johnny wanted to date you, Johnny would date you. But he doesn't.
And even if you "convince" him to date you, it's just going to wind up backfiring in your face when you get tired of his apathy.
And don't get me wrong. We might sound antisocial or something, but we completely appreciate you. We like your company. We like your insides. We like spending time with you. We like talking to you. We like spending money on you. We just aren't ready to settle down. You say that's immature. I say fuck you I'm a teenager there is no reason to spend years with one person you're not going to marry.
I can't speak for Johnny, but if I'm interpreting this the way I am: I have to disagree with everyone who says he's immature, he's bullshitting you, or that he's treating you badly. He's trying to meet you half way. He's upfront about not wanting to be with you (sugarcoated in guy speak as I don't know what I want) and you want to be with him. So meet halfway and fuck each other's brains out and have good times. I don't see the problem.
Well. Yeah. The problem is that one person is more invested in the relationship than the other. That's toxic. Get out of there. That is not what you're looking for. Find someone who wants you as much as you want them.
Johnny's probably looking for the same thing. There was a great quote I read, but I can not recall it anymore. It was something like we always chase after the affection of those who don't want to give any, yet we ignore the affection of those who are chasing us. I wish I had the exact lines.
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PorkandBeans Wrote:
I've cut off communication before. deleted his number and everything. I just have weak will power with this situation. I'm never like this. I hate myself for letting it even get to this point.
all of this is seriously making me think about not even seeing him Friday and cutting it all off right this second....
I've cut off communication before. deleted his number and everything. I just have weak will power with this situation. I'm never like this. I hate myself for letting it even get to this point.
all of this is seriously making me think about not even seeing him Friday and cutting it all off right this second....
What kind of toppings do u like on your pizza?
Listen to Josh. LISTEN TO ME! Get out of theyahgh. Get to the choppah, NOW! Never look back!
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Well, pretty much everyone in the above posts covered almost everything I wanted to say to you. However, none of it will mean anything unless YOU don't decide to take it in and actually act upon it. Nomatter how many people tell you the same thing, unless your heart truly desires to make a change, you're just gonna keep going through the same BS with this Johnny person over and over.
You know that old saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink." We can all tell you to leave Johnny alone, don't deal with that type of mindset, go find someone else who will definately treat you better, and you can agree and tell us that you're gonna end it, not meet with him Friday, you'll follow our advice; but the truth is that if your heart doesn't committ to that and truly believe that there's no future for a relationship such as that, then you're just gonna go right ahead and keep messing around with him. The cycle will continue and then sooner or later you're gonna be hurt (again) just like you are now, for another few months plus.
A side note, I just wanna say to (Erik) and J-Spit that you two are EXACTLY the type of [insert urban word meaning friends] I roll with! Real recognizes Real, and it's hard to find people who are just open and honest about everything.
You know that old saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink." We can all tell you to leave Johnny alone, don't deal with that type of mindset, go find someone else who will definately treat you better, and you can agree and tell us that you're gonna end it, not meet with him Friday, you'll follow our advice; but the truth is that if your heart doesn't committ to that and truly believe that there's no future for a relationship such as that, then you're just gonna go right ahead and keep messing around with him. The cycle will continue and then sooner or later you're gonna be hurt (again) just like you are now, for another few months plus.
A side note, I just wanna say to (Erik) and J-Spit that you two are EXACTLY the type of [insert urban word meaning friends] I roll with! Real recognizes Real, and it's hard to find people who are just open and honest about everything.
To echo the sentiments of the majority of the users in this thread, this sounds like a classic case of an unreciprocal relationship. You basically seem way more attached to the idea of "moving forward in the relationship" than he does and so as a result, the relationship has became at your expense.
You're basically in the position to make 3 choices:
- Change nothing - things continue on as they have.
- Change how you feel - in that you recognize that this relationship right now is more "casual" than "serious" (if we're throwing around generic terms).
- Change your involvement with him - in that you recognize that it might be time to move on or create some distance.
You're basically in the position to make 3 choices:
- Change nothing - things continue on as they have.
- Change how you feel - in that you recognize that this relationship right now is more "casual" than "serious" (if we're throwing around generic terms).
- Change your involvement with him - in that you recognize that it might be time to move on or create some distance.
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GoshinX03 Wrote:
Well, pretty much everyone in the above posts covered almost everything I wanted to say to you. However, none of it will mean anything unless YOU don't decide to take it in and actually act upon it. Nomatter how many people tell you the same thing, unless your heart truly desires to make a change, you're just gonna keep going through the same BS with this Johnny person over and over.
You know that old saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink." We can all tell you to leave Johnny alone, don't deal with that type of mindset, go find someone else who will definately treat you better, and you can agree and tell us that you're gonna end it, not meet with him Friday, you'll follow our advice; but the truth is that if your heart doesn't committ to that and truly believe that there's no future for a relationship such as that, then you're just gonna go right ahead and keep messing around with him. The cycle will continue and then sooner or later you're gonna be hurt (again) just like you are now, for another few months plus.
A side note, I just wanna say to (Erik) and J-Spit that you two are EXACTLY the type of [insert urban word meaning friends] I roll with! Real recognizes Real, and it's hard to find people who are just open and honest about everything.
Well, pretty much everyone in the above posts covered almost everything I wanted to say to you. However, none of it will mean anything unless YOU don't decide to take it in and actually act upon it. Nomatter how many people tell you the same thing, unless your heart truly desires to make a change, you're just gonna keep going through the same BS with this Johnny person over and over.
You know that old saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink." We can all tell you to leave Johnny alone, don't deal with that type of mindset, go find someone else who will definately treat you better, and you can agree and tell us that you're gonna end it, not meet with him Friday, you'll follow our advice; but the truth is that if your heart doesn't committ to that and truly believe that there's no future for a relationship such as that, then you're just gonna go right ahead and keep messing around with him. The cycle will continue and then sooner or later you're gonna be hurt (again) just like you are now, for another few months plus.
A side note, I just wanna say to (Erik) and J-Spit that you two are EXACTLY the type of [insert urban word meaning friends] I roll with! Real recognizes Real, and it's hard to find people who are just open and honest about everything.
Word to ya motha.
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About Me
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Oh boy this reminds me of my ex I wanted to get close to her (ik ik im 16 but i was in love with her and we went out for a year or so) but she no and i asked a couple more times and no so i just broke up with her, Bc its obvious he doesn't want anything serious from you move on to a better man (side note i later found out she was only using me for my money and was going out with another women behind my back man i felt stupid) But still i hope you find someone new and better then him.
GoshinX03 Wrote:A side note, I just wanna say to (Erik) and J-Spit that you two are EXACTLY the type of [insert urban word meaning friends] I roll with! Real recognizes Real, and it's hard to find people who are just open and honest about everything.
Awesome I am real urban friend.
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Espio872 Wrote:
If I may be so bold as to ask, will we be receiving any updates on how Friday went for you, since it's now officially Saturday?
If not I understand, but I assume it's no biggie at this point.
If I may be so bold as to ask, will we be receiving any updates on how Friday went for you, since it's now officially Saturday?
If not I understand, but I assume it's no biggie at this point.
I'm done...for real this time. We didn't even see each other yesterday. Not too worried about that though because I knew that we wouldn't so I made other plans for that night anyway but it would have been common courtesy to get a text/phone call to say he wasn't coming. But I suppose he has no manners as well.
All I can say is that I'm finally ready to move past this ridiculousness and hopefully I'll find someone that's actually worth my time.
PorkandBeans Wrote:
I'm done...for real this time. We didn't even see each other yesterday. Not too worried about that though because I knew that we wouldn't so I made other plans for that night anyway but it would have been common courtesy to get a text/phone call to say he wasn't coming. But I suppose he has no manners as well.
All I can say is that I'm finally ready to move past this ridiculousness and hopefully I'll find someone that's actually worth my time.
Espio872 Wrote:
If I may be so bold as to ask, will we be receiving any updates on how Friday went for you, since it's now officially Saturday?
If not I understand, but I assume it's no biggie at this point.
If I may be so bold as to ask, will we be receiving any updates on how Friday went for you, since it's now officially Saturday?
If not I understand, but I assume it's no biggie at this point.
I'm done...for real this time. We didn't even see each other yesterday. Not too worried about that though because I knew that we wouldn't so I made other plans for that night anyway but it would have been common courtesy to get a text/phone call to say he wasn't coming. But I suppose he has no manners as well.
All I can say is that I'm finally ready to move past this ridiculousness and hopefully I'll find someone that's actually worth my time.
Good on you man. It might be painful for the time being but in the long run, you're making a wise decision.
Is Johnny out of the closet yet? If not, then thats one of the reasons he doesn't want a serious relationship. It's hard for guys who are still in the closet to maintain a stable relationship.
If he is out, then he probably just wanted to have sex with you and have a Friend with benefits. Which it sounds that's what he wanted in the first place.
My personal advice would be to find someone who wants the same thing you want. You're gonna be miserable if you stick to this situation. I know is hard, but trust me it's worth it. As another gay man, I can tell you that is hard to find a gay guy who wants a serious relationship at a young age. However once you find it, you cherish it forever.
If he is out, then he probably just wanted to have sex with you and have a Friend with benefits. Which it sounds that's what he wanted in the first place.
My personal advice would be to find someone who wants the same thing you want. You're gonna be miserable if you stick to this situation. I know is hard, but trust me it's worth it. As another gay man, I can tell you that is hard to find a gay guy who wants a serious relationship at a young age. However once you find it, you cherish it forever.
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Mojo6 Wrote:
Good on you man. It might be painful for the time being but in the long run, you're making a wise decision.
PorkandBeans Wrote:
I'm done...for real this time. We didn't even see each other yesterday. Not too worried about that though because I knew that we wouldn't so I made other plans for that night anyway but it would have been common courtesy to get a text/phone call to say he wasn't coming. But I suppose he has no manners as well.
All I can say is that I'm finally ready to move past this ridiculousness and hopefully I'll find someone that's actually worth my time.
Espio872 Wrote:
If I may be so bold as to ask, will we be receiving any updates on how Friday went for you, since it's now officially Saturday?
If not I understand, but I assume it's no biggie at this point.
If I may be so bold as to ask, will we be receiving any updates on how Friday went for you, since it's now officially Saturday?
If not I understand, but I assume it's no biggie at this point.
I'm done...for real this time. We didn't even see each other yesterday. Not too worried about that though because I knew that we wouldn't so I made other plans for that night anyway but it would have been common courtesy to get a text/phone call to say he wasn't coming. But I suppose he has no manners as well.
All I can say is that I'm finally ready to move past this ridiculousness and hopefully I'll find someone that's actually worth my time.
Good on you man. It might be painful for the time being but in the long run, you're making a wise decision.
thanks Mojo. I was a bit upset yesterday but luckily I have the ability to bounce back quickly lol. I just have to choose the people I want in my a lot more cautiously from now on
Toxik Wrote:
As another gay man, I can tell you that is hard to find a gay guy who wants a serious relationship at a young age
As another gay man, I can tell you that is hard to find a gay guy who wants a serious relationship at a young age
pssh...don't I know it. I've realized this a couple times. and yes, he is out. but the situation has already been rectified. I'm no longer speaking to him.
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