A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the restroom. A few minutes later, a loud, bloodcurdling scream is heard. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes to investigate why the drunk is screaming.

"What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring my customers!"

The Drunk replies,"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes my nuts."
With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"

.....what? oh that's been told already? sorry.

ahh dude this topic smells like kung po chicken

What does a Playstation 2 and Micheal Jackson have in common?

They're 70 percent plastic and kids turn them on.

A man and hi wife go to the doctor and the husband says "I don't know what it is but I just can't get an erection with my wife anymore." So the doctor has the man's wife take off her clothes and pose in various erotic positions and after a few minutes the doctor pulls the man aside and says "There's nothing wrong with you sir, your wife didn't give me an erection either.

What does a bag of jelly beans and the world have in common? We all hate the blacks ones.

How do you know an ethiopian is pregnant? Her tampon is half eaten.

Why do gay guys do it doggy style? So they can both watch Queer Eye For The Straight Guy.

What's the difference between a pizza pie and a black man? A pizza pie can feed a family of four.

Why are black people good at basketball? Because the sport requires you to steal,shoot and run.

What do you call two gay guys in a sleeping bag? A fruit roll up.

What do you call two black guys in a sleeping bag? A twix.

Why did Hitler kill himself? He saw his gas bill.

How long does it take a black woman to take shit? Nine months.

What do you call a fat,ugly reject nobody likes? A Mortal Kombat fan.

There's a black man and a puerto rican in a car..whos driving? The police.

How do you rape a jewish person? Put a penny on the floor.

What do you call 100 mexicans in a pool? Bean dip.

Your mama is so stupid she went to a movie and saw "under 17 not allowed" and went home and got 16 friends.

Your mama is so stupid when she was asked why is she staring at the orange juice container she said "CUZ IT SAYS CONCENTRATE!"

Your mama is so stupid she tripped over a cordless phone.

What do michael jackson and mcdonalds have in common? They both put their meet in between 12 year old buns.

How do you know there's a part at Michael's house? There are a bunch of tricycles in the driveway.

What did R.kelly say to Michael Jackson? "I'll give you two fives for a ten."

What's a perfect 10 for Michael Jackson? 2 five year olds.

You're mama so ugly she robbed a bank with her face.

The Chicago HORRIbulls.

The Orlando Tragic

The Los Angeles Rapers

A little girl and her mother are walking along the countryside and they see two cows having sex. The little girl asks her mom "mom, what are they doing?". Her mother, thinking her daughter is far too young to know about sex says "they're making cake honey!". The next day, the little girl is walking in the park with her dad and she sees two squirrels having sex. She says "daddy, what are they doing?". The father, thinking his daughter is far too young to know about sex says "they're just making cake sweety." So the next morning the girl says "Mom..dad..were you guys making cake last night?". The mom and dad looked nervously at each other and then at the girl. "No, what would make you think that hunny?". The girl then precedes to say "Well, I licked off the leftover frosting."

Versatile Wrote: What does a bag of jelly beans and the world have in common? We all hate the blacks ones. How do you know an ethiopian is pregnant? Her tampon is half eaten. Why do gay guys do it doggy style? So they can both watch Queer Eye For The Straight Guy. What's the difference between a pizza pie and a black man? A pizza pie can feed a family of four. Why are black people good at basketball? Because the sport requires you to steal,shoot and run. What do you call two gay guys in a sleeping bag? A fruit roll up. What do you call two black guys in a sleeping bag? A twix. Why did Hitler kill himself? He saw his gas bill. How long does it take a black woman to take shit? Nine months. What do you call a fat,ugly reject nobody likes? A Mortal Kombat fan. There's a black man and a puerto rican in a car..whos driving? The police. How do you rape a jewish person? Put a penny on the floor. What do you call 100 mexicans in a pool? Bean dip. Your mama is so stupid she went to a movie and saw "under 17 not allowed" and went home and got 16 friends. Your mama is so stupid when she was asked why is she staring at the orange juice container she said "CUZ IT SAYS CONCENTRATE!" Your mama is so stupid she tripped over a cordless phone. What do michael jackson and mcdonalds have in common? They both put their meet in between 12 year old buns. How do you know there's a part at Michael's house? There are a bunch of tricycles in the driveway. What did R.kelly say to Michael Jackson? "I'll give you two fives for a ten." What's a perfect 10 for Michael Jackson? 2 five year olds. You're mama so ugly she robbed a bank with her face. The Chicago HORRIbulls. The Orlando Tragic The Los Angeles Rapers A little girl and her mother are walking along the countryside and they see two cows having sex. The little girl asks her mom "mom, what are they doing?". Her mother, thinking her daughter is far too young to know about sex says "they're making cake honey!". The next day, the little girl is walking in the park with her dad and she sees two squirrels having sex. She says "daddy, what are they doing?". The father, thinking his daughter is far too young to know about sex says "they're just making cake sweety." So the next morning the girl says "Mom..dad..were you guys making cake last night?". The mom and dad looked nervously at each other and then at the girl. "No, what would make you think that hunny?". The girl then precedes to say "Well, I licked off the leftover frosting."

Lol thats some pretty funny shit. Ive maybe only heard 5 of those

a man walks onto a beach and sees a woman, she has no legs and no arms. she asks the man "will you kiss me? i've never been kissed before" feeling sorry for her, the man bends down and kisses her. then she asks "will you fuck me? i've never been fucked before" suddenly the man picks her up and throws her into the ocean. then he yells "your fucked now are'nt you??!!".