..."Empire" had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All "Jedi" had was a bunch of Muppets
--Dante Hicks from Clerks


Brodie : Ladies and gentlemen, this tall drink of water headed my way is a pillar of the shopping community who informed me earlier today of a nefarious plan of his to screw my girlfriend in an extremely uncomfortable place.
Gil Hicks : What... like the back of a Volkswagen?
--Mallrats

First you take a run at La Fours with a sock full of quarters. I'd do it, but I pulled my back at humping your mom last night. Neetch. Okay, you clock him on his headpiece and knock his ass out cold. That's when phase two kicks in. I attack the structure Wolvie Berzerk style, and knock out the fuckin' pin and bickety bam, the motherfucker is rubble. Hence, no game show.
--Jay from Mallrats


T.S. Quint : I was going to propose to her.
Brodie : Where?
T.S. Quint : The Universal Tour.
Brodie : You're kidding. What part?
T.S. Quint : When Jaws popped out of the water.
Brodie : That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard.
--Mallrats once again

We see a deadly sin on every street corner, in every home, and we tolerate it. We tolerate it because it's common, it's trival. We tolerate it morning, noon, and night. Well, not anymore. I'm setting the example. And what I've done is going to be puzzled over, and studied, and followed... forever.
--John Doe from Se7en

I'll add some more later.

"Pain..? Pain is like love, like compassion! It is a thing only for lesser men! What is pain to Doom?"- Dr. Doom

"In my dream the world had suffered a terrible disaster. A black haze shut out the sun and the darkness was alive with the moans and screams of wounded people.
Suddenly, a small light glowed. A candle flickered into life, a symbol of hope for millions. A single tiny candle, shining in the ugly dark.
I laughed, and blew it out."- The Joker

"There's nothing more irritating than an overly durable wanker who doesn't know when he's dead."- Psylocke

"Monster..? I'm not a monster. I'm the Devil."- Brolly

"Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Be smart. Be evil."

"I'm not racist. I hate everyone equally."

"Only the human mind could invent something as insipid as love."- Agent Smith

"I haven't a life to give, you fool."- Quan Chi

"The world can...die."- Sima Yi

"I would rather betray the world than have the world betray me!"- Cao Cao

I only have two,dont remember many quotes unless memorable.Here they are:


'He's dead!....Better kill him!' ME!

Joked while my friend was lying there one day after he fell down and stayed there.Just a joke,meant for stupidy.

My friend 'Frik Frak A Fruken'
Me 'Then I'll come along and say FUCK!'

Me and my friend were just walking around the school one day,he was babbling on,pissed off forget why.He somehow managed to mumble 'Frik Frak A Frukin' so I just pratically yelled out 'Then I'll come along and say FUCK!'.One of those things you just do to cheer up a friend.Inside joke from that day on.


Thats the only two I remember right now.If I remember anymore I might post them.

This is my favorite quote:

"I don't wrestle! I F***ng beat bitches up!" ~Coral(RW:10).
(the way she said it, it was funny!) LMAO.

Ok, had time to think of some more, these are all either directly from the Mystery Science Theater crew, or actual lines from the movies they've trashed:

"Excuse me? Can I borrow a cup of shirt?"
- Crow in regards to a charecter from Boggie Creek 2: The Legend Continues.

"Hey Legend, how's the continuing going?"
- Tom Servo in regards to Boggie Creek 2: The Legend Continues

"This is where the fish live"
- The Touch of Satan (Funniest, most random line in a movie ever!)

"Ohh my God, grandma's gone crazy!!!
One of the MST3K crew during the Touch of Satan (Out of no where the old lady stabs a cop in the face)

"Hey look. Is that Micheal Keaton?
- One of the MST3K pointing out some random guy who looked my Micheal Keaton in Time Chasers

-"Hey, look, a lesbian OF THE FUTURE!"
Crow in regards to a charecter from Time Chasers


"Augh! His chin-butt is engulfing her!"
One of the crew said it in regards to the main charecter from Time Chasers huge and dimpled chin.

At one point during Time Chasers three charecters are eating at a mall in the future when one gets up and walks away, that's when Tom Servo chimes in with
"I'll WALK back to the past." (Priceless)


I could go on and on. If you have the time and money I highly recommend going out and picking up the boxsets. I was so pissed when it was canceld on Sci-Fi and what's worse is Sci-Fi will no longer air any episodes and they got rid of their liceances to show those movies. ARG!!

The show was great, and the movie is one of the most under-rated movies of all time. Truely hysterical.

skeletonofsociety Wrote: Mystery Science Theater

skeletonofsociety, Mystery Science Theater was the shit. I miss it, too.

"Remember to believe in magic...or I'll kill you."
- from Merlin's Shop

"Oh good, a random citizen who can kick a werewolf's ass."- from Werewolf

"Thrill! As she...THINKS!"- from The Screaming Skull

"...Walking on broken glass"
- Tom Servo singing during the crappy music from Time Chasers


Ohh no, I'm stuck on this...I can't help it!

"What? No. We can't stop here! This is bat country."-Dr.Gonzo, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

"We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a saltshaker half-full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of uppers, downers, laughers, screamers... Also, a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls. Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get into a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can. The only thing that really worried me was the ether. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge, and I knew we'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon."-Raul Duke, Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas

"Who are these people? These faces? Where did they come from? They look like characters of used car dealers from Dallas, and sweet Jesus there are a hell of a lot of them at 4:30 on a Sunday morning still humping the American dream."-Raul Duke, FLLV

"How long could we maintain? I wondered. How long until one of us starts raving and jabbering at this boy? What will he think then? This same lonely desert was the last known home of the Manson family; will he make that grim connection when my attorney starts screaming about bats and huge manta rays coming down on the car? If so, well, we'll just have to cut his head off and bury him somewhere, 'cause it goes without saying that we can't turn him loose. He'd report us at once to some kind of outback Nazi law enforcement agency and they'll run us down like dogs. Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?"-Raul Duke

"Look, there's two women fucking a polar bear."-Raul Duke

"We've gotta get out of here. I think I'm getting the fear man."-Dr.Gonzo

"It's okay. He's just admiring the shape of your skull."-Dr.Gonzo

"Dogs fucked the Pope... no fault of mine."-Raul Duke

"There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die."-Raul Duke watching Dr.Gonzo leave



Now for Big Lebowski quotes...

"Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't drive a car, I don't fuckin' ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit DON'T FUCKING ROLL!! SHOMER SHABOOS!"-Walter Sobchack

"Maude Lebowski: What do you do for recreation?

The Dude: Oh, the usual. I bowl. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback."

"Walter: I'm saying, I see what you're getting at, Dude, he kept the money. My point is, here we are, it's shabbas, the sabbath, which I'm allowed to break only if it's a matter of life or death...

Dude: Will you come off it? Your not even fucking Jewish, man.

Walter: What the fuck are you talkin' about?

Dude: Man, your fucking Polish Catholic...

Walter: What the fuck are you talking about? I converted when I married Cynthia! Come on, Dude!

Dude: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...

Walter: And you know this!

Dude: Yeah, and five fucking years ago you were divorced.

Walter: So what are you saying? When you get divorced you turn in your library card? You get a new license? You stop being Jewish?

Dude: : It's all a part of your sick Cynthia thing, man. Taking care of her fucking dog. Going to her fucking synagogue. You're living in the fucking past.

Walter: Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax... YOU'RE GODDAMNED RIGHT I'M LIVING IN THE PAST!"


"The Dude : Walter, what is the point? Look, we all know who is at fault here, what the fuck are you talking about?

Walter Sobchak : Huh? No, what the fuck are you... I'm not... We're talking about unchecked aggression here, dude.

Donny : What the fuck is he talking about?

The Dude : My rug.

Walter Sobchak : Forget it, Donny, you're out of your element!

The Dude : Walter, the chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill, so what the fuck are you talking about?

Walter Sobchak : What the fuck are you talking about? The chinaman is not the issue here, dude. I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, dude. Across this line, you DO NOT... Also, dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please. "

"You are entering a world of pain."-Walter

"Hey, careful, man, there's a beverage here!"-The Dude

"You ready to be fucked man? I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, man. Liam and me, we're gonna fuck you up."-Jesus Quintana

"Fuck it Dude, Let's go bowling."-Walter

"Do you see what happens, Larry!? Do you see what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!?"-Walter

MY qoute from 2000 walking out of studyhall with a bunch of straightedge kids """Yea i got a drug problem the problem is i dont have any drugs.Needless to say they where laughing there ass off.

"I'm going to break you into itty-bitty pieces and sprinkle you all over the floor!" Sticky Fingaz, Def Jam 2.

"Hand to hand is the basis of all combat, only a fool trust his life to a weapon." "A cornered fox is more dangerous then a jackal!" Frank Jager, Metal Gear Solid.

"Evil shatters the earth and darkens the ski" Ryu Hayabusa, DOA3.

"I siad Bow string not g...never mind" Night Elf archer, WarCraft III.

here are some of mine:

from me:

"i know that alot of people would love to see mina kunis bend over and get spanked with a rubber chicken, BUT I on the otherhand would rather see her bend the rubber chicken over and spank it"

vladimir lem:

"someone's looking cranky, did someone not have they're meal, max? here, have a chill-out burger!"

fawkhown:

"but truely, once you've learned the secret of life's true position, it is unbarible to know of love nor hate, everything is told, no secrets, no lies, no nothing, its just you, in the open abbyss, looking into nothing, as nothing, with nothing, its all over then, best to live in ignorance, then to gather as much information as possible"

^~~ my friend, fawkhown, fuck is he deep!

WALTER: "The Big Lebowski"
-Life does not stop and start at your convience, you miserable piece of shit"

Almost all of my favourite quotes come from Terry Pratchett books:

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant "idiot".

---

"Let's just say that if complete and utter chaos was lightning, he'd be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting 'All gods are bastards'."

---

"Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy, wealthy and dead."

---

"While I'm still confused and uncertain, it's on a much higher plane, d'you see, and at least I know I'm bewildered about the really fundamental and important facts of the universe." Treatle nodded. "I hadn't looked at it like that," he said, "But you're absolutely right. He's really pushed back the boundaries of ignorance."

---

For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.

---

The only things known to go faster than ordinary light is monarchy, according to the philosopher Ly Tin Weedle. He reasoned like this: you can't have more than one king, and tradition demands that there is no gap between kings, so when a king dies the succession must therefore pass to the heir instantaneously. Presumably, he said, there must be some elementary particles -- kingons, or possibly queons -- that do this job, but of course succession sometimes fails if, in mid-flight, they strike an anti-particle, or republicon. His ambitious plans to use his discovery to send messages, involving the careful torturing of a small king in order to modulate the signal, were never fully expanded because, at that point, the bar closed.

---

"Sodomy non sapiens," said Albert under his breath.
"What does that mean?"
"Means I'm buggered if I know."

---

"You won't get away with this," said Cutwell. He thought for a bit and added, "Well, you will probably get away with it, but you'll feel bad about it on your deathbed and you'll wish -- " He stopped talking.

---

He did of course sometimes have people horribly tortured to death, but this was considered to be perfectly acceptable behaviour for a civic ruler and generally approved of by the overhelming majority of citizens. [footnote: The overhelming majority of citizens being defined in this case as everyone not currently hanging upside down over a scorpion pit]

---

There were a few seconds of total silence as everyone waited to see what would happen next. And then Nijel uttered the battle cry that Rincewind would never quite forget to the end of his life. "Erm," he said, "excuse me..."

---

All dwarfs are by nature dutiful, serious, literate, obedient and thoughtful people whose only minor failing is a tendency, after one drink, to rush at enemies screaming "Arrrrrrgh!" and axing their legs off at the knee.

---

"There's a door"
"Where does it go?"
"It stays where it is, I think."

---

Any wizard bright enough to survive for five minutes was also bright enough to realise that if there was any power in demonology, then it lay with the demons. Using it for your own purposes would be like trying to beat mice to death with a rattlesnake.

---

By and large, the only skill the alchemists of Ankh-Morpork had discovered so far was the ability to turn gold into less gold.

---

"What is this thing, anyway?" said the Dean, inspecting the implement in his hands. "It's called a shovel," said the Senior Wrangler. "I've seen the gardeners use them. You stick the sharp end in the ground. Then it gets a bit technical."

---

The Yen Buddhists are the richest religious sect in the universe. They hold that the accumulation of money is a great evil and a burden to the soul. They therefore, regardless of personal hazard, see it as their unpleasant duty to acquire as much as possible in order to reduce the risk to innocent people.

---

"You can't go around building a better world for people. Only people can build a better world for people. Otherwise it's just a cage."

---

Mustrum Ridcully did a lot for rare species. For one thing, he kept them rare.

---

The shortest unit of time in the multiverse is the New York Second, defined as the period of time between the traffic lights turning green and the cab behind you honking.

---

It's not enough to be able to pick up a sword. You have to know which end to poke into the enemy.

---

It is said that whosoever the gods wish to destroy, they first make mad. In fact, whosoever the gods wish to destroy, they first hand the equivalent of a stick with a fizzing fuse and Acme Dynamite Company written on the side. It's more interesting, and doesn't take so long.

---

Natural selection saw to it that professional heroes who at a crucial moment tended to ask themselves questions like "What is my purpose in life?" very quickly lacked both.

---

The person on the other side was a young woman. Very obviously a young woman. There was no possible way that she could have been mistaken for a young man in any language, especially Braille.

---

Nanny Ogg found herself embarrassed to even think about this, and this was unusual because embarrassment normally came as naturally to Nanny as altruism comes to a cat.

---

There were no public health laws in Ankh-Morpork. It would be like installing smoke detectors in Hell.

---

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

---

This is very similar to the suggestion put forward by the Quirmian philosopher Ventre, who said, "Possibly the gods exist, and possibly they do not. So why not believe in them in any case? If it's all true you'll go to a lovely place when you die, and if it isn't then you've lost nothing, right?" When he died he woke up in a circle of gods holding nasty-looking sticks and one of them said, "We're going to show you what we think of Mr Clever Dick in these parts..."

---

One of the universal rules of happiness is: always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

---

"Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life."

---

The world is made up of four elements: Earth, Air, Fire and Water. This is a fact well known even to Corporal Nobbs. It's also wrong. There's a fifth element, and generally it's called Surprise.

---

There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty. The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!

---

"Sometimes I really think people ought to have to pass a proper exam before they're allowed to be parents. Not just the practical, I mean."

---

He hated being thought of as one of those people that wore stupid ornamental armour. It was gilt by association.

---

"Don't put your trust in revolutions. They always come around again. That's why they're called revolutions. People die, and nothing changes."

Bezou Wrote: Almost all of my favourite quotes come from Terry Pratchett books: "There's a door" "Where does it go?" "It stays where it is, I think."

Lol, don't know why, but that line reminded me of Monty Python. Probably because of the British humor....Ohh just thought of some:

I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries
- The French Soldier from Monty Python and the Holy Grail

You don't frighten us, English pig dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called "Arthur King," you and all your silly English K-nig-hts.
-Same as above

Black Knight : Have at you.
King Arthur : You are indeed brave, sir knight, but the fight is mine.
Black Knight : Oh, had enough eh?
King Arthur : Look, you stupid bastard. You've got no arms left.
Black Knight : Yes I have.
King Arthur : Look.
Black Knight : Just a flesh wound.
-Once again MPatHG

"On second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place."
-King Arthur from MPatHG

Damn I wish I had that movie. I haven't watched it in a while, and now I really wish it was at least on tv.