I'm sure that if Chuck Palahniuk were there in front of you. He would slap you, and tell you to come up with something original.

Seriously. You do that, then post the result.

I was training with Kano, he looked at me and frowned, "You seem offgame today Rain whats up?" I looked at him, "Kitana has been stalking me, Mileena tells me to ignre her but she seems to have something important to tell me." Kano looked at me I could tell something was making him nervous he however just played it off, "Lucky you man she has some Jugs on her, I'd personally love to caress them ya' know mate." I just looked at him in discuss. Kitana was waiting outside, I just brushed her off, she was a persistent one. I went to bed, and woke up to here yelling. "You can't lie to me Kahn I know Mileena is NOT my sister, and your not my father, my father is Jerrod! and you killed him!" Shao Kahn just stood there and smiled. Baraka, and Mileena came from nowhere and attacked her. She kicked Mileena in the jaw, but Baraka smashed right into her, she slid across the floor. Mileena got up and grabbed her by the neck, Kitana wrapped her legs around Mileenas neck, and slung her down to the ground. Baraka came at her but Kitana pulled out those damn fans and cut him down the stomach. He passed out now nobody was stopping her from Shao Kahn. I grabbed her around the throat, she whispered to me, "Meet me in Shang Tsungs courtyard, tonight at midnight." I dropped her down, and she ran off. Shao Kahn just looked at me in shame, and fear.

How old are you? I'm just a bit curious.

The story could use a LOT of improvement, but at least it wasn't something that I refused to read (That's a compliment, in case you can't tell, Lol)

Ah, man, really how long did it took that you've came up with this?
No offense but thats, well, shall we say, immature for Rain.

Shao Kahn punished me severly for letting Kitana escape, I knew I had to kill him or her. Kitana seemed like quite the bitch though as she kept getting me in trouble. Tonight I decided I would kill her. I looked at the clock it was only 3:00 in the day, I trained in a concealed room striking small objects with bolts of lightening. I did this until 12:00 finally came around. I put two short blades in my belt, and left ready for a fight. Kitana was already there she didn't look ready to fight so I relaxed a little bit. I walked up to her, staring a hole right through her body, deciding where my shortblades would her the most. "Rain I'm happy you showed I got something to tell you do you know who your father is?" she looked at me hoping I'd answer, I just looked right at her ready to strike the whore for wasting my time. "Your father is Shao Kahn..." I pulled out my blades "You lie my father was a great man and an Edenian!" Kitana looked at me and shook her head, "Do you not see Shao Kahn as great? you serve him as if he is your master, a god even!" I was about to strike her then but I needed to defend myself, "I serve him out of the fear of dying, but now its your turn to die!" I ran at her and connected with a swift blow to her gut she collasped gasping for air, I kicked her across the face and she flipped on her back. I was now ready for the killing blow I raised my foot up high, and brought it down to her temple, she put her hands up and blocked it, tossing me back off my feet. I noticed she had come more prepared than I thought. "Come join me and your homeland, we can defeat your father Shao Kahn," she whispered then in a swirl of color she dissapeared. I went back to the castle Shao Kahn had me an assignment. "In Earthrealm there is one named Stryker, he is causing quite a stir kill him!" I now had someone to take my anger out on. I traveled to Earthrealm and on the way there had time to think about what Kitana said, Shao Kahn would pay but only when the time was right. For now Stryker would have to feel that pain. Stryker wasn't hard to find, the fool went around boasting about himself, even challenging me to Mortal Kombat, he had this object he called a gun, and tried to shoot me with it, I kicked it out of his hand, and smacked him in the face knocking him on his fat ass. I smashed his nose with my foot he screamed in pain as I heard the sound of breaking cartlidge and screams of agony. He pulled out this three sided black stick, that hurt like hell, and stroke me right in the ringcage with it, his face was extremely bloody, he raised that thing above his head ready to strike a fatal blow to my nech, but I made a bolt of lightening strike the metal stick, thusly using his body as a human lightening rod. I could smell his innards cooking, and his skin was turning a golden brown color, and finally started peeling off his bones. A truly amazing sight, I knew this would make an impression on those Earthrealm fools.

I don't think he's even listening to us.

I have been What do you want me to improve on?

C'mon whats wrong wit' it?

Shao Kahn was extremely pleased with my work, he praised me and made me a general of his armies. He seemed proud of me even, too proud Mileena had done more than I and she was never a general perhaps what Kitana said was true. I wonder what Shao Kahn would say if I told him I knew he was my father? However being a general made me a cruel, and merciless being. I had already tortured multiple enemies of Shao Kahn, however it seemed Kitana was always one step a head of me. Mileena, and I had an ambush set up for the bitch that should work. We found the corpse of Queen Sindel, and Shang Tsung reanimated her body at a point where she was a servant of the evil. Surely she wouldn't strike her own mother. Earthrealm alliance fought us in a battle Liu Kang, Kung Lao, Jax, Sonya, and Kitana surely couldn't defeat our team of elites. I wanted to fight Kitana so badly, but Shao Kahn insisted I fight Jax. Kung Lao was fighting my master Shao Kahn, and Sheeva was loosing to Liu Kang. Jax smashed me with his metallic arms, he then picked me up, and slung me to the floor by my arm. My master finally managed to kill Kung Lao, which intensified Earthrealms forces. Liu Kang defeated Sheeva, and Sonya somehow managed to beat Motaro. We were about to lose even more. We fled, everyone except Sindel, whom had been defeated by Kitana, and resurected to the Earthrealm side. I thought to myself how could I have joined the wrong side? I joined Shao Kahn in fear of dying and now it seemed my death was inevitable on this side, they defeated Sheeva, and Motaro! I knew what I had to do...

First of all, feel free to go slowly, it feels like you're trying to rush it and get as much in as possible, and re-word things often, for example, instead of saying "He just stood there, staring at me" say something like "His lack of movement or words spoke volumes to me" Stuff like that, if you can possibly fit in a less known word, then do so, it makes it sound more intelligent, and often will give it a more original feel.

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