sitebender Wrote:
I was bored, so I dreamed up American Pie situations for the characters in what I call Armageddon Pie.
ARMAGEDDON PIE
ONAGA - MOLOCH - TANYA - LI MEI
Moloch has never had a father
Moloch looks similar to Onaga = Daddy!
Onaga teaches his son about destroying heros
Tanya fears Onaga, so she's with him
Li Mei wants power, she wants Onaga
Li Mei fights Tanya for Onaga's love
"Oh-Naga," says Li Mei
Moloch gets Tanya as sloppy seconds
GORO - SHEEVA - MOTARO - KINTARO
Goro has a pregnant wife Sheeva
Sheeva is on maternity leave from guarding Sindel
Sheeva has the baby
the baby has horse legs
Sheeva had a fling with Motaro
Goro fights Motaro
but wait... the baby looks like Kintaro and is bald like Kintaro
Goro fight Kintaro
Kintaro beats up Goro and walks away with Sheeva
DRAHMIN - MEAT
Drahmin is a skinless oni
Meat is a skinless living corpse
Together they go mask shopping for Meat so they can match
Upon buying Meat a mask, Meat tells Drahmin that he needs no mask
Drahmin takes off his own mask
Meat sighs at how ugly Drahmin is...
Meat says "budderface" now put the mask back on
... but they can still be friends
FUJIN - RAYDEN
Fujin tells Rayden that mortals cannot find happiness...
... without intervention from the elder gods
Rayden makes a bet with Fujin the mortals can
the bet is to become the god of wind and thunder
... winner take all
... it was dumb they had separate gods for each
NITARA - CYRAX - SEKTOR
Nitara and Cyrax have a mutually bennificial relationship
Cyrax is the only one to endure a relationship with Nitara
... because she is an evil, jealous woman
... that must talk with him 24/7
Sektor has envy of the relationship Nitara and Cyrax have
Sektor dyes himself yellow
Sektor finds Cyrax home alone on the phone with Nitara
a fight ensues
Sektor picks up the phone... "sorry about that, Reptile broke in"
... Nitara does not suspect
REPTILE - KNAMELEON
Reptile complains about his ex Nitara to Knameleon
Reptile is thankful Knameleon only talks when its important
Knameleon says she has a secret
... "I am a reptile too" then shows her long tongue
"I am Reptile" says Reptile
Knameleon reiterates "I am a Reptile too"
"I am Reptile" says Reptile
Knameleon laughs saying, "wow your stupid..."
... "thankfully you have that long tail for me to look at"
HOTARU - DARIUS - DAROU - HAVOK
Chaos soon consumes the world that Hotaru, Darius and Darou share
Havok is intrieged and enters through a portal
... the new man Havok collects intriege himself when he enters a club
"well hello" says Hotaru... "would you like to join my club?"
"we fight for order," he says. Havok replies "nice uniform soldier"
Havok and Hotaru leave the club looking for a fight
Darou and Darius are found in the alley next to a dumpster
"this is not orderly," says Hotaru
"and Darius, you stole your weapons from Fullgore," he continues
a fight breaks out with the four of them
darou and havok end up in the dumpster
havok turns his head around to celebrate a victory
hotaru calls him a freak... havok sobs
BO RAI CHU - SHUJINKO
The creepy fat man...
the young warrior turned elderly man have known each other well
Bo Rai Chu would dress as Santa when Shujinko was young
Shujinko now knows...
...Liu Kang and Kung Lao eagerly face death in Mortal Kombat
KITANA - JADE - RAIN - MILEENA - BARAKA - LIU KANG - KIE - KUNG LAO - SINDEL - KAHN
Kitana has moved out away from the palace
She has three best friends and a roommate
One best friend has not been seen since she found a powerful boyfriend
Her next friend Rain, secretly is in love with Kitana
Kitana is unimpressed with Rain...
... "umm water... that sure is special"
Her final friend Jade tells Kitana...
"your roommate is weird, she just dyed her hair black..."
"and cut it like yours..."
Rain adds, "but she shows a lot more skin than you ever did"
Mileena is her roommate
Kitana has a non boyfriend...
Liu Kang tells his friends Kie and Kung Lao...
"Kitana and I are just friends"
Kie and Kung Lao always tell him, "you are just friends, but..."
"you sleepover, and she invites you to holiday dinners at the palace"
Liu Kang stands firm they are just friends
At Christmas, with Kitana asleep, Liu Kang roams the palace
Sindel is awake too and bumps into Liu
She comments "its so good my daughter has a strong friend like you."
"Many people try to hurt her now that she is out on her own."
"Like her roommate's boyfriend," asks Liu
"That freak has swords coming out of his arms"
Sindel replies, "You got it, and thats not all you got..."
"So you and my daughter are just friends..."
"... that means you are free to date."
"I suppose," replies Liu
Sindel smirks "how do you feel about grey hair and glowing eyes?"
Liu is horrified, "Mrs. Kahn!"
"My husband has been dead for so long," says Sindel
"Besides that, I tried with Rain, and I am not sure what he likes"
Liu thought to himself before telling her, "okay lets go for it"
Shortly after there is a disturbance at the palace.
Its Kahn!
Kahn finds Liu with Sindel and says...
"I have been gone and come home to this?"
"But you are dead" cries Sindel
Kahn laughs, taunting her while saying, "You fool, no one stays dead!"
Kahn goes after Liu
With the help of Sindel and an awakened Kitana Liu is spared
Liu cannot return to the palace again
Liu is spared from Kahn's wrath for his daughter's emotional sake
Kie and Kung Lao are killed in Liu's place
Kahn sent Baraka to kill them both
Kitana appologized for her father sending his mineon to kill them
"There is one way you can make it up to me," says Liu
"I know just how," eagerly said Kitana!
They soon found themselves at Kitana's apartment
When they are in the bedroom Kitana tells Liu to "close your eyes"
The bedroom door is then broken down
It is Kitana screaming "Mileena get away from him!"
Liu opens his eyes to find Mileena's sharp teeth infront of him
Kitana and Mileena then get into a cat fight
SHINNOK - REIKO
Reiko wearing Shao Kahn's helmet
Shinnok wearing his tall hat
They are left with an awkward moment...
Shinnok says, "Did you know for the first month..."
"I called you Ermac?"
"Yeah I knew," says Reiko, "that is why I changed my look"
Shinnok compliments him, "I like it. Its very Kahn like."
"Thanks I just found the helmet lying at the steps" says Reiko
ERMAC - ASHRAH
Wandering through the Neatherealm...
"I've found you," says Ashrah
"I did not know you were back in the realm," replies Ermac
"I left something behind when I left," says Ashrah.
Ermac reaches behind him, "your sword I found."
Ashrah smiles and says "you always did collect junk..."
"but I am back for you Ermac."
Ermac tells her, "I am not a demon, you are not here to kill me."
"No, I am here to fill your desert heart with love..."
says Ashrah giving him an embrace...
Ermac drops the sword to the sand, before they walk off
KENSHI - NIGHTWOLF
Sonya introduces Nightwolf to Kenshi "you two will get alone fine"
Nightwolf asks "are you related to Jago?"
"no" says Kenshi
"Blind huh?" asks Nightwolf
"I would see if I took off this wrap," replies Nightwolf
"Love is blind too..." says Nightwolf
Kenshi says nothing...
KABAL - MAVADO - KOBRA - KIRA
Kabal hates Mavado for stealing his hook swords
Kabal needs a can opener to open his helmet
Kobra loves Kira, despite their last encounter
Kabal is the mentor of Kira
Kira loves the masked man and wants to see under the mask
Mavado and Kira secretly have a relationship
... despite being from two opposing gangs
... a relationship against her father Kano's wishes
... and her mother Sonya prefers to stay out of her black sheep life
Love squares are so difficult in life
KANO - JAREK - SONYA - JAX - TSU HAO
Kano loves Sonya
They've had Kira together, even if Sonya does not realize it
Jarek and Kano met to discuss laser eye implants
Jarek is Kano's new friend...
... but only to get close to Sonya
Sonya is ditzy when it comes to the men in her life
Jax looks out for her like an older brother
He knows what happened to Sonya's last man...
... Kano killed him in a fit of pashion / rage
Tsu Hao fell in love with Jax durring their training...
Tsu Hao tried to let Jax know his interests
... by wearing the leather biker hats
STRYKER - CAGE - MOKAP
Curtis met Johnny through Mokap
Johnny needed a corrections officer for his latest movie with Mokap
... Caged Heat
What happens off screen will make tabloids
Sonya will shake her head saying "I knew it"
SCORPION - BLAZE
Scorpion tired of killing endless warriors on his way to vengence
there was one warrior he could not kill though
a man of fire, Blaze
two warriors with a burning pashion
for killing
with Scorpion's family in the heavens, they would not know
TSUNG - QUAN CHI - SAREENA - SUB-ZERO - FROST - NOOB - SMOKE
Quan Chi loathes Sub-Zero and must kill him...
... kill him before Scorpion figures out Quan hired Sub
Quan Chi hires an assassin... Sareena to kill Sub-Zero
One look she is in love with the rugged man
With their first encounter Sareena fails and is smitten
Tsung asks Quan "how can WE conquer the world..."
"... when YOU are always trying to kill ninjas?"
Tsung hires an assassin of his own...
He hires Sub-Zero's sidekick, Frost to kill Quan Chi
Frost and Sub-Zero do away with Quan Chi
Frost steals the amulet of Quan Chi, because it is nice "bling"
Frost is frozen into ice by its power
As Quan Chi is pulled through to the neatherealm...
Noob Saibot and Smoke escape
Noob lays eyes on the ice princess and is interested...
... she has freezing powers... if they were a couple
... they would leave nothing in Earthrealm warm
Smoke finds Noob's interest in Frost...
... Every robot needs someone to program it
... Smoke fears Noob will have less time to spend with him
Smoke smashes Frost
With Quan Chi gone, Sareena does not have to kill Sub-Zero
Sub-Zero and Sareena walk away together
Leaving Noob to reprogram Smoke so he is less jealous
And when teachers ask kids to write a two page paper, they bitch and complain about the length.
What else do you do on your computer that's so productive?
