Character Story: Rorak
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08/11/2007 02:28 PM (UTC)by
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Black-Rose
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02/22/2005 05:06 PM (UTC)
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OneBeing
04/28/2006 08:13 PM (UTC)
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its not the best but i like it.
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Black-Rose
04/28/2006 09:49 PM (UTC)
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OneBeing Wrote:
its not the best but i like it.


I didn't intent it to be the best, just one of them wink
Thanks for your comment!
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Libra
04/28/2006 10:43 PM (UTC)
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Awesome. Another writing well done. Very detailed (as always). Keep it up.
another good piece of writing Black-Rose i give it a 4.5/5

i especially liked the idea of him being a soldier of the Dragon Kings mumified army and how his story runs parallel to MK:DA and MK:D. i can really see him becoming a super-unlockable,lol

just a few things i would change, or rather add to, i think you could explain how he formed his alliance with Scorpion better, Rorak seemed to change alligence too easily with little convincing and little doubt on whatever he was told by Scorpion/Reptile to be true/false.

also i dont imagine the Ninja Spectre hell-bent on revenge readily accepting new allies that would most likely slow him down, maybe you could add a test Rorak had to pass to prove his worthiness.

i also have a small problem with the ending too, the Dragon King/Onaga armies where so powerful because he could always ressurect them each time they were slayed, thats what made them unbeatable, thus he story could end with him having to serve Onaga for all eternity, traped and powerless in the mummified remains. plus if you use this idea you can do a follow up story of Rorak breaking free, then spending his un-dying years atoning for all the evil he was forced to do.

hey but thats only a few pointers, hope they help smile, nonetherless it was still a great story to read grin.
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Black-Rose
04/29/2006 12:51 AM (UTC)
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CrispyDragon Wrote:
another good piece of writing Black-Rose i give it a 4.5/5

i especially liked the idea of him being a soldier of the Dragon Kings mumified army and how his story runs parallel to MK:DA and MK:D. i can really see him becoming a super-unlockable,lol

just a few things i would change, or rather add to, i think you could explain how he formed his alliance with Scorpion better, Rorak seemed to change alligence too easily with little convincing and little doubt on whatever he was told by Scorpion/Reptile to be true/false.

also i dont imagine the Ninja Spectre hell-bent on revenge readily accepting new allies that would most likely slow him down, maybe you could add a test Rorak had to pass to prove his worthiness.

i also have a small problem with the ending too, the Dragon King/Onaga armies where so powerful because he could always ressurect them each time they were slayed, thats what made them unbeatable, thus he story could end with him having to serve Onaga for all eternity, traped and powerless in the mummified remains. plus if you use this idea you can do a follow up story of Rorak breaking free, then spending his un-dying years atoning for all the evil he was forced to do.

hey but thats only a few pointers, hope they help smile, nonetherless it was still a great story to read grin.


Well, to answer your first question with Scorpion and Rorak, you would have to read the character concept before understanding it. Look at the top of the page, and you will find a link to it. The who basic review part was just bits from the older version (the character concept). What you see now is his actually story.

Scorpion not accepting some new alliances is nature to Scorpion, but according to my character concept submission, they made alliances a few moments before he became a "rageing" specter. So they were basically alliances every since.

Now to your mummified army point. I was looking at it since Shang Tsung put the souls into the mummified army, that when he was destroyed, then all of their souls were realeased from the skeletons. I didn't say anything about the actually bodies being destroyed. Yes, Onaga could resurrect them, but chances are that it wouldn't be the same soul... at least that is what would happen in my world!

Thanks for the constructive comment dude, I always accept those!
Black-Rose
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StreetKing
04/29/2006 03:18 AM (UTC)
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nice job 4.8/5

Only one pointer though. How would Scorpion know of Rorak as being Decorat. He is not an elder god like Raiden and Rorak became in Outworld wheras Scorpion was in the Nettherealm. Either way nice job
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Black-Rose
04/29/2006 03:24 AM (UTC)
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StreetKing Wrote:
nice job 4.8/5

Only one pointer though. How would Scorpion know of Rorak as being Decorat. He is not an elder god like Raiden and Rorak became in Outworld wheras Scorpion was in the Nettherealm. Either way nice job


No no, you see, you have to read the first part to this.
That is why I put a link up on the front part of the page.
Read it, and it will answer your questions.
Thanks for the comments!
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SubMan799
04/29/2006 08:39 AM (UTC)
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Nice one man!
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Black-Rose
04/29/2006 05:00 PM (UTC)
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SubMan799 Wrote:
Nice one man!

Thanks man! smile
More of my work is on the progress!
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StreetKing
05/01/2006 12:27 AM (UTC)
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Oh okay. Great Job 5/5!
if i could that might be worth a dragon point.
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JAWSMAN94
08/08/2007 05:39 PM (UTC)
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Dude im knew here to Mk online and I honestly think that this character is very imaginable. I'm actually writing my own character story.

Hope you make a knew storygringrinfuriousfurioustonguetongue
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redman
08/08/2007 05:59 PM (UTC)
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JAWSMAN94 Wrote:
Dude im knew here to Mk online and I honestly think that this character is very imaginable. I'm actually writing my own character story.

Hope you make a knew storygringrinfuriousfurioustonguetongue

Please refrain from Bumping old threads. That's a rule here at MKO.
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RaisnCain
08/11/2007 11:48 AM (UTC)
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redman Wrote:
JAWSMAN94 Wrote:
Dude im knew here to Mk online and I honestly think that this character is very imaginable. I'm actually writing my own character story.

Hope you make a knew storygringrinfuriousfurioustonguetongue

Please refrain from Bumping old threads. That's a rule here at MKO.


He is allowed to bump a Fan Submission, as long as it has a good portion of something critique. But, it wasn't.

Easy on the emoticons too man. wink

But, he is new here, so welcome to MKO!
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KingBellsprout
08/11/2007 02:28 PM (UTC)
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I am usually not a fan of user submitted stories but this one really had my attention. 4.9/5
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