Give it up, dude. This post has gone on way too long. you know. I think your story sucks. Don't you flame me. Don't double post. Don't write anymore. Save us from this torture, please. Your "Dream Demons" isn't your work. It is a Stephen King novel.

Man, I'm so confused. This guy is tripping me out.

Hey, man. This guy is tripping me out, too.

What do you guys know. Hey, Chrisjamezwood! We almost have the same user. I'm the one with the better user name though.

If it's transparent, you're referring the visual, so you don't need to describe it as an appearance ("looking").

It seems like you're trying to evoke a very specific and uncomfortable asthetic, but you've arguably overloaded the front-end of the sentence.
Your adjectives are either unnecessarily repetitive, contradictory, or vague to a point of irrelevance.
Sometimes one of the most important rules of writing is to concede the loss of words and descriptions you might wish to keep. It doesn't necessarily have to make your work laconic, but opening sentences in particular should be clean, even with deep meaning.

You could evoke similar response with a tangent better justified than cumbersome description of one detail. The simplest way would be to condense your first few sentences into one paragraph, without being afraid of simple language.


Sunlight casts a gentle glow over one half of Jennifer's room.
She turns away. Turning her back on the sticky golden-brown narcotic that filters the outside light. She flinches. Cold, stainless steel pierces the supple skin of her right arm. She tenses as the liquid fills her vein, spreading gradual relaxtion throughout her body.

Ease warms her muscles.
It is the calm before the storm as an overwhelming sense of peace washes over Jennifer. Her world begins to change. Ultra Reality is about to become hers.


I'm not the biggest prose fan in the world, but I think most would agree good writing is about communicating the experience cleanly. Your running commentary was almost certainly more effort than it was worth.

Consider this tip, if nothing else, an opportunity to reflect on your rampant posts and overestimation of yourself. The last thing I feel like doing is holding a class during my free time, but it looked like you could really use the help. Even if you are only writing summaries and blurbs.

At this point, maybe we can all start ignoring you now, until you either go away, or get yourself banned (again).

Mick-Lucifer... Thanks.

Is this better? "The needle pricks her supple skin. "Ouch!' Jennerfer looks away. The sunlight makes the dirty brown liquid even more vivid. Half of the room has become lighter. She lays down. Her world suddenly changes. She goes into Ultra Reality." Or this. "The Doctor comes walking into the room with a device. Jennifer has never saw such a device before. He turns the device on, She looks away. He sticks the IV into her arm. Suddenly Jennifer feels really high. She starts to make a grin not trying to laugh over the unfamilar sensation. The relaxation of her body opens her mind to ultimate reality. She then enters Ultra Reality right before her eyes." Or, "Jennifer is a bit frightened of needles. But she is dare to go on with the procedure. As the doctor gets up off the chair. Jennifer can see that he has a short needle in his bare hands. She suddenly looks away. He grabs her arm harshly and sticks her with the needle as she tries to unintentionally fight the insertion. She suddenly calms down. The effects of this substance is making her body feel totally numb. Her eyes become dilated as Ultra Reality becomes her own" Or this: "The needle went into the skin. Jennifer felt a rush. She became high. The doctor made a grin. She then started to grin, trying to not laugh. Her body went completely numb. She suddenly felt as if she were in space when the moment of the insertion. She starts to slip into Ultra Reality before her eyes.

Awesome shit my favorite part would probably have to be where Jennifer starts to get high and becomes the Ultra Reality. The effects sort of remind me of taking a shot of heroin then downing a few bottles of good ol' DXM. :D

You really like that part? Reply back.

MICK LUCIFAH


vaginaz....=D

I was going to make "Ultra Reality" part of the story originally "Virtual Reality". What do you all think?

I knew this thread would end up getting bigger than both Kang and Randper Kombat put together...how sad.

Probably because the author replies 1-3 times to every person that comments.

Dood, dis iznt a eNGLISH grammer messaj bored. who givz a flying PHUK if he didnt whant to show erspect to gOD and capitolize hiz NaME?!!!!

Can someone please just close these seeing how his other threads are exactly like this? Pathetic flame wars with no reason.

Though, seeing how mostly every fourm you go on, there's some Noob flooding the pages with senseless flame wars. BOOOOOooooooring!

CHEERS!

The three adults enter UR. They are unfamiliar with the environment of the simulation type. They aren't video game players. To their knowlegde they never played a game like this before. - John found himself walking down a dark street. He didn't know what to really do. He starting walking on the sidewalk. He can hear dogs barking. A little ways down, John walks passed a house as a black dog barks at him from behind the closed gate. Somehow the dog escapes and barks after him. John suddenly turns around and sees the black dog charge after him. The dog leaps onto John and pulls him down as the dog bits down onto John's arm. He found himself in another place without a single scratch on him.

What do you think of the above post?

I still don't think that it's your work, that's what I think of it.

CHEERS!

I can CHEERS to that!

Cheers!

Who dares disrupt my life with a PM about a thread I wouldn't care about!
If I had a ban hammer I'd go Gallagher on your ass!

Seriously? I wish someone ban you right now. Seeing how the entire site pretty much told you on your threads that you are nothing but an annoyence who makes three comments to one person wiht some pathetic insult that's not really an insult.

Your stories are plagerize because you already admitted that, and you don't get it when people are telling you to stop. So please, do something that can get you banned otherwise, stop being so annoying once and a while and actually do something that people will like you.

And knock it off with the CHEERS thing, because you're making it less fun to write it.

CHEERS!

I've fix the grammatical errors.
I hope you all like it!?
CHEERS!

A golden transparent-looking narcotic substance that looks to be alcohol-related is about to be inserted into the skin intravenously. The substance hits the sunlight that creates a luminous glow through the half of the room as Jennifer looks away from the reflection of the shine of the sun beaming down on the intravenous tub that hangs off a sterile metal instrument that is nearby. The intravenous needle pricks her semi-soft skin as she flinches a bit as well as her looking away from the insertion of the needie into the skin of her right arm. Jennifer suddenly felt the impact of this powerful liquid narcotics influence at almost after the exact moment the needle went into the right arm. She then feels an overwhemling sense of peace and openness as her body becomes oppressively numb. Jennifer had felt like she still had basic control of the moving of her body. She then notices that she could not at all move around. This is where Jennifer starts to feel the oppression of the surrounding hollow mechanically-suited environment. All of a sudden everything (in her vision) has morphed into a simulation-like 3-D environment right before her very eyes. She has entered, now, into UR [Ultra-Reality] -- the surealism-made 3-D applications is an all-new state of consciousness (a state of mind), of which is a theoretical possibility.

She (Jennifer White) walked down a long dark corridor, noticing the several drops of blood on the white-and-black checkered floor: She pays no attention, for it is immensely unimportant to the surrounding forsaken environment. A cold breeze swept the hallway as a couple of ceiling lights dangle back and forth as we can hear an unidentified source of noise that emulates in 3-D. She takes out her handgun from the holster about her left leg and pulls it up toward the overwhelming darkness that is more than a few meters in front of Jennifer. The imagery of this particular area is like a long gallery of grotesque photography of animal-looking human beings that have been badly mutiliated beyond identification of any type. Jennifer is starting to show panic as she can feel her murmur heart beating very fast and hard. We can see she is mildly shaking by the nervous-looking shake of fright. She sees something (or somethings) in the static-looking blackness of the dark, a-something morbid and uncanny. She decides by instinct to catwalk her way through the corridor seemingly slow walking and slightly kneeling.

Oh, yeah. I almost forgot.... I stoled it from Stephen King.

cany ou draw a picture of jennifer

I guess this was always going to be out of the question...