Mortal Kombat: Bankruptcy
An epic tale by Bezo

“It was not by chance that this struggle came to be. The blame falls squarely upon my shoulders for allowing greed the chance it needed to strike back against-”
“Shaddup.”
“What?” said the narrator.
“I said shaddup! What part don’t you understand, Shujinko?”
Shujinko paused for a moment, taking the opportunity to enjoy a Dorito.
“It could be either the shad or the dup, really. Or is it divided into sha and ddup? Shadd and up?” Shujinko groaned. “I cannot comprehend your intructions, Damashi.”
“For the last time, Shujinko, it’s Onaga. I am the Dragon King. For centuries, I ruled the Outworld. I was assassinated by that traitorous peon, Shao Kahn.You freed me. I ran amok. There were Kamidogu. You stopped me. We fought on a pyramid for some stupid reason and now we’re roommates trying to get by in a world that no longer needs us.”
Shujinko surveyed the small apartment that the two former enemies shared. On a small chunk of cinderblock in front of him was a false cardboard TV from Ikea. To his left, on the arm of the sofa, was an assortment of dirty magazines from Outworld featuring wasteland mutants doing what they did best, only naked. To his right was Onaga, a giant dragon-man wearing a cutoff T-shirt and little else. Onaga had once been adorned in glorious golden battle armor, but had sold it all for beer money over the last few months. Shujinko sat and wondered how exactly his 87 year life of adventure had culminated in this.
“It was not by chance that this living arrangement came to be.”
“Will you cut that out?” Onaga said, drawing himself to his impressively full height of twelve feet, five inches. “Your constant narration is pissing me off. Shut your face or I’ll shove my foot so far up your ass that your false teeth will end up smashing right through our fake TV!”
“Yes Damashi,” Shujinko said, with a sigh. “I will do as you ask.”
At this, Onaga leapt with a roar over to Shujinko’s side of their couch and proceeded to beat the crap out of Shujinko for three and a half hours. Afterwards, they called for a truce and ordered a pizza.

Meanwhile at Florida Super Maximum Security Prison, Shao Kahn walked towards his fate in his orange jumpsuit, accompanied by a platoon of guards in full body armor, each armed with a high-calibre machine gun and each aiming it meaningfully at the Emperor of Outworld’s head as they marched. Kahn appeared not to notice them.
After the events of the superhero invasion, the financial structure of the universe had collapsed and only Earthrealm managed to avoid being liquidated by the servants of the Eldest Gods, known as the Auditors of Reality. Outworld, Chaos Realm, Seido, Edenia, all dismantled and sold off. Consequently, that meant Shao Kahn was trapped in Earthrealm. He wasn’t about to take that lying down, however. His rampage through the wasteland which had once been known as Miami had decimated buildings and infrastructure that had been designed to withstand even the mightiest of hurricanes. In the end, tt had taken the combined might of the US Army, Raiden and a tactical nuclear warhead to finally take him down. While unconscious, he was quickly tried for 387,212 counts of assault, 49,833 counts of manslaughter, 9,431,562 counts of destruction of property over a million dollars and over 4,000 other assorted crimes against humanity. During the trial, many beloved public figures inexplicably testified on Kahn’s behalf, but they were all revealed to be Shang Tsung in disguise. Found guilty after less than 3 seconds of deliberation by the jury, Shao Kahn was sentenced to death by any means necessary, which the state had decided meant combining every method of capital punishment at once. He would be shot, electrocuted, lethally injected, hung, stabbed, decapitated, drawn, quartered and forced to play Mortal Kombat: Special Forces. He was quite confident that he would be able to survive most of this, but Shao Kahn knew well that Mortal Kombat: Special Forces was capable of making even the most sensible of people end their own lives rather than play it. He wondered to himself as he walked towards the death chamber if he should kill his guards outright or wait until they tried to execute him. He glanced back at the guards with their high-tech weaponry and smirked. Either way would be good.

“Holy shit, Liu!” Johnny Cage yelled, attempting to smack his friend on the shoulder and utterly missing because of the insubstantial nature of the Earthrealm champion. Cage looked back at Liu Kang’s raised eyebrow. “Oh right, ghost. Whatever, look at the TV!”
“I didn’t realize it was already that day,” said the spirit of Liu Kang, glowing green in an incorporeal way. On the TV, Shao Kahn walked towards the execution chamber.
“Think they’ll actually be able to kill him?” Cage asked, taking a huge mouthful of popcorn and washing it down with his favourite drink: a gin and tonic, sans tonic.
“I doubt it,” said Liu Kang grimly. “I am endowed with power beyond mortal understanding thanks to my standing as Champion of Mortal Kombat and even I have only ever managed to bother Shao Kahn.”
“I guess either way it makes for good TV,” Johnny Cage nodded, downing another handful of popcorn. “What I don’t understand is why you’re still here. Shouldn’t you have ascended to the heavens or joined the pantheon of Elder Gods or something by now. Or hell, even get a cheapie resurrection. I miss the Liu Kang you could arm wrestle with.”
“I do not understand it myself, Johnny.”
“I mean, look at me. I’ve died more times than Buffy the Vampire Slayer and I’m still here, kicking ass and taking names.”
“Yes. You are,” Liu Kang said with a grunt.
“Well, I can’t wait to see how this execution turns out. Thank god for pay-per-view, am I right?” Johnny Cage said with a huge grin.

“It is time,” said Bezou, leader of the Eldest Gods. Before him, adorned in identical, heavy, grey robes, stood the innumerable Auditors of Reality.
“It is time,” said the Auditors in unison, the echo of voices beyond number resonating through the heavens..
“We were unable to stabilize the financial structure of the universe, even after liquidating the other realms. Even after merging briefly with the realm of superheroes. There is only one course remaining to us. Earthrealm must be liquidated.”
“Earthrealm must be liquidated,” said the Auditors.
“However, I feel it only fair to give them one more chance,” said Bezou.
“Aw,” said the Auditors.
“And so the chosen warriors will fight against the Eldest Gods ourselves in Mortal Kombat.”
“Why?” said the Auditors.
“Well, when we crush them in defeat, then we’ll be able to liquidate Earthrealm with a clear conscious.”
“We’re ok with liquidating it now,” said the Auditors.
“Yes, well this is tradition,” said Bezou.
“It’s a stupid tradition,” muttered the Auditors in muffled unison.
“Well, we’re doing it anyway so you’d better get used to the idea!”
A long silence hung in the air.
“Can we liquidate the non-Earthrealm warriors who were stranded on Earthrealm?” the Auditors unisoned, eventually.
“No. They will fight against us as well,” Bezou said, getting slightly annoyed.
“But-“
“Shut up, all of you. The will of the Eldest Gods can be challenged by NONE. Now go forth and make spreadsheets or whatever it is you people do for fun.”
“There is no fun,” said the Auditors.
“Then just go away,” Bezou said. “I have other business to attend to.”
With that, the Auditors vanished Bezou let out a long, drawn out sigh.
“Those guys love their job way too much.”