3.
Kahn stepped back and forth before his staff. The three figures that stood before him were stoic and stern, looking on at their master with obedient eyes. Reiko had only half finished his makeup when Kahn had yelled for them to attend him, and felt silly as he caught a glance of himself in the mirror across the hall. Skarlet was dressed in her regular skimpy ninja outfit, so small her breasts were half hanging out and her tiny loincloth exposing an inch of buttcrack. Jade had redressed herself in her green top and skirt. All three watched their master pace back and forth irritably. Eventually Kahn came to a full stop.
"Right, here's how it's going to go down. You all know the drill." One of his fists shoved out and pointed to Reiko.
"You! You will carry, disperse, and ferry foods from the kitchen to our esteemed guests."
Reiko glanced about, not sure what he was hearing.
"But, I'm not a waite..." He started.
"Silence!" Yelled Kahn, tossing Reiko his serving outfit, "You will do as you're told. You!"
He pointed to Jade, who straightened out of her slouch.
"Your job is to look after my daughters, make sure they keep out of trouble, and that no guests overstep themselves in the games room. Understood?"
Jade gave a salute, "Of course sir!"
"Excellent, now go get into your party outfit. I expect to see you in it within the hour. My esteemed guests have come to expect it."
Jade grumbled, wisely under her breath. Kahn turned to the last of the three. Skarlet nodded in assent.
"Your duty is to stand there, look pretty and make sure my wife doesn't drink too much. You all remember what happened last time. With the hot tub."
A murmur of assent went around the room solemnly. Skarlet gave a bow. Kahn, turning his back to his servants, rubbed his chin.
"Now...what else needs to be done? Reiko! Send word to the chef that everything is in readiness. Begin the meal!"
Reiko shot off as fast as he could run, tugging his pocket mirror from his belt as he went, and trying to remember how to do his sexy Crow makeup.
"I'm forgetting something." Kahn mused, before his eyes fell on a single hair of his wives that had fallen to the floor. No one else had eight feet long hair.
"Knackers! Jade, hand me your.....personal....long wave...personal communication.....device...."
"Cellphone sir."
"Cellphone! Hand me your cellphone. I need to make a call. About your business!" He yelled. The two women shot off in opposite directions.
Kahn tapped his foot in frustration as he keyed in the number. He held the tiny green motorola to his ear tentatively, constantly annoyed at having to communicate at anyone who he couldn't see was kneeling. The other line picked up.
"Rai Cho dry cleaning?" The voice answered. Kahn could hear a Jackie Chan movie playing in the background.
"Are you kneeling?"
"Sir?"
"Nothing. Nevermind. I am calling to demand the return of my wife's evening wear." Kahn spoke, his dominating emperor voice less impressive over the phone.
"Oh mister Corn, yes yes it's ready for pickup." The voice answered, and Kahn could swear he could hear the sound of a bottle being upended.
"Pickup!" Kahn roared, bringing a foot down so hard the floorboards splintered.
"Yes sir. We open for another half hour tonight."
"Unacceptable! Send it by courier immediately. My wife will not attend the dinner party naked. Again."
"That'll be extra." The voice teased, and then belched.
"Fine! It must be here within ten minutes, or I will travel to your store and pull you in half."
"Thankyou sir byebye!" The voice on the other line drawled, before a great fart echoed through the speaker and the line went dead.
Kahn glanced at the phone, confused by all this Earthrealm technology, and dropped it into the hole he'd stamped in the floor. Dragging a carpet corner over it, Kahn stepped off into the dining room.
Reiko sprinted into the kitchen. The doors of the roasting ovens blared flame at him, and the whole room felt like hell. The chef stood solemnly behind the chopping table, his body held in motionless meditation.
"Chef! All's ready, get to preparing the first courses."
"Excellent." The hollow, deep voice whispered from beneath his white chef's hat. Tossing out an arm, the chef tossed a brutal spiked spear into a hunk of meat that hung nearby, and with a tug of the chain brought it flying across the kitchen to him.
"Get over here!" With a perfect uppercut the chef sent the hock flying into the oven, slamming the doors behind it. With a motion of both his arms, the chef summoned a blaring fire from the ground and raised the temperature in the oven a few hundred degrees.
Turning, the chef drew a brutally sharp katana from his scabbard. And, poised above a ham, he set about his dark work. Preparing the most evil, flavorful four course meal Outland had ever seen. Scorpion had trained under the most savage, cruel ninja chef in all the realms. Gordon Ramsey.
