mortal kombat special forces sektor 7 cyber kombat ch. 2 briefing
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mortal kombat special forces sektor 7 cyber kombat ch. 2 briefing
08/17/2010 06:11 AM EST
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RE: Fan Submission: mortal kombat special forces sektor 7 cyber kombat ch. 2 briefing
08/19/2010 12:42 PM EST
I am going to try and be nice with my constructive criticism, so don't take this the wrong way...

The idea is dull.
The detail is bland and missing in the places there should be detail
The name Crimson D. was used way to many times, learn to use your he's, she's, and they's but also learn how to break them up
Even chapters have a mini plot, or a chapter plot to them... this had nothing. While reading it I compared it to a run on sentence. Even though you used periods throughout it was boring to read and lacked grammatical structure.

Please just take this input and use it in the future, no need to start any arguments or anything.

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RE: Fan Submission: mortal kombat special forces sektor 7 cyber kombat ch. 2 briefing
08/19/2010 01:02 PM EST
First thing I caught was your run-on sentences. Learn to use these " . " once in a while.

More spelling issues, use a spell check next time, better than yet, use Microsoft Word to fix all of your errors.

Lastly, I have a feeling this was taken from another video game only having you change up a few things here and there to make it somewhat "Mortal Kombat-ish."
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RE: Fan Submission: mortal kombat special forces sektor 7 cyber kombat ch. 2 briefing
08/19/2010 07:46 PM EST
Your spacing with dialogues is messed up. It should be a new paragraph if a new speaker talks, even if it's only one word. Ekule hit the nail on the head about the chapters, there is no build up, everything is just happening within a few lines of reading it, kind of reminds me of a very linear and predictable video game. You've not even written 2000 words between these last two submissions and the character knows what is happening (bad guys are online ruling things), what he has to do (defeat them all), and more or less how to do it (enter cyber space). This is something that you really need more time to establish, otherwise it just feels like you're recounting a story you know.
With that being said, we need a lot more details now with regards to so many characters and how you've established them. For starters, why is the Tekunin working with the OIA Special Forces and the Emperor of Outworld? You never established how or why these groups now work together. Are they all being run by the Tekunin? Also, now I'm really confused based on the conflicting descriptions you have for Crimson, what is he supposed to be? He has memories of being a human Samurai, but is currently a cybernetic Space Pirate and is capable of eating?
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RE: Fan Submission: mortal kombat special forces sektor 7 cyber kombat ch. 2 briefing
08/19/2010 08:08 PM EST
thats odd cuz i triple checked my spelling before i sent it and word said it was all good.

but these was the best descriptions i could come up with for now. these were descriptons i used fot stuff i have seen in movies and in real life. so i tried to make a mental picture while describing the content. thats how i get my inspiration for these.

but if i can should i hire a ghostwriter? because not a whole lot of people seem to like my works. confusedconfusedconfused
"If it is alive it can feel pain. If it has eyes it can see it own suffering. If it has blood you can make it bleed. If it has a mouth you can make it scream." Darth i forgot his name. "Thats the best thing about you humans. You bleed." a tarkatan warrior.
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RE: Fan Submission: mortal kombat special forces sektor 7 cyber kombat ch. 2 briefing
08/19/2010 08:43 PM EST
Sektorseven Wrote:
thats odd cuz i triple checked my spelling before i sent it and word said it was all good.

but these was the best descriptions i could come up with for now. these were descriptons i used fot stuff i have seen in movies and in real life. so i tried to make a mental picture while describing the content. thats how i get my inspiration for these.

but if i can should i hire a ghostwriter? because not a whole lot of people seem to like my works. confusedconfusedconfused


What exactly do you mean by ghostwriter?
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RE: Fan Submission: mortal kombat special forces sektor 7 cyber kombat ch. 2 briefing
08/20/2010 06:14 AM EST
plot hole filling time. when the space pirates landed on the realms, secret peace treatys were signed by all of the organizations that have the ability to create hi tech facilitys.

Crimson D. is a samurai who underwent exeperiments to regenerate his body when he was almost dead during his life as a samurai. he decided on a few modifacations to himself while he was being repaired.

also a ghostwriter is a secret auther who writes for authers who have ideas but cant write. so you tell them the idea and they will put it on paper. these people made ny times best seller material. so it is the best way to go if suck at writing. however you are still the auther of your story but you did not write it youeself the ghostwriter did. so that why they call them ghostwriters cuz they are secret to everyone else but the auther.
"If it is alive it can feel pain. If it has eyes it can see it own suffering. If it has blood you can make it bleed. If it has a mouth you can make it scream." Darth i forgot his name. "Thats the best thing about you humans. You bleed." a tarkatan warrior.
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RE: Fan Submission: mortal kombat special forces sektor 7 cyber kombat ch. 2 briefing
08/20/2010 09:31 AM EST
Sektorseven Wrote:
plot hole filling time. when the space pirates landed on the realms, secret peace treatys were signed by all of the organizations that have the ability to create hi tech facilitys.

Why would any of them need secret peace treaties to build high-tech facilities? The Tekunin and OIA had no problems making their own, and Shao Kahn never needed anything high-tech thanks to the powerful magic he and his sorcerers could manipulate. Also, what would the Space Pirates gain from having all these organizations unite under one banner of peace?
Sektorseven Wrote:
Crimson D. is a samurai who underwent exeperiments to regenerate his body when he was almost dead during his life as a samurai. he decided on a few modifacations to himself while he was being repaired.

So he did this thousands of years prior to any real medical advancements in science were made to become a human-alien-machine?
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RE: Fan Submission: mortal kombat special forces sektor 7 cyber kombat ch. 2 briefing
08/20/2010 11:07 AM EST
I will be ur ghostwriter
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RE: Fan Submission: mortal kombat special forces sektor 7 cyber kombat ch. 2 briefing
08/20/2010 11:58 AM EST
SEGAmaniac7, when you said that I pictured the annoying Orange saying that. Made me laugh.

SektorSeven... why would you hire a Ghostwriter to post something on a MK Fan Submission board? No one here is going to buy your work. No body here cares enough to read these ideas properly written or not. Hell, if you added Bill Cosby into the mix things would probably be more interesting.

You don't need a ghost writer. Simply put, what you need is to think before you write. Remember your three lines to writing,

PLOT-LINE
OUT-LINE
TIME-LINE

Plotline and outline are sort of the same but the plot line should be much more to the point. Your timeline should help with your ideas and how they are presented. Each chapter should have some buildup, and either some answers or cliff hangers to keep us reading. What you have now is.... well .... none of this.

Now, if everybody would just go check out my Kabal Fatality Fake, I would be a happy camper.
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RE: Fan Submission: mortal kombat special forces sektor 7 cyber kombat ch. 2 briefing
08/20/2010 12:36 PM EST
Sektorseven probably meant to write:
That's odd, because i triple checked my spelling before i sent it and Word said it was all good.


...*facepalm* grammar is not the same thing as spelling, grammar is kind of an umbrella term that encompasses sentence structure, punctuation, and spelling, among other things, and you have...1/3 on this piece.

also...you put your trust in a Computer Program? That only works if the programs name is Tron, and if you are in a movie(for the most part)


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RE: Fan Submission: mortal kombat special forces sektor 7 cyber kombat ch. 2 briefing
08/20/2010 12:56 PM EST
Ekule Wrote:
Now, if everybody would just go check out my Kabal Fatality Fake, I would be a happy camper.

Though you are giving a lot of valid advice, please don't advertise your own works in another's thread, as that's disrespectful.
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RE: Fan Submission: mortal kombat special forces sektor 7 cyber kombat ch. 2 briefing
08/20/2010 04:00 PM EST
what was just merely a suggestion. :)


Give a me a day or two and I will give you an example of pre-thinking a story. Iw ill post it as soon as I am done.
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RE: Fan Submission: mortal kombat special forces sektor 7 cyber kombat ch. 2 briefing
08/20/2010 04:26 PM EST
now i am taking notes on possible plotlines for this story to make it less predictable. this is so you dont jump to whatever conlusions you are making.confusedconfusedtonguegrin also we use the treatys to expand our capabilitys and broaden our scientific knowledge of the universes. and the more allied forces the better. science and tech also look better and fancier then magic imo. and also dont you think aliens had surperior medical tech even in the feudal era??? 2 words alien abduction.
"If it is alive it can feel pain. If it has eyes it can see it own suffering. If it has blood you can make it bleed. If it has a mouth you can make it scream." Darth i forgot his name. "Thats the best thing about you humans. You bleed." a tarkatan warrior.
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RE: Fan Submission: mortal kombat special forces sektor 7 cyber kombat ch. 2 briefing
08/20/2010 05:02 PM EST
Sektorseven Wrote:
2 words: Alien Abduction.


I'm leaving this alone, goodbye


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RE: Fan Submission: mortal kombat special forces sektor 7 cyber kombat ch. 2 briefing
08/20/2010 05:18 PM EST
... ignoring that.

the plot will thicken in the next chapter. which will be up very soon.
"If it is alive it can feel pain. If it has eyes it can see it own suffering. If it has blood you can make it bleed. If it has a mouth you can make it scream." Darth i forgot his name. "Thats the best thing about you humans. You bleed." a tarkatan warrior.
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RE: Fan Submission: mortal kombat special forces sektor 7 cyber kombat ch. 2 briefing
08/20/2010 08:24 PM EST
Sektorseven Wrote:

also we use the treatys to expand our capabilitys and broaden our scientific knowledge of the universes. and the more allied forces the better.

Yes, because acquiring scientific knowledge about the universe is exactly the kind of thing the Space Pirates and Shao Kahn are known for, and would definitely discuss the advancements they would make together over tea and crumpets while Scorpion belly-danced in front of them using his H4X powers.
Yeah, wow.
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RE: Fan Submission: mortal kombat special forces sektor 7 cyber kombat ch. 2 briefing
08/20/2010 08:38 PM EST
O_o... wtf??? that put really disturbing images in my head. wowwowwow
"If it is alive it can feel pain. If it has eyes it can see it own suffering. If it has blood you can make it bleed. If it has a mouth you can make it scream." Darth i forgot his name. "Thats the best thing about you humans. You bleed." a tarkatan warrior.
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RE: Fan Submission: mortal kombat special forces sektor 7 cyber kombat ch. 2 briefing
08/21/2010 08:46 AM EST
Sektorseven Wrote:
2 words alien abduction.


I seriously hope you're not a fan of the movie Alien... I'm just saying.
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RE: Fan Submission: mortal kombat special forces sektor 7 cyber kombat ch. 2 briefing
08/21/2010 10:30 AM EST
SektorSeven: For the sake of mankind please don't do another chapter to this story. Do you realize all of the comments are based on one topic: Rethink!

Go back to the drawing boards. Tell the story to you Mom, Pops, or even the dog and get approval before you post it here. I don't know how old you are and it shouldn't matter, but I can sense immaturity from both you "Stories" and from your comments. You seem to have a hard tome separating yourself from what is reality and what is not. This isn't always a bad thing as it has led to some really great stories by some really great authors, however as of this far everyone is trying to tell you that you do not have a great story and you are not a great author.


PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE... go back to the drawing board on this before you lose that last fiber of dignity.

Thank You.
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