The Netherrealm is home to many evil beings, from Oni, to wraiths, to demons, to sorcerers. But among them, only one can claim the title of biggest troll- the pale douchebag named Quan Chi. He is a master of manipulation, pimping, saxophone playing, and failing to accomplish his goals. Because of his recent lack of success, he must seek the help of various minions to do his dirty work.
That is where our hero, Scorpion, comes in.
Scorpion- as you all may know- is the current servant of Quan Chi, guided by his fierce aggression and determination to avenge his family. He will stop at nothing to kill those who claimed the lives of his loved ones. And by "nothing", I mean anything Quan Chi wants him to do on the side.
And so we begin our story.
Over the years, Quan Chi has acquired many useless pieces of junk, like that amulet thingy that he uses as a makeshift belt-buckle. He has gone on many a journey to get these old things, and he has thus grown tired of such hard labor. So he now has his buddy Scorpion to go on these journeys for him. Now, he is in need of a large staff that was once used by the most powerful warriors of Earthrealm- the Super Staff of Strongness. It is said to give even an average man the most Godly of strengths and powers. It was supposedly stored in an Earthrealm museum after being found by a fat electrician.
"Scorpion!" yells Quan Chi from his luxurious comfy throne made of skulls.
"Yes, master?" Scorpion says as he appears in an explosion of hellish flame before Quan Chi.
"I need you to retrieve an ancient artifact from an establishment in Earthrealm," says Quan. "It is of great importance that I see it brought to me within the day."
"Well," Scorpion inquires, "what is it?"
"It is, of course, the Super Staff of Strongness! A staff forged from the toughest of metals, with the most powerful of magic. I found it on Google today as I was checking my Chi-Mail. You must find this staff, and bring it back to me before bedtime. Kill anyone in your way. I will open a teleport before the museum, all you have to do is get in, and get out with my artifact," says Quan in an anxious tone of voice.
"Your wish is my command," replies Scorpion in a cheesy, stereotypical manner.
Quan Chi opens a mystical green teleport. Scorpion, eager to accomplish the mission, jumps through.
It was a pleasant night in the pre-invasion city. Most of everyone was either asleep, trying to go to sleep, awake on the Interwebs, or having sweet sensual sexy time. Not a creature was stirring, not even a diseased rat from the gutter. The brightest lights in town were shining right in front of the Grand Museum of Kombat, the local museum that is home to countless ancient artifacts. All of them have been linked to warfare in one form or another; from pre-historic clubs, to Nazi weaponry, to mystifying orbs of magic that should probably be hidden from the public.
But the peace and quiet would soon come to an end as a magical teleportation device called a "portal" opened in front of the museum, and our protagonist, Scorpion, emerged. Dressed in a black ski mask and lots of other dark knitted clothing, he wondered what in the name of fuck he was wearing all that for. But he soon learned that Quan Chi was in fact smart enough to cloak him in the dark clothing to enhance his super-ninja-stealth abilities. Golden armor from the Netherrealm is certainly not the proper type of gear that one would wear to break into a high-tech, heavily-guarded museum.
"This should be all too easy for a ninja of my skill," said a confident Scorpion.
And with those words, he set his sights on the roof of the museum. It was flat, and featured a large window that any thief could easily pop open and slip through. Perfect for a stealthy operation.
Scorpion used the skills he learned from watching Batman, and threw his trusty spear up onto the roof, and caught it onto the raised edge. Once he was sure the spear was secured onto the building, he began to scale the wall.
He reached the top of the wall and hopped onto the roof. His eyes went straight to the large, double-paneled rectangular window (you've probably seen it a thousand times in other media) as he pulled in his spear. He grasped the window's panels and began his attempt to pry them apart. But that would never work because this is a high-security museum we're talking about. So he said "FUCK STEALTH!" and swung his fist into the window, shattering it into small pieces that would take forever to sweep up.
He dropped into the large museum, looking out for guards. Miraculously, there were none to be found. That is, until he tripped the alarm system by stepping through a laser.
"Stay where you are, and put your hands in the air!" shouted an armed guard as he rushed in through a corridor. Scorpion looked at him in a stern manner, staring him down with his blank white eyes.
The guard got jittery as Scorpion refused to move, standing there like an 80's horror movie slasher.
"I'm not gonna tell you again!" the guard yelled as he gripped his pistol tighter. "Put your hands in the air!!"
Before he could say, "wave them like you just don't care", Scorpion threw his spear right into the guard's gun, knocking it from his grasp. The guard fell down in fear, shaking like he had hyperthermia. Scorpion walked over to him at a slow, deadly pace, creating a soft echo with each footstep.
The guard was too frightened to even get up. In his state of shock, he had no choice but to watch as Scorpion grabbed him by the shirt, picked him up, and stabbed him one hard time in the chest. He was dead before he fell to the ground.
"Now, to find the artifact," Scorpion muttered.
He spent 20 minutes searching for the Staff of Strongness, slaying more guards in the process. But he soon got irritated as he could not find this glorified walking cane.
Although his search was cut to a premature end as the museum's front doors flew open with a loud burst of noise. The police had arrived to save the day.
Five heavily-armored officers ran into the museum, confronting Scorpion. "You've got nowhere to go, freak! We've got you surrounded!" one of them shouted.
Scorpion was in no mood to fight off even more guys with guns, so he bolted towards a window. The cops fired multiple shots at him and missed because they are nothing more than rejected Special Forces agents trying to take down a fiery undead spectre.
Scorpion jumped through and shattered the fragile window, rolling onto the soft grass of the lawn outside. As expected, even more officers were surrounding the area, firing their guns the minute they saw him. Running with crackhead speed, Scorpion evaded all the officers and ran down the street as they began to chase him.
Being away from the Netherrealm, Scorpion's powers were diminished. He could not use his fiery teleport, and he could summon only a candle's worth of hellfire. The only things he had left were his ninja skills, his spear, and his unbreakable determination.
He spotted an empty vehicle parked on the side of the street. It was a rusty white van, most likely used by a pedophile to lure in kids with candy. Scorpion broke through the driver's window, opened the door, and was greatly delighted to see the van's keys in the ignition. He had already ran through thousands of bullets and dozens of cops, and now he found a vehicle with the keys right there. Things couldn't be any more on his side....except for the cops.
Scorpion summoned his Motor Kombat skills and drove off, speeding away as fast as he could from the police. He did not last long, however, as his back tires were then shot up, and he began to swerve side to side until he finally spun to a stop.
The pursuing police stopped along with him.
He got out of the van, ready to take on any cop in his way. Just after he did, a door opened on one of the cop cars, and out stepped a confident cop skilled in the art of fighting.
His name was Kurtis Stryker. And he was prepared to challenge Scorpion......in Mortal Kombat.
Kurtis Stryker has been a member of the force for many years now. He has made numerous arrests, stopped countless crimes from happening, and kept his city relatively safe for a long time. He is notified of any major obstruction of the law to ensure that no hard crime is commited without him knowing.
Aside from keeping the city in great shape, he keeps himself in great shape by practicing his skills in Kombat routinely. His workout habits are the only thing holding back his stomach from ballooning due to the massive number of donuts he eats. If there's anyone on the entire police force that is capable of handling an undead ninja warrior, it would be Stryker.
"You're not from around here, are you?" Stryker questioned, as most local criminals were already locked up.
"No, but that is not of your concern," Scorpion replied, already irritated by the po-pos.
Stryker signaled for his squad to stay back. He was eager to take Scorpion on all by himself.
"If you continue to pester me, you will meet an early fate!" Scorpion assured, "I am on a mission, and I will not let you get in my way!"
"Not so fast, tough guy! You can't just break into museums in the middle of the night and expect to get away with it. Now come with us, or I'll have to take you down the hard way," Stryker said.
"The hard way? So be it," Scorpion said as he began to remove his knitted stealth gear, revealing the Netherrealm attire underneath.
Stryker and the rest of the force looked at Scorpion awkwardly, not used to seeing someone dress up in such wardrobe outside of Halloween.
"Haha, this guy looks like something off of Street Fighter!" an ignorant Stryker said to a fellow officer.
Scorpion adjusted into his fighting stance.
"Okay, Super Ninja, I'm giving you my final offer. Get over here, and we can end this nicely," said Stryker.
"No......why don't you GET OVER HERE!" Scorpion yelled epically as he shot his spear at Stryker.
Stryker, surprised by Scorpion's attack, glanced down to see that the spear had almost pierced his bullet-proof armor. But before he could try to pull the spear out, Scorpion reeled it in, pulling Stryker over there.
Scorpion threw a right cross into Stryker's face as the spear retracted back into place. Stryker returned the favor and hit Scorpion with a straight shot to the grill. Scorpion struck again with a pimp slap to the mouth, and Stryker then retaliated with a backhanded smack to the head.
The two continued, going blow-for-blow for about five minutes until Scorpion got the upper hand by flipping Stryker to the ground. Lying flat on his back, Stryker received 3 consecutive stomps to the face, making it red and bloody like a Kombatant's face should be.
Scorpion saw that Stryker was weakened by his attacks, and went in for the finishing blow. He took out his sword and got in position to chop Stryker's face in half.
But just as he did, a purple blast of energy shot into Scorpion's hand, knocking the sword from his grip and preventing him from delivering the death blow. (How ironic is that?) Scorpion looked over to see where the blast came from. What he saw was a big muscular black man with a smug look on his face, standing next to a large Hummer.
"Mr. T?" Scorpion asked in confusion.
"I pity da fool!" Mr. T said, crossing his arms like a boss.
Then another big black man stepped out of the Hummer, Major Jackson Briggs.
"Go back to where you came from Scorpion, this realm has enough problems on its hands as it is," Jax ordered as his partner Sonya hopped out the vehicle and rushed over to assist Stryker.
"Fine then, maybe I will!" Scorpion said like a snotty little child.
He ran off, still determined to complete his mission. But he came right back and ran over to the rusty van he was driving earlier.
"Excuse me for a second," Scorpion said calmly as he opened the back doors and took out two spare tires. "This won't take long," he said, taking the time to replace his popped tires with new ones.
The force looked on in disarray as the ninja spectre worked on the van.
"Um....are we just gonna let him get away?" an officer asked.
"He's not from this realm, arresting him will do no good. It would be in our best interests to let him go back to his home," Jax said, "besides, I'm tired as hell! I've been working all day, and here they are, calling me in at 2 in the morning to arrest a damn ninja from the fuckin' Netherrealm! Fuck dat bullshit, I gotta catch my Z's, ya feel me?"
After a short time, Scorpion had the van in good enough condition to drive. He waved goodbye to the force as he got into the van and drove off.
"Are you out of your mind, Jax?!" Stryker asked furiously as he finally got off the ground. You're just gonna let him go and get away with it?!"
"You don't understand Kurtis," Jax replied to an oblivious Stryker, "he's a supernatural being from hell, we can't just throw him in the slammer and take him to court. That would be out of our jurisdiction!"
"So then what, he's just gonna drive himself to hell? He doesn't look like he's leaving any time soon!"
Sonya joined the conversation, "Relax, if he's still causing trouble by tomorrow, we'll just have to kill him or something. But as for now, we have Kano to follow. An undead ninja is not on our agenda"
Stryker had heard about these supernatural beings a few times before through his connection with the Special Forces. But he had yet to experience one of them in person. That, along with his pride in catching criminals, fueled his drive to go after Scorpion. Nothing that Jax or Sonya could say would discourage him from accomplishing the task.
"You do what you want guys," Stryker told them, "but I've brought it upon myself to stop this maniac from roaming our streets. I don't care what I've gotta do to stop him, but I will!"
And with that, Stryker went to the hospital to get some stitches for his face, and some of his pride repaired.
Scorpion had escaped the law, at least for now. He made it out of the scuffle with Stryker without the smallest of injury. However, he was still on his mission. So he had one thing in mind: get back to the museum.
The problem was, he had no idea where he was at. The police chase ran him off course, and he had no knowledge of the city he was driving through. So he did the only thing he could with the knowledge he had: ask for directions.
The time had just surpassed three in the morning, and there weren't many people roaming the streets. Scorpion spotted another vehicle on the road every now and then, but he could find no one walking around on foot. Good things come to those who wait, so all he could do was drive until he saw someone.
He was growing more and more impatient with every ticking second, and was just about to ram his van into a store made of puny glass- until he finally saw two women hanging by the street corner. He drove up to them in a calm fashion, trying not to scare them away. Under the streetlight above them, he began to see who he was looking at.
They were both dressed in skimpy, color-coordinated clothing with masks to match. One wore purple and the other wore red. They were none other than Mileena and Skarlet, hoeing around as usual.
The van rolled to a stop, and the two began to walk up to his window. He rolled the window down as they began to talk to him.
"Hey baby, whatcha want?" Mileena asked in her scary voice.
"I want directions," Scorpion replied.
"Directions? For what? We'll do all the work for ya, big man," Mileena said sluttily.
"What???" Scorpion asked, obviously not on the same page as the two hookers. "I don't want any of that, I want road directions to reach my destination!"
"Oh, well we aren't native to this land. We are from Outworld. We just came here because we heard of the high demand in sexual servants," Mileena revealed. Skarlet nodded her head in agreement.
"I didn't think you were from here. But you were the only people I could find to ask," Scorpion told them. "You see, I'm from the NetherRealm, so I'm just as lost as you are."
"I see. Well, we apologize for the inconvenience," Mileena said, "however, we could still be of service."
"I told you, I don't want sex!" Scorpion urged.
"That's okay dear, but we can see that you have some things to do. We can help you out, ya know? We can make your mission that much easier if you want," said Mileena, giving Scorpion an offer he couldn't refuse.
"Hmm.....alright then. I guess this would be easier with 2 assistants..... But don't think that I'm not capable of doing this on my own!" Scorpion said, raising his voice, "I am fully capable of that, but it would relieve some pressure having some co-workers."
"Good to hear. We'll make sure that you made the right choice in accepting us," Mileena said, "Now, we ask of one favor before we join you."
"What would that be?" Scorpion inquired.
"Nothing much," Mileena responded, "just an errand run. You see, I'm out of toothpaste, and my friend here needs tampons. So could you please drive us to the local 24-hour store?"
"Uh....okay, I guess so. Hop in," Scorpion told the duo.
"Thank you so much! The store is just out of walking distance for us, so it would be a great help if you could bring us over there," Mileena said happily, Skarlet nodding along.
Mileena and Skarlet got into Scorpion's rusty van.
"So, what are your names? I'm Scorpion."
"I am Mileena, and my partner in crime is Skarlet. She doesn't talk much, but she can surely walk the walk."
"Nice to meet you. Now could you direct me to this store?"
"Of course. After all, it is the only place in town that we know other than the local hotel where we sometimes visit during our 'business trips'" Mileena said.
Mileena directed Scorpion to the store, and within just a few minutes, they were pulling up to it. But little did Scorpion know, he would be in for more trouble.
The dim light hanging above the store's entrance flickered as hundreds of gnats and moths attempted suicide by flying directly into it. The store's nameplate was bending over slightly as if it were about to fall, suffering from loose screws. Maybe someone should tighten that up. Named The Local 24-Hour Store, this store seemed very dull and generic. However, the incident that would occur there would not be so dull.
The trio of Scorpion, Mileena, and Skarlet exited the van and headed for the entrance. As Scorpion opened the door, the little bell thingy rang, and it caught the attention of the store's owner and cashier, Nightwolf.
"Hello there folks, what is it you're looking for?" Nightwolf asked in a cheerful tone.
"Just some things," Scorpion said, vaguely remembering Nightwolf from the first MK Tournament.
"Yes, we need some simple necessities, that's all," Mileena said, giggling as usual.
Skarlet walked over to the women's needs isle as Mileena went to the hygiene department. Scorpion was glancing around the store, looking for cameras. The store was low in quality, so there were none. This would surely aid Scorpion in his attempts to hide from the law.
The store's janitor, Mokap, was busy mopping the floor. He and Nightwolf work all day, nonstop, using the power of Nightwolf's ancestors to keep them awake. They only catch breaks on weekends and holidays, when they call in Hsu Hao and Jarek to take over for them.
The whores got their items and walked to the counter. Scorpion was standing idle right behind them, trying not to look suspicious.
"That will be 7 dollars and 35 cents," Nightwolf chimed in.
Mileena acted as if she wasn't prepared for such a price. "Really now?" Well....it appears that we did not bring enough..." She looked over to Skarlet with a smug look.
Nightwolf was catching on to their antics. "This isn't play time ladies, you either have the money, or you don't. Now please, if you don't have enough, exit my store."
"I'm afraid we do not have enough," Mileena said, grinning wider than usual behind her veil, "but we are in no hurry to leave your store." She then let out an evil laugh, and looked over at Skarlet. Skarlet put a thumb up, and bolted over to Mokap.
"What are you doing?" Nightwolf yelled as Mileena hopped over the counter and onto him, biting his neck like a dog with rabies.
Skarlet ran up to Mokap and slapped him in the head. Mokap quickly got into fighting stance, but he hadn't participated in a fight since he was kicked out of Johnny Cage's sparring practice. Due to his recent inexperience, Skarlet kicked him in his balls and proceeded to beat him like a troublesome child.
Scorpion looked on in horror. He was already trying to lay low, so this incident would not help him at all. "STOP IT!" he shouted as he ran to Mileena and pulled her off of Nightwolf.
"What's the problem Scorpy?" Mileena asked, acting innocent. "You've never robbed a store before?"
"You're not robbing anything, you're just raping the cashier!"
"A robbery's always easier when the management is out of the picture!" Mileena laughed.
Skarlet was still busy beating Mokap to a pulp. Scorpion yanked her away, eager to put this crime to an end.
"I did NOT come here for this! I'm already running from the cops, I don't need anything else on my resume!" Scorpion insisted. "Now, you either stop this mess and come with me, or you stay here to face the cops yourselves!"
The two hoes took Scorpion's offer and ran back to the van with him. But as they ran out the door, the store's loose nameplate fell off, hitting Skarlet in the head. She let out a yell and hit the ground, clutching her cranium.
Scorpion and Mileena paused, waiting for Skarlet to get back up. "Come on!" Scorpion urged. But before she could get back up, Mokap exploded through the door, enraged.
Mokap picked Skarlet up and threw her against the brick wall of the store. He began to slam her repeatedly, bashing her head into it. Mileena ran to assist Skarlet and punched Mokap in the face. Mokap staggered back. He regained his presence and threw a roundhouse kick straight to Mileena's big mouth. She fell down in agony.
"Aaaaaaaah!" Mileena shrieked. "You broke my teeth, you bastard!"
Scorpion had enough and ran over to the van. Mileena and Skarlet were not worth being caught. He got into the van and sped off, just before the police arrived. The police arrested Mileena and Mokap and called an ambulance for Skarlet, whose head was severely battered and beaten.
Scorpion had escaped the law again, but his journey was far from over.
Author : Greg C
Creation date: 2011-9-3-15-55
Modification date: 2011-9-3-16-24
This is the first edition of a part-comedy, part-action series that I have written.
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PRO TIP 1 When infiltrating a high tech museum, always check for the following things: security guards, cameras, security locks, manual alarm switches, and last but not least; laser grids!
PRO TIP 2 When you find any of the said security measures and systems, if possible, find a way to circumvent or disable them rather then force your way through them.
PRO TIP 3 Always come prepared with the latest high tech equipment to see, hack, bypass, and disable the security systems. For example:
A laser cutter to cut a hole in the glass panels.
Night, thermal, or infrared vision gear, or a smoke/fog generator to see any hidden laser grids.
A keypad and electronic lock cracker to bypass any security doors and or disable any security systems controlled by a keypad or other control unit.
A device to freeze frame the security cameras or a way to put them on a tape loop of an empty area.
PRO TIP 4 This is pretty obvious, plan ahead for the break in by visiting the place normally first to get an idea of what type of systems you may face when doing the heist and the rotation of the guards and their patrol routes. Also know the quickest ways in and out of the building and where the most and least secure points are. Rehearse any tricky scenarios if needed.
Note these are just my suggestions for a better heist situation. I prefer to remain neutral in most arguments. I am not in any way trying to offend you.