satinsoven Wrote:Darklord_Xel Wrote:
No structure, no rhythm, the only thing mildly stemming from any sort of 'poetry' is the occasional rhyme and, lets be honest, poetry isn't about rhyming, yo.
i know you speak the truth, even though i love it myself i think that parts didn't mesh perfectly. but i only had a few days to submit it to a acontest so i needed a bit more time to fine tune it. i think that if i read it over a few extra times i could try and find a way to make all the parts tie in. thank everyone else for the generous comments i know my last mka poem didn't get over too well so this is the final version i submitted to the contest.
Fun fact! the poem is actually based on the story of MKA, but i modeled it around more of a political and global conflict, even though it referenced certain characters. it is also about the guilt we carry because of our inability to have forseen the acoplypse, and the eternal guilt we carry because we were the main cause of the end ourselves through our humane shortcomings(i.e. war, nuclear warfare, policitcal conflicts, etc.)
Sounds like your trying to make up for the fact that this is terrible by pulling the old 'multiple-interpretations' thing. ^_^ Anyway, I forgot to mention that this is WAY to damn long.
You could get your point across (at least, those that you claimed to be trying to convey in the above post) in, like, 4 verses. For example:
It was once said that the
chaos of this age
would usher in our ends
as death's fog rolls near
the dead cry out for blood.
Orthodox Warriors.
Filled with righteous rage.
Waving holy icons
And screaming prayer
They're cries unanswered
Unholy Chaos
Wielders of terror
Devour their last carcass
Partaking of feast and pain
Demons preparing for war.
At daybreak forces clash
Blood thrown to the air
Noone lives forever.
Everyone dies in vain.
Last Judgement is upon us.
NOTE: I CANNOT right poetry, so I realize this sucks....But, do you see what I mean? 
Why do dyslexics hate Christmas? Because that's when Satan comes.
