The beginnings of a new fan-made MK screenplay....
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The beginnings of a new fan-made MK screenplay....
01/30/2004 12:21 PM EST
Please give me some feedback (no matter what it is) after reading my screenplay. It's a work in progess so have patience...



Mortal Kombat (Subtitle??)

Lord Raiden: Since the beginnings of time, the Netherealm has always existed as a place where the unwanted spirits of reality were sent. (A short montage of several images of a realm which resembles hell is shown) It has been interpreted in many different ways and has many different names; Hell, Hades, Gehenna, Pluto. Its purpose has always remained the same. (Screen fades to black again) Over the millennia, the Netherealm has had numerous rulers. Many of which were forged within its fiery pits, eventually ripping their masters mercilessly from their thrones. One however, came from the heavens of reality. He was the fallen Elder God known as Shinnok (An image of Shinnok, whose physical attributes have been distorted is shown quickly and then screen fades to black again). Shinnok was banished to this place of torment after disgracing the elder gods and their sacred rules. Upon entering the realm, he found himself immediately under attack by its then ruler Lucifer, (An image of Lucifer standing before a weak Shinnok fades in) as well as those souls he was personally responsible for banishing when he was an Elder God. (Fade to black) Locked and shackled, Shinnok was helpless against his attackers until he met Quan Chi (An image of Quan Chi with radiating eyes immediately flashes on screen then fades out). Quan Chi was a free roaming sorcerer which meant that he could travel the various planes of reality without detection from their gods. It also meant that over the years he had obtained great power. Aware of Shinnok's dilemma, Quan Chi traveled to the Netherealm and made the fallen god an offer. (An image of Shinnok and Quan Chi shaking hands fades in) Quan Chi explained the he knew the whereabouts of Shinnoks long lost Sacred Amulet in which exceeded even the awesome power of the Elder God’s. Shinnok agreed and the two waged a war in the Netherealm. (Fade to black) The ex-Elder God eventually won as he viciously slew his former master. (An image of Shinnok tearing out the black heart of Lucifer himself fades in and he takes his seat on the brimstone throne) Then, after imprisoning his enemy's surviving essence, he took his seat as the new ruler supreme of the dead realm. (Fade into a barren wasteland landscape known as Outworld. Durring this speech, images of what is being retold are shown) However, a super being known as Shao Kahn and his puppet Shang Tsung were up to their own plans. When Kahn defeated a realm know as Edenia he transformed it into the Outworld, he also acquired that realm's Queen, Sindel. But the thought of serving under Shao Kahn drove her to madness, and she took her own life. Enraged by her action, Shao Kahn withheld her soul from moving to a higher existence. Instead, he held it as his own prized possession; a token of his victory over Edenia's former ruler, King Jerrod as a constant reminder of his power over Princess Kitana. During these events, Quan Chi and Shinnok unknowingly escaped from the Netherealm. The assignation of King Jerrod and Queen Sindel enabled Quan Chi to strike a bargain with Shinnok. If Shinnok would take Sindel's soul, taint it with evil and reincarnate it on Earth Shao Kahn could step through the dimensional gates separating the two realms and reclaim his queen, thus enabling him to overtake the Earth and bar Rayden and the Elder Gods from intervening. In exchange for Shinnok's assistance, Quan Chi would reveal to him the location of the map that would lead to his Sacred Amulet. (Now scenes from Mortal Kombat Annihilation begin) Shao Kahn and the Elder God Shinnok were able to cross the dimensional gates and wage war on Earth Realm. Earth’s champion of Mortal Kombat, Liu Kang defeated Shao Kahn and put an end to Shinnok’s plot. Shinnock was once again banished to the Netherealm only to take back his place on the throne. With the death of Shao Kahn, his soul was also sent to the netherealm, and the realm of Edenia was finally free of Kahn’s grasp. Along with the preservation of Edenia, Sindel’s soul was finally at piece. It has been almost a decade since the encounter with the evil Shinnok, thus, the tournament of Mortal Kombat continues.

(Begin with the traditional “Mortal Kombat” movie intro with remixed theme. When the Dragon is shown in full and the title appears, the dragon’s eye glows green, the fire in the background turns to smoke, and the dragon itself transforms into the Sacred Amulet. Screen fades to black and a soft melody is heard.)



(Scene opens on the temple of the Order of Light in Hong Kong. A group of monks are shown meditating in a large room. Complete silence. In amongst the monks sits Liu Kang and at the front of this spiritual gathering sits his grandfather. All of them sit quietly. Liu Kang is shown concentrating intently. Suddenly, unfamiliar images begin to circulate in his mind. Images of Kung Lao’s death by Goro, the death of queen Sindel,Shang Tsung stealing the soul of his younger brother Chen, the faces of both Quan Chi, Shinnok and another indistinguishable figure, and most disturbing of all, his own death. Lui Kang breaks concentration breathing heavily.)

Grandfather: What is wrong?

Liu Kang: (Confused) I don’t know. (He realizes that all eyes are on him and leaves the room quickly. He continues outside the temple and tries to gather his thoughts).



(Scene opens on a dark room filled with people in military uniform all of which are paying attention and occasionally writing things down on a clip board. At the front of the room is a man dressed in a blue blazer with various metals upon it.)

General: (Pointing at various points on a map lit by a projector) We can infiltrate the base here, here, and here. (Pointing to a one of the men in the crowd) Kenshi, you and McKinley will take the north entrance with a team of marines and wait here. (Kenshi nods his head without looking at General while he quickly writes information down.) Leary and Winters, you guys will take the east wing and stay put until back up arrives. The west wing is not in use so that leaves the south wing to Briggs and Blade. You two will be accompanied by the rest of us. Sergeant Blade (Sonya looks up from her clip board) I’m counting on you two to bring home for us. (Sonya looks back down at her clip board in deep concentration without acknowledging the Generals remark).

Jax: Oh, don’t worry chief, we’ll do just fine. Won’t we Sonya? (He looks at her but she does not look up from her clip board).

General: Sergeant Blade, we cannot let our personal life get in the way here, this could be our last chance at bringing down the Black Dragon once and for all, you got me? (Sonya does not budge). (Yells) Sergeant! (Sonya glares at him) You got me?

Sonya: (A pause. She yells) Yes sir!

General: Then let’s do this! (Everyone but Sonya begins to cheer as they leave their seats).

Jax: (Notices Sonya’s uninthusiasm) Hey Sonya, you alright?

Sonya: (Shrugs him off) I’m fine Jax, let’s just get this over with. (Jax seems a bit uneasy. Everyone exits the room.)



(Scene opens on a fantastically beautiful landscape known as the realm of Edenia. Rolling hills covered with green grass and patches of tall golden trees are visible as far as the eye can see. Small bodies of water and rivers are as clear as glass while the two suns shine brightly on the surface below. At this point, a series of different angles of an enormous structure can be seen. It is the Royal Edenian Palace. Queen Sindel sits on her chair on the left hand side of the King’s throne which sits empty. Below the Queen sits the empty seat of Princess Kitana. Queen Sindel has a large staff in her hand which rests against the floor. She has not aged. She sits quietly with her eyes shut when Kitana enters through the palace doors along with two Edenian warriors.)

Kitana: (Wearing a long hooded black robe. She reveals her face and removes her mask as she makes her way toward the throne.) Mother, he agreed to sign the peace treaty.

Sindel: (Keeps her eyes closed. She smiles and speaks powerfully.) The Edenian Alliances will be strong once more as it was in the Elder days. Gaining the allegiance of the Shokan will encourage others to join us and in time, we will have built an army strong enough to ward off any threat that may harm us. (Kitana stops in front of her mother.)

Kitana: (Bows her head.) My Lady.

Sindel: (Opens her eyes and stands up.) Oh Kitana, (She steps down to greet her daughter. She extends her hand to gently touch her face.) Your father would have been very proud to see the woman you have become. Soon, Edenia will be under your rule and long will you defend the Royal Palace. (Kitana smiles. Sindel rests her arm and walks back up to her seat) You possess the courage Kitana, now all that you lack is the will. (Her smile quickly fades.)

Kitana: Mother, what’s wrong?

Sindel: I have had a vision Kitana. A vision which worries me. It came to me suddenly but I am not so sure of what it means. I fear that our struggle with evil is not yet over. Be on your guard.



(Scene opens on the Temple of the Order of Light. It is late evening and Liu Kang is shown asleep. He is sweating while tossing and turning. The same images in which he had seen before were again circulating within his mind. Again he sees his tragic death and wakes up breathing heavily.)

Voice: (Thunder is heard in the background) Nightmares?

Liu Kang: (Startled) Raiden. (He sits up while the Elder God of Wind and Thunder steps into the light) Yes no . I-I don’t know (He looks at Raiden) Why have you come?

Raiden: The vision you had today, was the same I had as well.

Liu Kang: What does it mean?

Raiden: It means that there is evil that does not rest.

Liu Kang: Shao Kahn.

Raiden: No. Shinnok. He has once again found a way out of the Netherealm. Thousands of years ago, Shinnok tried to conquer and enslave the realm of Earth. Not so many remember it, but there are few who still tell the tale. Kitana was only a girl when her parents were murdered by Kahn. That was the opportunity Shinnok needed to escape. In an attempt to stop him, I challenged him to stand and fight. He accepted a war to save the realm began. This war lasted decades and covered the land in darkness for many years until I defeated him with the help of the monks of White Lotus. Kung Lao was a young warrior when he was defeated by Goro and died with honor for his realm. The defeat of Shinnok however sent him to the depths of hell, never to bee seen again, until now.

Liu Kang: That explains the visions. But, when I see Shinnok in my mind, he- he is with two others. One who is-

Raiden: (Cuts in) Quan Chi. (Liu Kang looks puzzled) Quan Chi is a powerful sorcerer roams free throughout the realms without detection. He has amassed great power over the centuries and I have dealt with him before. But seeing him with Shinnok worries me. He does not cooperate well at all.

Liu Kang: But there is another, wreathed in flame. I cannot see his face, but his essence seems so familiar.

Raiden: He is also unknown to me. (Liu Kang looks at the floor) Liu, I must warn you that what you have challenged in the past was far less dangerous than what is before us.

Liu Kang: (looks up) Us?

Raiden: Yes. (A pause) I have stepped down as Elder God. But you and I alone are not enough to stop the power of a fallen Elder God. We will need all the help we can get.

Liu Kang: Kitana

Raiden: Yes, I will go to her and present our dilemma but I believe that you and I are not the only ones who have seen what is coming... (Liu Kang stands up and looks down out of the window. There is a long pause) I have also seen what may happen to you Liu.

Liu Kang: (Still looking away.) I know

Raiden: Some of what you have seen has not yet come to pass Liu. Do not worry.

Liu Kang: (Still seems discouraged) Yeah.

Raiden: (Walks over to Liu Kang and sets his hand on his shoulder) Liu, we must prepare.

Liu Kang: (Turns around and forces a stern look upon his face) Alright.

(The two of them exit the room.)



(Scene opens on an evening sky. A large building can bee seen with boarded windows and doors. There is a truck hidden in between two buildings across the street, they can hardly be seen. Inside the truck, Sonya and Jax are sitting quietly, both are dressed in black. Sonya is looking through night vision binoculars.)

Jax: Let me have a look. (Sonya passes the binoculars and stares at her clip board. Jax looks through the binoculars) So Jarek is the head hancho now, huh. It just seems like these guys won’t quit. (Puts binoculars down) Even without Kano they’re still a pain in our ass.
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RE: The beginnings of a new fan-made MK screenplay....
01/24/2004 12:42 AM EST
its quite good. the characters lines seem to fit them and i could definetly picture them saying them on screen. however you should try to be more natural with the dialouge. i know its hard. i struggle with it too. you have to be able to capture the character while inserting the appropriate text. this is why i always leave the lines simple and the script movements/ descriptions in more advanced vocabulary. as i was saying great job.

p.s this is just constructive critisism so no need to be angry (not that i assume you would be but it's happend with others).
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RE: The beginnings of a new fan-made MK screenplay....
01/24/2004 01:28 AM EST
w/o disrespect, you hated mkand, but your screenplay is much worse, especially in dialogue. Writing a screenplay is obviously much harder than it seems, as you were unable to come up with better material compared to mkand, which you bashed. Interesting...
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RE: The beginnings of a new fan-made MK screenplay....
01/24/2004 01:50 AM EST

themkmaster Wrote:
w/o disrespect, you hated mkand, but your screenplay is much worse, especially in dialogue. Writing a screenplay is obviously much harder than it seems, as you were unable to come up with better material compared to mkand, which you bashed. Interesting...


We'll see what others have to say. I also believe that if principle characters were to be included in a movie that they be given at least a little character development and some believable dialogue.... but, we'll see....
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RE: The beginnings of a new fan-made MK screenplay....
01/24/2004 07:22 AM EST

themkmaster Wrote:
w/o disrespect, you hated mkand, but your screenplay is much worse, especially in dialogue. Writing a screenplay is obviously much harder than it seems, as you were unable to come up with better material compared to mkand, which you bashed. Interesting...


Well...I don't want to turn this thread into another dumb flame war, so I'll just state my opinion on this fanfic and be on my way.

I like it. Very, very much. It does need some tweeking in the dialogue, but it's written really well. I can picture the characters saying most of their lines on screen.
One of the things I disliked the most was how the beginning of the movie on Liu's character was so short. Just a nightmare and him walking away isn't enough, IMO. Add a bit more dialogue to that scene, perhaps with his grandfather.

But overall, it's really nice. ALOT better than MKAND, IMO, and I hope you post the rest of the screenplay soon. When I was reaching the end, and noticed that your post was almost done yet the script had just begun, I was like ''damn! Now I'm curious!''.
Good job.
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RE: The beginnings of a new fan-made MK screenplay....
01/24/2004 04:11 PM EST
You think it's A LOT better than mkand? You're kidding, right? Which part is better, exactly. The dialogue is obviously a lot worse than mkand, and the character's lines are the cheesiest i've seen. If you honestly believe this is better than mkand, well you just don't have good taste.
Zentile Wrote:

themkmaster Wrote:
w/o disrespect, you hated mkand, but your screenplay is much worse, especially in dialogue. Writing a screenplay is obviously much harder than it seems, as you were unable to come up with better material compared to mkand, which you bashed. Interesting...

Well...I don't want to turn this thread into another dumb flame war, so I'll just state my opinion on this fanfic and be on my way.

I like it. Very, very much. It does need some tweeking in the dialogue, but it's written really well. I can picture the characters saying most of their lines on screen.
One of the things I disliked the most was how the beginning of the movie on Liu's character was so short. Just a nightmare and him walking away isn't enough, IMO. Add a bit more dialogue to that scene, perhaps with his grandfather.

But overall, it's really nice. ALOT better than MKAND, IMO, and I hope you post the rest of the screenplay soon. When I was reaching the end, and noticed that your post was almost done yet the script had just begun, I was like ''damn! Now I'm curious!''.
Good job.

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RE: The beginnings of a new fan-made MK screenplay....
01/24/2004 05:35 PM EST
I skimmed over it and it looks fine.
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RE: The beginnings of a new fan-made MK screenplay....
01/24/2004 06:14 PM EST

Zentile Wrote:

But overall, it's really nice. ALOT better than MKAND, IMO, and I hope you post the rest of the screenplay soon. When I was reaching the end, and noticed that your post was almost done yet the script had just begun, I was like ''damn! Now I'm curious!''.
Good job.


Well thank you very much for taking the time to read it. I have no problem with good or bad reviews. People take chances when publishing their work and they will be criticized. Thank you for all of the reviews so far. When I add abit more, I'll post an address where you can go to read added scenes.
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RE: The beginnings of a new fan-made MK screenplay....
01/24/2004 06:56 PM EST
like you said...we all take chances with our fanfics...and its known not everyone will like your vision of the story. i believe you understand the HUGE risk webmaster and i took while writing mkand.
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RE: The beginnings of a new fan-made MK screenplay....
01/25/2004 02:27 AM EST
I thank you very much for respecting my opinion and the opinions of others on your screenplay. I accpected to get alot of negative feedback on mine....

MKScorpion1 Wrote:
like you said...we all take chances with our fanfics...and its known not everyone will like your vision of the story. i believe you understand the HUGE risk webmaster and i took while writing mkand.

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RE: The beginnings of a new fan-made MK screenplay....
01/25/2004 07:16 AM EST

themkmaster Wrote:
You think it's A LOT better than mkand? You're kidding, right? Which part is better, exactly. The dialogue is obviously a lot worse than mkand, and the character's lines are the cheesiest i've seen. If you honestly believe this is better than mkand, well you just don't have good taste.


If that's your opinion, I respect it... I like this better than MKAND, end of discussion. Stop trying to start arguments with me.
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RE: The beginnings of a new fan-made MK screenplay....
01/25/2004 11:39 AM EST
im not the one who starts the arguments with you.
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RE: The beginnings of a new fan-made MK screenplay....
01/25/2004 03:46 PM EST
You shouldn't be telling me what to do.
Zentile Wrote:

themkmaster Wrote:
You think it's A LOT better than mkand? You're kidding, right? Which part is better, exactly. The dialogue is obviously a lot worse than mkand, and the character's lines are the cheesiest i've seen. If you honestly believe this is better than mkand, well you just don't have good taste.


If that's your opinion, I respect it... I like this better than MKAND, end of discussion. Stop trying to start arguments with me.

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RE: The beginnings of a new fan-made MK screenplay....
01/25/2004 06:46 PM EST

Zentile Wrote:
That's it, whatever it is your stupid reply, I'm done fighting with you. God damn it, you really just can't control yourself.

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RE: The beginnings of a new fan-made MK screenplay....
01/25/2004 08:41 PM EST
I heard you the first time, and I didn't care. Why should I now?
Zentile Wrote:

Zentile Wrote:
That's it, whatever it is your stupid reply, I'm done fighting with you. God damn it, you really just can't control yourself.

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RE: The beginnings of a new fan-made MK screenplay....
01/26/2004 04:26 PM EST
I think it was very good.

I really liked the Sonya, General part. I could perfectly imagine Sonya in the state of pain and anger and the Generals irritated voice yelling. (But isn’t Sonya supposed to be a Lieutenant?)

I also really liked the dialogue between Sindel and Kitana.

I think Liu Kang’s first part should had been also fallowed by the other part where he talks to Rayden.

The intro was nicely done.

Overall, I think it was great, I could give it a 4/5. I liked all expect the fact that is based on MK4. I think the third Mk movie should be based on the events of MKDA.

Good job. :)
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RE: The beginnings of a new fan-made MK screenplay....
01/27/2004 11:44 PM EST

queve Wrote:
I think it was very good.

I really liked the Sonya, General part. I could perfectly imagine Sonya in the state of pain and anger and the Generals irritated voice yelling. (But isn’t Sonya supposed to be a Lieutenant?)

I also really liked the dialogue between Sindel and Kitana.

I think Liu Kang’s first part should had been also fallowed by the other part where he talks to Rayden.

The intro was nicely done.

Overall, I think it was great, I could give it a 4/5. I liked all expect the fact that is based on MK4. I think the third Mk movie should be based on the events of MKDA.

Good job. :)


Thanx dude. The reason why it seems like the screenplay is all about MK4 is because I'm trying to incorperate the stort line of both MK4 and MK:DA and fuse them together. I really enjoyed the MK4 storyline and thought it just had to be in. Have patience... the new stuff will come in good time...
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RE: The beginnings of a new fan-made MK screenplay....
01/28/2004 03:58 AM EST
Well...? We're waiting for more, man.
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RE: The beginnings of a new fan-made MK screenplay....
01/28/2004 04:53 AM EST
Speak for yourself.
Zentile Wrote:
Well...? We're waiting for more, man.

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RE: The beginnings of a new fan-made MK screenplay....
01/28/2004 05:20 AM EST
Mkmaster, i think its time you stopped flaming in here, Zentile just expressed his thaughts on the story, it is not your job of convincing everyone that MKAND is better that the story above. Did you become a new MKAND marketing master all of the sudden?

To be honest I thought the same thing as Zentile, this story works way better for me than a new dawn. The way he wrote it gave some images of how it could look on TV, and i think it's needs a little work, but i like it, better than A new dawn that is

keep up the good work man
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RE: The beginnings of a new fan-made MK screenplay....
01/28/2004 06:50 AM EST
ScorpionsBrother Wrote:
Mkmaster, i think its time you stopped flaming in here,

I just said he doesn't speak for everyone, which is true.

Zentile just expressed his thaughts on the story,

Yes he did, as I expressed mine. Just because mine was negative doesn't mean I don't respect his opinion, nor the opinions of others for that matter.

it is not your job of convincing everyone that MKAND is better that the story above.

No, I never said it was. However, it IS my opinion that MKAND is a much better screenplay than the story above, whether you agree or not.

Did you become a new MKAND marketing master all of the sudden?

Why? Because I respect the effort put into MKAND(it took over a year to create mkand, mind you). There are plenty of other people that enjoyed MKAND as much as I did, if not more so. The only difference is that I'm one of the few people that stick up for it. If you think that makes me a 'marketing master' then so be it.


To be honest I thought the same thing as Zentile, this story works way better for me than a new dawn.

Not me though.

The way he wrote it gave some images of how it could look on TV,

This is the area that MKAND greatly exceeds at; There are pictures that go along greatly with the script, making it extremely easy to visual what was written. It also seperates it from other MK Fan Fictions (obviously there was a lot more effort put into MKAND than any other MK fan fiction in history, and that's a FACT.)

I do agree that the story above is pretty descriptive in terms of text, which I think makes it very different compared to MKAND, but not so much in a good way.


and i think it's needs a little work,

I think it needs a lot of work, but I do appreciate the effort.

but i like it, better than A new dawn that is

I don't, especially when compared to MKAND. Still, at the end of the day, opinions are just that; Not everyone is entitled to like/dislike the same thing, as proven by this thread. Still, I do respect your opinion, even though it's not one I agree with.
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RE: The beginnings of a new fan-made MK screenplay....
01/28/2004 07:40 AM EST
Then why the hell are you trying so hard to convince Zentile that MKand is better, he has his opinion and by looking at your posts you are clearly tring to change his mind.
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RE: The beginnings of a new fan-made MK screenplay....
01/28/2004 07:51 AM EST
I just stated that I didn't agree with him. How do you figure I'm trying to convince him MKAND is better? And why the hell do you care if it has absolutely nothing got do with you?

Like I said, I respect everyone's opinions, well, except maybe those as bizzares as Zentiles (to respect his opinion is asking waaay too much, he's just too cynical - look at his posts).
ScorpionsBrother Wrote:
Then why the hell are you trying so hard to convince Zentile that MKand is better, he has his opinion and by looking at your posts you are clearly tring to change his mind.

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RE: The beginnings of a new fan-made MK screenplay....
01/29/2004 02:06 PM EST
Hey dude, you need to settle down. It's only a script you are wasting way too much time argueing about it. If you don;t like, you don't like it. End of story. If Zentile like the screen play above and dislike MKAND, then thats just the way it is. Stop filling this thread with tiresome arguements about how you think MKAND is better.
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RE: The beginnings of a new fan-made MK screenplay....
01/29/2004 05:57 PM EST
Yup, it's for sure MKRevolution.

The way he bolds and unblods in arguments is a give-away, nevermind the pointless arguing.
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