Kaiju Big Battel News Flash 6/2/04
Prisoner Scandal! Last week the Kaiju Commissioner launched an official investigation into the circumstances surrounding the capture and imprisonment of Vegetius last April. He thought the investigative committee would simply confirm what he already believed - that Vegetius was treated with the utmost respect and dignity while held by the Kaiju Heroes. But today, a member of the committee leaked photographic evidence of barbaric treatment of Vegetius. In a series of what appear to be amateur snapshots, Vegetius is humiliated, and possibly even tortured. The editors of kaiju.com have decided to post these disturbing images, but be warned, they are not for the faint of heart.
Adding to the shocking nature of these photos is the apparent perpetrator of these deeds - Kaiju Hero American Beetle. A self-declared bastion of justice and virtue, it is almost unfathomable that he would stoop to such crass and abusive treatment of a prisoner in his care. Beetle himself has been unavailable for comment, but this scandal is sure to tarnish his image, as well as the reputation of the Kaiju Heroes.
Commissioner Responds. The Kaiju Commissioner, speaking via satellite to a small gathering of Swedish Rotarians, reacted contritely to the Vegetius abuse scandal.
"I am shocked and appalled by this callous treatment of Vegetius. I can assure you that it does not represent how the Kaiju Heroes treat their prisoners. I take full responsibility for these saddening abuses."
When pressed for details about exactly what "full responsibility" entailed, the Commissioner declined comment.
Super Time! Overshadowed this week by the Vegetius abuse scandal were the results of Dr. Jane Geertz's exploratory research into the phenomenon of new Kaiju Hero Super Wrong. Dr. Geertz, the world's preeminent Kaijuologist, delved into the pop culture craze that has gripped the world since Super Wrong's debut last month, and found that the Super Wrong Train is steaming towards Ubiquity Station and nearly everyone's hopped on board! Find out for yourself why Super Wrong is so right, in the latest Kaijuology Report.
Los Plantanos For Sale. Los Plantanos are a big deal in the Big Battel, but they've never been accused of forgetting their roots. So it shouldn't be surprising that the Plantain Twins have just renewed their pledge to send 100 perecent of the proceeds from their T-shirts and Tanktops back to their native land. Most of the money will go to charitable organizations that bring fertilizer to malnourished fruit, provide shelter for shade plants, and work to alleviate drought conditions. The rest of the funds go directly to revolutionary organizations opposed to the brutal Sock Puppet Dictator.
You can help Los Plantanos fund these worthy causes by purchasing a "Los Plantanos Ain't Yellow" T-Shirt or Tanktop in the Kaiju Mall today. You'll get a nice shirt, and you'll be helping make the world a better place!
Sea Amigos. The last thing the fans at Mayday! May Day! Boston SOS! expected to see was the return of D.W. Cycloptopuss III. But when the claw-fisted cyclops came charging into the Danger Cage to lend Call-Me-Kevin a tentacle, the crowd was more than happy to sea his return. And although his interference didn't quite work out - Neo Teppen kept Kevin winless - it appears as though all three Kaiju sea creatures are now thick as thieves.
Just last week, the Sea Amigos were cavorting in the waters south of Singapore when they spotted a cargo ship loaded with automobiles. Reportedly, Unibouzu hit upon the idea of stealing a few dozen of the cars and then giving them away to Kaiju fans, in a crass attempt to boost their popularity. But when they found the ship to be filled with Kias they realized their plan would never succeed so they sent the cargo ship careening into a nearby tanker, sinking the ship and it's 4,000-car cargo.
think i should post this in the wrestling topic?
^_^
