Mortal Kombat: A script by TheDark1N00b
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Mortal Kombat: A script by TheDark1N00b
08/26/2010 10:29 PM EDT
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RE: Fan Submission: Mortal Kombat: A script by TheDark1N00b
08/28/2010 03:51 PM EDT
I like where you went with most of the script, but I do feel that there are some things that need some work. For starters, you submitted most of the beginning already, and I didn't see that many changes made, aside for the end with Raiden, Kung Lao, and Liu Kang, but what I wish you had changed was the following:

1. Kano's right eye is metal and red, not left. That was a mistake in your first submission that remained here.

2. JACKS. Come on now, you're already introducing characters with random nicknames like Torque and Mikka, but changing Jax into Jacks? What point does that serve? You know he's nicknamed Jax, we know he's supposed to be called Jax, why give us Jacks?

As for the new parts, I'm really confused about the MK1 ninja scene. For starters, it's been established that they are on Shang's private island, so how would Sub-Zero be watching his family from there? Very confusing. And with that in mind, what was the point of the exchange between Reptile and Sub-Zero? It just kind of seemed like something was just thrown there just to get Reptile in. And he's working for Shao Kahn, but not for Shang Tsung, but hates Kahn for slaughtering his people and is on the same side and Shang Tsung and Shao Kahn anyway? The game's story fucks with this a lot, but if this is going to be a movie script, try to have this make some sense. Personally, I would have made it so that Reptile stopped Scorpion from killing Sub-Zero's family, but that's just me. Sub-Zero's family shouldn't even be there (who brings their family to a tournament where people tend to kill one another).

Johnny Cage VS Kano... I don't know if you're planning on elaborating the whole fight thing or not, but I feel that if you weren't finished with it, don't bother putting it in until you've worked out all the details of how you want the fight scene to look. Have them exchange some witty lines or something, don't make it an afterthought that Cage fought against Kano and lost when the whole point of the MK series is that we see (in this case, read) cool fights.

What was Kano's motivation for killing Kung Lao's family?
Why did the Tarkata attack the Shaolin Temple? Liu Kang still hadn't been deemed a threat yet for the attack.
Where's Raiden?
How did Jarek cut off Jax's arm when you never mentioned he was armed with anything?

Also, biggest pressing question, how in the world did Liu Kang get stabbed, knocked unconscious, and left in Kung Lao's family's home, and somehow wake up and go to the tournament and not have bled out from his stab wound that was left unattended for the entire night? I know that we're supposed to suspend disbelief when the hero receives what should be major wounds and they're treated as minor, but this was a stab wound, and no matter where it is, it's not only going to leave a mark, it'll hinder him when in the tournament.

It has a lot of good potential though, I like the style you've adopted for how each character speaks and the descriptions you give about some parts are pretty thorough and good, but you just need to fix up some of the things I pointed out and then you'll be right as Rain. wink
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RE: Fan Submission: Mortal Kombat: A script by TheDark1N00b
08/29/2010 11:22 PM EDT
Yee, you have a point. And I read your comment the last time I posted the script, and I understand what you're saying. Ty for the response too, I've been waiting for some good constructive critism here! I'll be sure to make the necessary changes, and post my script when it is completed in it's entirety. Thanks Again!

TheDark1N00b

wink
TheDark1N00b
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