I think strong human is difficult to do in this series, bit it is missing... 'course, I took the opposite approach and made a 'weak human', heh.. I also agree about the many Chaosrealm associations and random Quan Chi involvement, so... My point would be: I think you are... Good.

You give great advice, like what you've said about many of them being over ambitious, and I definitely think that applies to my entry, Annette. So, I'm going to actually apply that in the next contest, perhaps forgoing the rather elaborate background story and fighting style in favor of something more accessible... But still just as out of the ordinary.

I'm glad you're open to bad, because I wasn't much of a Lorsid fan.
In terms of presenting the character for the contest, I think you put a very bad foot forward first. Characters who can't answer the basic checklist of details (Name/Age/Origins) with direct answers need to have a really good reason. Following up some indecision with a bio that specifically told us little to nothing about the character was a fasttrack to dismissal -- the addition of a claim that attempts to put the character in a position of power over the existing roster (without earning it at all) was a negative on a negative. As far as a character and concept went, you had the ending to make up for it, but again, there wasn't much there.

Visually, again, not a lot is communicated. The fact that spikes are the most significant design feature is a bit of a turn off; I think it speaks more to the cursory misinterpretation of what MK is. It also didn't do a whole lot to add to the already absent character. Obviously a sense of mystery was your main theme, but there was nothing else to quantify any interest in that.

The obvious [deliberate?] reference would be Noob Saibot -- a character who really lived and died by a time when there were reasonable expectations for a degree of simplicity. An all-black palette swap as a secret character with not much plot was fine in the digitized decade of the nineties, but look at Noob Saibot now, or even other Brotherhood of the Shadow character in a game like Shaolin Monks. A great degree of character is just expected.

If you were planning this as a longform entry that would have a similar degree of evolution to Noob, I think you'd have to accept and be prepared for a fairly grim prognosis at this stage. It'd be a ballsy move, given how long the gap between contests is, but if it worked it would certainly be an interesting gimmick. Might be a tough ask to expect people to remember enough to appreciate it, but I guess if we can expect more development on the admin side of the site, that'll be helpful.

Thanks for your feedback!

So basically I think what everything boils down to is that the people who didn't like (or at least vote for) Lorsid didn't really like the mystery theme. I knew it was a risk when I entered her that way, but the mystery element used in the old games for certain characters (Ermac, Noob, etc.) really appealed to me so I decided to model her after that.

My plan was to present her bio in a more mysterious fashion, but then reveal her full story when it was time for her match. Unfortunately, the contest wasn't laid out quite the way I had imagined, and my explanation of her full story (the Elder Gods creating her and sending her back in time to foil Raiden's plan and bring about Armageddon anyways) was overlooked in the KAK discussion thread.

While I think she would work well in an actual game, where her story could be told through cutscenes and what not, I understand she was too mysterious for a text-based KAK tournament. After seeing all the paragraphs upon paragraphs of bio for many of the contestants, I started regretting entering a mystery fighter pretty early on. Though she was popular enough to win the majority of the vote the first round, so I am proud of that :)

I have some plans for another character for the next tournament....I'll be using mystery elements with him/her as well, but his/her story will be much more fleshed out than Lorsid's.

If you asked for feedback and think I missed you, make sure you check the previous page. (I like to think you guys are savvy enough to do that, but you never know).


The name and premise -- instant elimination.

It takes a very solid (and hopefully natural) concept to piggyback off of an existing character's bloodline. Being Kenshi's brother didn't have any signficant part to play in Kevshi's identity, and just wasn't a good enough plot to justify itself. Likewise, the design was really a mismatched hodgepodge of Dragonball Z-type choices that seem to be pulled from a stock list of 'kewl accessories' (or a game KAK engine), rather than a thoughtful school of character design.

Finding Kenshi a rival swordsman is a nice enough idea.
I almost think a dedicated swordsman would be more interesting than one who combines it with magic, but that's not to say one is always going to be better than the other. On the whole, I think that's an idea to be explored from a fresh perspective, though. I think Kevshi is an irredeemable character.


I think mystery is fine, but yeah. You need to have a hook and this character had none. I think it's also important to make sure the mystery is to scale -- like any character entered, you're going to be asking a lot if you're trying to design a new lead character, or a character who sits higher on the heirarchy than existing figures.

When you set up a mystery you then have the pressure of delivering on it, and personally, had your story been revealed, I probably would've been just as harsh. I think under these conditions you have to find a lot of strength in the character, more than the presentation.

Obviously there are always degrees of potential, though, and all of these suggestions are far from unimpeachable. As I say a lot, though. If you're going to chase some of these things, they'll probably have to be really good and spot on.


Well, I mean "strong" in the sense of the representation of humans.
The game is founded on strong humans -- Liu Kang, Kung Lao, Sonya Blade, Jax, Sub-Zero (semantics) and particularly Johnny Cage. The entire premise of Mortal Kombat 3 is then about the supernatural secret world of the Mortal Kombat tournament colliding with humanity -- which is where there's a wealth of potential to investigate!

I personally think it's easier, safer, and more interesting to go back to the human element, at this point. It would've been a very logical place to go after MK Armageddon, allowing the existing figures to assume a more mythic status in their post-MKA lives (but I digress).

For what it's worth, I liked Anette. Reasonably interesting concept, interesting design, and decent execution. Not inherently in the MK style and I think that condemned the character to go far, but never be allowed to win. It was probably a bit too flowery and romance novel for MK, with vaguely Soul Calibur-esque trappings. Obviously the longform entry was a lot to take in, too. It might've been an idea to fit the format better, but you probably already knew that and made the decision to go another way.

Look forward to seeing what you come up with for the next contest!
Should be particularly interesting to see how you adapt your style.

I'm incredibly small time to the point of being a non-entity, but I am a 'writer,' so I like to think a little experience helps the perspective. Thanks for the compliment, much appreciated.

Hey mike-lucifer what did you think of Serenity?

you dont have to write a lot i know youre busy, a simple thumbs up or thumbs down would be good enough if youre short on time

Thumbs Middle: I like a character who sets out to undo the wackiness of the current time travel storylines [of the game], but didn't think your design and character was in sync with the concept of a 'time god.' If you've already seen references to characters who place themselves high in the heirarchy, you could assume that came into play a little. A solid contribution, but not my taste.

So, Mick-Lucifer, I know you've suddenly been assaulted by people wanting your critiques and that's got to be annoying, but I think I'm going to jump on the bandwagon. I'd really appreciate hearing your thoughts on Krustacean. Thanks in advance, my good man.

I'd like some reviews on Okorik too please.

Speaking of asking for a review of Krustacean, how about a review of Shoulen too lol

As Krusty out-voted Shoulen, would be interesting to know your thoughts on both character, back-to-back.

My review of Malice for longlivequeensindel

Bio: This bio from jump Street is a fresh and original effort, there has not been a story of jealously in Mortal Kombat and jealously is sometimes just as much of a motivator as revenge for making characters do desperate things. The bio is was a refreshing change of pace.


Fighting style: This is intriguing because it’s like having two characters for the price of one and this section is well written, easy to follow and it gives the reader a good feel for her style(s). I noticed that her and he was used, interesting that one personality is male and the other female, a very intriguing section to read through.

Costumes: I really do love your designs, they’re some of the most inventive looks I’ve seen and they really would be a welcome change of pace in the sphere of MK, Malice’s hair Is glorious. I love all the little details, like the straps, metal symbols and how her costume is a straight jacket turned fashionable, superbly done design wise. Though I think an alternate that catered more to her former spy days would have been a good choice.

Specials: I nice assortment of moves that take advantage of her two very different styles of combat, I could picture her being a total pain to fight due to the nature of her styles. The mind manipulation powers are well done and something intriguing we haven’t seen before in MK, I remember reading about Night Terrors in psychology and I think it’s great to see a fictional character incorporate real life elements into their tool set. I’m curious are the lances apart of her?


X-Ray: Is an interesting and unique X-ray that blends Malice’s skill set rather well, though at certain parts I wasn’t quite sure what was happening, perhaps it was the wording or I’m just not getting it, but I think a more clear description would benefit this X-ray aside from that, well done.

Fatalities: Pretty gruesome and some of the most original and well thought out fatalities I’ve read. The Crucify fatality is brilliant, very unique and fitting fatalities.

Taunts: Creepy, clever and well done, her taunts are play off of her split personalities quite well and she comes off as a very intimidating warrior.

Ending: The ending was pretty good, certainly brought the character full circle and instead of killing Shao Kahn she brings him down below her level, turning him into her lover once more, interesting change of pace from the usual of simply killing Shao Kahn. It’s also nice to see Quan Chi not outsmart the character this go round, a unique spin on the arcade ending with some fresh new ideas that MK hasn’t really touched, it’s not lengthy but it says a lot about the character and her development.

Overall: Malice is a pretty top shelf character as it stands she has a solid costume, innovative background, abilities, and fatalities. Her taunts are creepy and very befitting of her fighting style and deranged nature. Malice hits the mark on essentially every field, but I think Malice could benefit from having a costume that played off of her former assassin past. I don’t find myself with any major complaints to make in regards to this character, it’s clear the level of thought and intricate detail that was put into this creation and a very noteworthy addition indeed.

I don't suppose Espio or Mick-Lucifer would mind reviewing Khibok for me? Pretty please?

thanks Mick-Lucifer for the feedback. i did not expect to get far and joined in on the tournament for fun. i didn't want him to be a clone of kenshi so i incorperated dark magic and such.

Certainly sir, I'm already working on it as we speak

Well, as i see there are some people reviewing i would like to ask for a review for De Kai & De Kio. I already had one by Espio, but the more opinions the better :)

Thank you so much for your positive review I'm so happy you thought highly of Malice. Just a couple of things to point out
The whole refering Malice as him and her are actually typo's , when I first submitted her she was a male character called Matthius and I basicly forgot or didnt notice where i had left male parts ;)
I do like your idea of your spy costume but the idea was for her to fit into her surroundings so her spy costume is really what ever place she is orking i supose but a a costume refrencing her devotion to Khan would be a great idea.

Thanks again I'm very glad someone really like her her

:O

You should keep better track of where you put those. It can get you into serious trouble.

My review of Khibok for McHotcakes

Bio: This bio is a great example of having a lengthy bio, but making it interesting and enjoyable to read and I was motivated to keep reading because of how engaging your story telling was. I am a huge fan of how you blended human legends into your character and it seems rational and very realistic, fiction that can appear to have a plausible basis in reality is the best kind in my view. I found his connection to the great Kung Lao rather intriguing and I remember you saying your character was kind of speaking for animal and environmental preservation, a very ambitious and well written effort indeed. You not only managed to get a very pressing political matter addressed, but you did so while also creating a unique, engaging bio and none of it felt forced or rushed. I think this is one of the most well written bios of the contest, spelling and punctuation.

Fighting style: Described with coherent and easy to follow detail. It conveyed Khibok’s style and described how he fights in brief, excellent details, nicely done.

Costumes: Both costumes are superbly designed, but I feel that his alternate with the red and yellow vest is his best look as it gives a more unique look from his primary. Khibok reminds me of the apes from the movie the Congo, which is pretty awesome and his distinct look makes him a very memorable character, love the bamboo stick and the shorts/pants .

Specials: A unique array of special moves are present in this section, Khibok’s specials seem to fit him like a glove, Khibok comes off as a heavy hitter and possibly a grappler but also incorporating the acrobatic movements you describe in Khibok’s fighting style, a solid tool set.

X-Ray: This X-ray stands on its own, it’s unique and quite brutal with the organs rupturing, nobody does a bear hug type of grab, which is a welcome addition and the hand claps really set it off and complete the whole scene.

Fatalities: Unique fatalities in their own right, the first one is particularly gruesome. Both are well done and fit the character well.
Taunts: A nice array of taunts that display Khibok’s primal side as well as his intelligent, martial arts warrior side as well.

Ending: I liked his ending, it was straightforward and to the point, but his story comes full circle and it’s one of those endings that really feels rewarding to experience both for the player and the in game character.

Overall: I feel that this character is done well in their execution from specials, bio, fatalities, etc. I don’t feel there’s much for me to add in the way of improvement for the character, Khibok is a distinct and original character that was very competently crafted, your knack for storytelling is one of the key points that really got me with Khibok.

I apologize that I don’t have much to say in means of improvement, though I don’t see anything worth mentioning that needs improvement.

I hope my review was helpful, take care.

Do it! Do it do it!!!

Do you have a bigger image that I can play from?

Oh dear the sad thing is that i didnt even notice that lol

Bump..

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I'm more than willing to help making mugshots for other characters to be featured in a select screen.

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What are your thoughts for the next tourney:

Krimson or New Character?

Well I'm for the idea of a new character. IMO you shouldn't reuse characters that you've entered before. It'd be more fun if the characters were all new and original. At least that's the direction I'm going with. But if you feel you can add on to Krimson's story and gameplay than go for it.

Thank you for your response, I'm asking because I'm still iffy on bringing her back or not.

I suppose I could have a little influence from Krimson in a new character for the next Tourney...

After much consideration, I have decided that Krimson will not be returning for the next torunament.

*Cue Cheering and applause*

New character for sure, it's always cool to try something new and keep the tourney fresh, though if you wanted to bring her back, that's obviously your choice.

I also think that making a new character is a creative challenge, there's so much time and effort that goes into making these characters, but they're also a ton of fun, half the enjoyment I got out of my character was seeing how other perceived my new ideas.