Bro, stop crying over this girl. Be a man and step up for yourself. Forget E-mail or the Phone talk to her face to face and show her what's tearing you apart. Make her proove to you that she is not cheating on you.

If you seriously want to find out what is going on, try and buy those hidden cameras and put it in her jacket so that when she comes back home you could see what she did the whole day.

Another thing, I sence you are getting frustrated. I suggest you go to a gym lift some weights take up boxing and release all your stress out on that. As much as you love this girl, if she is cheating on you get away from her and move on to new things.

I had learned in life that if you triumph over bad situations in life it would make you a lot stronger in life, consider this whole situation a learing experience.

Here's the lyrics to a song called "Lie" by Dream Theater. It may help you deal with some of this anger/betrayle.

LIE

Daybreak
At the bottom of lake
It’s a hundred degrees I can’t breathe
And I won’t get out
’til I figure it out
Though I’m weak like I can’t believe
So you tell me ’trust me’ l can trust you
Just let me show you
But I gotta work it out in a shadow of doubt
’cause I don’t know if I know you

Doing fine but don’t waste my time
Tell me what it is you want to say
You sin, you win, just let me in - hurry
I’ve been out in the rain all day
So you tell me ’trust me’ I can trust you
As far as I can throw you
And I’m trying to get out of a shadow of doubt
’cause I don’t know if I know you

[chorus:]
Don’t tell me you wanted me
Don’t tell me you thought of me
I won’t, I swear I won’t
(did)
I’ll try, I swear I’ll try
(lie)

Mother mary quite contrary
Kiss the boys and make them wary
Things are getting just a little bit scary
It’s a wonder I can still breathe

Never been much of a doubting thomas
But nothing breaks like a broken promise
You tell me ’bout your two more coming
But once is just enough for me

[chorus]

I had gotten used to being a soul destroyed
She comes in apparently to fill the void
All dogs need a leash and
At least I’ll forget it
And she would never hurt me though
She’s never said it
But I’m not gonna ask her today
I don’t wanna scare her away
Your town, I’m all alone
And I just can’t stare at the phone
I wanna talk about lifelong mistakes
And you can tell your stepfather I said so

Actually dude you should listen to that song and "The Mirror". Listen to Mirror first though, cause both songs are a set and Mirror leads into Lie. Props to Temp, I would have never thought of that.

You should come back unannounced and catch her by suprise, her reaction will tell you if she's cheating or not. If she hugs you and kisses you and says she misses, then your safe. If she gets pissed off like "WTF are you doing back so soon" or "Why didnt you tell me" or something like that, then go to the nearest bar and down a bunch of corona's

Dump her man. I was gonna vote for not using a ten foot pole to touch this topic.

But let's listen to the guy who is divorced.

She's trouble man. Apparently she doesn't want a fair relationship. She wants you but won't commit herself to you even for a partnership. I married an undecided. It don't get better. After a guy marries. He can be a little more crude. But a woman takes all the make-up off after marriage. And already starts taking it off as you date longer and longer.

If she is like this already, I can only give you one samurai to get your ass out of there. If you persist, you have been warned to run like a guy on angel dust getting set on fire.

-Shoe

Sorry man.

I hope you find someone else soon tho. =)

Hello there,

One of the things I like about MKO. Sometimes the place runs full of assholes, but sometimes it's the opposite. Woot.

Well, as for my 2c wrt your problems. Here is some advice... take it or leave it, it's just advice.

1. Like other people here said, it's far from certain she is cheating on you. This Jason isn't really the issue here. Of course, I understand it might be a priority to get to the bottom of your suspicions, but tell her so in a non-confrontational manner.

2. You appear to need more freedom. As things stand right now, the balance of power in your relationship favours Jessica completely. I really don't mean to insult your girl here, but she sounds like she's both possessive and rejecting at the same time; plus, from the mails you showed us, she doesn't sound very smart to me (what 22-year-old women type this way?). She can have guy friends, and you can't have girl friends? This is absolutely wrong. Also, the fact that she hasn't told her family you two are together is very disturbing. She can do with you whatever she wants. Do not let yourself be treated this way.

3. Crying over someone you love is not weak. In fact, people who never cry are weak. But man, please, don't wallow in self-pity either. It doesn't help. You may gain a lot of sympathy from other people this way, but it won't solve your problems. Tell her that you cry over her. If she doesn't understand that or reacts coldly, strongly consider leaving her. Like others here said, no matter how improbable that sounds, there are other fish in the pond...

My 2c.

VQ

VainQueur Wrote: 3. Crying over someone you love is not weak. In fact, people who never cry are weak. VQ

yes, let your tears run down your face and not through your heart, coz if you don't let it out once in a while, your tears will drip down your heart and you will feel unbearable pain.

if you are down, go to a private place and shout out once in a while... it helps man, but don't disturb other people.

okay, here's the thing, when she told you that you could not have female friends, she might not have known that people need friends in the opposite sex. now that she met a nice person, she could have discovered the benefits of having friends of the opposite sex. so here's what you do: make friends, even if they are girls but be honest with her, and if she doesn't like it...

then she has control issues... she's not good for you... (no matter if she is cheating or not), but if she takes it lightly and allows you to have female friends now, then that means you two are okay... its great. coz if she is cheatin on you, then when you have female friends, she would think that you were cheaing on her...

good luck man...

mk_freak Wrote: Redline Wrote: Kick Jason's ass (or get me to ;-D) then tell her to fuck off and call her a dirty slut. hahahahaha lol, you sure are a casanova bro, i'll tell my sister to go out with ya

Why thank you! Is your sister hot???

sonicherosfan Wrote: I love her to death,but it seems unfair and just not right that Jessica(my girlfriend)can do stuff she tells me she doesnt want me to do.And I dont want to over react to stuff ....

Dude forget her. She a hipocrit. When she threated to hang up on you, it was her way of making you feel guilty for no reason when she is doing the same thing as you. You also fucked up by not calling her on it, and bending to her just casue you like her. They (women) love to play head games. Even if she isn't seeing the other guy Jason shes telling you that shes talking to him to try and make you jelous. The only reason women don't want us guys talking to other girls is becasue there jelous and insecure about it, just as much as we are about them talking to other guys. Move on and forget her.

Or if you want to see if she really does care about you just as much as you do about her, break up with her and let her know why. If you does care about you she'll probably come crying back to you, or if you don't want to break up with her just don't call her or talk to her. Do stuff for your self, talk to other women, etc. When you do talk to your girlfriend tell her you've been busy, since she hasn't made time for you you asume shes seeing someone or just doesn't care about you. Tell her your not going to keep to yourself and be lonely while shes in anouther state talking and probably meeting new people. Tel you've been out with frinds or what ever.

thanks for everyone helping me out by giving me pretty good advice,thanks again ppl.........this has actually helped out more then u know for me.

I don't think she's cheating on you but you shouldn't let her control your life like how you said she can have guy friends but you can't have female friends because your too frienly. That's bullshit. Don't let her wear the "pants" in the relationship, you're the man, therefore you're wearing the "pants".. I always tell my girl what to do, if she doesn't like it then tough.. she still does it and still loves me.

Like Temp said, it seems like there are serious trust issues here. If she's lied to you in the past, you really need to call her on that, and tell her she has no right to tell you that you can't have female friends when she can have male friends. Love and control are not good bedfellows. One of my best friendships in college was ruined by my friend's jealous boyfriend. One time when the two of them passed by me, she gave me a quick look, then quickly turned away. It spoke volumes to me. I could tell she felt bad about the situation, but for whatever reason wouldn't confront her boyfriend about it. If I've learned anything from that situation, it's that love is not about control; love demands trust.

From the information you've given, there's no way to make an ojective determination regarding whether or not she's cheating on you. I would suggest you tell her that you feel there are serious trust issues in your relationship that must be resolved. If she says she doesn't have time for that, or isn't comfortable with it, tell her she had better seek a new relationship. Tell her what this situation is doing to you, how it's tearing you apart, how you cry about her. If she won't listen too what you have to say, then I don't know if the relationship is salvagable.

ShaolinChuan Wrote: I don't think she's cheating on you but you shouldn't let her control your life like how you said she can have guy friends but you can't have female friends because your too frienly. That's bullshit. Don't let her wear the "pants" in the relationship, you're the man, therefore you're wearing the "pants".. I always tell my girl what to do, if she doesn't like it then tough.. she still does it and still loves me.

i tend to disagree, you two should have an equal decision in most, if not everything... that is a perfect relationship... discuss things over. spend time with each other...

xcarnagex Wrote: From the information you've given, there's no way to make an ojective determination regarding whether or not she's cheating on you. I would suggest you tell her that you feel there are serious trust issues in your relationship that must be resolved. If she says she doesn't have time for that, or isn't comfortable with it, tell her she had better seek a new relationship. Tell her what this situation is doing to you, how it's tearing you apart, how you cry about her. If she won't listen too what you have to say, then I don't know if the relationship is salvagable.

yes, she might not be ready for a serious relationship, if you really love her, then maybe you could wait... if you cannot wait, call it off before it gets ugly.

Sonic,

Where iN NJ is she?
Might be able to "track" her.

This topic is making me really sad, and I wasn't planning on posting. But I just got to say I agree with Shoe, VainQueur and Temp. The obvious trust issues are going to prevent your relationship from really blossoming. I hate to say it, but whether or not she's actually cheating, she sounds like she isn't mature enough to be give you the kind of freedom and fairness you need.

And I hate to look like I'm hopping on the bandwagon, but whoever said crying over a girl is weak must have a pretty deprived life. No matter how much it hurts, crying over anyone shows that you actually care and love that person, and that is one of the best feelings. To not have that in your life is something you're going to regret, whether you believe it now or not.

thanks for replying to this,it atleast helps me work it out on my own since jessica won't.It hurts alot cause its hard to without the other person,and its hard to share those feelings with someone else and to be able to do the right thing about it.But I am hoping that she comes over on wednesday night like she said she was going to.She said that she didnt have money and what not so i convince my uncle to let her stay there with me and him.Not a bad idea cause it lets me give her gas money and whatnot,but i just want to see if it happens because its not that hard to do for one night.SOrry if my topic has made anyone sad,but trust me if you were me ,you would have needed to tell someone.My heart came up here full of love and sadly it looks like all that love is getting ripped from it....makes my heart and soul feel alone and crys not to be hurt anymore,or feeling that void come back that hurts that lost part of my heart.:~(

sonicherosfan Wrote: SOrry if my topic has made anyone sad,but trust me if you were me ,you would have needed to tell someone.(

Hey don't worry about it. I do almost the same when it comes to women i crush on. I too get very depressed, and sad, and agry when I've realized that I've fucked up by not telling them my feeling for them, and asking them out. I am the quit shy type. Ususally time goes by and then they slowly slip out of my life for one reason or anouther. And I just get really really depressed at how much I've fucked up too. I'm Actually trying to get over someone I've like for the past few years. I've known her through friends, but I haven't seen her in over a year, and friends who I know through say they've been to busy or tired to hang out and do anything in the past year and a half. I keep trying to tell myself that there is always the posibility of seeing he again and correcting my mistakes, but also at the same time the though of her being with someone else keeps sliping into my mind. Beautiful women usually don't stay single long. But also at the same time I keep telling myself I'm just paranoid, and that in the 3 years or so I've known her, and from hearing from he friends that shes never had a boyfriend before. So that maybe she doesn't have one.

So yeah off of my problems and don't worry about sharing yours.

No worries, man. If you ever need to get something off your chest, just post it. There are a lot of assholes who say one shouldn't bring their real-life problems to the forum. But they are just that: assholes.

1. Slap that ho- I mean Slap that woman for cheating.

2. When she tries to say sorry, say, "Go call your Pimp.", I don't forgive anyone who would cheat on me.

OK actually don't slap her or tell her that. Seriously, talk to her about it.

sonicherosfan Wrote: hey ok, Heres the thing,my girlfriend that went up to new jersey and havent seen since like alittle over a month ago.We been dating or going out with each other what way you want to put it,for about 7 months.Now,I am up in PA now and she has known I was going tobe here over a month ago but she never asked for it off at work.Now I asked her why and she said,that at her job they dont pay attendtion to it.Even still,she is 22 you think a girl that old would be mature enough to want or try to take off for someone who she saids she loves and wants to be with. Now,i left the other night and tried to call her on my way up here and she didnt get home til like 1-130 she said(in the morning)Also the entire time i have been with her,her work as always posted the time she is supposed to work at the same time during every week.But the week I am up here,its like oh josh no sorry they havent posted it up yet to let me know when i am working,so I dont know when I can see you.Its really sad and god knows i love her but damn I don't know what to do. There is another thing,she tells me she has talked to this other guy at work named Jason.I asked her,I thought you said you werent going to talk to another guy or didnt want to.She replied and said,You shouldnt worry about it josh,he has a girlfriend that is preg and is engaged,and friendly.Now see heres is another thing,She saids she doesnt want me to talk to other girls cause i am to friendly,but its ok for her to talk to another guy when he is friendly?Interesting i think.I have tried to talk to her about this but everytime I try hard to sort things out and not go off assuming things,she gets mad at me and saids ,Josh if you ask me that again i am going to hang up on you. I love her to death,but it seems unfair and just not right that Jessica(my girlfriend)can do stuff she tells me she doesnt want me to do.And I dont want to over react to stuff but I don't know what to do,sitting here waiting for her to call me and yet no call yet from her after she has or waiting for her to get off of work.Anyone that has any thoughts about this please reply,this really does depressed me cause its like I have no idea what to do and yet I don't want to lose someone I truly love....

im good with this kind of stuff...

first off the good news...

I dont think she is cheating on you whatsoever...if you love her, you should trust her, no matter how hard it is...when a paranoid or sad feeling might come over you, just shoot it down by saying to yourself 'I Trust Her'...I mean if this stuff continues way more than a month, then its ok to be suspicious, but for right now, just try to calm down...and think she has no reason to cheat on you...and even IF she does, it would make you the better in the relationship

now for the heartbreaker...

Im going to be brutally honest, so im sorry...she dont love you...there cant be love if she is staying away that long with no signs of an attempt of coming back...and if she says things like 'say it again and ill hang up', nice tone or not, its just something you dont say...both parties in a relationship need to listen and talk things out, hint why you seem and feel like the only one in this relationship, or at least feeling like the only one trying to work things out...you might think 'you dont know her like i do' and stuff like that, but its just going to hurt worse...she seems to care for you though, well enough to remember to call and everything, but I dont see how she loves you...

I personally think you need to distance yourself a little...what I mean is, find an actual hobby that can keep you busy in the day or at night to try to take your mind off her...it wont end the pain but it will soften the blow...but dont ever give up with her...cause you might be wrong. I dont think shes cheating, but I know she doesnt love you...at least not at the time...just hang in there, find a way to soften the blow, and keep trying to work things out with her...who cares if she hangs up, she'll call back later when she calms down and thinks about things...and let her know what she has with you, or in what ways shes lucky to have you...

thats all I can think of, hope it helps...

Slica

From my POV, I don't think she is cheating but then I can't say she isn't either.

But things that point to the fact she isn't:

She's spending money on you. A lot of money.
From my experience, whereas most guys tend to spend a ton on a girl to silence/sooth/blow things over when things get tense, women do not.

If a woman is spending a lot of cash on you, then she cares for you a lot, or else she'd spend that on herself instead.

From her email back to you, it seems she is sincere enough.

Trust me, I know a lot about the distance thing. I deal with it as a constant. Odds are you've spent more time with your gf than I have with my Fiancee this past year.

Being distant does not preclude cheating at all, it could happen, but it doesn't automatically mean that is the case.

As long as you make an attempt to contact her and keep in touch then I don't see any real danger. If she gets to feeling you don't care about her anymore, then I would start to worry as she'll likely look elsewhere for someone who does.

Her having a friend is normal enough. You should be allowed female friends if she can have male friends though.
The reason she likely tries to keep you from having female friends is insecurity and being afraid she'll lose you to one of those female friends.
Talk to her and reassure her that wouldn't be the case (and don't give her reason to worry by spending a lot of time in contact with her and so on) and things should be ok.

Ask her and see on setting up some time to get together, if she cares enough about you she'll try to make time for you.
If not, well...you have to confront her on the fact that you do need attention too and you need to see her.
If she still balks, then it might possibly be time to consider seeking out a new partner.

But at least attempt to make things work if you have been with her a long time and you care for her as it seems you do.

Throwing it all away based on suspicion alone is crazy.

I cant thank everyone enough for the support you guys have given me.It makes me feel like ppl i dunno cares about me,and that makes me happy.But thanks alot everyone I also hope this works out for me to.But if anyone wants to know,she called me tonight and said she tried to take of work but couldnt cause someone else had to cause someone died (i know it sounds like a lie but i dont want to assume it,so i am going to wait it out on that one.)but she saids she is supposed to call her work tomorrow after 2 so hopefully i will know something for sure by then,she sounded better towards me tonight but i dunno...I really hope i c her one last time.maybe then she might rememeber how happy she is with me and so on....Thanks again everyone.


sincerly,
Josh

So where in NJ is she josh?