As you may not know, I am a pretty big fan of horror films, and I'd sometimes imagine what it would be like if I was in one.

Since I'm black, I'd probably be one of the first to die.

But if I manage to make it passed the first 25 minutes of the film, I would be sure to follow a particular set of rules to keep myself alive. Of course, one could use as many tips as possible, so if you know any, please post. I wanna live!

Here are mine:

1. Don't be a blonde. As I have noticed, the blonde is usually the first to die in a horror film, so if you're a blonde, and a killer is on the loose, dye your hair as black as possible.

2. Don't take a piss outside at night. If you do this, you're asking to get killed. The killer will just sneak up behind you, so hold your pee, man. You might not want to wait long enough to get home, but if you pee outside, you won't live long enough to finish.

3. Don't be the only black person. Let's be real, black people only exist in horror movies to die, so if you're black and you're going out, bring at least three of your black friends. Odds are, only one of you will be killed. The rest of you can hightail it the hell out of there.

4. No sex. The people who get dirty will get dumped in the dirt, so no sex until the killer is officially dead. If you're a virgin, good for you. Stay one.

5. If you hear a scream, run as far away from that scream as possible. Don't waste time trying to figure out who's doing the screaming. They'll be dead by the time you find them. Just get the hell out of there.

6. Get yourself a gay friend, and follow him everywhere he goes. Gay men are usually immune from being killed in horror films, so make friends with one, and you might survive. If you yourself are gay, be the leader of your group. If you're all gay, this tip is useless.

7. Never drink. The one who refuses the invitation to drink is usually the one who lives the longest. Avoid drinking to maintain all senses of judgment and coordination.

Well, those are my tips. You got any?