"White on White"
Cold faces, lost places,
The memory erases;
Top dollar, high hollar,
Bound up in dog collars.
Denial, dogpiles,
Acting so infantile.
Black leather, bad weather,
Covered in pure white feathers.

It's an introspective look from an introspective girl.
"White on White" art deco in an altruistic world.
Disjointed and broken, stitched together tokens,
Watching the banner of beauty slowly unfurled.

Love hugs, strong drugs,
Buried deep inside the rugs;
Hot fire, desires,
Spoken by compulsive liars.
A hunger, war monger,
Driving your emotions longer;
Torn psyche, just like me,
Given to you by the goddess Nike.

It's an introspective look from an introspective girl.
"White on White" art deco in an altruistic world.
Disjointed and broken, stitched together tokens,
Watching the banner of beauty slowly unfurled.

I wish you had musical talent and could perform this because I would have it on replay. That was... incredible. And it makes me sad that I'll probably never run into this work of art again. You are talented. 10/ 10.

Before I post my song please do not take this song for your own because I am becoming a apoof artist one dy just like Weird Al Yankovic. This song is called Dude looks like Tom Brady parody of Aerosmith's Dude looks like a lady. It's not my best song and it needs some work so please don't be too harsh.
(That, that) Dude looks like Tom Brady
(That, that) Dude looks like Tom Brady
(That, that) Dude looks like Tom Brady
(That, that) Dude looks like Tom Brady
I know he was MVP before; everyone who comes near him gets put on the floor, He plays Football nearly every night, 6, 4 that’s Tom Brady’s height, that’s right
(That, that)
(That, that)
When I saw the Patriot’s shirt it gave me a sign
I thought it was my lucky day
I knew everything was fine
A sweaty man turned around and I wanted to run
I thought you were Brady that’s all I had to say

(That, that) Dude looks like Tom Brady
(That, that) Dude looks like Tom Brady
(That, that) Dude looks like Tom Brady
(That, that) Dude looks like Tom Brady

I saw a patriot’s shirt, and thought it was another
I didn’t even get my toes and try to hover
I thought it was just another ordinary guy
I had to get back home so I took the bus
I then realized my brain was telling lies

(That, that) Dude looks like Tom Brady
(That, that) Dude looks like Tom Brady
(That, that) Dude looks like Tom Brady
(That, that) Dude looks like Tom Brady

I couldn’t even make a sound
Seeing him and no autograph is my fear
Not meeting him made me frown

meet me, meet me, meet me, meet me


I love Tom Brady
I like him, like him, like him, like him,
Ooh Tom Brady

(That, that) Dude looks like Tom Brady
(That, that) Dude looks like Tom Brady
(That, that) Dude looks like Tom Brady
(That, that) Dude looks like Tom Brady
(That, that) Dude looks like Tom Brady
(That, that) Dude looks like Tom Brady
(That, that) Dude looks like Tom Brady
(That, that) Dude looks like Tom Brady

Dude, dude, dude, dude looks like Tom Brady
Dude, dude, dude, dude looks like Tom Brady
Dude, dude, dude, dude looks like Tom Brady
Dude, dude, dude, dude looks like Tom Brady

(That that) ya ya ya yya ya yya ya chit chit yaow

(That, that)
(That, that)]

Hunted
Running
From an evil regime
Hide in the graves
You’ll soon be in

*chorus*

Put in that cage
Like a filthy animal
Corpses all around
You’ll soon join them

*chorus*
*bridge*
*solo*
*bridge*

Shipped
To hell on earth
To suffer a fate
Worse than death

Some unlucky souls
To be played with
Like toys
Burned
Amputated
Sterilized
For simple pleasure

For my thrash metal band.

It's about the Holocaust, it came to me during a breakthrough during study hall, it still needs some work, and I'm also new at writing lyrics.

I think you should totally change your song into the perspective of Magneto!

Yo alot of these songs are sad and makes you have a lonely feeling inside. Post happy songs or even funny songs. I'm just saying. It's just my opinion

Sorry for the "down" songs. I try and infuse them with some hope and optimism with them, but I usually write when I'm feeling blue so that might have something to do with it.

"Storybook"
Over the years I've grown distant and cold,
Fearing that I'll be alone when I'm old.
Rejection and repulsion are all that I know,
With sadness and longing wherever I go.
I once dared to dream my dreams,
But those ambitions are dead, it seems.
I reached to heaven to kiss angel lips,
But the higher I go, the more often I slip.

Why can't I find my princess to save?
Why can't I be her knight, bold and brave?
Why must the storybooks feed us these lies,
Searching for lost love till the day that we die?

If only it was more simple to do;
Wake my sleeping beauty with a kiss that is true;
Slay the dragon and ride off with my prize,
And be a man to whom she could idolize.
But it's never so easy and never so nice;
I'm not a handsome man, and I'm bound by vice;
And the girls that I love need not my rescue;
Valor and chivalry are now things they eschew.

Why can't I find my princess to save?
Why can't I be her knight, bold and brave?
Why must the storybooks feed us these lies,
Searching for lost love till the day that we die?

I'm a good man, but good just isn't enough.
I'm strong and noble, but my heart's not as tough.
My armor is rusted and my sword is quite dull;
My body is worn from time taking its toll.
The concept of being pious and just
Has lost its shiny luster and so I must
Do things I hate just to make ends meet;
I wonder if that's just another form of defeat.

Why can't I find my princess to save?
Why can't I be her knight, bold and brave?
Why must the storybooks feed us these lies,
Searching for lost love till the day that we die?

I can't seem to find my place in this world;
I can't seem to find that one special girl;
Perhaps I'm both naive and stupid to continue this quest,
But I expect the worst while I hope for the best.
Maybe I'll wind up without my happy ending,
But that's an ideal I find worth defending.
My journey continues, and though I might fail,
At least I'll have a journey worthy of a fairy tale.

Why can't I find my princess to save?
Why can't I be her knight, bold and brave?
Why must the storybooks feed us these lies,
Searching for lost love till the day that we die?

This is a parody of Miley Cyrus's song 7 things. My version is called 7 drinks.

Gulp, Gulp, Gulp
After one I take a piss
Doctor said no more wine that’s the one thing I’ll miss
Get so drunk I can’t remember what I wear
I wake up and find my body bare
If there was no beer I would go insane
A.A is the only thing I fear
Please pass me another beer
I have seven drinks woo hoo
I have seven drinks woo hoo
Drink is what I do
Beer gains
It’s all the same
Not so sure
In the song where we were
The only thing I want to buy is beer before I die
I don’t work, beer is the only thing that makes me smirk
When questioned with water I say no I just say I have to go, because it makes me turn blue
Bloody Maries is what I turn to
If there is no beer at the café I just turn my head and walk away
A beer belly that’s it, I’m not fit, If no vodka I’ll just sit and then I’ll throw a fit, get me a beer
I’m not wacked I just like I just like beer 7 drinks is what I do
Beer gains
It’s all the same
Not so sure
In the song where you were
The only thing I want to buy is beer before I die
I don’t work beer is the only thing that makes me smirk
When questioned with water I say no I just say I have to go, because it makes me turn blue
Bloody Maries is what I turn to
I drink all drinks just like the beer Bud Light
I like 7 drinks yeah that’s right
7 drinks that’s what I do
I just stare No beer and I cry Any drink I will try I bring money they supply
When I drink I feel like I fly I’m really not a bad guy That’s what they all imply
All the drinks are mine and I drink all night
My first drink I say Whoa

7 drinks that’s what I do

Jack Burton said weeks ago he'd try to post something in this thread, given he's a published poet and all. I finally have some time, so here it goes. Now, don't go stealing anything I post, because nine times out of ten it's already published and I could call you on it.

The Empty Cup (R.H.)

That empty cup that sits upon the sill
Symbolizes all my strength and will
Its clear, empty nature says it all
It brings back times I don't want to recall

I guess I simply didn't like the taste
Of the liquid that was in the empty space
So out of desperation and in haste
I poured it out and thought it'd be replaced

My tongue was much too numb to recognize
The sweet, refreshing taste that was inside
The bitter, empty taste just soaks my eyes
It leaves me wishing I could run and hide

Oh, empty cup, oh empty cup
I wish you'd be refilled
But not with different liquid
For I long for what I spilled

So now I sit alone without a drink
I'm parched because I couldn't even think
I simply poured it out for something more
And soon I'll be at dehydration's door

That empty cup is all my strength and will...
Thanks to my empty head, I let it spill

(Note: the R.H. initials by the title are the initials of my name, just FYI)

Particle man, particle man
Doing the things a particle can
Whats he like? its not important
Particle man

Is he a dot, or is he a speck?
When hes underwater does he get wet?
Or does the water get him instead?
Nobody knows, particle man

Triangle man, triangle man
Triangle man hates particle man
They have a fight, triangle wins
Triangle man

Universe man, universe man
Size of the entire universe man
Usually kind to smaller man
Universe man

Hes got a watch with a minute hand,
Millenium hand and an eon hand
When they meet its a happy land
Powerful man, universe man

Person man, person man
Hit on the head with a frying pan
Lives his life in a garbage can
Person man

Is he depressed or is he a mess?
Does he feel totally worthless?
Who came up with person man?
Degraded man, person man

Triangle man, triangle man
Triangle man hates person man
They have a fight, triangle wins
Triangle man

Here is one of the song off of the Concept album i'm working on with my band...The Album is gonna be called "Revelations, Chapter One" and this is the first song...It's a blues sorta song...

The Ballad Of Jonathan Martin:

15 Years ago
He had joined the war
Joined with his Dad and Brother
Family was very poor

Didn’t get much to do
Till that faithful day
Sent into Afghanistan,
To join the bloody fray
(Bluesy guitar Solo)

His brother and himself
Only 19 and 25
Hit while they were flyin’ the plane
As it...Hit a nose dive

Jon was able to get out
Parachuted to the ground
His father and brother left behind
As the plane crashed into a town
(Bluesy Guitar Solo)

Jon was sent back home
Still only 25
When he got home, he heard the news
His mother’d committed Suicide

Jonathan went crazy on that day
Grandmother sent him away
Now he sits in a padded room
And his conscious rots...Away...
--


Lame? Sorta...But who are you to judge?

No it was pretty good I liked it!

The reason it's lame is because it's far too obvious what you're writing about. It sounds like someone is paraphrasing a different poem/song.

I know blues generally uses more literal language than other styles, but your song for some reason seemed to be a bit too literal.

Well, the song is sorta a back story about the Antagonist of the story in the album...so, i just wanted to sum up how he got where he is without having to go into a multi-song description...so straight forward is what i thought would work best...

LOL, that would be pretty funny.

Ninja Mime = Epic ; )

[intro]
Hold it in, Swallow all your fear
Tremble in all your sadness

[verse 1]
You listen to your heart,
where does it get you
you start it all again
You're letting go

[pre-chorus]
Why aren't you stronger
You can't decide
what's wrong or right
you listen to them
and what they tell you
its all a lie
When they tell you,
It's all lies

[chorus]
Be stronger than me
Strike me down
On my knees
Make me forfeit
Make me weak
Have me tremble to your feet
I lay at your demise
After the quake
You make me give in
To my heartbreak

[verse 2]
You listen to your heart,
where does it get you
you start it all again
You're letting go

[pre-chorus]
Why aren't we stronger
We can't decide
what's wrong or right
we listen to them
and what they tell us
it's all a lie
when they tell us
all of they're lies

[chorus]
Be stronger than them
Strike them down
On their knees
Make them forfeit
Make them weak
Have them tremble to your feet
They lay at your demise
After the quake
You make them give in
To their heartbreak

[verse 3]
Why don't strike
Why don't we fight
Why can't stay up tonight
Show the world
Our true colors
Sometimes
Oh sometimes
You fight better than others

[chorus]
Be stronger than them
Strike them down
On their knees
Make them forfeit
Make them weak
Have them tremble to your feet
They lay at your demise
After the quake
You make them give in
To their heartbreak

[outro]
Hold it in, Swallow all your hate
Laugh with your happiness

'Scenesters' Andrew Jackson Jihad

Oh my God, there's scenesters everywhere
With their hair gel and their vintage t-shirts
Why didn't The Shins come to Phoenix?
And why doesn't Mara come to Phoenix?

Because the modified is too small
And the marquee is too big
And the complex is rightfully dead
And the hipsters with their snide comments and aversion to applause

Oh my God, hardcore kids everywhere
With their hair gel and their color green
How do they look so good while their convictions remain so strong?

Because their hair gel that they use isn't tested on animals
And their swallow tattoos are fucking lame
And cocaine is essentially vegan
And they don't give a fuck anyway
They're so vain, and yes, this song is about them

Oh my God, post-hardcore kids everywhere
With their violence and pomposity
So fucking straightedge getting high off of self-righteousness
And praying to a sideways cross
So urban, so infantile, so angry, so young, and so poor
They don't need to use a crutch 'cuz they've got the wheelchair

Oh my God there's assholes everywhere
Pretentious fucking assholes everywhere
Oh my God there's assholes everywhere
Pretentious judgmental assholes everywhere

In A World Where Ignorance is King
There is no Authority
The World is doomed to be destroyed
At the will of teh unthinking Majority

AIght this is a song called I got Love, keep in mind that im only 13 so tell me what you think.

Btw, its rap.

I got love for my homies
but not for you.
i used to think i did.
but i found out its not true
dont play games with my mind
because you know i dont got the time.
to sit and listen to your lies
first you say yes
then you say no
then you say i dont know
make up your mind before i put a bullet through my head
then ill be dead
so you dont have to worry what ill do on the next answer
so you can lay your eyes on anotha muthaphucka
but dont worry about me
cuz i think im over you
and your over me
and maybe our friendship will end someday but i dont know
and maybe my my body will hit the floor
and youll say oh no
crying and crying
regreting what you said
then you look over my casket and theyll be a note that says
i loved her but she never loved me
oh well i guess it was never ment to be.

5 7 0 8 was the day we were gonna be together
under the weather
but that all changed
it went fron sun to clowds
and i wend from smile to frown
but you let me down
why'd you do this to me
and not any other fool on the streets
If your true to him
then you gotta be true to me
so whats the reason you didnt want me
is it because im fat?
is it because im ugly?
you gotta see dep inside me
my personality
which is true
unlike you
i bet im the only fucka telling you the truth
your even lying to your self
your in deep denial
and all you do is cry hoe
when people let you down
now how do you think i feel
you gotta be real
when your talking to me
face to face
eye to eye
and if i scream at you please dont cry
its because i care about you
but you dont care about me...
do you?

You know what im sick of?
hoes like you
that be playing stupid tricks
on fools like me
i dont deserve this
but you do deserve this bullet to your head
so you can be dead
what what the hell am i doin here
with this glock in my hand
you turned me suicidal
then homicidal?
i dont know what im doin to my life
i should stop wastin my life
with a dyke
like you
i dont what i was thinking
i wasnt thinking clearly
so dont get near me
now i see that you and me arent meant to be
before i let you go
just say sorry
for hurting my feelings
in the past i had love for everybody
but for you
i had it in a different way
but you didnt have it for me
so now i see that your not the one for me
i can see it so easily
bitch!

...

What the fuck?

^If that is a reply to me then yeah i have a pretty fucked up mind.

Dawn Of Seperation

I live in the mountains,
Where light and dark are one,
When stars are black as night,
And the nightbird flees from light.
Yet here I am,
Before the dawn of seperation,
The night cried real tears,
For all of the years,
And you break those tears apart,
You take them into your heart.
You're heart is just a mirror of mine,
Yet yours remains clearer,
That's it,
I'm going back to the other side of the mirror.

[RNGD]- I think "Is it because I am fat and ugly" didn't go into your whole rap about how much the dyke bitch sucks. I felt like you shouldn't bring negative attention to yourself when the song is anti-dyke bitch. It should take dyke bitch down, not yourself. Or that is what I thought you were going for.

Keith- I liked it, but it's a little unliteral for my taste.

Jaybe2K4- Did you write it? It was okay. By okay I mean that I felt there was nothing horrible and nothing special. It was just there, for me.

UlcaTron- I liked the flow that you had going. Like I had a beat going in my head with the lyrics. But the lyrics themself I wasn't too fond of because I felt like they were kind of general.

---hey don't hate me, I am not right or wrong or a great critic... it's just my opinion and I figure you'd enjoy seeing your work appreciated and reflected upon.