Shao Khan, I thoute you said Chow mung.

i think some of these are halarious.

this one of thought of when Queensindel the bitch had a thread about characters that could be gay.

What happened between smoke and sub-zero? smoke got snowballed.

Whats hot,brainless,masked,& is a dumb$#@?
Scor-pee-on Mii.

What did Ashrah say to Raiden? Please bolt me.
Why did Liu Kang get killed in DA? Because he wanted to be zombified.
Why can't Scorpion die? "Cause he's already dead(not to funny).
Why did Sub-Zero become a false God? Because he melted away.

OK I thoght of some more.

-Shao Kahn said the real reason he now favors the Shokan over the Centaurian is because Motaro keeps “Horsing” around.

-Noob Saibot is not much of a “Ninja”, when he gets caught he just turns off the lights a runs away.

-I one time saw Shang Tusng Dance, He does not have much rhythm, but he’s got plenty of “Soul.”

-Is reptile been feeling ill? Hessssss been looking a little more “green” then usssssual.

-Damn it, Scorpion is relay pissing me off. If he does one more shitty thing, hes a “dead man”. . .oh wait. . . .damn 

-Wow Kinshi! Did you “see” that . .. oh sorry.

-Man, Noob’s new robot buddy makes some mean “Smoked” riblets!

--I asked Ashrah for her Resume, she said she would “ascend” it to me.

And this is the best I could come up with for Taven:

-Taven would have made it to the top of the pyrimed of Argus, But he kept “Dragon” his ass.

wow.....these jokes are WHACK as HELL

"WHAKE as HELL" ? Well. . .. I dont know what that meens. so I will take it as a complament. ha ha

Random ones that make no sense:

Blaze acted in a school play as a kid, they said his performance was "hot"

I heard Goro and Kintaro were drafted into the "Arm"ed forces

Fujin went to the theaters and the movie just "blew him away"

Reptile's "Green"?!

Oh, SSSsssssssssssssssso Thassssssssssssssssss why the ladies ssssssssssssssssssslap him around sssssssssso much...

I made up one: Shao Kanh fired Noob Saibot because e "saboitage" is plan

Some of them are really cool. But naming MK characters in actual situation would make it better. If not, anyway.

Johnny Cage is driving his car with his girl Sonya Blade as the passenger. They are arguing and talking about breaking up.

Sonya: If you're not going to give me half of what you possess i'll take the house. And the dog. I swear.

Johnny starts to speed up

Sonya: And i want the car. Come on, fight a little. Say something.

*Speeds up*

Sonya sees that he's driving off the road

Sonya: What the hell?!

Johnny: I'll tell you something. Take whatever you want. But at the very moment i have one thing you don't.

Sonya: What?

Johnny: The only air bag that's in this car.

*Runs into a tree*

---

Striker enters a bar. He's looking for a girl and plans on leaving with one. He's in Outworld though and they all look like aliens from another dimension. The first lady he meets happens to be Sheeva.

Sheeva: Oh my goodness! Are you a real cop?

Striker: Sure miss. I'm a real cop. With the hat, the gun, the badge. And guess what. I even have handcuffs. But you? Dear god you're a special one. But what... Are you?

Sheeva: Well, we are called Shokans. But really, you would waste your time cop. Because i'm a lesbian.

Striker: A lesbian? Care to explain? I mean, i dunno what that means.

Sheeva: Really? Well it means i'm only interested in women. Both for the love aspect and the sex aspect. I want to be with women only for the part... You go my point hey?

*Takes his distance*

Striker: Yeah. Sad.

After a couple minutes spent at the bar, Striker meets Nitara.

Striker: Oh lord! You are a number you there! Are you...

Nitara: A vampire.

Striker: A real vampire?

Nitara: Yeah. Well i have the teeth. The wings. And i can't help but prey on others to drink their blood. And you are?

Striker: Prey on others! Jesus jack po. Oh, i'm a cop. A real cop. With the hat, the gun, the badge. And i have handcuffs.

Nitara (Eyes open wide up): Really? Wow!

Striker: Yeah. And you know what? It seems i'm a lesbian baby.

---

His name is actually Stroker. What happened to Kano when he ran towards a wall with his ding ding dong erected? His nose broke.

Reptile really lives up to the phrase "It's not easy being green".

That's all you get out of me. ;P

LOL! Nice ones.

We all know Shujinko was an old man by the time he completed his quest in MKD. He actually met all the ladies of MK during his trip. Therefore, he wanted to have sex with all of them. There is only one thing that prevented many of them to blindly agree once he was ready and had completed the quest: Shujinko's physical shape.

All the girls asked him to go see a doctor first. Just in case.

At the doctor's office:

Shujinko is listening carefully to what the doctor has to say.

Doctor: Well, i wish to tell you my dear friend that i require samples of everything that gets out from under your belt. Not to be vulgar but you understand me?

Shujinko (To the ladies): What did he say?

The ladies (All together): Just give the doctor your underwears.

Minutes pass and once the test is over, the doctor gives the results on paper to the ladies:

A note reads P.S for Sonya, Kitana, Jade, Tanya, Nitara, Ashrah, Sindel, Kira, Sareena, Li Mei and Frost.

Doctor: Don't worry ladies. This means Perfect Shape. In one word you are all free to do whatever you want.

Shujinko: It says P.P.S on mine. It must means Perfect-Perfect-Shape!

Doctor: No. It means Please use To Pee Stricly. But i'm only a doctor. You are going to do as you wish no matter what i say hey? If you intend to make love to the ladies, at least come back in two weeks to report yourself. If you old man happens to live through this.

And after 2 weeks

Shujinko meets with the doctor in his office. The man seems really excited about telling the doctor how he's been doing for the last 14 days.

Doctor: That much hey? Well you must be a miracle of nature boy.

Shujinko: Well. The ladies have fun at least. They make a lot of money.

Doctor: ??

Shujinko: Yeah. Once my love tool down there becomes hard enough, they all hold it and release. Then they bet on which side it'll fall.

Whats Lui Kangs favourite drink?

WAAAAATAAAAA.

>_>
o_o

This one is kinda dirty but I came up with it so here goes....

How are Raiden and Kitana's dildo the same?
They both vibrate and shock. And their always up Liu Kangs ass

This ones kinda stupid but I just came with it.

So apparently during their all the girls in MK bleed "Skarlett"

Goro's so stupid he thought outworld was an outhouse.

Why couldn't blaze join the Lin keui?
You had to be "Sub-Zero" degrees

Shang Tsung: C'mon Quan Chi be my wing man stop being so souless

Quan chi: I don't see the point, I'm practically unich I have no balls.

Shang Tsung: yea but we could be a Deadly alliance.

Why is Kenshi bad at sports?
He could never keep his eyes on the ball

Why couldn't sub-zero decorate his cake?
He lost his 'frost'ing

What does Scorpion have in common with this thread?

No idea.

Kano, Kira and Kobra are walking in a park. Kano's trying to teach them before recruiting them on his team.

Kano: You see the old man over there guys? Rob him.

Kobra: What?! You mean robbing this old man?

Kano: Yeah. You can't start to show any mercy for the weak if you're going to be a Black Dragon member. Rob him.

Kira and Kobra are not moving a muscle. Kano decides to do the job himself. He walks to the old man with knives in his hands. Holds them to the man

Kano: Ok old creep. Give me your money.

Old man: What?

Kano: Are you deaf? Give me your money.

Old man: But. Do you have any idea who i am? I work for the government young man.

Kano: The government hey? Then give me MY money.

---

Later on, Kano goes duck hunting. After he thought he killed one he then walks to the dead duck but Jackson Briggs is walking towards Kano at the same time.

Kano: Wo. How did you find me dude? I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm just hunting ducks.

Jax: And this one is my duck. I shot it first.

Kano: What? Are you serious dog? I killed that duck. It's mine.

Jax: Wo. Seems we have a problem here.

Kano: Sure we do. I shot it first. Ok. Ok. I got an idea. We'll decide who's duck this is. By deciding who's the man. We're going to kick each other in the balls. The one that can take it better than the other will then keep the duck.

Jax: Sounds like fair.

Kano *Swings and kicks Briggs in the balls.*

Jax gets up after seconds

Jax: God that hurts. Ok. My turn.

Kano turns his back on him

Kano: Forget it. You can keep yor damn duck man.

---

Outworld

Striker, Johnny Cage and Sonya are searching for a hiding. They want to find a place to spend the night when they happen to find an old house. Once inside they notice the way the windows and doors have been shut with wood. No light goes through.

Once the owner of the house meets them in the hall with his kids, they suddenly realize that they entered a vampire nest.

The Vampire: What's with you my friends? You look like you've seen a monster! Ha.

Sonya: Hum. We are not trying to give you touble. We actually are lost. I guess. And we are looking for a place to spend the night. We were just pursued by Shao Kahn's army.

The Vampire: I own this place. It's a little dark i know. But Shao Kahn's enemies are our friends. So you guys are welcome to spend the night here. Let my kids show you where you're going to sleep.

The humans wonder if it would be a wise choice to trust those vampires but there is no time to be outside at the moment. They would get killed for sure.

As they follow their hosts, the master Vampire has something to add to the conversation

The master: Oh by the way. My daughter Nitara is tied up in the very room in which you will spend the night guys. She deserves any kind of punishment we'll make her endure but not from you. If you catch my drift. So none of you should lay hands on her. Wish she'll still be tied up when i go see her in the morning. Anyway, if you dare to touch her i swear i'll know it. And we'll kill you.

And that was all true. Once they enter the room, Nitara starts begging them. She wants to be freed but Sonya takes care about letting Johnny Cage know what's waiting for them

Sonya: You heard the man. We are dead if we take part in freeing her. +...

Johnny notices that Nitara has an open bear trap installed right between her legs.

Johnny: Oh god! He doesn't even want any man to get in there. I'm. I'm sorry lady. Nothing we can do.

Sonya lies down on a bed

Sonya: Come on, we have to rest.

And in the morning-

The humans meet with the vampire master in the hall

Striker: How could we sleep man? That kid of yours spent the night shouting and screaming like hell.

The master: I also heard a man scream coming from this room. Show me your hands and prove that you haven't touch her where there was that bear trap. Take your pants down guys.

Both Striker and Johnny decide to obey and the master vampire notices that nothing's wrong since nothing was cut from them.

The master: Ok. Everything's cool. You are free to leave.

They get out of the house and starts walking again. No one seems to be pursuing them.

Striker: I wonder what happened last night. I also heard a man scream. I thought it was you Cage.

Johnny *Bleeding from the mouth*

Johnny: Yeah. I almof gus cauff!!

Striker: You almost got what? Oh, god!

---

Later on, our three friends Johnny, Sonya and Striker are about to be put under a guillotine by the vampires

The master vampire (To Johnny Cage): You thought i wouldn't see your tongue stuck in the bear trap? I'm not blind. Thank the man guys, you're gonna be killed.

They place Sonya under the guillotine first but it stops right before her head.

The master: I don't get it. The blade should go all the way down and have your head chopped off!

Sonya: ?? Maybe the gods want it this way. Who knows?

The master: Let her live then. She might be right. Bring the cop under the blade.

The vampires obey their master but just before Striker has his head chopped off, the blade stops again mid way.

The master: Whatever this is. That is really annoying. You are lucky guys. But you... Johnny Cage. This is your turn to see if the blade is about to spare you after what you tried to do to Nitara.

Sonya and Striker seem to be free but they obviously wait for what's gonna happen with their friend. Johnny is put under the blade

Johnny: Oh guys. You know, it could work better if you just loosen up the noose that's in the rope holding the blade no?

Sonya: You stupid bast...

---

They've both been brought back from Death.

Thread Revival

I didnt want to make a whole new thread for jokes, so I brought this one back up.

I'll give you one that I made when I first decided to main Kung Lao in 2011...

*Kung Lao is sleeping*
*snoring*
His mother decides to blast Linkin Park songs and it woke KL up.

Kung Lao: Dammit, do you have to play it so damn Lao'd?

Why was Blaze charged with marijuana selling?

He's always 'Blaze'ing

I was waiting for someone to say that one...

Kratos: You will not live to see tomorrow!
Kenshi: ...
Kratos: *realizes his opponent is Kenshi* LOL...
Kenshi: Just... FUCK YOU!!

Awesome