Ain't got one. Ain't complicated.



I'm sad.

I thinl it's funny that my own Father is the most influential person in the relationship I'm attemting to build.

Fuck off, Dad.

^

I've tried to develop relationships.

So far, 6 rejections, 3 being the whole 'gave me their number and never replied to my texts', the other 3 being direct rejections, one of those 3 direct rejections supplied with a condescending speech about how there are plenty of other girls in the world.

I hate people.

My love life's kinda complicated so I really appreciate this topic.

Basically, I met a guy just before Christmas. I know him years though through friends of friends, but only as an acquaintance, so before the Christmas I approached him and I properly introduced myself.

He's really cute, older than me, smart, charming, funny, motivated. He kinda ticks all the boxes.

He's the first guy I've ever met where the shift of power turned on me. Usually I'm the confident one with no reservations about approaching guys but he's the first guy I've met in ages who I actually feel nervous around...and I love it! It's odd though because I literally shy away whenever he's nearby, I sometimes get brave on facebook and send him a message and (9 times out of 10) I do be a complete bag of nerves waiting for him to respond. I literally dream about him and everything, it's weird how much I like him!

Like with any love story, there's drugs involved. I done a line of cocaine there last Sunday (horrible drug folks, avoid if you can) and with that "invincible/brave/confident" buzz I messaged him and basically straight up asked if he's interested in going for coffee. He replied saying "it's a 100% yes but I'm hectic this week training for a marathon, how about next week?". I was delighted! I replied asking "when suits?" and I've yet to hear back from him.

I'm kinda smitten, and loving this excited/nervousness. I might sound like I'm talking shite, but I'm happy with how things are going, as slow as it is :)

Been meaning to post here but have been busy. Anyway...

So there's this girl at the Y I go to. Her name is Heather, and she's a bit short, blonde, wears glasses, and she's got meat on her bones. (Personally, I like women with some meat, skinny girls who are stick thin are gross to me.)

And about 3 weeks ago I grew a pair of balls and introduced myself. But I have yet to actually engage in a full conversation with her. But I really would like to get to know her. She's like a source of motivation. A drive, so to speak.

But what worries me is all the variables. Like all the things I don't know. (Ex. How old is she? Is she single? What if she's not my type?) But in a strange way, the uncertainty is kind of exciting. Tough to explain.

Hope is the first step on the road to dissapointment.

I don't have one to rant about. When I do, I'll let you guys know.

So what happens when it does not?

YES!

I got to see her at our Sunday Service today for Easter (Thanks, Dad. you finally helped me in my pursuit.) since my Dad decided it was okay for me to be with my family on Easter Sunday.

I walked into the yout center and as soon as she seen me, she came barreling down the hall at top speeds right into a hug. That, my friends, makes you feel good. The service peroceeded into me and another dude (details coming shortly) helping move things while they she was getting ready to play steel drums (quite the interesting instrument, and someting I'd like to pick up one day.) for the Easter Srvice thing we did today. IT sadly had to come to an end with "I hope I see you soon" and another good hug.

I still think I cried a little bit.


Now, on to the juicy tidbit of this entire fiasco.

Considering Sunday School for the teens wasn't in session, I had an hour or so to pass, and another dude who has taken an interest in her was there too. He knew instantly I was "the other guy she's into" from the way she had acted when I stepped in the door. So, he and I had an interesting conversation about how "She deserves what's best for her, what SHE wans" and "She shouldn't create an animosity between us for no reason" as well as "If you hurt her, I'll hurt you" being exchanged.

Man, it feels good to vent this out. And none of you really even care considering none of you know me on a personal, real-life level.

Back to the story;
This other guy told her that she should decide who she would be happy with. And he admit something to me (which I had already known from calling the girl) that after some "things" he said to her, I'd be the logical choice. Of course I told him that that took so much to do, and that I wish that kind of emotional turmoil on anbody.


Wow, the internet is so awesome to let this stuff out because ABSOLUTELY NOBODY GIVES A CRAP! :)

Maybe I'm sensitive, but if I love someone and I say I'll text them later, I don't mean anything over a few hours.

It's been like three days and it's made me angry AND worried. Am I being sensitive, because I feel justified.

Damn...I guess I've been doing it wrong.

Have you tried texting this female again? If she has not responded, then I see why you are troubled, J.

You say you "love" this person? You are likely to be justified.

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As for my own love-life: like Coltess, I have none. However, like most teenagers, I am feeling those "lovie-dovie" hormones. Though there is no acceptable female that I should deposit my feelings towards.

I'm lucky to have nice female friends to hug when I think I am being too emotionless.

I guess I'm just that one teen on MKO who is positive they have a love.
But hey, I'm not in your shoes, and you're not in mine. I think it's love, other guys and girls may not.

Then again, I am not really much of a "teen" in mind, but in body, considering the burden that was placed on me when I was younger. (Story for another time) I guess you could call me an adult mentally, considering my "teenage years" were about 4 months before my mom (God rest her soul) had her 7th kid.

Heh. Here I am, getting off topic in my own thread. back on topic-

I guess "love" is different for everybody, so, okay.

And apparently, if drugss are supposed to be involved in every love story, it would explain why mine is turning our rather differently...

I don't have many female friends, and in fact I'm not much of an emotional person. I'm more open here because of the veil of the internet. I'm rather stoic, tightly-wound, and surly; my friends joke that I have 3 emotions Anger, Sarcasm, and Rage.

Funny story, actually, we had a girl from another town transfer into our school to take a class that her school stopped offering but was a state requirement for her graduating class. Anywho, she was in my class and she befriended a friend of mine. He's a charmer- the opposite of me- he does well in interpersonal conversations but shies away from serious public speaking. Well, I became somewhat acquainted with her- she and I disagreed on a lot of things, namely policy she wanted lenience for those caught drinking or high while I demanded punishment. Which brought about a short conversation I'll never forget.

After defending my rules from a judge (an ACLU lawyer who accused my policy of being draconian, and who ultimately yielded to me by saying "We'll have to agree to disagree.") in a competition about how we believe we could better our school. She and my buddy approached me .

"Do you always have a rod up your ass?" She said.

"Pardon?"

"You conduct yourself like you're Robespierre! Don't you ever relax."

"No."

Then my buddy chimed in "Hug him!"

"Would you like that?" She said

"I'd rather you didn't but...."

Then she hugged me. It was uncomfortable.

"It's like hugging a 2x4! I've never felt a human-being so rigid."

I remember this, because it's interesting. A conflict of outer-shell and my core. I really do subscribe to the Romantic idea of thought, and though I joke that there's "no such thing as love" I really do believe in love and romance.

Very few people in my life have actually gotten me to open up in person, and I think that's what I need in a girl. I need someone kind, someone who will combat my rigidity, someone who's not like me.

In all seriousness you could compare my needs in a mate to those of Victor Fries or Adrian Monk- I need a bridge to the rest of the world.

I do feel love, but I am rather strict on myself about the kind of partner I want.

Of course, I see myself almost the same way......well, an adult mind, but having the experience and body of a teenager.

"Love" is that "bond" between two humans.
To me, there are roughly four types of "love" that I can feel: Companionship, Friendship, Love, and that last "soul-bond" kind of love.
I've never felt the forth, because I haven't met the one female who I would commit myself to. The third one is like that level of "being able to pour out my feelings to her, if need be."




You behave like how I'd want to, with that seemingly cold, emotionless exterior. I can be like that, but not to the extent you are......I also emulate a calm, semi-outgoing personality when around my female friends.
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What a heartwarming story you have experienced there.

You gotta believe there is a thing called looooooooove!

I say you require someone whose traits can counter your insensitive attitude, but can still relate to you enough to be a partner/lover. It'll allow you to open the door covered in multiple layers of dust leading to your emotions.

Being good-natured, friendly, outgoing, communicative, and zany are the attributes I want in a partner.
I have an internal disdain for humans, and it is ever-present in my imagination. Having a partner who possesses the attributes of what I consider to be the best of humans, will help my negative mental state, along with all other good things that come with love.

(That's probably why I like Pinkie Pie so much, the vibrant-shaded pony in my signature: she represents what I want in a partner)

Unknown - I addressed this with her tonight. We'll talk more later, but it dawned on me that her being far away in a place where I know no one makes me easily worried. There's no system of acquaintances to tell me she's okay if she's not telling me herself. It's seriously scary not hearing from her for more than 1 or 2 days.

She didn't get defensive. She seems to understand where I'm coming from, but it was late and she was obviously tired as I am now, so I'll stop before I ramble.

I understand.
I wish you good luck on your relationship, J.

Love sucks. The end.

No I'm just kidding. No I'm not. Yes I am. No I'm not.

Anyways, I had a couple girls I liked. Of course, I didn't have money, wasn't skinny aaaand I wasn't that douche that girls seem to fall for. So my love life has been VERY empty. Not one girlfriend. Not one kiss and I'm turning 18 in 28 days. Uh huh. Real treat. And I'm not gonna change the way my body looks so females can finally notice me. I'm not ranting or anything. I've survived elementary, middle, high, contract and a bit of college and never had a girl friend. Sadly, I live in a city where the girls in school are the type to forget you if your not the skater type, nigga type (hahaha), or the douche type.

Ill eventually find it. Not anytime soon buuuuut I can always keep my fingers crossed. Luckily I've never had the feels of a girl being taken away from me. One good thing about not being in love. I've always been the big bro (teddy bear to some).



....kinda annoying to be honest.

Clearly I was joking :)

I shared this in Drive-By, but I'm going forther into it here.

Last week I was talking to the girl I'm into still. We were talking about things like when we'd get to see each other again, all that stuff, and it was right after she was done tending to her horse. I told her, what I know from experience, "Horses are awesome." We had a conversation about horses and all the fun there is to them, and in that converrsation I said "If I ever owned a horse, I would name it Epona." She had no clue what I was talking about, considering that she, like myself, is only a teenager, and is a girl, so she woulkdn't naturally be into the nerdy things like LoZ, where I got the name "Epona" for the horse I would one day have.

I went on to explain that Epona was the name of the horse the main hero rides in the Legend of Zelda series, to let her know where I got the name, calling myself a nerd for knowing this stuff.

Well, come up a few days later, I was talking to her on the hone again, and I was talking about my twilight Princess game I restarted (Why I brought that up, I have no idea.) And of course, Epona came up because I had to go somewhere in TP. That came into me putting down the controller and stopping everything when she told me "If I were to gt another horse, I think that would be it's name." Naturally, I saved my game and went whee I knew nobody would ever go to figure out what I was doing- my bedroom. I aked her to say that again so I could clarify,and she said- "Yeah, The next horse I get will be named Epona." My jaw dropped, and I asked her why, you know, since she doesn't play Legend of Zelda. What came next was probably the wierdest thing I'd ever heard, and I had absolutely no idea how to respond. She said "Because of the person who came up with it." Not noting me by name, I kinda just sat there, with ocassional wording, and was just shocked by what I had just heard. What came later during that phone call is more personal thoughts I'd rather not share, but that's where most of the important things in that phonecall were.

I am a nerd king.

EURRRGH.

Men can be pricks at times!

I'm beginning to think that this little crush of mine isn't going to work out. If it hasn't worked out by now, it's not going to work out, and I just need to accept that. I'm getting the run around off this bastard and I'm fed up with it. I deserve better. Eugh, I'm so mad it actually hurts.

Honestly, the guy I'm currently involved with I met online a few years ago just as a bit of a fling thing. Wasn't anything really too serious on both parts for a while until recently when we decided to be exclusive and I have to say I absolutely love it. I'm 21 and he's 31 but we just work. Everything clicks. The only gripe I have is that he lives a bit away from me so it's not that easy for us to see each other whenever we want. He recently got accepted into a school very close to me and his hometown which is great but he still hasn't decided which school he's going to go to.

As you can probably predict I'd really like it if he were closer but he's gotta do what he's gotta do. He's definitely someone I'd wait for. I can see myself being with him for many years. Maybe I'll post a pic of us together soon

Pork, that's so sweet.

I think I couldn't be with anyone other than the girl I talk to. We have a lot in common, somehow we subscribe to the same sense of humor (believe me, that's very important) and we're on the same wave length sexually. I can't get into too much detail (I would love to though), but I swear there could never be another as perfect for me as she is.