I wouldn't worry about the "haven't been in a long term relationship" thing as that's something that'll happen when you're ready. I'd pay more attention to who you're getting romantically involved with so you can figure out how to date outside of your typical pattern / circles of friends. But to answer your question no, it doesn't make you "weird or at a disadvantage" for not having been in a long term relationship yet. It just means when you do finally meet a guy that you click with like that then all of that will be new territory to experience.

This might be a long post...

I need some advice for a friend of mine who broke up with her boyfriend last year, I believe... and she's still kinda... doing it... with him... despite that she doesn't want to.

She keeps telling me that she doesn't have any kind of feelings for him like she used to, but laughs like it's nothing when she mentions that she still kinda sleeps with him and has sex. But that's not the reason why I'm writing this.

As a person who has a weird interest in forensics and psychological shit and such, after doing a lot of research on it, I have the feeling that her ex-boyfriend is slowly turning into a stalker.

What he does that gives me this impressions is that he constantly calls her basically every day more than five times in a row (I even witnessed him trying to call her eight times during a hockey game), he still has her as his screensaver on his cell phone, literally asks her friends about what she has been doing when we go on our girls night outs, as well as begging her to do this and do that for him. And it's not just me who thinks this too.

I want to tell him, but I know I shouldn't get involved in this, however she's been my best friend since the first grade. I know that her and I had a fall out when I was with my ex and I told her my reason why we stopped being friends (his fault really) and I know she's my all-time best friend when she told me that even though I still hated her guts when I was with my ex, she still looked after me and wanted to punch him in the balls that he wished he had based on the way he was treating me in front of her at a friend's party.

But then again, I can't really be that mean to her ex-boyfriend because he was there for me for the first year of having Syncope. Both her and him were there by my side constantly.

We've had other people try to reason with her that she needs to stop contacting this guy, delete him from Facebook, from her phone. But she fights back saying that she doesn't want to lose touch with his family because she feels that they too are her family. I really want to just tell her that the way that he's been treating her is not worth the hassle. And I truly believe that she told me this, despite that it was hard to hear over the loud music, that in order for her to start dating again she needs to ask permission from her ex to see if she is allowed to date. I have no idea if she really said this to me, but I really wouldn't be that surprised if she did. I'm trying to get her to go enjoy herself being single and stop dealing with things that she's doing with her ex. It sucks that he lives too close to her house so when he comes home from school, he's literally right there.

So, really... all I'm asking is... what the fuck do I say? I really haven't been saying too much other than I wished she'd stop doing the whole sex thing with him because they're over and done with and it's not making her look good either. Thankfully I am in no situation to do that with my ex even if I was single right now. Still, I want her to go out and feel like she has a life of her own. I don't feel like she has one right now because she's thinking of him despite that she told me she doesn't have feelings for him. I have no idea if they truly are done with or if she's just saying that because she certainly doesn't act like the relationship is for good over.

Aye... this is why I date outside the circle. Not in.

@Icebaby:


Honestly, there's not much you can say to her other than to be honest with her if she starts asking questions and seems oblivious or in denial about stringing this guy along. It sounds like even though they're "broken up", they're really not done with one another. I agree with you he definitely sounds like he's a bit obsessed with her but, she's facilitating that at some level still by staying involved with him. Also, I'd get some clarification on the whole "asking for permission to date other people" because obviously that's retarded.


It really sounds like she's unclear in what she wants and isn't being honest with herself about it yet. All you can do as a friend is be real with her when you can if she downplays how the sex is no big deal and support her while she sorts it out. Eventually this will either go in the way of them getting back together, or her distancing herself more and getting interested in other men.
This business about "still wanting to stay connected with his family" sounds like an excuse and if that's really the case she needs to have a talk with them about "not wanting to be with their son but valuing staying connected to the family." That's weird though for real and sounds again like an excuse.

Well, I will say, this guy was literally her FIRST boyfriend ever. (She has one of the strictest mother ever and well...) They were together for six years, but she wanted to end it because when they went off to college, he wanted to party a lot and she didn't. She told me that at times we would be behind locked doors with another girl, he would get so blasted drunk. She's not like that despite that she can party too, just not as much as he does.

She's told me that she got her online dating profile back up and running, thought this one guy that checked her out was kinda cute, plus she was trying to get this other guy to come on down whenever we'd go out to this one bar despite that he never really comes out. She also wants her ex to hook up with someone she feels would be better than her. And she sounded very confident about it too.

I get the impression that she doesn't know what she wants as well, but when she keeps telling me and all of our friends that she's not with this guy and doesn't want to be, I can't help but wanting to say something even though I can't. I will always be there for her, listen to what she has to say... But I WILL put my foot down if something gets out of control. As what you said about how she's making excuses, I believe it and can see it clearly when she talks about how she can't come forth in deleting him from Facebook as well and deleting him from her phone and such.

I guess you're right in that there's nothing I really can do but just listen, however, I just really want to say something to the guy after finding out that he's asking her friends in knowing what she does when we all go out to a bar. That really just pissed me off. And I never thought the guy would stoop to this level because if you ever knew the guy, you wouldn't believe he would act like this about some girl.

@Icebaby,


Well you can certainly voice your opinion to her as long as you come at it from a "I'm kinda worried about you" type of tone and not a "You're a dumb hooker" type of way. What is it that you worried about, her "ex" boyfriend going into turbo stalker mode? I can see that concern especially since he's being pretty invasive still with your friend. Like I said though, she's still nurturing that at some level so it's not all on the ex.

If she's unhappy about it all that's how I'd approach it to get through to her. "You seem so unhappy about this, why do you keep doing this to yourself by messing with your ex?" You'll have to get her to see how she's directly influencing the situation in order to break through denial. If she's not ready to be over the dude yet then, we'll, you just kinda have to wait it out.

With him, I'm just afraid he might do something to her that is gonna hurt her pretty badly. As I said, this is her first ever boyfriend, and I know that plays a big role in this situation. I won't put all the blame on him though as she does cave in to his constant pester and begging. I mean, she drove for two and a half hours to where he is at all to please him and fuck him, and that is something I cannot really appreciate that she did. She later turns around and says to me that she regretted doing that because she knows it was stupid and such.

I don't really get how she can say that with a laugh and a smile though...

I'll always be there for her and support her as much as I can, but I really want her to enjoy herself and I feel like she can't because of him. She's single, she told me that they're not boyfriend and girlfriend. She should go out and have fun with her friends and if she's ready, go find some new guy to flirt with. I really hope that whole, "I need permission from my ex" was just a mishearing thing, but I can't really say, "I doubt she didn't say that." I just don't want her falling into this hole that she can't climb out of and do something that's really going to get her either hurt or in huge trouble. That's what I'm also worried about. :-/

Instead of creating a new thread, I just re-used his one.

I just got my first kiss!!!!!!!!! This little nerd just pulled off a miracle!!

On the lips? Or was it on the cheek?

Congratulations. My first kiss was roughly around this time of year. It was outside and it was freezing cold, with a bit of snow on the ground, and I remember any sensation of being cold just vanishing along with that overwhelming gush of feelings.

'Twas on the lips, my bro.

Breif peck, though, so...

A victory is a victory. So with that,



I on the other hand, have an ongoing problem. My brain keeps making excuses not to talk to women. Any way to combat this other than the obvious "Just talk to them bro."?

Well, you're taught not to, but make excuses. Give yourself a reason to talk to them. Maybe, ya know, you need to get through a cramped area, so pick her out and politely ask them if you could get through (don't be a dick about it.) Stuff like that. Or, do something interesting that makes them want to talk to you ("accidentally" overhear what they want at a restraunt from afar, and order the same thing a little while later.)