If you think avoiding the sunlight, avoiding human contact, drowning your sorrows with booze, weed, and smokes, and doing everything possible to be depressed will all make you feel less pain and sadness, then you're doing life wrong.
If the girl was willing to throw away whatever you had together, then she isn't worth it. There's no sense or point in wasting your emotions on someone who doesn't share the same sentiments as you, especially since she's no longer in your life. Seriously, stand up, go outside, go to class/work and socialize. Talk to people who actually care about you, surround yourself with them, and get yourself out of this funk. The only person you're harming right now is you and if you don't pick yourself up now, you'll regret it.

Nipples.

I have perfect notion of this, because everyone tells me the same, and my head also knows that, if i want to move on, things must change. But you see, when shit happens, and i'm thrown back at the bottomless pit, it feels like home. Depression is confortable, for as much masoquist as this may sound, those of you here who have experienced and/or still do, may or may not agree with me on this.

It feels like a safe, warm place, because you feel that there's no more to lose, therefore, you can't possibly be worse than you are. Of course it's auto destructive, and one should not allow it to grow inside for such prolonged periods of time, but i find it addictive and very, very "welcoming", as odd as that may sound.

Also, i'm allowing myself this period of self loathing/mindless mundane pleasures, in order to scatter myself after i was so focused on one thing, and one thing only. Time will tell what the future brings.

Anyways, thank you for the wise words, Jerrod.

Anyone know some good underground heavy metal bands I should look up?

It's about time 2 get sauced.

Were you popular in high school? I don't know, I kind of feel like you're the kind of guy who had a much larger list of people he disliked than people he liked.

Also, I bought a pair of green jeans and they're pretty hideus, and they on my floor and I keep passing them and thinking one of my pillow cases has fallen off of my pillow and onto the ground. Maybe I should pick them up.

I know I'm not the only one thinking, "Why did you buy them if they're hideous?"

Hell yeah, everybody knew me! Some loved me, some hated me. But they all knew me. I didn't really fall into the cliques. I was one of those people who shone with individuality, for better or for worse.

But, on the whole, that's rather irrelevant. Regardless of where you were or who you are, you always have a few people from high school you don't really like that much. And when I hear about one of those people falling hard? Heh, oh well.

I like very few individuals at my school.

Many are always striving towards some idiotic goal, very few seem to have an imagination. Eh, I find this world lacking many qualities.

E.T. go home?

You're an idiot then. If you have nothing to lose like you say you do then don't waste it on feeling sorry for yourself, use it to go out and get over it. Apparently you've hit rock bottom so going out and mingling/socializing is a win-win situation. Win because you're not stuck alone self loathing and another win because you're giving yourself a much better chance at meeting new people.

My college lists the SOTW 13, thread as portugese pornography lol....cant go on that thread at college , wierd shit.

Win/win situation... hmm.. Have you been reading The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey? Just wondering, because the book mentions about the Win/Win situation.

Your college doesn't let you view porn?

college in britian has always been picky about what internet is use for. They only want it to be use for education but I think their just being stupid

Of course a bottomless pit of despair and self-loathing feels like home right now, you hate yourself and feel sad. That's not home, that's a torture chamber, except that the cell door is open and you can leave anytime, but are too afraid to because you just got used to being stabbed with hot pokers and pretend to shrug it off as a mild discomfort now instead of risking what could be outside.
It feels safe and warm because these feelings replaced the happiness you once felt when you were with your girlfriend. With her gone, the happiness is gone, and you don't think you can get it back, so you're choosing to revel in what she left you, which is despair. You were forced to feel down about it, and now that you are, you're afraid to feel better, except that you can get out of it and are afraid to accept that it requires you to not live in the old memories and past with her.
You can scatter yourself in many different ways, but scattering yourself alone will do you no good. You're confusing feeling freedom with feeling depression, and it's about time you learn the difference. Freedom is being able to do what you want with pride, joy, happiness, while depression is the illusion of freedom, that you can do whatever you want, but choose not to because you like to hide in the dark instead.
Turn on the light, take a walk, and enjoy the sun before the snow comes, because if you think you're having a gay-old time now, wait until we get 5 months of clouds, cold, and snow, during a time when the suicide rate's at its peak.

It was an impulse buy. I don't come across many pairs of green jeans. But, haha now that I actually own them, I can see why. They're horrible.



I am just too perverted.

It sounds interesting, have you read it? I threw out win/win situation because its of his inner conflict that can slowly but surely end up with a viable solution. Rock bottom is rock bottom, when you have nothing to lose, all you can do is gain which can only cause a win/win.

Another thing to add, relationships shouldn't equal automatic happiness. Because it can be lost at any instant. If the only ounce of worth is because you have someone then theres a MUCH bigger issue. Not only that but people like that tend to stay in a horrible relationship just for the mere fact that they don't want to be "alone" which is immeasurabely worse than not having anyone.

Started swim conditioning, the 2-hour one. Thank God I went to all the pre-conditioning, or I'd be dead.

Well, better get ready for a looongg..... haaaaaaarrdd swim season, equipped with three AP classes, and 2 hour hospital work.


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OMG, one of my favorite singers is doing her first American tour. I've been a fan of her's for years and have longed for the possibility to see her live.

I....I....I think I'm going to have an attack of some kind.

Very true, Alpha. As a friend of mine once used as a status for her MSN, the point of a relationship is not to be happy, but to already be happy and find someone to share it with.

I thought the point of a relationship was to have someone to bone.

Hah like you need a relationship for that, pfft