It's a complex of some kind. Both of my parents told me to never marry and to work toward becoming something. Both suffered from failed marriages that trapped them in lives they never expected. My parents themselves were never married to each other. My parents were friends, not a couple (at least not after I was born) so I never got the happy "how we fell in love story." In fact, the only example of a proper family unit I can think of is my Great-Grandparents.

That's just a fear of vulnerability, everyone has that. And I'm not sure what your plans are but don't let personal fears and insecurities cheat you out of intimacy and companionship.

My biggest problem is I don't want to waste anyone's time. By that I mean, I don't want to get to know someone just to find out they have a boyfriend. Or even worse, friendzoned. (Unless I wanted to befriend them first and then try to get in a relationship later.)

KL, friendzoning is a good thing. Trust me- the friend zone, as crazy as it sounds is a good thing.

I believe it was m0s3pH who, erlier in this thread wrote about "There's a friend they always come to when their heat gets broke.
I'm always that friend".
Well, that's possibly among the greatest things there is for you, if you can manage to get the word out of your feelings. The friend zone is quite the intricate mental phenomenon, pretty much being in love, and not knowig it. They don't know it if they friend zone you, but they truly have great feelings for you they don't realize, mostly because it's awkward to look at a friend like that in that manner.

And, with that said, I'm going to go now and see what I can do for myy best chances at a relationship. Whenever I next talk to her, I'm bringing this up, no matter how awkward it may get, and I'm going to try to at least get a date.

I'm not saying being friendzoned is entirely bad. If I choose to be their friend first, then I'm okay being friendzoned. But if I want to start a relationship first then get friendzoned, well fuck.

I'm guessing a lot of you might not remember when Chris Rock was actually relevant but...anytime someone mentions the "friendzone" I think about this bit from his stand up.

CLICK ME

I remember that routine vividly and every time I hear that joke I shake my head. I think I'm like, 1 for 20 on turning "being the shoulder" into "being the boyfriend", though I must stress that I don't act as the shoulder with the ulterior motive of getting in someone's pants or getting a relationship going. My last ex was the exception to this rule in my life, and she ended up cheating on me in the exact same way that we got together, except that I wasn't "the other guy" when we got together... she was free and clear.

One does not simply escape the friendzone. Definitely not as easily as Chris Rock makes it sound.

I never said it was easy to get out of it. I just said that it was good. It's not easy to finish college with a doctorate, but it'll definetely help land you a job.

If you can tell her while being "the shoulder" that you want to be "the boyfriend", thingd light up. The problem is (at least with most people) they aren't able to strike down their nerve and break that barrier, they don't want to ruin such a good friendship, or they just beat themselves up about it. Those 3 are the opposite of what should be done.

And I'm telling you that's not how it works. You're talking to a guy with extensive experience in that exact situation. Especially because they'll think you're taking advantage of their vulnerability.

Granted, m0, you have a good point, I was just posting based on the only experience I have with this, I guess it's just an out-of-the-ordinary way it worked for me.

Please disregard all of mt friend zone posts.

The only way you get in the friend zone is if you're "stuck" in a situation where you're romantically interested and the other person is not. That only happens if you've set a precedent of being "available for emotional support" while at the expense of your own. Disregarding your own feelings at that level is not chivalrous or noble even if you're intentions are to be supportive. In fact, it's actually disingenuous to suppress your feelings if it's causing you inner turmoil. You're not being honest with yourself or with her which denies her the opportunity to respond to your true feelings. So if you find yourself constantly picking up the pieces of someone elses relationship then you only have yourself to blame.


Sometimes though the friendzone is unavoidable if she's just not attracted to you physically (since presumably she's established that she's attracted to you at least emotionally). But even still, you don't have to make yourself emotionally available to her to the point that it's at your expense. That's just masochistic. I was like that in high school so I can relate but as I got older I realized that providing someone I'm attracted to that type of emotional intimacy is treading into girlfriend territory and if it's not reciprocated then I pull back. Point is that it's MY decision and I'm not being totally reactive.

EDIT: Also about the Chris Rock clip, let's be real, he's talking about rebound fucking not "becoming the boyfriend."

I have reason to believe I was a rebound once.

Rebounds get a bad wrap, they can be helpful and fun as long as no one is getting their feelings fucked with. It's sort of a mutual consenting short term relationship where you both knowingly use each other to get over the pain/slump of a previous relationship . Or it could just be a physical connection type of thing. They don't last long though as they're fleeting by nature. At least from my experience.

I had sex twice when I was 33, with a close lady friend. We were both drunk and lonely. That's about as close I've had to a "love life".

These are the only two times I've been with someone.

My god, it's so freakin' hard to be random on this site without the Drive By thread.

Since I need to rant now and then, this thread shall do. For now:

With so many other more serious things that exist in the world, like mass murder, rape, extortion, identity theft, and child trafficking, why do people invest so much time and money protesting against butt sex?






Okay, I'm done.

Because they really think Jesus had a problem with them gays.

Because butt sex is the devil.

Because they're really anal about it

I know, but I was trying to relate to it since I'm not a one night stand kind of guy. Carry on.

That's swell, but I wasn't aware if I was the rebound. We had a little rift and when I tried to fix our relationship, she just constantly flaked, so I gave up and removed her from my life.

She returned the favor when I ignored her texts telling me she was at a friend's house. I opted out of visiting when I got her texts because she was back with the guy she had been broken up with (he was there as well) when she and I had our times.

It's just weird. Idk if he knew or anything and I didn't want to confront her about any of it if he was oblivious to the whole thing.

Oh, that sounds like it went kinda shitty. That's her being shady and bouncing between two guys. Sucks man.

Life goes on, man. Since the other situation is flat out confusing/distressing, I'm just gonna look elsewhere in the meantime.

I don't want anything in particular, I just like to talk to women, or rather I operate on the belief that if I'm having a difficult time with a woman, the only worthy distraction is another woman.

I want an honest, completely unbiased opinion on something.

After all the time and wasted posts I've spent on MKO, would you guys think of it as a good move to give up on the girl I've beenn wanting to be with?

And no sappy crap. I want cold-hard, honest-to-goodness truth. No lies, no faking. Real opinions.

Why would you? I mean I doubt any of us know enough about whoever you're crushing on to be able to answer that for you.
Does she know that you're attracted to her? What does "giving up on her" mean to you?

Is it weird that I'm 23 (going 24 in September) and have never had a relationship? A proper "introduce them to my friends and family, cuddle on the couch, actually reffered to as his boyfriend" relationship?

The most I've ever had was dating a guy for 4 months back when I was 19, and last year I hooked up with a guy routinely for a few months but never dated him. Every guy I seem to fall for is either a user, a cheat, or just not interested, and as usual I've generally no interest in guys who like me (in most cases, I barely even notice they like me until it's pointed out by other people).

I'm anxious that my lack of experience in that department will bite me in the ass in the long run. Even though I love dates and going on them, I don't think I have the art of it mastered just yet. I'm a very "what you see is what you get" kinda guy with no filter on my thoughts or sense of humour, and as my friends have often said I'm usually at my best at a party surrounded by people I feel comfortable with to make first introductions (generally when I meet new people at parties I leave better impressions because my personality and confidence comes out a lot more).

On dates, I do never know what's appropriate to say, how much is too much or what's the appropriate level of interest to show, even if I am really excited about being there in the first place. There's a lot I need to learn about courting.

Growing up, my parents were nothing but trouble. They had a very hostile relationship involving alcohol and drug abuse and their confrontations often got physical. We'd often have to live with aunts and uncles whilst my parents were on an "off period", and as kids sleeping on their floors I'd think to myself "if this is what love is, I'm not going near it". Having said that, as I got older, I recognised my parents had addictions, my mother is quite emotionally immature and my father completely represses his emotions, so I can see why situations rose to the way they did. Maybe thats why I am the way I am? Every adult is responsible for themselves though and I'm not prepared to let my parents drama and its effect on my childhood rob me of the chance to be happy. It's something I want to change.

All I know is, I'd love to learn the right way to do the whole "dating/boyfriend" thing, as all I seem to know is the wrong way. My trouble seems to be that I like that spark, the chemistry, the passion and the almost unpredictable, and to date the guys who have been available for me who express interest don't seem to have that.