It's that time again. Time for our annual competition where we pit one hottie against another.

In case you weren't around for the last couple of years (or just plain forgot)...

Two years ago, elf girls handily defeated mermaids:
Are mermaids hotter than elf girls?


And last year, catgirls proved hotter than fairies:
Are Fairies Hotter Than Catgirls?


This year, we have two great contenders. Are you ready?

Are Robot Chicks Hotter Than Vampire Women?

Robot Chicks

Robot chicks come in many forms. For this reason I will detail all the various hotness.

1) The human-esque variety:

These are the most human-like of all the robot chicks. From afar, and most of the time from up close, they appear as human as you and me. They have skin that feels human, they move and act like humans, they are effectively human. But the best tell when looking at a robot chick is her eyes. Very often robot chicks have unique eyes that are either a bizarre color or have strange sci-fi shit going on in there.

Exhibit A:




Something to remember about the human-esque variety. They tend to be absurdly timid and reserved. They are effectively the most subservient females you will ever meet which can be totally hot. Though, while this does sound all hot and satisfying to the male power fantasy, it can come at a price. They're very often emotionally troubled because of their "boo hoo, I'm not human" issues. So keep that in mind if you pick this variety.

2) The semi-human variety:

This type of robot chick often does not share the same emotional scarring of the above variety which is a huge plus. Confident women are pretty hot. They tend to embrace their robotness and are generally happier individuals because of it. And they also can be very playful because instead of wallowing in self pity they actually want to spend time with you and have fun.

Exhibit B:



Of course this also means that these girls are more obviously robotic than the above variety. They might have superhuman powers and robotic features like arm blasters and various easily accessible circuitry. Other than that, however, they tend to act pretty human. And, hey, that robot stuff is hot anyway so why complain?

3) The wholly robotic variety:

This type of robot chick is essentially a robot in the strictest sense. They have very specific directives and programming. They tend to not stray from this very much which can work to your advantage or disadvantage. If she is programmed to love you then you'll have a lover for life. If, however, she is not you probably won't be able to change her mind. These girls are also noticeably more robotic in structure and they might actually be heavy because of all the metal they're built from. They also can be switched on an off at will like a blender. And that can be a positive since you can avoid all the pillow talk.

Exhibit C:



The downside is the obvious. It must be...a little cold down there.

If you choose Robot Chicks make sure you specify which variety you'd be happiest with. And remember that robot chicks don't age. As you get older they'll never droop or sag which means you get a hottie for life.

Vampire Women

Vampire women are an interesting bunch. They are totally hot. All have fangs. The length of the fangs might vary but, in general, it's all the same. The women themselves, however, come in two varieties: With wings or without.

With wings:

Some vampire women have bat wings. This can be totally hot if you're going for broke with the vampire motif.

Exhibit A:


The problem is that this might make it hard to do normal things with them like go shopping, visit a museum, or not scare the fuck out of people.

Without wings:

Vampire women without wings can "play it human" in public places and don't lose any of the requisite hotness in the process.

Exhibit B:



But here's the downside to all vampire women. They'll kill you. They'll kill you dead.

Now I know what you're thinking. "But, Tony! What about a vampire woman who doesn't want to be a vampire or likes humanity and sustains herself on animal blood or some sort of synthetic substance?" While this might be true, it is still a risk. Now, it very well might be a risk worth taking but the risk is there.

But here's something to think about. What about daylight? You might have a little trouble having a fulfilling relationship with a vampire woman because it's not like you can just go to the beach and play volleyball in the sun. Granted, some vampires are not killed by sunlight but just have their powers diminished but this variety seems to be rare.

So while vampire women have troubling qualities, if, however, you find one who can live in the sun and also won't kill you in a violent and painful manner then you've hit the jackpot.

If you chose vampire women make sure to mention whether or not you prefer wings. And just like robot chicks, these babes tend to not get old. Score!



Let year 3 begin!